426 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Office pool! Who does Trump fall out with next?

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BTAM Master's avatar

Hegseth! Please please please!!! And everyone else that folks bet on.

Can I do a group pool on the entire f'ing cabinet?

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Robert Lehrer's avatar

No way. He (Hegseth) is the perfect Trump acolyte. Wholly incompetent, unfailingly loyal, a racist, a nativist, and a homophobe. He will be the last man standing with The Wicked Man. The Martin Bormann of the Trump Administration.

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Joseph T. Babcock's avatar

Martin Bormann good analogy very accurate.

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DeeDee Sanders's avatar

True, damn it.

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Ellen Harris's avatar

Would rather see Noem out. Have had enough of her.

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Chris Edwards's avatar

Not ICE Barbie!

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shee-rah's avatar

She gets my vote.

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Jim Yoder's avatar

yes please

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Susan Barnes's avatar

I was gonna say Gabbard, Noem, Marco, but let’s just lump them all together in one big smelly dung heap.

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John Townsend's avatar

--and light a fire?

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kdsherpa's avatar

Yes, you may.

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M.E. Lawrence's avatar

I love the idea, but he is such a useful idiot.

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User's avatar
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1d
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Phil M.'s avatar

She can do better. It would really be funny if she ran off with Elon. And it turned out Elon is Barron's real father.

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Ellen Harris's avatar

Yes it would be hilarious but there’s no mistaking that trump smacker on the kid’s face, although in his defense he hasn’t shown the smugness that accompanies Donald’s puss.

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Ms Chris Martín's avatar

Give him time. The night is young.

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T L Mills's avatar

yes...compare photos of Barron and his father when he was about 50 years younger and there's no mistaking how much he looks like DonOld...when Don wasn't OLD . Poor kid...

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jb from Weston's avatar

too late...that happened ages ago.

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P J Johnston's avatar

Stephen Miller or Russell Vought?

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BTAM Master's avatar

I can't like this one enough.

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John Townsend's avatar

Let us pray so! Light those candles, swing those beads!

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Christina Johnson's avatar

Likes-a-million!

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P J Johnston's avatar

LOVE THIS!

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kdsherpa's avatar

SM AND RV?

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Yes -- make it a two-fer!

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Meighan Corbett's avatar

I'd like it to be Vought first. I don't want to live in a christo-fascist world.

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marlyg's avatar

Oh he'll never lose Stephen Miller, that's his boy!

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Roberta Ransley-Matteau's avatar

They can't leave. They're the ones running the country.

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Patty Bohart's avatar

MTG and Kristi Noem!!!

Please please please!!!

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Ellen Harris's avatar

I said both of those too! They’re just so nauseating and face-slappable… and add Boebert to the nauseating group

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Still Learning's avatar

And KKKaroline Lying Leavitt🤬

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Ellen Harris's avatar

She’s a pip and a half!

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Like the Walmart or Dollar Tree edition of Macbeth's three witches

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C. Killion's avatar

Very good!

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Bill Williamson's avatar

Throw Bobo under the bus as well.

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Phil M.'s avatar

The Karens of Congress!

But it would also be fun to watch them try to ride out the Trump train wreck.

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kdsherpa's avatar

(Who is MSG? I know I should know, but I don't.)

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jb from Weston's avatar

kdsherpa:

MSG is that "secret ingredient" some restaurants use to "bring out the flavor" of foods, thus stimulating your appetite for them.

MTG causes loss of appetite and, in many cases, nausea/vomiting/diarrhea.

(!)

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kdsherpa's avatar

Excellent!

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Ellen Harris's avatar

🤣

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Patty Bohart's avatar

Oh good grief!

It's a typo.

I meant MTG!

Sorry!! 😟

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BTAM Master's avatar

Which is more harmful to your health: MSG or MTG?

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Janeo's avatar
1dEdited

You can flush MSG with water. Not so much MTG.

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John Townsend's avatar

If only to flush her out, period!

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Just hold her under.

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jb from Weston's avatar

Janeo:

it's contents, however...

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jb from Weston's avatar

BTAM:

MTG, no contest!. [see my prev comment above]

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J Cheng's avatar

The effects of MSG are temporary (a few hours?) and serve a valid purpose, but the effects of MTG will last indefinitely and have zero value.

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Susan Barnes's avatar

She is the typo.

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John Townsend's avatar

The Uber-Archetype of Typos!

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Eileen Selogie's avatar

Marjorie Taylor Green

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Ptooey.

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Ellen Harris's avatar

🙈🙉

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MLK's avatar

No apology needed--you've inspired more great comments!

