Trump Names Ghislaine Maxwell Attorney General
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what experts are calling one of the most remarkable comebacks for a convicted sex offender in recent memory, on Friday Donald J. Trump announced that he was replacing Attorney General Pam Bondi with Ghislaine Maxwell.
Explaining his decision, Trump said, "Pam said there’s a client list, and Ghislaine said there isn't. So I have decided Ghislaine would be better at this job than Pam."
In another stunning reversal of fortune, Trump announced that Bondi would be taking Maxwell’s place in prison, adding, “I wish her well.”
He said he was confident that Maxwell would receive speedy confirmation by Senate Republicans, noting, “If they confirmed Hegseth they’ll confirm anyone.”
Matt Gaetz is hopping mad--his resume is a match for Ghislaine's!
“President Trump added that Ms. Maxwell had criminal justice experience like no other AG in history. The President noted that it was unfortunate that Roy Cohn and Rudy Giuliani did not live long enough to receive this honor. A reporter from Fox News reminded the President that Rudy was still alive. The President responded, “then who did I bury on my golf course?”