503 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

What makes this particularly tragic is that Ginni has yet to claim her Jan 6 bonus. Thoughts and prayers!

Joanne Elizabeth Schulze's avatar

Good one--I laughed out loud until I realized that these people are still taken seriously.

Joanne Elizabeth Schulze's avatar

Themselves, which is too many.

Robert E.'s avatar

Themselves. In the Supremes Glass Court.

ABuckley's avatar

It needs a wrecking ball, in my opinion.

You know, I supported Biden because I knew he wanted the best for us and essentially, earth. But, I am quite pissed that he did not expand SCOTUS.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Wholeheartedly agree!!! And I too am ragingly pissed off!

What the heck, Biden? You sloughed off this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to correct a glaring imbalance.

Joanne Elizabeth Schulze's avatar

I think Biden is the least of our problems now. We're living in a different country due to Trump.

Lisa Botwinick's avatar

Hopefully after the midterms and 2028, whichever Democrat is voted in, they will do this! It is greatly needed!!

Wendy Tucker's avatar

Biden supported Clarabelle's confirmation and for that, he'll never be forgiven.

ABuckley's avatar

No, no, don't give that weirdo and self-hater a female nick-name!

I had often wondered how and why did Pappy Bush nominate the least qualified African-American male and strong arm folks to vote for him. Over the years, it became clear. Pappy B, was probably one of the architects on how to limit and turn back progress in this country.

Judith Green's avatar

It was a Supreme error of Judge-ment!

John Townsend's avatar

Try explaining that at the Pearly Gates!

John Townsend's avatar

Let's hope Trump does not get the same idea!

Kate Delano-Condax Decker's avatar

They are taken seriously by the rats, I believe.

John Townsend's avatar

--and even that is doubtful!

LYNN COOK's avatar

...Mag-RATS, Abby ...

Abby From Maine's avatar

I think magats is closer, as in "Maggots are the soft-bodied, legless larval stage of flies (such as houseflies and blowflies) that typically hatch from eggs laid on decaying organic matter."

That is an insult to fly babies, however!

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Due apologies to fly babies, but the spot on comparison is just too temptingly apt.

Phil M.'s avatar

By whom? By the mega-yacht maga-donors. Or should I say the other rats.

ABuckley's avatar

At least 25% of voting Americans, apparently, since trump's latest approval rating remains in double digits.

Diana's avatar

Right - and who ARE these people?

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

A. True believers, cult followers, zealots -- those who choose devoted unquestioning loyalty over opening their eyes to the truth. These are those who choose "ignorance is bliss," who don't want to know, who don't want to face reality. They don't want to know any information that will make them face the truth because that would result in the burden of having to act on it. So they close their eyes, plug their ears, and chant "la la la la la la la la..." hoping the facts will just disappear and their blind loyalty will be rewarded.

B. Those who revel in the shit show, the calamity and chaos, the destruction and ruin. There will always be these people. The ones who actually love to watch things blow up, who loved watching Jerry Springer, who delight in the horror wreaked. They are the ones who once enjoyed watching gladiators fight to the death or lions tear Christians limb from limb. They love the shit show and the blood.

C. Those who know the truth, who see Fascist Fowl (not a misspelling) Faux "potus" for what he is, who can and do comprehend the suffering, harm, chaos, damage, danger, destruction and death he has wrought and will continue to wreak -- but they are too afraid of being shunned or banished from their families or MAGAt communities, leaving them bereft, alone, abandoned. Standing up is a tough, difficult and dangerous business, and one can lose one's tribe over doing so.

I sympathize, but hey, grow a spine! There is a price to be paid for doing the right thing. Can you look yourself in the mirror and justify cowering in fear of being shunned, thereby continuing to allow the suffering to go on unchecked? If you care at all, you know what's right!

If you do take a stand and speak out loud and against this foul fascist regime and the criminal actions, atrocities, horrors and damage it is causing, if you do make GOOD TROUBLE, you will find yourself welcomed and warmly embraced by a whole new community of folks who also genuinely care. It makes your sacrifice worth it.