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kdsherpa's avatar

No problem! I googled MSG hoping for a clue, but all I came up with was monosodium glutamate, AKA salt. LOL!

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Elene Gusch's avatar

Salt is NaCl

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

The whole bunch of these beauties really do make a ClaN

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kdsherpa's avatar

Although MSG is also a salt.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Nothing to apologize for, Patty. You were great.

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Susan Sterner's avatar

I wish that Marjorie would put on some clothes with sleeves. I can’t stand looking at her. Is she transitioning to a man…..or maybe a horse?

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M Seits's avatar

Wait a minute!! My dressage horse was magnificent to look at, gentle with me (an inexperienced rider) and had kind loving eyes.. MTG is none of the above!

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Ellen Harris's avatar

🫣🤣

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Jim Yoder's avatar

good mistake to make...it fosters more comedy

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Ellen Harris's avatar

Good typo!

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Al Keim's avatar

MonoSodium Glutamate.

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Ellen Harris's avatar

Nice!

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Judy Fern's avatar

Marjorie Taylor Green [MTG]

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Now go to your room without any supper for using bad language.

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kdsherpa's avatar

Haven't mtg and the orange sadist already had something of a falling out? Not sure.

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Ellen Harris's avatar

I think it’s on the verge because she just dissed his big beautiful bill and said she didn’t really read it (no surprise there)

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RUTH LIEBESMAN's avatar

She can't read

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RUTH LIEBESMAN's avatar

Neither can Trump

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Joanne's avatar

lol

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jb from Weston's avatar

Darn, you beat me to it!

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John Townsend's avatar

--and Jasmine Crockett would have something to say about that,

such as: "Did your eyelashes get in the way of reading this bill, hmmm?"

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kdsherpa's avatar

It's so much fun to watch that merry-go-round of fools try knocking each other off! -- and succeeding.

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John Townsend's avatar

Make that merry-go-round go faster and faster!

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M Seits's avatar

Yes so they can all spin off into cyberspace…

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Jim Yoder's avatar

oooh MTG would be good but he can't kick her out of congress. But Georgia voters can.

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Joanne Rossmassler Fritz's avatar

Please let it be Stephen Miller!

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Elene Gusch's avatar

He is the most dangerous, heartless and destructive of all. And he did get tossed out during T 1.0, if I remember correctly, so it could happen.

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kdsherpa's avatar

He did? I don't remember that.

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Elene Gusch's avatar

It must have been wishful thinking on my part-- I just looked it up and couldn't find that to be true. It seemed like he was central at first in 2017 and then got marginalized or otherwise quieted later on. Now I don't remember. Not that I really want to remember any of that time period!

But maybe he can still be gotten out of there somehow.

I've read that Miller, along with Steve Bannon and Jeff Sessions, were the original hatchers of a plot to elect someone who could serve as their figurehead and carry out their dreams of getting rid of immigrants. T ended up being their guy.

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kdsherpa's avatar

SM did become invisible as time went on. That way he kept extraordinary power over the horrific actions taken regarding immigration -- and no one could point a finger at him. I always found it ironichorrible that a man whose Great-grandfather and family escaped a pogrom in Belarus and immigrated to the United States to find freedom would want immigrants from other countries to be forbidden refuge. Of course during WW II, many many Jews from Germany were turned away from the U.S., and subsequently died when forced to return to Europe.

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Elene Gusch's avatar

It looks like his family can't make any sense out of him either. Taken over by demons at birth?

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Judy Fern's avatar

I voted for him as the Traitor of the Year! He earned it.

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Linda Bernard's avatar

Stephen Miller is not likely to be the next to go down. He and Vought are the architects of Trump’s administration and I can’t see them falling out of favor. They don’t have what it takes to piss off DJT. Marco Rubio has drunk enough kool-aide he can’t think straight (if he ever could).

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Gweneth West's avatar

Yessssss!!!

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Claire Shannon's avatar

Laura looms

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Ellen Harris's avatar

She crossed my mind

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Oh, I'm so sorry! Did you see an exorcist?

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Punkette's avatar

Yes! LL was kicked off the island once before by Susie Weils, but Dump cannot resist her. Ewww.

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LHS's avatar

Mike Johnson!

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

He definitely doesn't have the spine. But I would like to see that bobblehead leave.

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Linda Bernard's avatar

Mike Johnson is such a nothing burger. NOT the brightest bulb on the planet and the things he says are lame, like, “How high should I jump, sir?”

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Linda Bernard's avatar

Bobblehead is so perfect the name. I wonder if Trump might like the suggestion for when Mikey screws up?

