Trump Refuses to Pardon Turkey After it Fails to Bribe Him
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Breaking with a longstanding Thanksgiving tradition, on Monday Donald J. Trump refused to pardon the White House turkey after it failed to offer him an appropriate bribe.
“That turkey could have invested in Eric and Don Jr.’s crypto scams or given me a gold-plated 747, but it chose not to,” he sai…