195 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

At this point Mitch is sharper than Rand.

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Andy, So grateful to Rand ! 😉He has inspired some of your funniest and most trenchant satire! 😂💕

Andy Borowitz's avatar

He is basically a contributing editor to TBR. I thank him for his service.

Robin D's avatar

😂😂😂.

Ellen Nordstrom's avatar

Agreed!🤭🤣👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Kyra C. Bowman's avatar

A stopped clock is right twice a day.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

But an AI-generated image of a stopped clock sitting upright in its hospital bed fools no one!

Kyra C. Bowman's avatar

Not even holding today’s paper?

Janeo's avatar

My nurse's eye always spots the stategically placed waist restraint, the propping pillows, and Elaine's support to the shoulders. Can he not sit on his own or are they afraid he's trying to escape?

Mary-Jean Miner's avatar

That’s tops for today and today’s just started!

Gjay15's avatar

Again the absence of a heart or spine and I will add soul to complete the trifecta.

Jean Jacoby's avatar

Even though ole Mitch has probably joined that filibuster in the sky at this point, notwithstanding that photoshopped smile in his hospital bed/chair

Mark D Olson's avatar

Thanks for pointing that out. While I have never liked Mitch I always thought he was sharper than rand.

BTAM Master's avatar

Which is setting a pretty low bar.

return to normalcy's avatar

At this point a limp noodle is sharper than either of them! And bonus you can eat the noodle!!! 😀

Robert E.'s avatar

Mitch might call it a dead heat.

Michael Lavering's avatar

“. . . a coma patient or Tommy Tuberville”. The quote of the day!

😂😂😂😂

It's Come To This's avatar

At least nobody ever called Tommy Poo-for-Brains a "self-certified" lab leak...

Michael Bowe's avatar

And remember, it's not "Tubberville", like he wants everyone to think, it's "Tooberville", like a town for potato heads.

Annette's avatar

lolol... Tommy "Mr. Potato Head" Tuberville!

Joanne Beck's avatar

uggh that stupid stupid jock. Tubberville.

JudiLI's avatar

Let’s not insults jocks….we have some great ones in Congress like Gym Jordan. 😜

Kevin Robbins's avatar

A lab leak would explain why he has worse hair than James Traficant.

Susan Stone's avatar

I had to look up James Traficant. The photo of him is something I've never seen the likes of before. His hair must be better because at least it is neat.

Larry Williams's avatar

On a completely different topic I want to share with this community that my family went to the Obama Presidential Library last Saturday. It was an incredible experience. There were many many clips of his and Michelle's speeches (he is the best orator of my lifetime). Everything and everyone there was warm and inclusive. There is a replica of the Oval Office which was amazing. The whole day left us with a sense of pride and hope that someday we will get another President with such poise, intelligence, insight and empathy. Someday. ( Also the food was actually pretty good!)

Gjay15's avatar

And let us not forget that killer smile the former president and his wife have

Al Keim's avatar

Yeah, but did the oval have a casino feel to it, like a two armed bandit behind a desk?

Annette's avatar

or nasty gold trim exploding all over the place . . . no, I'm sure it did not (I heard it was the set used by Shonda Rhimes for "Scandal" and she donated it to Obama for his center)

Betsy Groth's avatar

It seems impossible to make reservations, Steve. How did you do it?

Annette's avatar

thank you for sharing - that visit is on my bucket list!

Meighan Corbett's avatar

Kentucky has two dead senators.

The Rickster's avatar

One more and they’ll be a successful punk rock band.

Kimberly Swanson's avatar

Two Dead Senators. A good name for a rock band? Where is Dave Berry when you need him…..

Doris Buchmann's avatar

So very true, that point needs to be released!

edwin stromberg's avatar

Brain-dead and obsessed with the fact that Anthony Fauci is a lot smarter and much more accomplished than he is.

Marylou Webster Ambrose's avatar

Speaking of leaks, what's with the oily hair? Rand and Hegseth must be sharing the same bottle of Brylcream.

Marilyn Gillis's avatar

Or they are sharing the same makeup stylist for their grandstanding media appearances.

Doris Buchmann's avatar

Plexaderm contract!!

Annette's avatar

I believe its enriched with testosterone

Gjay15's avatar

Yes “ the gals will all pursue ya”.

bruce schneider's avatar

I think it's some sort of invasive mousse that burrows straight to the brain.

