831 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Kristi Noem would have called Jesus a domestic terrorist.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Yes, but only after Kristi had her hair extensions reapplied and had her makeup gun set to "criminal whore".

Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

It is significant that she gets her hair and makeup done before each "press conference" when she continues to lie despite the overwhelming evidence of what really happened.

Do her hair and make up people help her practice her lies while they are getting her ready?

Betsy Groth's avatar

Oh, and we are paying the bill to have her transformed from a monster to a heavily made up, applied with a chisel monster.

T L Mills's avatar

I think she has to take it off with a chisel. She probably applies all that spackle and maquillage with a trowel.

Kwaipoh's avatar

Bondo?

Bondo for Bondi too?

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Noem probably gets power washed to remove her make up

Dorothy G Ferguson's avatar

If she removed it, her face would fall off.

Gordon Shumway's avatar

Cory licks it off

Ellen Rosewall's avatar

Same thing happened with Kimberly Guilfoyle. What makes these people think that's attractive?

Judy Renka's avatar

Be nice. They are simply trying to cover their flaws

Greg Kosmicki's avatar

THE BEST IS YET TO COME!

Michael Holloway's avatar

God help me, but I hope that collogen lip injection had been painful.

Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

Those bloated lips just aren't attractive exicept to Trump, I guess.

Erik Bruun's avatar

If only we could see into her soul, which by now must be a vanishingly small, rotten speck.

Annette's avatar

oh, I think she keeps repeating the same lies, just changing small details, as appropriate. I mean, its not like she actually asks anyone what happened, or, views videos, or even shows up to locations.

Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

I guess she has memorized the lies, and some one in her "staff" helps her change the small details.

Elizabeth Greenlee's avatar

Aren't the hair extensions, botox injections, and makeup already a lie? If you can't even accept your less than perfect physical vessel, how could you possibly be honest about anything else? I'm afraid she's the perfect embodiment of current cultural values.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Current cultural values that

encourage discontent with one's physical appearance, because there are cosmetic doctors eager to pump us up with silicon,Botox and other fillers until we turn into caricatures.

Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

I think she needs to look like she belongs to the orange turd's "ideal woman" group. I haven't noticed, but does she wear a cross like Karoline?

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

It's certainly what's been labeled "Mar-a Lago face"

Leslie's avatar

Yes but it's inverted

BTAM Master's avatar

It's a distraction from her nose getting longer every time she speaks.

John Townsend's avatar

On her, it's the hair extensions that become longer with each untruth!

BTAM Master's avatar

What an image! On a good day, she'd be tripping on them; on a bad day, she'd have to roll them up and travel in the back of a tractor-trailer.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Or Kristi will turn into Cousin Itt's malevolent cousin,

Cousin Shitt.

Maria Jette's avatar

No practice necessary! Also, no facial expression necessary, er, I mean *possible*.

Robin Brenner's avatar

Are we paying for it? I bet we are!

Barry Avery's avatar

Do you think she's f'in trump?

Jonathan Aborn's avatar

Damn you, now I can never unsee that!! Gotta go lie down!!

Ellen Rosewall's avatar

No, she's f'in Corey Lewandowski. Kinda the same thing.

John Townsend's avatar

Do we really want to know? Aren't the Epstein files bad enough?

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

No, Corey Lewandowsky. tRump only took sloppy seconds from Epstein.

Karin Perkins's avatar

No, but she thinks she is. Her role model!

Michael Hynes's avatar

Her makeup is as big as a lie as all of the rest of her. The only things about her that are real are her cruelty and her twisted narcissism/insecurity. Honestly, I think she shot that dog of hers not because the dog misbehaved, but because Noem was jealous that her female dog was better-looking than Noem will ever hope to be. May the karma from that incident haunt Noem for the rest of her vapid, silicone-filled, miserable days.

Ada Fuller's avatar

I wish just before trump came into office, I had bought stock in AbbVie, the company who sells Botox.

Enid's avatar

Chocking, laughing so loud! Thanks!

John Townsend's avatar

Then you could be a billionaire with increased influence and less tax load!

Annette's avatar

LOL . . . isn't that a new cosmetic line by Estee Lauder?

Stan Duffner's avatar

I think that's cristi louder

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

Fitting, since Ronald Lauder put the Greenland obsession in tRump’s tiny brain!

Annette's avatar

yup - bet he had to shove really, really hard

Douglas Fuller's avatar

aka: "bird legged ho"

Paul Rubin's avatar

Some studies have shown that masks and uniforms can free their wearers from social/moral inhibitions.

The studies varied in design and similarity to the wearing of wigs/extensions and make-up and to the wearing of face coverings and other anonymizing things like war paint can tend to both release inhibitions and tend to make acts of violence easer to perform.