D ODonnell's avatar

Your best comment ever,

Floofie. Think I’ll take a screenshot, if ok with you.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Please read this The Beautiful Mess (John Pavlovitz substack) from May 12, 2025: Silence is a Statement Now, and Here's What It's Saying. This is how John concludes:

I don’t give a damn if ... you’re not a confrontational person. It’s time you stopped hiding behind that cop-out cowardice.

At some point, either your humanity kicks in or it doesn’t. Either you find your voice or you allow the empty void to testify loudly on your behalf.

We have reached a harsh duality: you’re either with him [trump] or with Humanity. You are either one who speaks in opposition to evil or who says nothing and partners with it.

At this point, silence is a forceful, screaming declaration that says:

I am not personally hurting enough yet to change anything.

I am still operating under the myth of my safety.

I am not kept awake by the nightmares that others are living through.

I am not engaged or informed enough to understand the gravity of the moment.

I am not willing to encounter the turbulence that authenticity brings.

(I am not willing to discomfit or disturb my own life or make any sacrifices necessary to creating change for the better.)

As grievously wounded this nation is by the legion of those who continually spew hatred, the quiet of those I once believed would not tolerate it might be the fatal blow.

To all our fellow Americans saying nothing right now: we hear you.

TO WHICH I SAY: Extremely well-stated, John, and exactly right -- and THANK YOU.

Silence these days = tacit approval. So... Turn that around, and do it NOW!! Be bold! Be fierce! TAKE ACTION and stand up for our country that was, the country we're losing piecemeal day by day -- and our democracy, our Constitution, our rights and freedoms, and ALL OF OUR PEOPLE -- and bring it back through ALL of your actions!!! Make a BIG NOISE and "GOOD TROUBLE."

(Please note: the parenthetical statement above was just added by me, now, on May 19, 2026, one year after John published this column. I feel strongly that it's a necessary addition.)

Diana's avatar

Thank you! Just came back from my singing group - we're learning protest songs to sing at the Saturday rallies. I'm trying to find more to do and I will! Country over party! Hoo-rah!

CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

Rural America, where FOX fake News or NewMax are on the TV from morning to bedtime, and right wing talk radio is blaring in the pick-up trucks and tractors when the folks aren't at home.

ABuckley's avatar

That's what most believe are MAGA but I think that's the red herring to distract us while the elon, mikie johnson, bessent, adelson, Koch, L.McMahon, Brockman types dismantle our democratic institutions and freedoms because these wealthy entitled criminals have the money to throw elections any way their whims of the moment want.

D ODonnell's avatar

I ask myself that same question, regularly.

MARGARET KENDALL's avatar

do they even know if self-respect is a thing. if they knew, wouldn't they go for it? integrity. i don't know if that can be taught.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

LOW double digits. At MOST 23% - 25% and continuing to tank, bit by glorious bit. Depending on which issue is being polled.

Charles Wagner's avatar

Almost everyone in Indiana.

Judith Green's avatar

Q-Anon and RFK, Jr to the rescue. Justice at last, though hard to call it poetic.

Elisabeth Birker's avatar

Taken seriously by fellow grifters? Hats off to the Thomases… 🎩 🎩… look at them excelling…a shining example 🤮

Mike Sabes's avatar

Roberts sure protected Thomas after word of his grifting came out. Same for Alito with his wife flying the flag upside down!

No morals with many on the court!

Elisabeth Birker's avatar

Right?!!!!! So many entitled pieces of ‘work’ out there! 🤮

CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

Oh, John Roberts is grifting, too. He's just better at keeping it quiet, although that facade is starting to fade.

John Townsend's avatar

Hats off and karmic s**t unloaded on their heads!

J Cheng's avatar

Coffee spurt! Too funny. Is awful to wish it comes true?

Frances López's avatar

Not at all. Be vengeful. We'll all sleep better at night if some folks can no longer f*ck with our lives, our institutions, our finer aspirations.

D ODonnell's avatar

Brava Frances!

Especially the aspirations we hold for the younger ones among us. “Vengeance is

ours,” we hope.

D ODonnell's avatar

We need to be able to reassure the younger ones that they **will** have a future.

Even a good one, 🤞🏼🤞🏼

Robin D's avatar

I live on vengeance. Like Dozy Donnie...it's the one thing I have that keeps me going.

