264 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

The Iran deal is going to make every other country want the US to attack it.

Mark Asquino's avatar

When asked about Trump, the Ayatollah said, “Oh yes, I sincerely wish to thank Mr. Chump!”

Irna Gadd's avatar

Mr. Chump ! I 🩷that!!!!

Dr. Judith Schlesinger's avatar

Shades of the Grand Duchy of Fenwick... !!

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Exactly! They get to keep their nuclear program plus they receive $300 billion. Kim Jong Un is seething with envy.

bruce schneider's avatar

And they also get to keep on killing anyone they want. Better than a Jan 6 pardon.

Bill Morgan's avatar

Quite a deal. How much has this cost us

Purobi Phillips's avatar

Simon Rosenberg posted an analysis of the cost. It is $978 Billion.

kdsherpa's avatar
1hEdited

Oh well. Who needs health insurance anyway? Or food?

[billion, as in: almost a trillion. That's not counting those who died and were injured.]

Mark P Howard's avatar

Actual cost: $113.3 billion (most people don't know it has a "b") - see Iran war tracker at https://iran-cost-ticker.com/

Wis's avatar

Million? Not billion?

Purobi Phillips's avatar

I corrected my mistake. Thank you.

Natalie Parker's avatar

(us taxpayers, that is)

Ellen Lewis's avatar

Maybe Kim Jong Un will be next, or right after Cuba.

Li's avatar

He should have to pay every penny of it out of his own pocket. How much has he profited from the debacle?

Linda Mitchell, KCMO's avatar

We need to bring Peter Sellars back from the grave . . . I bet he could do a great Felon impersonation.

Wis's avatar

Chauncey Gardener could have gotten a better deal than trump got, for sure. And he would have never paved over the rose garden.

Roger Fradenburgh's avatar

I've been thinking of that book a lot lately. We've gone from The Mouse That Roared to The Mouth That Snored.

It's Come To This's avatar

Duchy of Grand Fenwick, please.

Dr. Judith Schlesinger's avatar

At the dire risk of committing cliche, they don't make 'em like they used to!

Katherine James's avatar

You always turn my anger and despair into laughter which is the first step on the road to hope.

Marmo's avatar

Please don't give Dump any ideas, AB. The people he cares about make money during times of war, while the rest of us are made to suffer - just the way Dump likes it. I suspect that this won't be the last war that we lose before we're done with Dump. All he needs to do is to claim that he won, and the brainless, studiously un-woke/unaware MAGAS cheer.

Ann Jamieson's avatar

I feel so sorry for the people of Cuba. I visited Cuba and they were all so nice and welcoming. It's a fascinating country. And the food was awesome! Not to mention being driven around in antique automobiles!

Marmo's avatar

You got that right, John Gregory.

Dump might make Rubio Emperor of Cuba, because he surely won't support that Latino in a run for President (as if the MAGAs would ever vote for him). Or Cuba might be where Dump escapes if our legal system ever decides to punish one of our biggest criminals. Russia won't take him in when he's no longer useful to Putin, so maybe he plans to crown himself "King of Cuba." I agree that Cuba is the next "excursion" that Dump plans - and then perhaps Greenland - and then more. As with all of his businesses, he'll be the only one left standing after his destruction of all else is completed.

Susan Stone's avatar

Yes! Send him to Cuba, but make sure the blockades are still in place.

MaryT's avatar

No doubt he and/or Jared are making a few $Billion off the deal. They always get their cut. Ivanka just bought herself an island with underground bunkers through shell companies and shady connections, with money they grifted from the U.S. and the oil bros. But children without food or healthcare? Not their problem.

Marmo's avatar

A perfect description of those people, Mary T. They steal from everyone else, and are entertained by the suffering that they create.

Whiile it's entertaining to think of the Dumps locked in bunkers with only each other to abuse for the rest of their miserable lives, we should not be paying and sacrificing for that to happen. Although it might be worth if if they could be tricked into entering their bunkers now, and then those doors are locked behind them and let them fester together forever more.

Elizabeth Block's avatar

Actually, if claiming that he's won is enough to get him to end the war, that's OK with me. No one but himself will believe it.....

Mary F Englebert's avatar

Ok, Borowitz. Drop the mic! This is your best ever.

Wis's avatar
1hEdited

The sub-heading under step #1:

“Be cautious with the mentally ill morons. Be sure to have senior psychologists on staff to assist with negotiations. These morons will often say and do whatever they want and the hypocrisy can be astounding. A mentally ill pathological liar and narcissist can be easily manipulated with a careful combination of praise and making him think your ideas are his. You may get to keep your nuclear program alive *and* get $300B as part of the deal.”

Judy Tuwaletstiwa's avatar

"pleasepleaseplease, attack us," otherwise understood as "pleasepleaseplease, attack, U.S." the new battle cry. punctuation matters!

Jim R.'s avatar

We have become the “mouse that roared!” 🐭

Amruta R Eswara's avatar

A “Woody Allen” movie 🤣

Elisabeth Birker's avatar

😂😂😂❣️🤣🤣🤣❣️

Rocket Master Man's avatar

Is that body of water turning algae green with envy?