I wonder if these kinds of effects are present in such careful application of makeup (Noemi) and/or the masks/gaiters of the ICE/BCP people. I am pretty sure that a culture of disregard for the "other" is at work and perhaps heightened by the anonymity and the use of authority asserting costumes such as uniforms, combat style vests, "team" hats, and - ahem - long great coats and Sam Browne cross chest belts.

Sharon Herrick's avatar

I'm sure her family is so proud.

Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

It's kind of sad. I saw a photo of her earlier today before she had her work done and she was really pretty, very natural. Now she looks coarse and almost cartoonish — but then I guess that's how Trump likes his women.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

I have seen those photos. Noem was attractive,but chose to do the filler face.

Marc Panaye's avatar

Noem: "Jesus is a deranged leftie terrorist do-gooder sponsored by Soros and in command of the Jewish space laser!"

Al Keim's avatar

Woah! Now it all fits together, even Jesus was a Jew.

Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

Ah, so that is the story. Of course, the Jewish space laser.

Annette's avatar

who's going to tell Marge?

Michael L Flynn's avatar

Maybe Marge's pals on 'The View' can tell her the next time they invite her on for an ass-kissing contest.

Annette's avatar

bring plenty of chapstick!

John Townsend's avatar

--and smudge-free lipstick!

John Townsend's avatar

An oxymoron--with emphasis on the "moron"?

Vicki VanEck Hill's avatar

Whoa! Is this an actual quote?

John Townsend's avatar

Ah! The final revelation!

JBR's avatar

Are you saying that Botox Christi, puppy killer, would have shot her namesake?

Peter Dunner's avatar

They all did already, figuratively. They are why I’m an atheist. If there were a supernatural entity why would he/she/ they permit such horrible people to crawl on earth?

Al Keim's avatar

Because God is not a fascist, Peter :-)

Betsy Groth's avatar

No more God talk, no more dick talk, no more ghoulish hair and makeup talk.

Let’s focus on the fact that she is a criminal, a liar, a grifter and a brutal whore to trump.. Criminal first and foremost. A lover of violence, murder, maiming, kidnapping little children and disappearing them. A total sadist.

Every real American despises her, except fascists and people who believe her lies (NOT real Americans).

Harvey Perry's avatar

She is the real domestic terrorist. Along with Steven Miller. Cash Patel, Pam Bondi, JD Vance and Agolf Shitler. I hope every Democratic candidate running for Senate against an incumbent Republican constantly reminds the voters that their opponent voted to confirm these incompetent terrorists

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Also, free will. People have

the capacity to choose to do good or evil.

Scott Nelson's avatar

So is God omnipotent and omniscient or does free will exist? Both cannot be true

Susan Stone's avatar

I disagree with you. One can be all powerful and choose not to act when someone does something you don't like.

Mary Roeser's avatar

Yes, all that can be true at the same time. God is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent. He gave man free will. Man can choose to believe or not. Man can choose either to live in righteousness or to sin. In choosing righteousness, one also chooses its rewards. In choosing sin, one also chooses its punishments.

Terri Mandelko's avatar

God does allow us free will to choose sinful behavior or righteous behavior. We pay a price for sinful behavior. Perhaps contracting a disease for behavior that God has warned us not to engage in. Lust, greed, selfishness, coveting what others have, lust for power, and the list just goes on and on. These are things one should avoid. Not exactly traits one would brag about having.

God is all powerful and knows our inner most thoughts. Yet, God loves us. He would have us come to him.

If one wishes to wallow in sin....God will let you. But please don't.

I remember telling my husband, after a rather crappy day," People are lucky that I'm not God, I see no reason to continue the human race." God has unbelievable patience and love for us. Hope this helps.

Michael L Flynn's avatar

Have you read The Old Testament?

Enid's avatar

As clergy, and people of faith, it is incumbent upon us to call out the best in people, and in ourselves. In doing so, we call upon our “better angels,” as Lincoln said. We are not human to be divinely manipulated, like automatons, but to address inequality and suffering w compassion and bravery.

wolf's avatar

Michael Shaara wrote The Killer Angels, a Pulitzer Prize winner, about the Civil War. Based largely on the letters written by the officers, soldiers and families, as well as the published reports of the war, it reveals the cost of humanity at the Battle of Gettysburg. Abraham Lincoln referred to the "better angels of our nature" in the closing paragraph of his First Inaugural Address on March 4, 1861. Delivered on the eve of the Civil War, it urged a divided nation to reconcile and avoid conflict. His plea was rejected, as the killer angels took up arms. I've read The Killer Angels many times; we may be on the verge of recreating the saddest, totally avoidable war, our nation has ever known.