It's Come To This's avatar

It's what happens when you hang around with rodents. They were warned.

Bob Graham's avatar

Should the other 5 Supremes in the Presidents pocket also go into isolation as well? That could ensure more safety for other Americans who actually think.

Donna_H's avatar

| They were warned. |

The rats? Or the Thomases?

John Townsend's avatar

Rodents? They hang around with their own kind!

Oh, for rat and mouse traps big enough!

Lisa Chu's avatar

Me too. What a mess!! 🤣

Wendy Tucker's avatar

It is NOT awful. It would be awful if you think wishing it to be true is wrong.

D ODonnell's avatar

Way to go, Wendy. I like it that we are telling it like it is here today.

As my mother would have said, “May he rot in hell.”

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Andy, I thought you always told the truth! 😂And I hope your fabled prescience hasn’t failed you ! You’ve brought a mischievous sparkle to my day ! 😂💕

Linda Mitchell, KCMO's avatar

Gawd, Andy, a wish fulfillment dream for sure!

Wis's avatar
13hEdited

Oh my gosh. TOO FUNNY! It’s only a little after 7 AM and I’ve already guffawed more than I usually guffaw in a whole day!

Well, the answer is obvious: chopper RFK, Jr in and lower him on the yacht’s deck with his supply of rusty saws, eye of newt and slabs of steak… then leave them all there, a luxury quarantine room on the sea. Davey Jones can have ‘em. Maybe they’ll go quickly - if the boat floats south, trump may bomb them as narcoterrorists.

Annette's avatar

now Wis, don't be getting our hopes up about the bombing . . . at least, until we can load that ship up with all of tRump's fools, toadies and criminals.

Wis's avatar

Oh, gosh, you’re right, Annette… hm. What scenario could get the whole scummy crowd aboard? Get a rumor going at a cabinet meeting that Clarence and Ginnie have a rare form of the virus that causes immortality? Or that causes all they touch to turn to gold knickknacks? Trump would flap his arms to fly out to the yacht within two seconds of this news. When he gets there, I imagine he’d French kiss Clarence so he’s sure to catch the virus. (With his bigotry, he may French kiss Ginnie instead.).

The rest of the cabinet and congressional Republicans would flap their arms madly and follow him, because that’s all they ever do.

John Townsend's avatar

Trump flapping his arms would never, ever get him off the ground!

D ODonnell's avatar

Is it possible you have surpassed even yourself?

P.s., “Got rain?”

Wis's avatar

(We did get rain! We need a few weeks more! Did you?)

CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

Yay! I usually get so down when the sun isn't shining, but this rain has made me smile. Just no snow, please -- Already too many broken tree limbs from the last snow!

Wis's avatar

😊. I love rainy, cloudy days but I hear ya! That snow did do a fair share of damage.

The erratic weather is getting to everyone, humans and nonhumans alike.

D ODonnell's avatar

3-1/2 days worth, on and off.

So grateful!

Wis's avatar

Me too! Hopefully the wildfire danger has gone down a bit. 🤞🤞🤞

Maclyn Hickey's avatar

I love that! Eye of newt and wing of bat! Down they go to Davey Jones Locker, shiver me timbers me hearties…..

John Townsend's avatar

Don't have RFK, jr. forget the leeches! The non-Republican kind, of course!

Important additions to any current medical treatment!

D ODonnell's avatar

“Eye of newt and slabs of steak.”

Priceless!

Susan Stone's avatar

Don't forget the raccoon penis…

Wis's avatar

(RFK, Jr has made that into a keychain, and carries it with him everywhere. So he’ll have it for incantations.)

John Townsend's avatar

So full of mystical, magical "juice"!

D ODonnell's avatar

Urban legend? Or true?

Susan Stone's avatar

Oh, my! Who'da thunk it? But no surprise.

Katherine James's avatar

"Rat to Rat contact" LOLOLOL

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

You said it for me. This was my favorite phrase.

Terri's avatar

Even better than perfect.

Erik Staub's avatar

Wow, satire at its most brilliant!!!!

Mary Sue Palazzari's avatar

This is almost believable, with all the crap going on for real.

Michael L Flynn's avatar

Isn't that yacht also known as "The Ship of Fools"?

