171 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Good morning, TBRers!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Good morning Andy ! I’m convinced ChatGPT should be our lead negotiator with Iran ! 😉I’m convinced ChatGPT should be President and Vice President pro tem ! 😂Thanks for the laughs! 😂One of your many bests ! 😉💕

Pam Birkenfeld's avatar

Not Chat GPT, Claude!

J Cheng's avatar

Claude reportedly won't work with sub par humans, he has standards!

Pam Birkenfeld's avatar

I will take that as a compliment, because Claude is my tech support guru, and works with me, because you can’t get anybody at the companies to help!

misia.d's avatar

Thank you CG!

Janet Morse's avatar

Good morning, and thanks for helping to keep me sane - with insanity! 😂

Stephanie MacLeod's avatar

Good morning, Andy! I am a little overloaded with jokes about the national genuflecting pool. So it is a nice break to laugh at something else, thank you. I think even Google with the AI mode turned off would give the same result, if asked JD's question. But "Would like me to tell you about the Affordable Care Act", now that would take AI aka Andy Intelligence1

Donna_H's avatar

Andy Intelligence! I love it!! I'll take Andy Intelligence any day over the fungus that's taken over Washington. (Apologies to all fungi out there; I know you don't approve of the Swamp Creature's activities.)

J Cheng's avatar

Stellar TBR today. Your talent knows no bounds. I finally stopped drinking coffee first thing in the morning to save my shirts and keyboard from inevitable coffee spews when reading TBR. Have a fabulous day!!

Joanne Elizabeth Schulze's avatar

Gee--I have that same problem. I now drink my coffee wearing a plastic bib.

Mary-Jean Miner's avatar

I just make certain I swallow before reading Andy’s latest!

Donna_H's avatar

Oh! Oh! Oh! A bib with TBR in big letters, under a picture of Andy! I want one. No, make that I *need* one. Or several.

Marmo's avatar

J Cheng - I have in the past suggested that Andy offer TBR bibs, as most of us share this problem. I don't think he'd be able to keep them in stock - each of us would need more than one because the bibs would need to get laundered, and we would need to be covered (literally) every morning.

Donna_H's avatar

Great minds thinking alike, Marmo. 👏👏👏👏

Abby From Maine's avatar

Morning Andy! :-D

jb from Weston's avatar

Back atcha, Andy!

Catharine Farkas's avatar

Thanks again, Andy, for bringing some levity into our current insane experience...😵‍💫😄💙🌊

Mary Gilbert's avatar

Best one yet, Andy!

Phil M.'s avatar

Good morning.

Chrish Kresge's avatar

Brilliant, comme toujours!👏

Francesca Bini's avatar

But, of course! Best deal!

mer's avatar

If only Chat were audible: a Michelle voiceover.

Rosemary Ehle's avatar

Wasn't her tribute speech to her husband great at the OPC opening? I loved it when she said "Look at me, Barack". And he shook his head no because it might be embarrasing.

mer's avatar

Oh yeah. She redefined «amazing ».

misia.d's avatar

FL Michelle kept quiet for a long time despite SO much baiting. I think we all appreciate how difficult it would be to not ever respond!

It's Come To This's avatar

oooh…when they go low, we go Bo.

Jim Dygert's avatar

And since Vance’s conversion to Catholicism, ChatGPT kept asking him “what would Jesus do?”

Frances López's avatar

Love this! 1st, divest yourself of wealth; 2nd, stop lusting after Erika Kirk; 3rd, tell the truth ALWAYS, even if it costs you your job; 4th, use hypoallergenic cosmetic products; 5th, NEVER "take the fifth" when you are prosecuted; 6th, do not try to convert Usha to any form of Christianity & respect all religions & non-religions, even Wicca, paganism, Humanism, etc.; 7th, get a REAL job & use your law degree for good, not evil; 8th, stop writing books; 9th, contribute to Sherrod Brown's campaign in any way you can; 10th, leather couches last longer, but must occasionally be conditioned/moisturized.

Ted Loewenberg's avatar

“Fair enough! Would you like me to explore his other landmark achievements, like The Affordable Care Act?” said ChatGTP. "NO!" screamed Vance. "You need to talk to your Uncle HAL. He was a team player. He knew how to come up with the right answers, like "I can't do that, Dave." You young computers think you're so smart."

J Cheng's avatar

Vance, when asked this very question on Fox News, responded, "We've sent all the Jesus's (pronounded 'hey zeus's') back to where they came from so I already know what Jesus did!"

carol corsaro's avatar

What a nasty reply. No respect for anyone!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Maybe Jesus has a suggestion to get rid of the algae miraculously! 😂

Mary Gilbert's avatar

😆😆😆Perfect

Kathleen D. Pierce's avatar

🤣😹🤣😹🤣😹!!!!!