AAM's avatar

It's like someone who has seen a movie before: "Here’s where the ICE agent shoots the man in the back". The omniscient being knows ahead of time but takes no action.

Robin Brenner's avatar

How did people vote for them???

MLK's avatar

By hating "woke" and those who are not white nationalists, by feeling "elites" look down on them, by believing that a felon and rapist is a victim, just like they are, of an unfair system. And then there's all the dumb dancing and ranting that makes them feel so happy.

Eskaveeda's avatar

And goat killer.

appalachiacat's avatar

She probably enjoys torturing critters as well as shooting them.

She is one foul biddy.

Mary Roeser's avatar

Yup. That's exactly what is being said.

Leslie's avatar

Do you mean Midge?

ceekaycee's avatar

I doubt that Kristi "No" knows anything about Christ or the golden rule.

Al Keim's avatar

Him what's got the gold, makes the rules, as seen on TV and in the Oval office.

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Yes, definitely a terrorist , preaching love and forgiveness and helping one’s neighbor! And Jesus would also be an undocumented immigrant with fake id claiming to be the Son of God ! 😂

John Townsend's avatar

--or, more likeley, the Son of Man!

foofaraw & Chiquita(ARF!)'s avatar

Actually, Andy...

(How did we not see this 1.5 years ago...)

"Christianity Today Editor: Evangelicals Call Jesus “Liberal” and “Weak”

A former evangelical leader is sounding the alarm about the direction his religion is headed in."

https://newrepublic.com/post/174950/christianity-today-editor-evangelicals-call-jesus-liberal-weak?fbclid=IwdGRjcAPXMN9jbGNrA9cw0GV4dG4DYWVtAjExAHNydGMGYXBwX2lkDDM1MDY4NTUzMTcyOAABHsmfi_eppyhIZt_2XTkTxx1saZ7bCmi74ZAU8Y17sqYqRBPCLhGhwJhP6IDq_aem_mzn0hHjdm0sBAtf9lF2KEw

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Ah, yes, the "Manly Christians" who measure the strength of their faith by the length of their dicks.

foofaraw & Chiquita(ARF!)'s avatar

Right. And often the opposite.

Like MAGA loves to carry BIG GUNS to show what men they...aren't.

(I know it's too soon, but now that the NRA is supporting Alex Pritti's right to carry a gun, will we FINALLY stop hearing that "Obama is going to take your guns!", now that the GOP is doing it?)

Annette's avatar

how do we know they're men, with their faces covered? They could be pod people, manufactured in the desert and sent to cities to kill

foofaraw & Chiquita(ARF!)'s avatar

Actually, that's almost comforting...

But I've lived in the deep south >60 years, and I think I recognize almost all of my neighbors (and >3/4 of my relatives) based on their "hate patterns".

Sharon P's avatar

faces covered yes but in one (NYT) photo the crotch was torn could be a pod.

Debi's avatar

I have considered that tRump and his minions AND ICE are actually robots, programmed by teams directed by Putin and Xi, to speed up the collapse of the USA so they'd be alive to see it and get the credit for it in history.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

One can but hope... Loving the irony though.

Diana's avatar

"length of their dicks"? I suppose this means tape measures will soon be outlawed. Just sayin'.

foofaraw & Chiquita(ARF!)'s avatar

Diana,

If they can change slavery in textbooks to "a time of great joy and opportunity for slaves" (or whatever crap they spew now), they can certainly change markings on a ruler.

No doubt the one with tiny, close-together markings will be sold as "the BIG MAGA MAN'S Tape Measure".

Sharon P's avatar

use the "giant sharpie" for each of the 16 marks on the tape that'll change the lengths ps is there a name for those 16 marks in each inch?

foofaraw & Chiquita(ARF!)'s avatar

Sharon,

I always just went with "16ths", or "a quarter of a quarter inch".

But I'm all too aware that "math stuff" has changed, and in no small way. (And not only the claim that pharmaceutical companies FINALLY have enough money, and will pay us up to 1500% to accept their meds (which are overwhelmingly designed to make us dependant on enriching billionaires, and are too often not intended to correct poor health.)

I suspect Trump knows better, but he also knows MAGA either won't know about "reality", or simply won't care.

John Townsend's avatar

--a money-making opportunity for somebody both greedy and sleazy!

foofaraw & Chiquita(ARF!)'s avatar

John,

I'm waiting for Trump to declare gravity to be a hoax the same day he begins selling "Trump stones" to carry in one's pockets to prevent purchasers from floating off into space.

The ones covered in cheap gold paint cost the most.

