Zelenskyy Suggests Trump Give Florida to Russia
KYIV (The Borowitz Report)—Giving helpful advice ahead of peace talks in Alaska, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy suggested on Monday that Donald J. Trump offer Vladimir Putin “full sovereignty” over the state of Florida.
“If you are considering some kind of ‘land swap’ for peace, Florida should be on the table,” Zelenskyy said. “With Florida, you have cards.”
Explaining his rationale for a Russian annexation of the Sunshine State, Zelenskyy said, “There are already so many Russian-speaking people there, especially the oligarchs and criminals around Mar-a-Lago.”
Speaking from the Kremlin, Putin said he would “consider” an offer of Florida, but only if it did not include ownership of Ron DeSantis.
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No deSantis? Would he take Greg Abbott? Plus, if he acts now, we’ll throw in Paxton for free!
Brilliant! This could be the key to maintaining Trump's perfect record of ending wars.