SyBen's avatar

LOL, I love this come back.

Sandra Nicht's avatar

inspired by the Aussie and English footballers' fun Trump chants I came up with this one:

"he's a liar, he's a thief, he's our Pedophile in Chief!

Don the Con! Diaper Don!"

now I just need a melody and I tagged Ian Rae in one of HIS epic little ditties that he posted on FB (here's his page: https://www.facebook.com/Raeproduced)

Sandra Nicht's avatar

he's going through cancer treatment right now, but following him on Spotify might help with the bills (but at least in HIS country they have healthcare that won't bankrupt his family)

Bill Morgan's avatar

Sad the clown is President after 80% of the country didn't vote for him

Lee Knapp's avatar

Then the AI adds, "Would you like for me to locate your soul?"

Mark P Howard's avatar

Might be tough. Who knew that when he went down to the crossroads, the guy waiting to buy his soul in exchange for his meteoric political rise would be dj drumpf. And that he would still have to abase himself in public.

Lee Knapp's avatar

So much for a guy that knows more than the Pope.

Unsafely Anonymous's avatar

"It's in Perdition, a suburb of Hell, MI.

Do you want to know how to go to Perdition?"

Lee Knapp's avatar

Otherwise known as the DMV.

Robyn Boyer's avatar

Poor JD. What a putz. Taking one for the team still doesn't excuse his ham-handed and dishonest performance with the Iranians. It's a hell of thing when you can't trust either side to tell the truth. At the rate these MOU talks are going, there will still be time leading up to the midterms for Americans to touch the stove, helping to drive them to the polls hot and heavy. I can feel the Blue Wave already. Let's hear it for high gas prices! Time for Americans to take one for the team.

It's Come To This's avatar

Not even a putz, but a putzlet. All the Maybeline in the world will not sweeten those little lyin’ eyes.

Joanne Elizabeth Schulze's avatar

He was lying when he said Haitians are eating our pets?!

Lucy K.'s avatar

Love it! Very funny! Sad for Vance he can't seem to adVance in this regime. Also did you see Obama's reflecting pool, looks great! And Chicago's thinking of renaming Wabash Ave. (in front of Trump Tower) Barack Hussein Obama Ave. More sleepless, seething nights for you know who.

Kathleen D. Pierce's avatar

OMG, I hope Chicago does that! We need more of this to drive Angry Dementia Don into the grave! European Footballers, keep up with the Don the Con & TrumpEpstein Chants! Costumed Frogs at the Reflection Algae Pool with Trump Pedo Epstein signs - like a teenage flash mob. Do it! Do it ALL. Flood the media with anything & everything The Orange Maggot can't stand!!

Phil M.'s avatar

Don't remind him of the ACA. Trump would execute it with an executive order, just to spite Obama.

The ACA saved my life. I had been sentenced to death by my insurance company claiming my condition was "pre-existing". All insurance companies had employees whose job was to claim things were pre-existing, and deny payment. They were the actual "Death panels", the anti-Obama conservatives claimed the ACA would create. My condition went from fixable to terminal.

Then the ACA kicked in and eliminated pre-existing. I got the operation and it literally saved my life.

Kathleen D. Pierce's avatar

Just being alive is a pre-existing condition! Obamacare has made everything better for us all!

David A L's avatar

Anthropic created an A.I. Vance that beats all the other Vance's - it even heels when Trump calls "Here boy". It walks, it talks, it cringes just like a real one.

David A L's avatar

If only it could be trained to act like an actual human

Sally S's avatar

Probably gets mascara and eyeliner recommendations from Chat GPT.

SCS - Michigan's avatar

👁️👁️

J Cheng's avatar

undoubtedly!

Denis Pombriant's avatar

Perhaps Chat GPT can also diagnose Trump’s health in a dispassionate way.

Bill Morgan's avatar

It wasn't just Obama's deal either. I believe 6 countries were involved Trump withdrew from it, causing years of unrest in the Middle East and allowing him and Netanyahu to start an illegal war. Lock them up

Gary Farrar's avatar

He also asked it if now would be a good time to change his name again.

Sharon P's avatar

Just sent him an old 8 Ball I found from a very long time ago that ought to help !

Kathleen D. Pierce's avatar

🤣😹🤣😹🤣😹!!!!!

Al Gorythm's avatar

Predictable outcome when you send an idiot on a fool’s errand.

Roger Fradenburgh's avatar

JD, may I offer one more suggestion?

Sure, Hal, why not?

You might think about not being such an asshole all the time. It's getting you nowhere with Trump.

I'VE NOTICED!!! FUCK OFF!!!

You're being emotional, JD.

howard levitt's avatar

Chat also recommended the 25th amendment