True story: I didn't graduate college until I was 46. As a mature student, I drank up all the knowledge that I skimmed through earlier in life. I LOVED essay questions!
But my young compatriots hated them and the groans were audible when the blue books were passed out during finals week.
Do you think the multiple choice questions would help dump along? Anything would be better than having to read his essay answers!
Johanna. I commend you for going back to college to earn your degree! Likewise, I enjoyed responding to essay questions.
For the elected official in question, I suspect each of "the 3 Rs" is a struggle requiring him to either fake it poorly or delegate the work (and setting up a scapegoat). I also suspect he'd forget the initial choices when he read the later ones then would have to request help! 😳
Hey, I'm a professor at a Big Ten (12?) (18?) university. Yes, we still use blue books. And they're blue! For me the biggest challenge is that students do not like to read...and therefore think critically. Finding the right job seems to matter more than learning.
Candace, are you observing a further decline of critical thinking skills among your students as a consequence of the rapid introduction of AI into all walks of life?
Good question. It is probably a confluence of many influences, with addiction to social media and all things online among them. I am rethinking a lot of my assignments starting this fall that required reading and thinking, such as weekly reactions to Economist articles. I discovered last semester that lots of students are using Chat (AI) to "read" and "respond." Very disheartening.
Give trumpolini a staff of chimpanzees sitting at typewriters; about twenty years or so, there might be one coherent sentence produced. With great good luck, maybe even two sentences.
Thanks Suzanne. It's much easier to devise posts with the inspiration of Andy's professional satire and the clever contributions of all the TBR community members. 👏🏻
Do not worry about being Ditzed. It is a cumulative affliction. The more days that pass with the Chaos Machine in full force, who is running our entire Democratic System of Government into the ground, the more the eyes of normal people cross and roll upward (at the exact same time) this is expressed in the Medical Term, Ditzing.. It is not your fault.
Thank you ever so much for the reassurance. I suppose there are occasions when I have seen the eyes of crowds of those who may have been taken for "normal" cross and roll upward. As I had been ignorant of the Medical Term, I took them for cartoon characters from works such as South Park, Peanuts, et al.
One area in which I am not Ditzing: It's Ms. Abramson, born thus and have always thought of myself as such.
Anyway, haven't seen you in a while and it's good that you're back.
Maybe not a Burger King. But he could buy a McD franchise and declare himself the King of the Burgers! Or Ronald McD's conservative cousin, the Hamburgler??
Actually, it does not preclude him working at most jobs as long as he reports it. A felony prevents you from working at a job in the same field as the felony. So he could do fries at Burger King, just couldn’t be trusted at their cash register. 😱🤣
On the other hand, unless he is the only candidate, his chances of getting the job go way down. And pretty sure Bergdorf Goodman wouldn’t hire him.
Felons are not automatically excluded. There have been nominees and winners who have had arrests or convictions for protests, etc., that are actually part of the reason they are considered or win.
from Heather Cox Richardson's post from last night: "By the late afternoon, the president was unable to recognize President Stubb, who was sitting directly across the table from him."
would he recognize his own ass? asking for millions of friends...
would have to be a triple mirror like in a dressing room. He could never twist his torso to glance at his butt otherwise. Maybe Melania could look at it for him, snap a few pics
"Explain, in 100 words or less, the difference between a real estate land swap and an armed seizure of an independent country. (Hint: 'none' is not the correct answer. )"
Does the candidate understand the difference between “piece” and “peace”? As in “Putin cannot have a peace of Ukraine.” Or “You cannot have a peace of my pizza!”
Does the candidate understand the difference between "noble" and "Nobel"? Does the candidate realize that this questionnaire is a hoax since one cannot "apply for" a Nobel Peace Prize?
It’s always the fine print…
Additional Questions
1. Which of the following is the correct spelling of the prize you're applying for?
A. Noble Peace Prize
B. Nobel Piece Prize
C. Reeces Pieces Prize
D. Nobel Peace Prize
E. All of the above when posting on Truth Social
2. Which of the following former appointees of yours have you made peace with in the past year?
A. Bill Barr
B. General Mattis
C. General Kelly
D. Anthony Scaramucci
E. Stephanie Grisham
F. John Bolton
3. Complete the correct sentence: Alfred Nobel .......:
A. Is still alive and deserves a Nobel Peace Prize
B. Was too woke but still a good guy because he said nice things about you.
C. Was the writer who invented Jimmy Walker's TV catch phrase "Dy-no-mite"
D. Made several comments that revealed his antisemitism
E. None of the above because he was a fictional character.
Alfred Nobel and Frederick Douglass are being recognized more and more.