John Townsend's avatar

In reality, if not by name.

Robin D's avatar

OMG. I was going through my lists of posts and I saw this one from early in the morning and the title and my engines were revved! I was all excited, then I saw it was Andy 😂😂 I'm laughing and crying at the same time. If this disease goes rat-to-rat DC will be wiped out 😁 Hazmat suits for Jamie Raskin and the good Dems and our 3 liberal SCOTUS. ...even if you have to order from Amazon. Some things are just more important now!.

Ginni Thomas is a schnorrer and will survive and be first on line.for the payout. I can see her on her knees with her cup "Alms for the poor. Alms for the poor" as she collects her millions. (I swear this is the first time I haven't wished 💀 on the Seditious Six while Dozy Donnie or the furniture fornicator are breathing to give them new SCOTUS picks which terrifies me even more)

The Q-anon flag by the Martha Alito upside down as a distress signal. 😂😂😂😂😂 My sides hurt from laughing. Good luck with BobbyK on the job. He's probably the only one who would survive. He has braimworms and eats hantavirus and Ebola for breakfast, and then goes for a nice cleansing swim in the Potomac.

SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Robin, "furniture fornicator" ? Hysterical.

Wendy Tucker's avatar

Your vivid descriptions of your wishes are wonderful. And, enjoyed by many.

D ODonnell's avatar

Count me in.

But I have forgotten “schnorrer” - help, pls?

Robin D's avatar
5hEdited

Hi D! I'm happy to educate you on the three best Yiddish words you will ever learn. So descriptive ( and you don't have to be Jewish to know them). . Like I'm sure you know the word chutzpah..meaning for someone to have such nerve, or gall.

A schnorrer is a moocher...a user...a taker...a beggar...anything they can get their hands on that's not nailed down.

The other word is a goniff. That's an out and out thief. A swindler. A cheat. Totally knowingly dishonest. Like Dozy Donnie and everyone in his regime. Stealing $1.7 billion for a slush fund is a goniff. Donnie is the GONIFF-IN-CHIEF.

D ODonnell's avatar

So, the opposite of “mensch,” then?

Robin D's avatar

Thank you my sweet friend. 🤗❤

Wendy Tucker's avatar

A wonderful book for all religions (atheists, agnostics and Charlie Kirk Mourners) is 'The Joys of Yiddish by Leo Rosten.

D ODonnell's avatar

My 100% Greek, 100% New Yorker parents had that book at home. It was great fun.

One of my favorite Yiddish words is “schmatte.” (Spelling?)

misia.d's avatar
13hEdited

It’s best that non-Doc jr is busy with a Supreme Yacht and not a cruise ship of citizens.

Bob Graham's avatar

They all need to be advised to stay on the ship for the foreseeable future. Otherwise, they'll endanger the world (even more than they already do).

Annette's avatar

sad, yet true

Donna H Kurz's avatar

I can't even........!

Gail S. Nsentip's avatar

This just gets better and better!

Louise Somes's avatar

Love “rat to rat”! Laugh out loud funny piece, Andy. Thank you!

Erika Rosenfeld's avatar

Me three! Great, late start to my b'day. If I can giggle at TBR every day, I might just make it to 2027.

Lois Sugar's avatar

Especially needed now that Colbert is goin dark

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Mine was yesterday, fella Taurean!

Mary-Jean Miner's avatar

It’ll be hard to top “rat to rat!” Nail on head time!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

“Rat to Rat” is the bon mot of the day ! 😂Prime example of Borowitzian wit ! 😉It’s given me an attack of the giggles! 😂💕

Larry Caringer's avatar

No worries. RFK Jr is sending tanning beds.

Taisa  Markus's avatar

And meat. Passengers are begging trump to send JD who the rats fear most.

Kate Delano-Condax Decker's avatar

No, I've been told that the rats actually LOVE JD What's His Name.

Annette's avatar

I know, Kate - its hard to keep track of what iteration we're getting of Jay Deviance. I expect, by the time 2028 retrumplican candidates start clawing over each other for the nomination, Jay Deviance might be "Just a Donut Vance"

Kate Delano-Condax Decker's avatar

Annette: Your comment made me burst out laughing! You have a real way with descriptive monikers -- keep up the good work :-) !! I also love the image of the candidates clawing over each other for the nomination :-).