(John, I honestly have no idea if I'm serious or not...)

Debi's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

Kathy Roeske's avatar

And how many rights they can take away from women and everyone else.

John Townsend's avatar

--and the "guns" of their manly arms and chest. Not to mention the real guns!

CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

Well, that explains Trump's "faith".

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Oh my, wee bitty tRUMP's in big ass trouble by that standard.

Rebecca Warner's avatar

You're right. This has been in the works for 40-plus years. Have you read, "Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation"?

foofaraw & Chiquita(ARF!)'s avatar

Thank you, Rebecca.

I won't have nearly enough time left for all the books I have now, much less more of them. (Medical stuff...)

But it sounds fascinating! If things change, I'll certainly give it a look.

But if I may suggest "The Long Southern Strategy", it goes into great depths about the evil (but very successful) "strategies" of the Southern Strategy:

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-long-southern-strategy-angie-maxwell/1131044111?ean=9780197579039

Karin Perkins's avatar

Even South Park addressed this recently in its own inimitable way - as their ongoing character Jesus converts to a more muscular evangelism (and gets a girlfriend too)

Ellen Rosewall's avatar

And of course the Pharisees also called Jesus a domestic terrorist. In much more elegant language of course, but they wanted him dead because he was stirring up the crowds and so they ginned up a fake trial and executed him. How different is that from what's happening now?

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

No different whatsoever. Sad that here we are yet again... and again... and again... ad nauseum ad infinitum...

SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Looks like Jack Smith is in for a lousy Easter.

Wis's avatar

Wouldn’t you? He accepted all peoples, regardless of their ethnic, racial, sexual, spiritual and personal identity. Non-white followers were the bulk of those he encountered and helped - he was treasonous, to love and comfort the marginalized communities! He was even Jewish! He even accepted the poor, sick and shunned! He was a radical! A domestic terrorist! The enemy!

He’d be in detention or worse were he in America today.

But what he taught, like “love thy neighbor”, is the motivation and core philosophy in the hearts of protesters, and empathy and love and compassion live in our hearts, too, whether we’re Christian or not, because that is within our souls. We ‘aren’t Jesus’ by a long shot, but I think he’d be protesting the current atrocities, blatant corruption and cruelty with us.

And he, too, would have moved to help that woman up after she was shoved to the ground by ICE.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Beautifully said, Wis, and spot on. Thank you.

Debi's avatar

Absolutely correct - why can't everybody recognize this?

Lucy K.'s avatar

Yes & also refugees since to escape King Herod Jesus's family fled with Him from Bethlehem to take refuge in Egypt.

Anca Vlasopolos's avatar

Many in his time called him that, in the vocabulary of the time, which is why he ended up as a criminal crucified between two criminals. Regimes cannot survive without public executions of dissenters, especially those who are the least violent.

Annette's avatar

the least violent are the easiest for the cowards to approach

Lynn Mandaville's avatar

Kristi Noem speaks with false lips. (yep, I meant to say it that way)

John Townsend's avatar

--and probably a forked tongue!

Katherine James's avatar

The Romans certainly did. And we do seem to be living in ancient Rome except our toilets work.

MARGARET KENDALL's avatar

mine doesn't. but while i wait for the plumber, i have the supplies to deal with it. and a warm home. grateful for the "revisit" of rev. budde's words. why were the trump clan so angry with her? if it was guilt, there'd be some hope. i think not the case, they didn't act on it.

Katherine James's avatar

Because like the ministers in Minnneapolis who were arrested by the facists while they were on the knees praying...people of the cloth who disagree with them are, indeed, dangerous to the regime. Just like JC.

John Townsend's avatar

--most of the time!

Diana's avatar

Heck, yeah! Some scruffy bearded guy from the Middle East telling us to love one another? Get the cuffs on him, STAT!

Anathema Addams's avatar

In the eyes of the Romans and the Pharisees and the rest of the power structure, Jesus absolutely was a thorn in their (back)sides.

John Townsend's avatar

Time for many more "thorns" to get moving!

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Yessiree, John, you said it!

Annette's avatar

I wonder what Jesus would call her . . . I have my own names, but prefer not to lower people's opinion of me by repeating them.

Ellen Harris's avatar

She might have tossed in some jabs at his native religion as well.

Melanie Minear-Lazar's avatar

Hard to believe 6% of your readers think Mike Johnson is not an asshole.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

I'm assuming some people didn't have their glasses on.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Plus it's down to 1 percent now. I assume that's THE 1 percent.