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kdsherpa's avatar

He can take her with him.

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Phil M.'s avatar

That guy is the worst kind of evil. A smiling devil.

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Ellen Harris's avatar

Good idea!!!

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steve's avatar

Putin.......and he will be demanding all of his money back.

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Phil M.'s avatar

Need to see Putin and Musk argue about who really owns Trump. Who paid the most?

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BTAM Master's avatar

I can't like this one enough either!

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LYNN COOK's avatar

👏👏👏

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John Townsend's avatar

Another wrestling match on WWE! Gold lame spandex twisted and pulled

all around.

Then Putin can show off his hunky body on OnlyFans to recoup his losses from Trump!

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Susan Miller's avatar

Will trump be wearing his diaper under his gold lame spandex?

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Sandra Hardie's avatar

I could have lived without that mental image, Susan.

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John Townsend's avatar

It would be repaid in meme-coin, bitcoin, or something else equally

useless and ridiculous!

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Lynn Tuohy's avatar

Let’s not be choosy. His entire cabinet, office staff, and family. I think we should limit his options to just Americans for now.

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Ellen Harris's avatar

Well, do we count elon and melania as Americans?

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John Townsend's avatar

For this, hell yes!

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kdsherpa's avatar

LOL!!!

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Lynn Tuohy's avatar

They are both naturalized Americans (I think), and they can be deported.

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John Townsend's avatar

J.D., when Trump takes away his office sofa....

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LYNN COOK's avatar

😂😂

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Lois Anne Polan's avatar

Nixon, also Fromm hell

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Martha's avatar

Please, please, make it be Karoline! I cannot deal with her chirpy little lies for one more minute!

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Still Learning's avatar

KKK aroline Lyin' Leavitt🤬

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Ms Chris Martín's avatar

Linda McMahon

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Sean M Carlin's avatar

Laura Looney Tunes

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Judith Richards's avatar

OMG I can't decide. Actually waiting to see who wins Sunday's contest for the most evil in the labyrinth of 47.

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

Pretty much everyone else in Taco Don's cabal are too spineless and easily dominated to ever stand up to the Fuhrer.

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Ellen Harris's avatar

Isn’t the question “who doesn’t he fall out with”. Just for fun how about MTG?

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Julie Hanks's avatar

Thanks again for the levity. You never cease to bring a laugh.

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Thanks, Julie!

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Jim Ryan's avatar

Hopefully Peter Thiel. The fucking bastard

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Rain Robinson's avatar

And Stephen Miller

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Ellen Harris's avatar

Well said! And along the same lines let’s toss in mike lindell pillow guy with the lousy pillows.

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John Townsend's avatar

--sewing sheets and linen in prison for pennies a day!

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Ellen Harris's avatar

Me like

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Jodie Pine's avatar

Oh my, I had forgotten all about the pillow guy. And now I'm remembering how the tRump family promoted Goya products. You can't make this stuff up. Every day a new level of insanity.

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Frances López's avatar

Chef Pati Jinich switched from Goya products (as a sponsor, I believe) to La Costeña products. I'm sure it was deliberate. She is savvy & has a heart. An immigrant from México, she exudes a warm & welcoming vibe in her PBS shows. Her Jewish ancestors left Europe for México. She connects with immigrant communities & other brown people through cooking & food. She was welcomed in the Obama White House, but I'm sure we'll never see her in Trumpendejo's sullied White House.

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Jodie Pine's avatar

That's fantastic. Hopefully some of her viewers noticed the change. I'll have to check out her show -- thanks for the info!

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Ellen Harris's avatar

How has tRump survived this long given how he treats his body?

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Frances López's avatar

Preservatives? Ketchup, the Magic Elixir?

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Celia Smith's avatar

The only good habits he has are not smoking or drinking; guess they compensate for the rest of his self-abuse.

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LYNN COOK's avatar

Yes !...but hold off, plesse...until the jury comes in with a " guilty" verdict !!!

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Celia Smith's avatar

Calling his pillows lumpy is the ultimate insult to Mike MyPillow. I saw a clip of him losing it over that (y'all probably did, too) and pretty much all he could say after such insult was "asshole!"

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Linda MacDonald's avatar

😅😅😅OMG! Priceless! Epstein has become the chief fire-builder in Hell. Preparing the fires for a shitload of quick burning criminals. Definitely a bonfire of the venalities. Didn't you love elmo muck's t-shirt? Occupy Mars. May he depart soon.

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jb from Weston's avatar

Linda,

Love "bonfire of the venalities.".