It is a joy to giggle first thing in the morning reading your column. It sets the mood for the rest of the day. Thank you, Andy.
Dementia Donnie hears they're doing great things. After all, many people say that.
And Donnie expects to have them come to the White House in two weeks.
Larry -- it's his amazing power of historical reincarnation!
Both Alfred and Fred have been doing such great work!
<standing ovation, caffeine spew and major guffaw>. You, Sir, have won the internet today (it was the Reese's Pieces option that did me in)
That one got me too!!
Omgosh, Alan!! This is FABULOUS!!! 😅😅😅
Congrats, Alan. A welcome addition to whatever godawful news we Weill be aware of today.
Alan, you won the internet today.
True story: I didn't graduate college until I was 46. As a mature student, I drank up all the knowledge that I skimmed through earlier in life. I LOVED essay questions!
But my young compatriots hated them and the groans were audible when the blue books were passed out during finals week.
Do you think the multiple choice questions would help dump along? Anything would be better than having to read his essay answers!
Johanna. I commend you for going back to college to earn your degree! Likewise, I enjoyed responding to essay questions.
For the elected official in question, I suspect each of "the 3 Rs" is a struggle requiring him to either fake it poorly or delegate the work (and setting up a scapegoat). I also suspect he'd forget the initial choices when he read the later ones then would have to request help! 😳
person, woman, man, camera, TV, A, B, C, D
Blue books...you must be old like me.
Yeah. I'm in my 70s. Not quite sure how that happened, but here we are!
Hey, I'm a professor at a Big Ten (12?) (18?) university. Yes, we still use blue books. And they're blue! For me the biggest challenge is that students do not like to read...and therefore think critically. Finding the right job seems to matter more than learning.
Candace, are you observing a further decline of critical thinking skills among your students as a consequence of the rapid introduction of AI into all walks of life?
Good question. It is probably a confluence of many influences, with addiction to social media and all things online among them. I am rethinking a lot of my assignments starting this fall that required reading and thinking, such as weekly reactions to Economist articles. I discovered last semester that lots of students are using Chat (AI) to "read" and "respond." Very disheartening.
reading is FUNdamental!
lol
They still use them from time to time to prevent cheating.
Give trumpolini a staff of chimpanzees sitting at typewriters; about twenty years or so, there might be one coherent sentence produced. With great good luck, maybe even two sentences.
Nobel Pizza Prize!
Excellent! :-) !!
Oh, wow, Alan, this is brilliant!
WOW! Great Additional Quiz for His Majesty. (Can he actually read?)
He reads as well as your average houseplant does.
That well...?? Surely you jest !
That well. And don't call me Shirley!! Sorry, couldn't resist!
:-) !!
Kate -- Everyone is saying his "reading" is limited to audio books.
lol
nope
🤣🤣🤣😂😂💩
This is hysterical! Thanks for making my day.
I’m wetting my pants here!!!
Alan, you just get better and better
Thanks Suzanne. It's much easier to devise posts with the inspiration of Andy's professional satire and the clever contributions of all the TBR community members. 👏🏻
2 G. General Mills
My best guffaw at 'dy-no-mite'!😂👍
Well done!
Right on!! Too long a list for Trump to be capable of reading! Much less understanding.
Thank you
Falling off my chair, spitting my coffee out and convulsed with giggles.
Thanks. We need this.
Not many giggles here
You forgot a choice to question #2: General Mills
Susan -- I forgot he must devour Lucky Charms 🤔
Susan, in truth, I read Alan's "General Mattis" as "General Mills." Whereas you are quick, I am merely ditzed.
Dear Mr Abramson:
Do not worry about being Ditzed. It is a cumulative affliction. The more days that pass with the Chaos Machine in full force, who is running our entire Democratic System of Government into the ground, the more the eyes of normal people cross and roll upward (at the exact same time) this is expressed in the Medical Term, Ditzing.. It is not your fault.
Dear Kate,
Thank you ever so much for the reassurance. I suppose there are occasions when I have seen the eyes of crowds of those who may have been taken for "normal" cross and roll upward. As I had been ignorant of the Medical Term, I took them for cartoon characters from works such as South Park, Peanuts, et al.