Judith Richards's avatar

THE 1% subscribe to your substack?! Cool beans! I hope they paid full price 🙏

Melinda Parmer's avatar

Honestly, on my phone with my fat fingers, I could have accidentally touched the wrong button easily. Accommodations need to be considered - like button color, size and maybe not offering MJ as a choice. Plus there are always Contrarians. And sarcasm.

Erika Rosenfeld's avatar

That’s why the “bring me a coke” button on Trump’s desk is red; like an enraged bull, that color is the only visual that draws his attention.

wendy's avatar

better he gets a coke than nukes somebody!

Erika Rosenfeld's avatar

Excellent point! There’s no red phone, either.

Bill Mautz's avatar

I might have voted wrong by accidently clicking the poll twice and could not reopen it to take my vote back. That sort of error could explain the 6% tally.

Ellen Harris's avatar

It could have been Susan Collins senator from Maine having her usual say one thing then do another.

BTAM Master's avatar

You mean Susan "I vote independent as long as I'm guaranteed to be outvoted" Collins?

Beth K's avatar

That's the one!

Annette's avatar

<snort laugh>

Al Keim's avatar

My wife wasn't wearing her glasses when she checked the cruise ship box inquiring about gastric difficulties!

Wis's avatar
21hEdited

I was pleased that 0% was the Johnson tally! It used to be 6%?? That’s a lot of people without their glasses! I’m glad they found them and changed their vote!

John Townsend's avatar

--or their wits about them!

LAJ's avatar

Mike Johnson is a wormy creepy spineless idiot. He will be out shortly when the Democrats take over and hopefully prosecuted when the Trump era ends.

Michael Mundorff's avatar

Gotta give props to Kimmel who refers to him as “Squeaker Johnson” in his monologues.

Cloudy Rockwell's avatar

I had to Like this, because "wormy creepy spineless" is exactly what my brain has been screaming every time I see his wretched grin, but I never had the words to the song my brain was screaming until now.

L.D.Michaels's avatar

If those 6% believe that he's not an asshole but rather a flaming asshole, how is that counted?

Annette's avatar
1dEdited

<snicker> sometimes you need more than two choices

Sharon P's avatar

the buffoon buffet

Zuleika Dobson's avatar

With asbestos gloves, probably

John Townsend's avatar

Indeed, there should be a separate category!

Jeanne Golliher's avatar

It could be, but not if Andy limits voting to paid subscribers only. Most trolls won't pay for the privilege, LOL. At the risk of sounding like an elitist, I find that the quality of reader participation on substacks where participation is limited to paid subscribers is far more engaging and intelligent.

Linda McCaughey's avatar

Hmmmm...spoken like a true Capitalist!

Jeanne Golliher's avatar

Lol! Is there a label for Democratic socialists who don't suffer fools well?

misia.d's avatar

White House trolls have a budget for such things! Stevie Mill’a thrives on all that hate he ignites every day.

Donna's avatar

It’s a hard choice between Steven Miller and Mike Johnson to choose the most abhorrent of the two. One thing in Steven Miller’s favor is that he looks like the villain who tied that poor girl to the railroad tracks because she couldn’t pay her rent.

Patricia Reynolds's avatar

Snidely Whiplash from Rocky and Bullwinkle perhaps?

John Townsend's avatar

Miller needs a curly mustache which is doubtful he can grow!

SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Every time Seth Myers mentions Miller it's accompanied

by a lightning flash and a clap of thunder. Hysterical.

Cloudy Rockwell's avatar

Right--Miller looks the part (every time I see his face I simultaneously scream and vomit), whereas Johnson looks like Dick in the Dick and Jane books of long ago. But he will obviously stab you in the vital organs and butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

John Townsend's avatar

We don't want to know what wouldn't melt in Mike Johnson's mouth!

Danielle's avatar

Hope they meant it sarcastically

foofaraw & Chiquita(ARF!)'s avatar

EXACTLY, Melanie.

Which is exactly my response when there is ALWAYS a handful of (claimed) Dems supporting any GOP/MAGA atrocity, and in every poll I've ever seen.

(No Dem I ever met! Or wish to!)

Rosemary Ehle's avatar

Bet it's a robot.

Kathy Roeske's avatar

A weak, slimy, lying asshole.

Zuleika Dobson's avatar

That would be aspirational for him at this point, I believe

Steven D Robinson's avatar

At least the 6% are reading the Borowitz Report.

Stephen Wadsworth's avatar

Those are all the votes Mike Johnson himself has cast.

Bob Spillman's avatar

It is the Dems' turn to claim the vote was rigged. I agree that 6% is suspiciously high.

Sandra Nicht's avatar

down to 2% now....

Dotty Hopkins's avatar

Is that a real statistic? It is impossible to believe.