Cindy Froggatt's avatar

Algae green will be chosen as the the Pantone Color of the Year!

Roland Saeger's avatar

I remember in 2024 Pantone chose Peach Fuzz as the color of the year. It looked a lot like Trump Orange. I wasn't happy about that.

The Rickster's avatar

You bring up another popular ayatollah book chapter, “Secrets to cultivating a robust algae bloom.”

Joanne Beck's avatar

The color is a perfect alien green.....

Public Enema Number One's avatar

As opposed to alien orange?

Mary Gilbert's avatar

more like agent orange

Rocket Master Man's avatar

Andy taught me everything I know.

Merrill's avatar

Is it recommed by Dr. Davis Logsdon,?

M Q's avatar

Trump has already blamed that on Obama!

MaryT's avatar

Awaiting RFK Jr. and Dr. Oz touting Reflecting Pool Algae Water (RPAW™) as the new miracle cure-all.

Jonathan Wolfson's avatar

I thought he was going to drain the swamp

M G McBride's avatar

DJT turned made The Reflecting Pool into a reflection of himself--slick with slime.

Public Enema Number One's avatar

The pool is slick with slime and Trump is slick as slime.

Carla Spackler's avatar

Like the Trump gene pool.

Sharon Herrick's avatar

love your handle. Uh, not your love handle but....you know.

Irna Gadd's avatar

Perfect!

ABuckley's avatar

Beautiful insight.

David A L's avatar

DJT thought he was negotiating with Diana Ross (The Supreme's leader).

Public Enema Number One's avatar

He doesn't know how to deal with strong intelligent people - women or men.

Sharon P's avatar

wrong he doesn't think women are strong or intelligent...

felice's avatar

So true. That's why he loves foreigners with money so much. They believe and admire him because they didn't know about his reputation in NYC. You only knew that if you read New York city papers. A lot of people missed that info-myself included.

Al Keim's avatar

Ooooooooooooh ooh oh, baby love

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

But unlike Aretha Franklin, Diana Ross never worked for chump on numerous occasions!

Virginia Craven's avatar

Ahhh, I love you, Andy! What a fabulous way to start this Wednesday - that and the scum-filled Reflection Pool in DC, brought to us by the guy who would “drain the swamp.” Too bloody perfect! Good morning!

Brenda Reiss's avatar

The Mouse that Roared in real time. The idiot in the White House can't even fix a pool from getting algea. You can't make this stuff up.

Public Enema Number One's avatar

According to one source, he made it worse by painting the bottom a dark blue which caused the water to heat up more quickly making it possible for algae to grow at a quicker rate.

ABuckley's avatar
3hEdited

The worse part of everything we have been subjected to is that republicans still support this moron. The day-to-day antics of this regimen really have caused me to be oh so cautious about my fellow Americans.

Shaké Topalian's avatar

Well, he doesn't beleive in science, the idiot that is!

Sharon P's avatar

first one has to 'know' about science

Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

But he had the best pool guys!! He’s such a maroon.

Shaké Topalian's avatar

The "great" developer. haha

Ed Weber's avatar

This is perfect. I would love to see this in big print on ten thousand billboards across America.

Barbara Marling's avatar

I’m with you Ed. That will settle for good that it was not Obama who was the “stupid son-of-a-bitch”

ABuckley's avatar

What's wonderful, albeit costly to Americans and the world, is when the orange orangutan goes against Obama, he always ends up covered by more of the poop pile he insists on shoveling.

Ninah's avatar

Dean Blundell reported yesterday that Iran changed the negotiating team to include 2 psychologists who specialize in dementia. Then voila, a deal where Don the Con thinks he won. Maybe the Dems should take a lesson from that.

Susie's avatar

All my day's troubles have washed away with my boundless laughter. Thank you.

Sally S's avatar

I'll suggest this as our bookclub's next selection.

Patty Farrington's avatar

Aah yes, you nailed it Andy! Maybe he's the real Trump ghostwriter. Perhaps the sequel, "The Art of the Steal" is coming to a bookstore soon!

Public Enema Number One's avatar

Trump had the rights to that: it's about being president twice.

Patty Farrington's avatar

Naw, what Trump has goes far beyond rights, it's the arrogance of privilege and he may be president, but in name only as he doesn't truly know the meaning of the term, as Andy said and rightly so, he's a moron and I will add that a lobotomy would improve Trump's lot.

Edie Patterson's avatar

Bestseller!!

Joel Rachmiel's avatar

NY Military Academy grad Donald Trump: "I will only accept Unconditional Surrender from Iran!"

BA in Political Science from Ohio State and Yale Law School grad JD: "Trump's great negotiated peace in Iran ends the War just like we ended WWII."

Harvard Law School grad Barack Obama: "WTF?!?"

FDR to HST: "WTF?!?"

Mary Ann's avatar

Love this! The U.S. deserves the humiliation but the voters that support this felon don't read.

John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

Great! You still have those great short zingers! Nice Andy!

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

Excellent, Andy! As always.

Subtitle: "How to Turn a Tiny Body of Water Into a Revenue Stream."

Robert E.'s avatar

The Reflecting Pool is green with envy.

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

🧑🏻‍🍳😘