Wendy Tucker's avatar

Trumpety Dumpety is never going to accept two-terms only. Not a chance.

Kate Delano-Condax Decker's avatar

He is in for life. I am sure he does not intend to leave. We can refresh our memories how this looks by looking at the dozens of other dictators, in Africa and every other continent -- they have had to be dragged out kicking and screaming. Or else they just stay holed up in their fortress like palaces for the rest of their life, utterly cut off from the people who trustingly elected them (some got in with coups, of course) until they croak. I think mr trumpf is exactly like this.

John Townsend's avatar

--but not chocolate or brown maple ones--that's too DEI!

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Huh? Are you saying JD is just a "hole"?

Kinda works with "vahntz" or however you spell it. Bedbug. Which makes JD just a hole for bedbugs to scuttle thru? Maybe I've lost the plot...

John Townsend's avatar

--but not like the Trump administration has!

Taisa  Markus's avatar

You have a point. But maybe they love to chew him up? That works for me.

Kate Delano-Condax Decker's avatar

They savor each tasty morsel.

John Townsend's avatar

--full of fat, grease, and gristle!

Robin D's avatar

Am I going to have to change my favorite moniker for him as the couchf**ker to Ratf**ker?

Kate Delano-Condax Decker's avatar

Perhaps you could hyphenate the various names, which makes it nice and fancy. It might be a little long, though...

Robin D's avatar

Lol. Thanks for the recommendation Kate!

Kate Delano-Condax Decker's avatar

Highly recommended! :-) !!

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

They might recognize him as one of their own.

Kate Delano-Condax Decker's avatar

Yes. He carries a Certified Rat Card.

John Townsend's avatar

--which he loses continually underneath the couch pillows.....

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Coated with beef tallow!

Kate Delano-Condax Decker's avatar

Hilarious comment! :-) !!

Annette's avatar

and sauerkraut

John Townsend's avatar

--if not anti-wrinkle treatments!

Robin D's avatar
11hEdited

Like "Fernando" says "It's better to look good than to feel good"

(Hope you watched SNL wiith Billy Crystal as Fernando Lamas).

Herb Levy's avatar

After voting to gut the Voting Rights Act. Supreme Court Justice Thomas legally changed his first name to Uncle.

Erik Staub's avatar

House servants were forced to survive in slavery. Clarence could have chosen to be like John Lewis or Ketanji Brown but instead chose to be like John Birch and Strom Thurmond.

Kate Delano-Condax Decker's avatar

...something about power corrupting..."

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

He is a perfect example of THAT. We knew he was a bona fide mofo with the Anita Hill incident when -- still really pissed off about this -- nobody believed HER and he got away with it (as our mofo faux "potus" is doing now). I theorize that emboldened him. Now Thomas is thoroughly corrupt.

Kate Delano-Condax Decker's avatar

Floofie: I lived in DC and was working for Senator Sam Ervin on the Hearings up to Watergate (Subcommittee on Separation of Powers on the Committee on the Judiciary.) We thought the spectacle of Anita Hill being bullied by Clarence Thomas was appalling. Yet no one seemed to do anything about it.

Yes, Clarence Thomas is an ugly and cruelly dishonest man who abused Anita Hill, pranced around full of self congratulation, and yes, he got away with it.

Anyone like that is thoroughly corrupt, from the day he was born, probably, and getting worse as often as he pulls off one corrupt abuse after another of his position and power.

I am re reading that nice book by Dante about all the descending circles of Hell.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Not sure to which circle of Hell he belongs, but may he hasten there asap.

Also not sure about what causes someone to become so ugly, vicious and corrupt. What he did to Anita Hill shows he was well on his way at that time to being an exemplar of these things, as is true of any rapist, and getting away with it, and then becoming a token DEI hire in spite of it, ensured advancing that corruption. I have no sympathy for unrepentant rapists that make no effort to sort out and change their desire to bully, dominate and cause suffering.

Kate Delano-Condax Decker's avatar

Yes, on every point, in my view.

