Trump Orders National Guard to Carry Him up to Plane
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—After slipping on the steps of Air Force One yet another time, on Monday Donald J. Trump ordered the National Guard to carry him up to his plane.
In an executive order declaring a national emergency, Trump pronounced the metal stairs “An Enemy of the People.”
Trump refused to rule out a sweeping ban on stairs, telling reporters, “We’re looking into that very strongly.”
A guardsman who helped carry Trump was taken aback by his poor physical condition, remarking, “I guess he was in better shape when he boarded Epstein’s plane.”
Democracy Dies When Billionaire Weasels Own Newspapers: Subscribe to The Borowitz Report Today.
Someone needs to alert Tapper!
Hilarious! Sure wish he would have face planted. I’m surprised he can lift his tree trunk legs to even climb one stair.