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Grandpappy48's avatar

Thanks for this. I’ve been wondering the same thing?? Little Johnson is the worst house speaker in my 77 years on the planet and we’ve had some bad ones, all Republican.

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Dave Drum's avatar

Little Johnson is the connection. DJT now has two little "Johnsons"

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Patricia Reynolds's avatar

And they're both stunningly useless.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

OMG, Dave and Patricia!!! Two stunningly useless little "Johnsons"!!!

Thanks for my morning coffee-spitter -- good to start the day with a knee-slapping guffaw.

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Babydoc's avatar

Hi Grandpappy48 - I’m Old Lady 49, and I wanted to let you know that you’re right on the money. These Republican “speakers”, 2nd in line for the presidency, are mostly brainless sycophants. Thinks Johnson knows what all those words mean? Probably not..

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It's Come To This's avatar

Little Poindexter Bobblehead is probably the most laughable of all of them.

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Bill's avatar

Poindexter Bobblhead! Brilliant

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Betsy Groth's avatar

If only he was brainless. His evil brain is a font of malice and lies.

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Alan's avatar
4hEdited

THE ANSWER to AB's QUESTION

MJ was elected Speaker after countless unsuccessful efforts by his party to select a "compromise candidate".

It's perfectly logical that his party's efforts to devise "compromise legislation" to end The shutdown would also be a disaster -- in this case, setting him up to be selected "NONESSENTIAL EMPLOYEE OF THE YEAR!"

He could start by relinquishing his premier parking location to MTG🤔

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

I want to give him that plaque!

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Annette's avatar

some of us want to give him the plague!

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Marianne Burbank's avatar

Good One, Annette! 🤣

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Grandpappy48's avatar

For sure for little Johnson. I’m pretty sure the plague is the party in power, republicans, along with dead eyes Stephen Miller?

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Make a second, tiny version to affix to his front tooth. Do the lettering backward so that, when he's brushing, he'll see AND read his title. And people looking at him will always know what a doltish weasel he is.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Oh the devious brilliance of this!

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Dee Simons's avatar

I think China should honor tRump and Johnson. They weaken the USA while strengthening China in unimaginable ways. If you're making MTG look good, something's horribly wrong.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Alas, too too true.

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Irna Gadd's avatar

I’m the same age as you, @Grandpappy48, and like you, I’ve wondered why he’s still in office. I happily can vote for Little Mikey Johnson as the worst Speaker of the House in my lifetime - maybe even in the history of the country. It’s more challenging to figure who in this administration is the worst - they’re all despicable and openly ignoring their oaths of office, in which they swear to uphold the Constitution. At least we have Andy to tell it like it is.

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Annette's avatar

sad when you think Kevin McCarthy wasn't as bad as Mikey...LOL

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Marmo's avatar

I'm disturbed, Annette, when I start to wish that John Boehner would return as Speaker. We didn't know what "bad" was back then. He seems like an angel compared to what's there now.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

A consternating argle-bargle if ever there were one.

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Diane Doyle's avatar

You're right about that one. So many in this Administration are like the bad guys I remember from the cartoons I watched as a child. Boris, Natasha (personified by Tulsi Gabbard), Cruella DeVil (personified by Kristi Noem), Dishonest John, Lex Luthor, Joker, Riddler, etc. And we can add Dr. Evil (as personified by Stephen Miller) to that list.

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Marianne Burbank's avatar

Perfect! Let’s all start using those names for the players!

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Marmo's avatar

Well done, Diane Doyle. You nailed each one.

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Bill's avatar

Dick Tracy/Trump villains: Mumbles, Itchy, Pruneface.

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Marmo's avatar

You got me thinking, Diane Doyle, that perhaps Dump could be Dishonest John with his sack of Dirty Deeds, but Dishonest John has a moustache and his hands are way larger than Dump's hands.

Maybe Boris Badenov would work. The body shape matches, the hands are only slightly larger than Dump's, he's the nationality that Dump favors, and he's always trying to blow up things - change the white-face to orange and we might almost have a match.

Or it might be that Dump is so evil and ugly that he's worse than any villain our childhood animators could imagine.

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Stephen Brady's avatar

Perhaps the media could identify him as 'Little Johnson R-WPOS'.

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Lee Roscoe's avatar

what is WPOS?

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J Cheng's avatar

I'm guessing here: worhtless piece of sh......

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Stephen Brady's avatar

Worthless piece of shit…

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Marilyn Jackson's avatar

It's hard to top Newt, but little Johnson has managed to do it. And thanks for the new nickname. I'm going to use little Johnson from now on. It's perfect.

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Brandt's avatar

Contract With America? Little Johnson is a lap dog. Newt was a pit-bull. No offense to K9s intended.

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JeffJ's avatar
1hEdited

He’s very good at smoothly delivering a lie without blushing, shifting his eyes, or smirking. Especially his latest on NO KINGS DAY 2.0. Of COURSE, we’re against kings because we hate America and love Hamas PLUS we get fat checks from George Soros! We don’t hate America, Mikey; we just CAN’T STAND YOU!

