WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As the government shutdown drags on into its thirteenth day, Americans have become baffled as to why a totally nonessential federal employee still has his job.
Unlike thousands of workers at agencies like EPA and HUD who have been furloughed, the still-employed man serves no identifiable function, Americans noted.
In fact, a review of activities performed by him in 2025 yields only three: sending co-workers home on an extended vacation, refusing to swear in a new co-worker, and praying for the Rapture.
But in a testy exchange with reporters on Monday, the nonessential employee vehemently rejected the widespread claims of his abject uselessness, declaring, “I have been working around the clock protecting pedophiles.”
Thanks for this. I’ve been wondering the same thing?? Little Johnson is the worst house speaker in my 77 years on the planet and we’ve had some bad ones, all Republican.
Alfred E Newman spent all his childhood earnings and had to go back to work at the only place he could control recesses