Ellen Mandel's avatar

where do you see 6%? I saw 100% answered Bishop Budde----

Randy Wieck's avatar

How do we deserve such awful leadership? Is it the lack of good public education? Trump is ignorance personified.

Lisa Grout's avatar

As a retired public school social studies teacher, I take umbrage with blaming schools for our current crisis. The right has long focused on public schools as their nemesis. Public funding for schools has been the pinball in the culture war battles since Reconstruction. The more recent iterations of the assault on public education include school vouchers, home schooling and assaults on curriculums and books.... The battle goes on.

Jnlyn5's avatar

For years I’ve been blaming home schooling, a whole generation that has only been exposed to what their parents and preachers think. We’ve seen this wave coming in the southern states for a long time 😢

ceekaycee's avatar

Then he selects Linda McMahon, formerly of the World Wrestling Entertainment, to be Secretary of Education. The sorry choice indicates what the current administration thinks of education.

Susan Still's avatar

Do you remember ol’ Linda saying A-1 and not AI when talking about the future driver of productivity and job destruction? Don’t think she’s really up on current events

Annette's avatar

but she knows her steak sauce!

Annette's avatar

what is his preoccupation with the wrestling community? Is it the obvious and overt phoniness? Is it the costumes? Does he secretly want to be a wrestler? His name would probably be Cantaloupe Big Johnson, Prince of Peace.

Sharon P's avatar

i think he "wants" a wrestler not to be one

Annette's avatar

that's also an option, disgusting, but an option

John Townsend's avatar

Well, Trump couldn't "top" that!

Sharon P's avatar

yes very worrisome to me also besides RRR zero social abilities

Jo Burns's avatar
1dEdited

Please remember the illustrious Heritage Foundation, scourge of public education. They began chipping away since Reagan and have continued to vastly expand. They are responsible for Project 2025.

Brenda Reiss's avatar

No one here blames the actual teachers. I, for one, blame those who design the curriculum,and then sell it to those above many who have never been in a classroom. The decision to stop teaching our future voters how the government work was diabolical, pushed by the corporations and oligarchs.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Corporate education "deform" and its funders, dilettantes such as Gates and Zuckerberg deserve blame for many problems in public education. Common Core, support for Teach for America, and attacks on the teaching profession, for a few examples.

Susan Still's avatar

My late daughter was in the TFA corps in AZ and the people she worked with were some of the most compassionate, empathetic and intellectually curious young people I have ever met. My daughter was no slouch either - three majors from Vanderbilt (summa cum laude) and a masters in literacy from Columbia.

And I’m not sure how Common Core got knocked off the tracks, but the intention was to set national standards for high school graduation, primarily to help military kids receive equivalent credits when their parents moved every year or so.

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

I'm glad to learn that TFA

had committed, enthusiastic people such as your late daughter.

ISOequanimity's avatar

Amen! I spent my career as a public school guidance counselor. 50 years ago, the major complaint of teachers was gum chewing and passing notes. Fast forward…I was asked to “chaperone” more adolescent funerals than I’m willing to remember. It was important for the safety of survivors that trusted, composed, and accessible adults were present.

Al Keim's avatar

Yes Lisa, after the Civil War (1865 for the Mike Johnson adherents) until the 20th century there was not a single high school in the confederacy. The lingering effects of ignorance echo.

Beth B's avatar

THANK YOU! Retired teacher here, too. Even my 2nd graders understood norms and civility. My 4th and 5th graders were terrified when FOTUS was first elected. Kids know.

JBR's avatar

New lesson. If you think he might take your lunch, shoot

MLK's avatar

I completely agree with you, Lisa. Instead of blaming public schools, blame e.g.,

the politicians and courts for gerrymandering. We are stuck with politicians who pick their voters instead of vice versa.

MLK's avatar

Also, relatedly, you can blame GW Bush for No Child Left Behind, which only tested math and English -- so why bother teaching history or science, or having art or music, since those didn't "count"?

SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Lisa, I wholeheartedly agree. I'm from a whole family of teachers.

Education does not penetrate stupid. It never did.

SS's avatar

It's not the lack of good public education. It's the systematic defunding and dumbing-down of public education, through charter and home schooling, and RW-funded administrative training. They say the three R's, that's all you need! Back in the day, we had civics and learned how to run a city, we learned the scientific method, we learned about weather, music and dancing for heaven's sake! But that hasn't been the case for 30 or more years.

Ted Loewenberg's avatar

We also learned the difference between 'opinions' and facts; they aren't equal. The Right thinks their opinions are more important than facts and politicized/weaponised education systems to reflect their opinions and their evidence-free faith and biases in curricula. Science and history narratives encourage thought and introspection. Both have suffered severely from political pressures along with the increasing lazy habits of the consumers of the material world through media, dangled in front of us all constantly. It's hard to see how this changes for the better.