Also, "elmo [sh]muck"

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John Townsend's avatar

Bonfire of the batshit bastards!

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Linda MacDonald's avatar

Elmo Muck courtesy of Tom Cleaver. Maybe you know his substack?

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jb from Weston's avatar

Linda,

I didn't but now I'll have to make it a point to.

Thanks for the tip!

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Linda MacDonald's avatar

TCin LA. I believe that is still the title. Most of his writing is under "Poking Around..."

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jb from Weston's avatar

Ta!

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Ms Chris Martín's avatar

I’ll even pack him a nice lunch. And a quarter to call home.

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Ellen McKenzie's avatar

No quarter.

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The Rickster's avatar

No pennies.

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Ellen Harris's avatar

Linda MacDonald, Elmo muck has a nice ring to it.

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Sharon English's avatar

Looks like Trump got punked by Musk, Putin, Xi, and BeeBee N all in just 4 months!

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Elene Gusch's avatar

Aaannndddd I just saw a headline saying Musk says Trump should be impeached.

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Correct

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jb from Weston's avatar

Best news I've had in awhile. Hoping he can buy a few Senators to implement.

How odd to find myself agreeing with a schmuck who gave a nazi salute...

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Ms Chris Martín's avatar

I’ve been saying the same thing. It’s like the time I agreed with Lindsey Graham on something (so long ago I don’t remember what). This is truly a parallel universe!

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Cathy Wampler's avatar

Ms. Graham said that both Republicans options for the 2016 nominee ( Trump and Cruz) would ruin the country. Where is that Ms. Graham now? Sold your soul for Trump? Was it worth it?

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Ellen Harris's avatar

You’re on to something!

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Sheri Drisac's avatar

Not to mention designing the world's ugliest truck ever!!!

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Bobbie75's avatar

He was just an idiot on Ketamine who thought he could buy himself friends.

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Tricia Wilson's avatar

Oh, wow!

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Janeo's avatar

I hate it when Musk says something i agree with!...If Trump gets impeached will Musk get his money back?

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jb from Weston's avatar

No refunds or returns, Janeo.

In fact, he has to pay extra for the "happy ending".

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John Townsend's avatar

--and Stormy would say that is a long, long time wait with Trump!

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jb from Weston's avatar

🤣

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Olivia Ward's avatar

Next the Muskrat buys up enough Republicons to get it done. (They'll be available at bargain prices. If he buys two he'll get one free! )

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Jan Fabiyi's avatar

Yeeeehaaah!

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Rain Robinson's avatar

One thing I love about you, Andy - It's Never Too Soon. Baaahaaaa This superego feud should be epic.

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Stephanie's avatar

Andy and friends....better and better. Helping us all stay sane in these dark times. Since the list is so long...I just want to add Marco Rubio and Kristi Noem (any anyone who works for her) and Caroline Leavitt. Oh, and throw Kash Patel in there. Any anyone who supports his deportation of innocent people, the incarceration of children, and anyone who works for ICE - the new Gestapo. Sic semper tyrannis.

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Greg Cummings's avatar

… Trump responded: “The easiest way to save money in our Budget, Billions and Billions of Dollars, is to terminate Elon’s Governmental Subsidies and Contracts. I was always surprised that Biden didn’t do it!”

… Musk: “In light of the President’s statement about cancellation of my government contracts, SpaceX will begin decommissioning its Dragon spacecraft immediately.”

(Dragon is used to bring supplies to the International Space Station)

… Musk also came back with this: “Time to drop the really big bomb: Donald Trump is in the Epstein files

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Laura Cheek's avatar

OMG! Get the popcorn ready!

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Bobbie75's avatar

Loved the comment about the Dragon Spacecraft. I could hear Musk snicker.

He has strategically positioned his businesses to be able to control the world.

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Susan Mongar's avatar

Yet once again I am audibly laughing!

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Linda Byberg's avatar

Audibly laughing? I spit out my tea. Andy, thank goodness for your column. I don’t know how you do this so often and so well. But I’m glad you do.

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LHS's avatar

I've said he needs to post a Snort Alert on a scale from, say 1 to 5, with each post. I hate snorting hard and having my tea come out my nose! LOL

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Jan Fabiyi's avatar

I think there's a TBR hilarity scale in the making:

Level one: tittering

Level two: quiet laughter

Level three: LOL

Level four: snorting

Level five: spitting out a liquid

Level six: paroxysms of laughter

Level seven: can't catch your breath for 5 minutes laughter

Level eight: reaching humor nirvana? Expoding? Not sure where we go from here.

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Ellen McKenzie's avatar

Wetting pants. Duh!