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Brandt's avatar

Counting Newt?

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Paul's avatar

Alfred E Newman spent all his childhood earnings and had to go back to work at the only place he could control recesses

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Michael K's avatar

Please don’t insult Alfred E. Newman

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Effing hilarious -- and so depressingly spot on. Dang that wee weenie!

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Wis's avatar

Bwahahaha!! 👏👏👏

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ROSEMARY SCHLICK's avatar

Can't even smile anymore, but damn Andy nailed this one with a sledge hammer.

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Golden Rule's avatar

I'll be honest when I read the headline I first thought Andy was going to name Felon 47. But yes Johnson is a sadly worthy subject of being named most useless. Even more sadly is the line behind him to also join the list because they are all feckless cowards & bullies.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

An interesting discombobulation -- cowards & bullies rolled into one hideous combo platter.

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Melly Garcia's avatar

And he is refusing to swear in Representative-elect Adelita Grijalva, a Democrat from Arizona, who won a special election in late September. He swore in TWO Republicans THE DAY AFTER they won their special elections in Florida back in April. He’s only keeping her out of Congress to stall the Epstein vote. It’s despicable.

It’s like speaker Mitch McConnell blocking then-President Obama’s nomination of a Supreme Court Judge - in February- (too “soon” before an election that October) but making sure to rush through Amy Coney Barrett in October when Dolt45 was in office. Hypocrite much?

It is worse than filthy politics, it’s disregarding the will of the people. That pencil-neck WORKS FOR US!!

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L B Rose's avatar

What do voters in his district think of him? Time for Dems to oust this piece of waste material that isn't even recyclable.

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Steve Conrad's avatar

He's not running for re-election, but it is Kentucky they'll no doubt elect someone just as shitty as the turtle

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Linda McCaughey's avatar

Thank the gods it isn't recyclable! One and done.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Good one!

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Steve Conrad's avatar

Just to make one slight correction to your comment. Moscow Mitch was Senate President, not house speaker. He was and is a piece of shit no matter what he was

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Melly Garcia's avatar

Whoops - of course; Senate- Thanks, Steve! 👍🏻

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Marmo's avatar

Melly Garcia - I would suggest that they are SUPPOSED to work for us. But, they obviously work only for themselves. And right now, doing whatever Dump wants is good for themselves.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Excellently stated, Melly. Nailed it.

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Glenn Sills's avatar

The problem is that the man's head is stuck up Trump's ass. DOGE did a quick AI based analysis and determined it would cost 2.8 times his salary to remove his head from Trumps ass. Also, Trump likes it there.

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modj's avatar

This one is sadly accurate

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Everything I write is true.

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modj's avatar

....and delivered with a nugget of laughtet... but this one also made me want to cry.

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thietthoang@gmail.com's avatar

Most of Andy remarks are like that. His worth, to say the least, likes therein, indeed ! Can't stop loving him and feeling thankful to him !!!

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BJones's avatar

AND he's still getting paid!

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Mary E's avatar

…and building up his pension!

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Bob Clark's avatar

He had a great teacher. Mitch McConnell, so what do you expect from him?

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An Mcgreevy's avatar

The king of all the serpents!

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Jay F's avatar

Hilarious.

Mike “Moses” Johnson.

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Robert Lehrer's avatar

He serves at least one additional function, useful to millions of others, especially aspiring MAGA pols: he is so supremely craven that he serves as a role model for that defining characteristic.

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An Mcgreevy's avatar

I so agree. They revel in their Abasement. Didn’t meant to cap the word but it is what we are living through. The daily destruction of our finest myths.

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Linda McCaughey's avatar

So pink and soft and squishy.....

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Frances López's avatar

Smarmy guy. He begs to have his eyeglasses ripped from his face, & I pray that same bully will smite him. (I don't pray often. The last time was during an earthquake as I huddled under my desk.)

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Kinda makes you wanna serve him up hard against a backboard - splat.

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Linda McCaughey's avatar

OOOOO--delicious visual!!!

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Aw gee, I do my best.

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Vicki Bacal's avatar

Please oh please, let the Rapture take him! Yes, Mike's a religious hypocrite, a t-Rump syncophant and worse. But it will be with it to be rid of him.

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Linda McCaughey's avatar

Makes me hope that retribution is actually real.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Don't worry - it is. Just not in the way they expect. (Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!)

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Vicki Bacal's avatar

From your mouth to God's ear. And I'm an agnostic.

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Linda McCaughey's avatar

Me, too...."In the beginning, Man created god" is one of my favorite bumper stickers!

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felice's avatar

He's not the only religious hypocrite. The whole MAGA electorate belongs in the same category. This is not a Christian nation. There is no such thing. There are only a majority of Christians in a country of humans - bigot or otherwise.

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Lisa Grout's avatar

Hahaha, sob. Take a bow, sir. You have outdone yourself. Thank you.

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JMcKay's avatar

Andy -

THAT WAS HILARIOUS!

one of your best

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Anne Boynton-Trigg's avatar

Andy, you nailed it!

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Barbara Austen's avatar

Perfect. He is less than useless, whatever that would be.

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