M Apodaca's avatar

He was privately educated.

Robyn Boyer's avatar

Trump wasn't actually educated. He had others take his tests throughout his military academy and college tours. He's ignorant AND stupid. A toxic mix with ICBM's at the ready.

Al Keim's avatar

There's a song in there somewheres Robyn :-)

Annette's avatar

<appreciative applause>

Sheryl Thompson's avatar

She’s talking about the rest of us being too dumb - or intellectually lazy to identify a con and grifter.

M Apodaca's avatar

Who’s she? The one who blames public education for Trump? Who’s the rest of us?

Brenda Reiss's avatar

By whom? Tweedle dee and Tweedle Dumb?

JBR's avatar

He probably blinked and called his teachers corrupt

Al Keim's avatar

And he went to the finest schools alright Randy, but you know he let other people take his tests for him.

Annette's avatar

math is hard (said in a whining tone)

MLK's avatar

By a talking Barbie...really.

Rory's avatar

This administration seems to revel in performative cruelty. Let’s just hope that the midterm elections proceed without interference, which might be a first step to steering back towards something we might recognize as democracy.

Meighan Corbett's avatar

Cruelty is a feature not a bug. Obama deported more people (!) because they were turned back at the border. These performative arrests are of people in communities, often for years, often citizens, often legal residents or with the ability to work legally in the US. It's meant to display the cruelty of this regime. They get "off" on it.

Kathleen D. Pierce's avatar

Incells with an extra $50K to come out and play combat war on our own citizens. MAKE. IT. STOP. Is POTUS Senile Grandpa Bone Spurs dead yet?

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Listen to the tapes from Saturday. One of the ice guys can be heard shouting “It’s just like Call of Duty!”

Annette's avatar

if that's true, I pray for a pox on that agent, hoping karma will be swift (and painful - yep, I'm going there)

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Measles would be good too

Harvey Perry's avatar

The white supremacist Christian nationalists want to deport as many people of color as possible. Fundamentally, it all comes back to racism. The values of the Confederacy never went away.

JBR's avatar

Trump hired immigrants. Cheap labor. He aided and abetted

Susan Still's avatar

That’s how he got his third wife.

Clym Yeobright's avatar

With a little help from his bff jeff

Edith H Conyers's avatar

I think that evil, vengeful attacks on humans in general, almost all of whom are innocents, are worse that JUST authoritarianism. I so hope that we will be able to get ourselves out of this mess created but the vengeful and spineless.

Al Keim's avatar

Senate democrats are going to try to shut it down. They need our voices to bolster their determination to cut ICE funding. We are paying for this mayhem via the Big Beautiful Bill. More money goes to these cretins than all other federal law enforcement agencies combined.

Annette's avatar

the money going to fund the $50K signing bonuses, for the yahoos who want to play cops and robbers . . . yet hide their faces behind masks and cans of tear gas . . there is a special place in hades for them

John Townsend's avatar

Yes! At the lowest, hottest ring!

Rebecca's avatar

Is it even reasonable to hope?

Al Keim's avatar

Yes Rebecca not only reasonable but our collective duty.

Annette's avatar

well said, Al

Julie's avatar

"performative Christian Mike Johnson." it works - fits him so well.

Susan Still's avatar

Johnson’s bought into the fantasy that Trump was chosen and anointed by God to set up Armageddon, bring about the Rapture and the return of Christ himself. He hides so much of his private life from the government he doesn’t even acknowledge having a bank account. He’s a dedicated handmaid.

Annette's avatar

Blessed be, God is watching you, Ernie!

Merle Gunderman's avatar

I also like the descriptive “Christian adjacent” for Mikey

Meighan Corbett's avatar

These so-called "Christians" leave a bad taste in my mouth. Nothing Christian about Mike Johnson or the trump administration.

J Cheng's avatar

At the age of 13, I stopped going to Catechism classes because I understood the hypocrisy of it all. The montsignor of the parish called me and told me if I didn't come back to the classes he would blackball me from getting married in any Catholic Church. This is way back in the dark ages and even I knew he wasn't going to spend the time to notify the Vatican 9by phone, snail mail, carrier pigeon?) BTW, I was married by a Dallas, Tx Justice of the Peace.

Kathleen D. Pierce's avatar

Woa! Threatening a 13 year old if they don't come back to church! Day-um! Way to teach the lessons of Jesus, Priest!

