Who Will Replace MTG in Trump's Clown Car?
TBR Sunday Read
Of all the heinous things Donald Trump has done, by far the most unforgivable is making me agree with Marjorie Taylor Greene.
For as long as I can remember, the Georgia congresswoman has been a reliable firehose of assclownery. Lately, though, I’ve been subjected to the unsettling spectacle of Marge behaving in a sentient manner. It’s like enjoying a new song on Spotify and finding out it’s by Kid Rock.
I’d come to count on Marge to educate me, in her addled, QAnon-marinated way, about how the world really works. In October 2024, as a ferocious hurricane headed for Florida, she posted on X, “Yes they can control the weather. It’s ridiculous for anyone to lie and say it can’t be done.” (Of course, as everyone knows, the only thing that can alter the course of a hurricane is a Sharpie—also useful for creating pornographic birthday cards for that special sex trafficker in your life.)
Putting her money where her free-range mouth was, one year later Greene announced a plan to make “weather modification” a crime. “I am introducing a bill that prohibits the injection, release, or dispersion of chemicals or substances into the atmosphere for the express purpose of altering weather, temperature, climate, or sunlight intensity,” she declared on X. “It will be a felony offense.”
This, of course, was not the first time she accused supervillains of exploiting the skies for nefarious ends. In 2018, she famously proposed that California wildfires were being ignited by “lasers or blue beams of light” emitted by “space solar generators” financed in part by the Rothschild banking family. This majestically loony riff inspired the phrase “Jewish space lasers,” a term she didn’t invent but probably wished she had.
(Full disclosure: I love the concept of Jewish space lasers. I’m flattered that anyone would consider me capable of operating one—I can barely mute myself on Zoom. And space lasers would have come in so handy for my Jewish ancestors, especially when they were running from the Gazpacho.)
Yes, I’ll admit it: I adored Marjorie Taylor Greene in all her crackpot glory and eagerly awaited every pearl of paranoia that spewed from her piehole. But, alas, this highly entertaining wackadoodle version of MTG seems to be a thing of the past, supplanted by a shockingly rational MTG who’s no fun at all. I am not a fan of this reboot.
I’d been pondering the mystery of MTG’s transformation, but then, on Instagram, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez cleared the whole thing up. She revealed that Trump blocked Greene’s bid for the US Senate and that “she has been on a revenge tour ever since.”
So that explains it! Marge isn’t a new person after all—she’s just been wreaking revenge on Trump by doing the thing he hates most: making sense.
The first stop on Marge’s revenge tour involved the client list of Trump’s erstwhile BFF Jeffrey Epstein, which Attorney General Pam Bondi claimed was sitting on her desk before her own DOJ declared the document as nonexistent as Trump’s healthcare plan. Greene smelled a conspiracy worthy of the Illuminati—and, much like the proverbial stopped clock, she was right.
In September, she openly defied Trump by appearing on the steps of the Capitol in solidarity with a group of Epstein survivors. “If they want to give me a list, I will walk in the Capitol on the House floor, and I’ll say every damn name that abused these women,” Greene vowed. “I can do that for them, and I’d be proud to do that.”
But her revenge tour was just gearing up. MTG broke with Trump on immigration, stating, “As a conservative and as a business owner in the construction industry, and as a realist, I can say we have to do something about labor. And that needs to be a smarter plan than just rounding up every single person and deporting them just like that.”
And when Republicans plotted to let Obamacare subsidies expire, Antifa Marge cried foul. “I’m carving my own lane. And I’m absolutely disgusted that health insurance premiums will DOUBLE if the tax credits expire this year,” she posted on X.
Although I was bewitched by her coinage of the phrase “carving a lane,” it was clear that the unhinged MTG who had earned a special padded cell in my heart was no more. All across the nation (and probably on the Alitos’ front lawn) QAnon flags flew at half-staff.
But her sudden defection to sanity raised an urgent question: if Marge had left the clown car, who would take her place?