WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a desperate attempt to appease furious red-state farmers, on Thursday Donald J. Trump ordered ICE agents to pick crops left unharvested by deported immigrants.
“I didn’t sign up for this,” complained an exhausted ICE officer, struggling to breathe through his mask as he picked tomatoes. “I should be kicking some minority’s ass at Home Depot.”
According to sources, tensions have reached a boiling point at the White House amid reports that disgruntled ICE agents were fleeing U.S. farms and seeking sanctuary in Mexico.
In a sharp Oval Office exchange, Trump reportedly turned on JD Vance and barked, “Get out there and pick some fucking lettuce, loser.”
ICE agents are the guys who were too dumb to be admitted to Trump University.
What a good idea! Write your representatives.