Walz Demolished Vance, According to Poll of Cats
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Walz Demolished Vance, According to Poll of Cats
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Governor Tim Walz trounced Senator JD Vance in Tuesday night’s vice-presidential debate, according to an instant poll of cats.
Ninety-eight percent of cats who watched the debate said that Walz won, despite Vance’s having whiskers and eye makeup that made him slightly resemble a cat.
A broad majority of the cats found Vance “repellent,” with 94 percent saying they would “prefer a dog.”
Finally, 79 percent of cats surveyed said that, if the election were held today, they would pee on Vance.
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THE CATS HAVE SPOKEN. Thanks to all of you who joined the great live chat tonight!
Laughed out loud at the conclusion:
“Finally, 79 percent of cats surveyed said that, if the election were held today, they would pee on Vance.”