Trump Reassures Fox News That He Does Not Consider Them Journalists
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Hoping to calm nerves after his government arrested reporters Don Lemon and Georgia Fort, on Friday Donald J. Trump reassured the staff at Fox News Channel that he does not consider them journalists.
“It’s true that I’m engaging in a systematic attack on the First Amendment rights of journalists,” he told the Fox employees. “But obviously none of that applies to you.”
Offering further comfort, Trump added, “I would never have hired Pete Hegseth if I thought he was a journalist.”
In a sentiment widely echoed by his colleagues, “Fox & Friends” co-host Steve Doocy responded, “Mr. President, we weren’t really worried.”
At the White House, press secretary Karoline Leavitt revealed that Trump had sent a similar message of reassurance to CBS News chief Bari Weiss.
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Andy, I took a shot at my own "Borowitz Report" report —
'Tom Homan Investigated for Returning $50,000 Bribe'
WASHINGTON—Attorney General Pam Bondi has ordered Justice Department prosecutors to investigate “border czar” Tom Homan’s return of $50,000 in cash, which he accepted as a bribe from undercover FBI agents in a 2024 sting operation.
“Returning graft goes against every principle cherished by President Trump,” said Bondi in a statement released today. “We won’t stand for it,” she said. “Tom took the money, and by God he should have kept it. Donald would have.”
more... https://pmcarpenter.substack.com/p/tom-homan-investigated-for-returning