It seems to me these creeps also often develop a "publicly charming" side, that serves their purpose of inching their way up in the hierarchy of powerful men (nearly always men).

They get good at saying what powerful men want to hear, and acting in a way that suits the powerful men (who sometimes want a token black man in power to prove that they are "not racist".

John Townsend's avatar

--which might be, unknown to Dante at that time, just under D.C!

ABuckley's avatar

In fat, black face because his ethnic ID and intelligence definitely does not exceed make-up layer.

ABuckley's avatar

OMG, No!! TOO funny!!

(I love reading TBR. Just love it).

SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Me too. For the same reason.

Marlene Lerner-Bigley (CA)'s avatar

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

D ODonnell's avatar

Finally, we’re allowed to say it.

SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Brilliant, Herb. Amazes me how noone questions how

this guy can possibly vote the way he does!

Wendy Tucker's avatar

WOW. WOWOWOW. This is an outstanding comment, and I hope it gets media attention.

Robin D's avatar

He's the most bitter DEI hire in history and I'm not ashamed to say it.

Wendy Tucker's avatar

I voted for Biden, but his support of Clarabelle is unforgivable. I wish it received more commentary now--even after all these years.

Robin D's avatar

I agree. It kills me that he voted for him after hearing Anita Hill's testimony. The same thing will happen in the future when they find out Dr. Christine Blasey Ford was telling the truth about "I Like Beer" Kavanaugh. What woman would put herself in front of the Senate for that type of scrutiny knowing they would try to assassinate your character in front of the world. 😥

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

No one sane would willingly do THAT, go through THAT, suffer THAT, unless they absolutely were telling the truth. As reported before, the percentage of false rape or sexual assault allegations is a mere approx 4% -- far less than the 10% of false reporting for ALL other crimes. And this is wholly because no woman wants to suffer the horrors of everyone pawing over her life, scrutinizing it, tearing it to shreds, and as you said above, Robin, assassinating her character.

Robin D's avatar

Agree 1000% Anita Hill and Christine Blasey Ford are heroes considering what they put themselves through and the fact it was on TV and went around the world.

Did you ever see the documentary on Anita Hill? I think it was on HBO. It may still be available to stream somewhere. She saved the voice mail Ginny Thomas left on her machine and played it in the movie.

In 2019 Joe Biden called her to apologize and to this day she remains "unmoved" by what he said to her. What is there to say more than 20-30 years later??

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

I'm all agog! What voice mail from Ginnie? How did I miss this? What did Ginnie say (in essence)?

Well, at least Biden admitted to fucking that up -- rare for most men to do, so I gotta give him some kudos for making the admission and trying to do the right thing 20 years later. That's something at least. Doesn't undo the damage done, and doesn't unstick us with Thomas as a Supreme. And I sure as heck understand Anita Hill's being "unmoved."

And then the shitiots went did that same stoopid fucking thing all over again with Christine Blasey Ford.

What does this say to the country at large? That Rethuglican loyalty to party will crucify anybody who gets in the way of their malign agenda?

John Townsend's avatar

There's a Brer Rabbit joke in there somewhere! It eludes.......

Annette's avatar

<appreciative applause>

Denis Pombriant's avatar

Actually, there was a spontaneous cure witnessed by the crew. The official explanation was that the ship had ventured close enough to the Holy Land to effect a miracle. But scientists, fired by Kennedy, theorize that even the hanta virus has scruples when it comes to selecting its hosts.

Erik Staub's avatar

Jeff Bezos and his mausoleum wife were also exposed on their yacht and RFK jr. volunteered to give them invectim and take the rats to Central park. Howard Lutnick didn’t join them because he wanted to go to Epstein’s island.

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

Or he forgot to go because of his suspiciously poor memory.

Katherine Goodman's avatar

If only . . .

Marilyn Jackson's avatar

My thought exactly.

Jay F's avatar

Is there a single word for “beyond hilarious”?

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Thanks, Jay!

Doodle Bug's avatar

Infinite hilarity‼️

John Townsend's avatar

Somewhere, someone is going through the Oxford English Dictionary as you write!

Mike Gelt's avatar

Mr. and Mrs. Clarence Thomas have reportedly reached the point where they need a full-time staff just to remember which billionaire gave them which totally-not-a-gift gift.