Susan Stone's avatar

They buy it in gallon bottles.

Steve Benko's avatar

RFK Jr. rushed to the senator's defense, saying "I sent in a brain worm to investigate, and it reported back that the part it didn't eat was still functioning perfectly."

BTAM Master's avatar

RFK Jr. rushed to the senator's defense, saying "I sent in a brain worm to investigate, and it reported back that there was nothing to eat"

Barbara Marling's avatar

Did either of you catch the interview, a/k/a screaming match, on Sunday with Dana Bash? OMG…a perfect example of if you lie enough you might start to believe the nonsense.

Steve Benko's avatar

Thanks for that reference. I just watched the first eight minutes. Couldn't take anymore. Also I had to run away from a team of ticks that had descended from a white van and were breaking down my door in an attempt to kidnap me and bring me back to their lab for use as a guinea pig in their research developing the Lyme bacteria as a bioweapon.

Annette's avatar

that's a prerequisite for anyone hired by tRump . . . you must lie, then believe the lies emphatically.

Annette's avatar

<snort laugh>

Doreen Dalesandro's avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Terri's avatar

Oh, thank you so much. I was desperately seeking good news and having a 100 percent failure rate. Then I saw this. The last line makes my morning. There is no other way to explain this man. Perhaps the entire Republican Party is a giant lab leak ? That would explain so much.

Ed Weber's avatar

I love the way Andy’s Reports hit their full stride in the last sentence.

Mike Gelt's avatar

Did you see Rand Paul lately? The man has spent so much time attacking Dr. Fauci that I'm starting to think Fauci forgot his birthday or something. Every time there's a microphone within fifty feet, Rand Paul jumps in like, But what about Fauci?

At this point, Dr. Fauci has been retired for so long that most Americans are worried about grocery prices, paying rent, and whether their internet is going to crash during the big game. Meanwhile, Rand Paul is acting like he's still investigating the crime of the century.

And you have to wonder: does he really think people are sitting at home saying, 'Honey, cancel dinner—we need to hear another lecture about Fauci. Nobody is doing that. Most people are just trying to remember where they left their car keys.

The funniest part is that Republicans seem convinced that if they say 'Fauci' enough times, voters will forget about everything else. It's like a magician's trick: 'Don't look at inflation, don't look at health care—look over here, it's Dr. Fauci again.

Maybe Rand Paul should take up a hobby. Golf, fishing, bird-watching—anything that doesn't involve turning every interview into the twentieth sequel of 'The Fauci Files. Because by now, even Netflix would have canceled the series for running out of material.

Gjay15's avatar

Nice comment on Netflix

BTAM Master's avatar

"The governor’s announcement was only the latest controversy to embroil Paul, just days after shocking evidence emerged that he may have been created in a lab leak."

And I'd always thought he'd crawled out from under a rock.

Annette's avatar

I believe he crawled out from under a rock in a lab

C K Smith's avatar

I would like to know how we can tell the difference between Mitch being brain dead before his recent disappearance and how he has performed in Congress all these years? I simply can't tell how he is any different now than before. His eyes have always given away his lack of brain activity.

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

Actually, I think he is performing better now.

C K Smith's avatar

You are absolutely correct. I'm sorry I didn't think of that!

Al Keim's avatar

Kentucky retains its image as a 'border' state, bordering on nuts.

Kimberly Swanson's avatar

I have family in Kentucky and they agree with you.

Brenda Reiss's avatar

How does one self cerify as a doctor? I am great at removing splinters and I think I am qualified for an MD degree.

Karen's avatar

I think it can be done just like you can be ordained in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster - I am a proud member.

Sharon P's avatar

Partnership ? I can truss a stuffed chicken

Glenn Sills's avatar

Can't the governor just use the video evidence?

Stephen Werner's avatar

Andy, Very funny about rand paul, but you need to add tilliss and cornyn to the list for thinking that serial liars would keep their word if it is written down when they don't keep their word when it is videotaped! Oh gosh, let's just include every Repug representative and senator too. What was I thinking!

Elaine Young's avatar

How long do you think it will take to get trump’s “get out of jail free “ language back into existence?

Annette's avatar

I agree . . . shame on Cornyn and Tillis for their dog and pony show that basically accomplished nothing