Annette's avatar

easier to bully the young'uns

Al Keim's avatar

Marriage weighs heavy on the minds of 13 yr. old's Kathleen :-)

nacreplus2's avatar

I was in 4th grade catechism class, during the Viet Nam war, when a boy in the class asked the teacher if "killing was OK if you're in the army." Our teacher's waffling and eventual "yes" was all I needed to hear to understand the utter hypocrisy of the Catholic Church. My observation has only been confirmed repeatedly over the decades.

Al Keim's avatar

Blame Constantine.

Clym Yeobright's avatar

After my brother married the love of his life, they consulted the local pastor on how she, being divorced, could return to the sacraments she loved. The priest advised them to pray to god that her ‘real’ husband die.

Fifty years later, they’re fundies. And trumpies.

L B Rose's avatar

What a story. Very sad on all counts.

John Townsend's avatar

Sick, twisted, weird! What bad religion does to people!

Annette's avatar
21hEdited

Good for you, J! I, too, was raised as a Catholic but when we met with the priest for pre-marriage counseling, we were told we had to bring our kids up Catholic. I asked, how can priests, who never marry, counsel people on married life? Never received an answer, so we married in a Wesleyan church (my mom sat in the back). We've been married for 47 years this June, while both my sisters (married in catholic ceremonies the first time) were each married 3 times.

John Townsend's avatar

To be charitable, priests probably hear LOTS in confession......

Annette's avatar

I had a priest say, "bless you my son" once when I went to confession - needless to say, I was honked off royally

J Cheng's avatar

LOL I was divorced when I married my current husband (of 35 years!) and his mother was against him marrying a divorcee. Two of her other children divorced and they were of the religious church sorts. Hope to hear good things about your 50th anniversary!

John Townsend's avatar

"Stuff your blackball up your black robe, monsignor!" What you should have said, among other things!

Al Keim's avatar

That sounds pretty serious J. Let me ask you a deep theological question near to the heart of every lapsed Catholic- do you eat meat on Friday?

J Cheng's avatar

LOL........yes. It tastes especially good on Fridays.

Annette's avatar

<hearty chuckle>

Edith H Conyers's avatar

It leaves a bad taste in my mouth as well. Agreed that there is not much Christian about Mike Johnson and this administration!

Susan Miller's avatar

There is NOTHING Christian about this 💩 🤡 🚙 of an administration

Susan Miller's avatar

They’re all the spawn of Satan. And I’m an agnostic

J Cheng's avatar

I find myself, an agnostic, to be more spiritual and christian than most bible bangers.

Pickleball's avatar

You have a true gift in distilling topics down to the basics. Thank you.

Ellen Hackman's avatar

Compare Bishop Budde’s words to those of Pam Bondi and Kristi Noem. One can only hope and pray that sanity and decency prevail.

Sean M Carlin's avatar

Jesus, was also considered to be a radical. High praise for Bishop Budde from the phoniest alleged Christian in our government.

Robert Gillette's avatar

Wow! That was a tough quiz, but I think I got it right.

Douglas Mackay's avatar

I’m glad it was an open book quiz.

Judy Allen's avatar

Thanks, Andy, for remembering and posting this. Have we hit the bottom yet? Probably not. Thanks for your continuing vigilance and unique voice to help keep our heads above water.

Annette's avatar

well said, Judy, thank you!

Walter David Luce's avatar

Interestingly, Johnson speaks about "known criminals". Well, does he remember that lil' donnie of small hands and wee-wee (nickneamed "tiny" by Stormy Daniels) IS a CONVICTED FELON AND SEX OFFENDER. CONVICTED....and many times. Oh yeah, I forget that facts mean butkis to Johnson. Do we remember the quote about: "better to be called a liar and remain silent than to open your mouth and speak and remove all doubt". Does anyone really believe that lil' donnie did not partake in molesting the young girls at Epstein's idland? You can dress a pig in a tuxedo and it is still a pig.

Harvey Perry's avatar

Read the 7/25/25 podcast post of Kate Mann, professor of philosophy at Cornell University.

Mary Engel's avatar

“performative Christian”

BR34TH3 💜🇨🇦🌈's avatar

That’s last comment that Mike Johnson said is ironic, about people have the right to protect themselves, the 2nd amendment, but that didn’t help Alex Pretti.

Bob Clark's avatar

Had Bishop Budde said all of that to Trump in private, then in public presented him with a gold cross signifying his prominence as the greatest Christian in history, and perhaps all-time in the universe, then he might at least have responded, though that response would have probably been, "Thank you for the gold award, but I don't agree with anything you said about being a Christian. Christians have rules about things, like loving God and your neighbor as yourself. I am guided only by my own morals."

Annette's avatar

excellent post, Bob, and so trumpian!

frank lesher's avatar

An absolutely stunning takedown!