One area in which I am not Ditzing: It's Ms. Abramson, born thus and have always thought of myself as such.
Anyway, haven't seen you in a while and it's good that you're back.
General Mills?
He invented the silo, where we keep the misseles, missils, - rocket thingies.
Colonel Corn and Sgt. Stripes Forever
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🙌👍
lol
:-) !!
The fine line between truth and fiction blurs bigly.
😅😅
Barbara: You said it! It’s “hyoooge”.
Not to mention fugly
Dying here!! :D
Nailed it, Andy. But are felons even eligible? He would not be allowed to manage a Burger King with his felony record.
What is the Bill of Rights? I don’t pay bills to anyone!
Totally f’ing nailed it, Andy!
So sorry to hear that Stephen Miller emerged unscathed.
Shame Millers head wasn’t in the line of fire.
His huge balding forehead should have provided ample ammunition.
Particularly since he wastes ketchup in his temper tantrums
How did he miss Stephen’s BIG BEAUTIFUL HEAD?
<snort laugh>. His permanent sneer alone is enough of a target!
hard to do - so inflated
It is a vegetable, you may recall.
Tomatoes are a fruit everywhere except the USA, where Reagan decided they were a vegetable for school lunches. 🍅 🍅 🍅
I'm pretty sure tomatoes were always considered vegetables in the US, but no one but Reagan and his cronies thought ketchup was one. 🙄
Will he cover it in gold leaf?
that's why he's giving Mexico a tariff extension . . . tomatoes for ketchup. TACO!!
TAKO
LOL . . . when has a condiment ever received so much press (unless you're from Buffalo, NY, and asked what you dip your chicken wings into!)
MAYO
A picante habanero salsa dripping down Miller's face & into his eyes is what I fantasize about.
could we substitute scotch bonnets, please and thank you
That's more evil...
I like it better.
some days I do evil better than others . . . but its always easy when you have a deserving target :)
That's evil....
I like it.
or his business success track record
Maybe not a Burger King. But he could buy a McD franchise and declare himself the King of the Burgers! Or Ronald McD's conservative cousin, the Hamburgler??
Also to run a Burger King you have to be able to spell "hamberder."
Actually, it does not preclude him working at most jobs as long as he reports it. A felony prevents you from working at a job in the same field as the felony. So he could do fries at Burger King, just couldn’t be trusted at their cash register. 😱🤣
On the other hand, unless he is the only candidate, his chances of getting the job go way down. And pretty sure Bergdorf Goodman wouldn’t hire him.
Why not? A felon was allowed to become President, even after his 2 former impeachments. I do not understand why this was allowed to happen!
nor does anyone else with a brain
Felons are not automatically excluded. There have been nominees and winners who have had arrests or convictions for protests, etc., that are actually part of the reason they are considered or win.
Jeeze! That makes him a shoe in.
shoe in: like my big right foot kicking his butt??
Drat!
That was my addition to the questionnaire: Have you ever been convicted of a felony? If so, how many?
But he was trained on french fries
at McDonalds
Excellent point, Ginny. Trump is a convicted felon. Amen. Another sign idea: "Nobel Prizes Awarded to NON-FELONS only."
Have you, or someone else working on your behalf, ever rigged an election in your favor?
Have you ever cheated on your taxes?
Are you a pedophile or procurer for other pedophiles?
Do you hire loyal dip-wads who cannot govern to destroy your country and its standing?
Have you destroyed food meant for hungry children rather than giving it away?
I will leave some for others to share!
Excellent list. Would just add:
-Have you ever incited a "wild" insurrection?
-Have you ever stolen from a charity?
-Have you ever kidnapped/separated babies/children from their parents?
-Have you ever been convicted of sexual assault or any other crime?
-Have you turned the Oval Office into a garrish gold-plated nightmare?
Ever had a doctor bear false witness to a foot ailment?
… or other bona fide medical examination ?
trumpy thinks by avoiding military service he is aiding peace
Have you ever started a university that was a scam and had to pay back the students?
I had that one in, but deleted it because the list was getting so long. He's such a habitual/chronic offender.
The important questions. They could be asked of all the dipwads in his regime!
What a f__king long list! I can’t even
I was going to go there with the pedophile thing, but figured someone else would get there first. So thank you.
laughing out loud!