At this rate, Christmas at the Thomas house is just

Wait… did Harlan buy us the yacht, the RV, the tuition, the vacation, or the private jet?”

Even the hiding places are overcrowded.

Somewhere there’s a luxury motor coach with a Forget Me Not sticky note on it.

Irna Gadd's avatar

I love the “totally-not-a-gift gift” description. It does take longer to type than “bribe” which makes it less popular in people’s commentaries, but it has a particular ring to it that I like a lot.

Wendy Tucker's avatar

The world WILL note and will not long forget the greed and dishonesty and avarice which are embedded in the Thomases.

Concerned Citizen's avatar

Have you ever noticed that Clarence Thomas never smiles! His sour Puss and his wife’s sour Puss disgust me

Bill Morgan's avatar

A disgrace to Thurgood Marshall

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

I have always believed that Clarence Thomas' nomination was a giant FU by George H.W. Bush to the Civil Rights movement.

Frances López's avatar

Well, Joe Biden conducted the Senate confirmation hearing, as I recall. He did not call all of Anita Hill's witnesses. Sometimes "white" people are afraid to "upset" black people for fear of seeming racist. Thomas invoking a "high-tech lynching" was a ploy.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

I think Thomas' nomination was a cynical ploy, aided and abetted by the Senate confirmation hearings. Those hearings are a permanent stain on Biden's record

Wendy Tucker's avatar

Absolutely. Biden will have this legacy for time immemorial. The least he could do now is to publicly apologize. While he's lucid enough to do so. I voted for him but will never ever ever forgive him.

CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

Research "DEI Hire" and Clarence Thomas' picture is front and center.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Partly why he's such an embittered angry man who takes every opportunity that he possibly can to execute a big FUCK YOU.

The rest of why is because he KNOWS that everyone KNOWS that he did attack Anita Hill and got away with it, that he was only confirmed as a DEI hire in spite of it, but that nobody respects him nor thinks well or kindly of him. He's gotta live with that. So he lashes out where he can with yet another FUCK YOU.

John Townsend's avatar

And that belief just might be the truth!

Lily's avatar

I have a feeling that if he smiled it would be even creepier!

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

Hey, why doesn’t Trump chide him for not smiling?

Annette's avatar

or throwing out a "quiet, piggy" for his opinions

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Oi, hated that incident -- sickening! Wish she'd lashed back with pinching her nose with an expression of disgust, or some such. I know, I know, not professional. Yet still, I do wish it...

Lucy Conner's avatar

Because he's not female. He only reserves that for women and girls ...

John Townsend's avatar

A horror show to out do Boris Karloff, Wes Craven, Stephen King, etc....

Marc Panaye's avatar

I've been calling the fellow Clarence "happy face" Thomas for ages.

Concerned Citizen's avatar

Yeah, it just goes to show what I said for many years… All the money in the world doesn’t mean a damn thing if you’re not happy! Obviously Ginny and Clarence aren’t happy lol

John Townsend's avatar

Quite sure they're self-satisfied enough!

Kate Delano-Condax Decker's avatar

or, on the other hand, can you imagine a more unpleaasant sight than Clarence or Ginni actually smiling (or is it smirking?)

Concerned Citizen's avatar

Well, it’s interesting to see somebody who got the voting rights act based on Color condemn his own people. Yeah, their faces would crack if they actually smiled, and they are smirks. I also find it interesting that most of the orange felon’s cabinet have people who do nothing but smirk. Look at Kevin Hassett, Scott Bessent, and lying KKKaroline! They have smirks down to a science!

Marc Panaye's avatar

Smirks hiding emptiness.

John Townsend's avatar

--or a soulless abyss!

Kate Delano-Condax Decker's avatar

Dear Concerned Citizen: I very much like your perceptive observation. The whole, entire pack and passel of smirking felons, murderers (dropping bombs n people and blowing up poor fishermen in their boats), and con men and women are, as you noted, continually smirking. All those white teeth! All those well paid, happy dentists! The world is good, (Innit?)

Kate Delano-Condax Decker's avatar

Feel free to expand your list...

CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

Clarence doesn't recognize that he's Black

Concerned Citizen's avatar

Yeah, I realize that he thinks he’s better than any other black person in this country. Please don’t get me wrong I believe in fully equality and DEI. I’ve worked for international companies and have had friends from all over the world. I think it’s disgusting that racism is so prevalent in this country now. I think I’ve been very naïve in my life to think that we had overcome that.

Annette's avatar

excellent comment!

Annette's avatar

perhaps that's the small part of his conscience that realizes what a horrible person he is

Concerned Citizen's avatar

You know for a quick second I had exactly that same thought! However, I remember his confirmation hearings and all the BS about Anita Hill and how we did not believe her. Never in my 75 years did I ever think I would live to see all this going on!

Wendy Tucker's avatar

I remember it so well. What a travesty.

John Townsend's avatar

That is, obviously, not all that is disgusting about them!

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Do they have a kitty named Lemon?

Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

This was one of those times when I really wanted satire to become reality. What could’ve been even better was Alito and Roberts were on the same ship.

Diana's avatar

Don't let Kavanaugh miss the bus!

Bad Ass Boomer's avatar

Kavanaugh has already missed the wagon. Don’t let him miss the bus.

John Townsend's avatar

He should be on the wagon!

Lorenzo's avatar

"spread by rat to rat contact". One of these days I might die laughing, but it will be worth it.

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

I CAN see some tombstones engraved with “Read a Borowitz column, it was worth it” on the bottom.

John Townsend's avatar

--with the letters in gold!

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

My FAVORITE thing about our Hantavirus "response" is that the person 🍊🤡 flagged to oversee it is actually known for penile implants--which is medically unrelated but spiritually on brand.

Susan Fernbach's avatar

Can’t make this sh!t up! 🤯

Robin D's avatar

Hysterical! 😂

It's like "The Sopranos" episode where Tony has to track down a doctor who I think owed him money from gambling. He was shooting an erectile dysfunction infomercial and they had grab him during the filming so he could remove a bullet from Furio's leg. (I relate everything in life to movies and TV shows I love 🤗)

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

I LOVE that -- I'm that way, too. My mom had a song for ANYTHING YOU MIGHT BRING UP. It was her superpower! 🦸🏻‍♀️

Robin D's avatar

I love your mom. I wish I knew my schoolwork the way I knew words to songs or lines from movies and shows. I would have had a PHD. 😂 ❤

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

My mom once, on the spot, created a show tune in Ethel Merman's voice over a NUTTY story about her best friend's son's wife who had a... *dildo* but he didn't know. 😄

"He doesn't know...that WE know...that SHE'S got...a DILDOOOOO!!!" 🤣 We gasped for breath for hours!

Robin D's avatar

😂😂😂😂😂 And made uo her own lyrics in an Ethel Merman voice. Now THAT' talent!!

John Townsend's avatar

"She knows every penny it worth!

Both in length and in girth!

Nowhere does she get that happy feeling

when she's reeling

from that extra "WOW!"

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

Same, Sister! SAME!! 🥰

John Townsend's avatar

Nothing "spiritual" about it!

Jim Dygert's avatar

“It’s being reported Prezident Shitzenpants ,when notified of this unfortunate situation when he woke up at his desk, has offered the Thomas’s a room to quarantine at Motel MarLago’s Supreme Court Wing.”

Paul's avatar

The Sean Hannityvirus is diminishing common sense and ethics in its victims as a first sign of infection. Fox excrement travels thru the air evading FCCes guidelines and enters the body thru the ears, building a bunker like nest the vast void space within.

Drs. Oz, RFK, and Hannibal Lecter are working tirelessly on a cure called "Project Lobotomy" which is affecting Republicans only.

Annette's avatar

finally, some valid medical information!

SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

"Hannityvirus"....brilliant, Paul. Whole post is terrific.

John Townsend's avatar

Haven't Republicans already been lobotomized?

Lucy K.'s avatar

Ohhh, what a razor sharp zinger to this truly awful couple!! Rat to rat, yes! RFK Jr. to the rescue, ha! May they all sail into the Bermuda Triangle, never to be seen again.

John Townsend's avatar

--unless said Bermuda Triangle spits them out again!

Sybil d'Origny's avatar

J’adore