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Jan Fabiyi's avatar

😂😂😂

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Sandy Sullivan's avatar

Loved the wetting pants, Duh!!😂😂😂

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Liz McCormick's avatar

Gotta add "snortle" in there somewhere, whereby each time you snort, you laugh at the snort and snort again, and on and on..

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Jan Fabiyi's avatar

Definitely have to add that!

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Celia Smith's avatar

Like the snortle!

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John Townsend's avatar

One becomes one with the Cosmos of the Universe Ridiculous.

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Jan Fabiyi's avatar

I should have consulted you earlier!

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Celia Smith's avatar

Guess I've collected enough of these reactions and here's the best place to release them:spitting

snorting

spraying

spewing

Snickering

splattered

falling off a chair

guffawing

one possibility of throwing up from laughing so hard

not breathing

laughing out loud and crying a little

chuckling out loud

chortling

belly laughing

laughing and cringeing

standing ovation and whistle followed by caffeine spew

<snort laugh>

choking on my breakfast

sniggles (snort-giggles)

dissolves in laughter

(me pondering, wheels turning, smoke coming out of ears...)

hit me like upside the head and I couldn’t stop laughing

picked herself off the floor

empty one's bladder before reading

belly laugh before coffee

caused a giant breakfast mess across my keyboard

You're killing me to death

cracking up

coffee, tea, OJ or cereal coming out the nose

laughing so loud I woke up the dogs

morning belly laughter

full LOL, snort, and coffee spit.......

my snorting woke up the cat

coffee splatter

squirted my morning coffee out my nose

big smile!

snorting and on the floor

(LOL) involuntary, loud, long

Dying!!!!!!!

I laughed my Trump off

coffee-spitting, pillow mouth-stuffing, side splitting hysterical laughter

howling

fucking howling

almost fell off my chair

nearly fell off the couch

literally weeping

actually clapped out loud

(snicker)

crack up nonstop

Laughing hysterically, bows deeply.

gave me a very large smile

caused an unknown substance to discharge itself from deep inside my nose.

spit out my tea

snorting hard and having my tea come out my nose

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Celia Smith's avatar

Part 2:

sniggles (snort-giggles)

dissolves in laughter

(me pondering, wheels turning, smoke coming out of ears...)

hit me like upside the head and I couldn’t stop laughing

picked herself off the floor

empty one's bladder before reading

belly laugh before coffee

caused a giant breakfast mess across my keyboard

You're killing me to death

cracking up

coffee, tea, OJ or cereal coming out the nose

laughing so loud I woke up the dogs

morning belly laughter

full LOL, snort, and coffee spit.......

my snorting woke up the cat

coffee splatter

squirted my morning coffee out my nose

big smile!

snorting and on the floor

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Celia Smith's avatar

Part 3:

(LOL) involuntary, loud, long

Dying!!!!!!!

I laughed my Trump off

coffee-spitting, pillow mouth-stuffing, side splitting hysterical laughter

howling

fucking howling

almost fell off my chair

nearly fell off the couch

literally weeping

actually clapped out loud

(snicker)

crack up nonstop

Laughing hysterically, bows deeply.

gave me a very large smile

caused an unknown substance to discharge itself from deep inside my nose.

spit out my tea

snorting hard and having my tea come out my nose

was about to add wetting pants and snortle, bust decided to post and END this!

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Bill's avatar

The Trump/Musk feud reminds me of a playground fight at Eddie Haskel Junior High.

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Bill's avatar

Or a spat between two teenage girls over a boy. How pathetic is the USA?

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Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

The bromance came to an end. Finally. No worries Jeffrey, you’ll have company sometime. Not sure when.

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Judy Fern's avatar

Not soon enough.

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Terri Smith's avatar

Truth Social vs Twitter(X). I hope they knock each other out!

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Steve Wollmer's avatar

Steve Miller, because … just because. I love it when fascists destroy each other.

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Sandra Hardie's avatar

Visibly! So we can all enjoy it without having to be on Xitter or False Social.

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Linda murrell's avatar

Brilliant!!!! And yet, the MAGA crowd loves him (T). Inexplicable. And I don't get why they think men have been demoralized and demoted and debunked WHEN the men (not all but in certain categories that hang with this ridiculous attitude) prey on women, demoralize them, use them, discard them and then say Boo Hoo. Please explain.

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Sandra Hardie's avatar

Inexplicable. Needs further research. I'm willing to donate to that.

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Laura Cheek's avatar

There’s so many how do we pick?? I’m laughing and laughing!!

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Sandra Hardie's avatar

Class action??

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