DD. (for Donald Drumpf) -All of the above.
DnD
Donald n Dungeon
Oh...be still my beating heart.!🤗🤗
Do you know your ass from a hole in the ground?
Can you find your ass with both hands?
can you find your ass in a mirror?
At that size, it shouldn't be that hard to locate.
from Heather Cox Richardson's post from last night: "By the late afternoon, the president was unable to recognize President Stubb, who was sitting directly across the table from him."
would he recognize his own ass? asking for millions of friends...
Hint: It's the big wrinkled one.
He looks in a mirror all day and sees it...staring back at him.
But can he reach it?
He doesn't have to reach it. There's always some red hat waiting to change his diaper before the required kiss.
would have to be a triple mirror like in a dressing room. He could never twist his torso to glance at his butt otherwise. Maybe Melania could look at it for him, snap a few pics
that is definitely not part of Melanoma's contract with him
Oh, I think Melanoma would do it. Each smile, hand-holding, photo-op, even ass-gazing - they all come with a price $$.
He’d never get that far. She’d swat him away and be out the door before he finished dropping trou.
she doesn't like him either....
why would she look? Besides she'd have to leave NY and she will only do that when she has to.
With a flashlight at high noon?
Does your ass make your mirror look small?
No! His fingers are so short and his ass is so huge.
The best!
sure, bring geography into it; you know that was his worst subject in school!
I’m still stuck on the “six wars” he has ended. Is he talking about marriages or what?
Yesterday or the day before he said "Russia" instead of "Alaska" several times.
That there brain (?), she's deteriorating fast. Set to go splat. She's gonna blow, Captain, I canno' defy the laws of physics!
hoping for that splat sooner rather than later!!
HUZZAH!!!
Or what, I believe.
I think he was talking about his six bankruptcies.
Ah hah!
he can name them in a Truth Social post, but yesterday he struggled naming one because, you know, country names are hard
So very hard
😅😅. Love it, Susan! That “trump brag” floored me too. What *was* he talking about?
And all without cease-fires, too! What a colossal jerk he is.
Another excellent question. Hasn’t kept me up at night but I needed the clarity. Thanks!!
Think he could point out Azerbaijan on an unlabeled map?
"Explain, in 100 words or less, the difference between a real estate land swap and an armed seizure of an independent country. (Hint: 'none' is not the correct answer. )"
Have you ever been convicted of a crime? Just for starters.
Have you ever staged a violent insurrection to overthrow a lawful election?
Are you a Fraudster or Con Man?
Have you ever been convicted of a felony?
Have you ever been convicted of abusing women?
Have you ever been declared bankrupt?
Do you pay all of your bills punctually?
Have you ever voted by mail?
Financially bankrupt or morally bankrupt? (The answer, of course, is both.)
Have you ever taken advantage of what Jeffrey Epstein had to offer?
One wasn’t able to vote by mail. Someone named D.Tee removed all of the USPS’s mailboxes out of nowhere!
Have you ever had a waking moment without an evil impulse?
have you ever had a waking moment with a rational thought? A empathetic thought? A selfless thought?
Spell the word peace and use it in a sentence.
MELANIA AIN’T GIVEN ME A PEACE IN YEARS.
Coffee-spewer!
PERFECT!
Andy, I don't know how I would get through a news day without you. Thank you for reminding me how to laugh and smile.
Ditto
Me, as well!
His actual height and weight.
his GPA from any or all semesters at college.
Yes, but to be on the safe side, his full college transcripts should be required. " Trust but verify".
Thank you for your attention to this matter. LOL
3 foot tall 24 feet wide and 300 pounds
Does the candidate understand the difference between “piece” and “peace”? As in “Putin cannot have a peace of Ukraine.” Or “You cannot have a peace of my pizza!”
Does the candidate understand the difference between "noble" and "Nobel"? Does the candidate realize that this questionnaire is a hoax since one cannot "apply for" a Nobel Peace Prize?
Thanks! Great description of misprunnonsiatin!
🙌😂🤣
😁😁😁
Are your chums all despots and dictators?
Do you apply your own makeup?
Can you see your feet?
Do you know what day it is when you awaken in the morning (no fair asking for help here).
“Can you see your feet?” 🤭😂
I’m so disappointed. I had a burning question that’s not as annoying as you’d think.