336 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Let the arrests begin!

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Alan's avatar
3dEdited

Andy, it would be easier for Mayor Bowser to enforce the will of the people and deport the Rs to Texas if she had control over the National Guard in DC.

Recent history: Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton (D-DC), Congresswoman Carolyn Maloney (D-NY), and Congressman Anthony Brown (D-MD) proposed an amendment to the fiscal year 2023 National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) that would give the District of Columbia mayor control over the D.C. National Guard. The Rs voted against it. 🙁

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JeffJ's avatar

Do you get the feeling this mess is something the Republicans have all been planning for a while?

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Robot Bender's avatar

See Project 2025.

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

This has been coming since the Reagan siege. Reagan got things started with things like deregulating the healthcare industry, giving subsidies to corporations for outsourcing American jobs, allowing corporations to raid pension funds, and one of the worst things was his repeal of the "Fairness Doctrine".

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JeffJ's avatar

Reagan was a fraud, the original (Let’s) MAGA. He proved how easy it is to con the gullible by suggesting you’ll give ‘em what they want. His best statement was “Trust but verify” — and nobody verified him. Also, like the orange one, he also started to dement while still in office.

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Susan Barnes's avatar

It’s all in Andy’s book.

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JeffJ's avatar

Which I read with great delight and horror.

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Linda's avatar

All part of his "Government is the problem" mantra.

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Sandra Nicht's avatar

before that there was the John Birch Society. there has always been an extremist fringe in the GOP and they used to be shut down by their voters who weren't exposed to Fox Propaganda (and before that, the odious Rush LimpBalls...

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

All great fans of Ayn Rand too

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DONALD G. Alexander's avatar

Don't know how long they've been planning it, but its working - not many talking about Epstein. The orange diverter succeeds again.

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Marie's avatar

Do you follow The White House Facebook page? If not, you should. Every day the WH posts some juvenile AI generated meme extolling how great the BIG ORANGE ONE is and the comments they get in return bury them in ridicule, and often demand the release of the Epstein files. My feeling is that it's our patriotic duty to particpate in that.

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Frau Katze's avatar

I didn’t know they had an FB page. I’ll check that out.

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Marie's avatar

It's like a comic book....just amazing that this is how our government presents itself to the world!

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Susan Barnes's avatar

Thanks!

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JeffJ's avatar

Don’t count Epstein out yet…all we need is another spark and it’ll ignite again.

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Diane Smith's avatar

:-O

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Meighan Corbett's avatar

It's a dry run for taking over other cities. If no one yelps about it, trump and co feel they have permission.

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JeffJ's avatar

Agreed. See Bob Reich’s Aug 12 insightful post “The Trial Run”.

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Amy Cain's avatar

Umh, since the R’s were baby dinosaurs. You think?

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Diana Rothman's avatar

Yes, they’ve just been waiting for the right incident.

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Antoinette S. Hamilton's avatar

Please, no, Alan. We are already overrun with them here!

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Alan's avatar

Antoinette -- You have a good point. Since Mexico turned down the opportunity to annex Texas (per TBR) you need to continue resisting redistricting efforts and elect more Democrats in the Lone Star State!

Where is JR Ewing when you need him?

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OldLadybytheRiver's avatar

Hey now we've got Jazmine Crockett, Sylvia Garcia, Al Green, Beto O'Rourke, James Talarico and many other great leaders here. - Not everyone's a spineless worthless sellout willing to kiss a fat orange A rather than stand up for what's fair. Please don't give up on Texas yet - and for sure don't send any of T.A.C.O.'s flying monkeys here!

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jon Hodson's avatar

tRump is going to offer Texas and Florida to Putin in exchange for stopping the war in Ukraine. Mullahs Abbott and Dumbsantis are part of the deal.

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Alan's avatar
3dEdited

Jon -- Vlad will counter by asking for CA which would be blocked by Gavin.

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J Cheng's avatar

As a California resident for over 30 years I would object too. However feel free to deport the Rs......

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

LOL

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Robert E.'s avatar

Via Abbutts Greyhound busses.

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Martha Loomis's avatar

Or just the "Rapture"?

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Marie's avatar

Yes! This would be a more permanent solution!

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

I believe they call it "The Final Solution".

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John Townsend's avatar

Deport all the Trump-supporting Republicans to Alaska to dig out

frozen mammoths before all the glaciers melt!

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

Or just put them on the melting ice floes and let Nature take her course. Oh, and good food for the polar bears.

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Annette's avatar

Ken Burchett was heard to have said, "I don't know why we have to leave this dad gum district, I just signed up to take Pickle Ball lessons!"

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John Townsend's avatar

"--but ken, all the Republicans should leaver before all their balls are pickled."

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

Wouldn't they first have to have balls?

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John Townsend's avatar

Yes, but such powerful microscopes do not exist yet!

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John Townsend's avatar

--but then, all the Republicans should leave before all their balls are pickled.

There, I typed it correctly, and, no, I was not pickled when I wrote it before!

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Annette's avatar

lol

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Ah, Annette....didn't you just love the "folksy" term?

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John Townsend's avatar

To the tune of the "Trolley Song" from "Meet Me In St. Louis":

Clink, clink, clink

go the handcuffs!

Bang, bang, bang

go the cell doors!

All the Trumpers

are in the hoosegow!

We all say "Wow"

and yell, "--and how"

It's a karmic ka-pow

Who could ask for more!

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John Townsend's avatar

--just slam that jail door!

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Marmo's avatar

PLEASE.

But, they must arrest the criminals this time, not the immigrants and tourists, and make those who are convicted face a consequence! We're begging!

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Marie's avatar

Any Republican residing in Washington D.C. is most probably assocated with the regime in some manner. Ergo, they qualify as co-conspirators in the death of democracy.

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John Townsend's avatar

We're demanding!

Trump's polls are low. Don't push it Republicans!

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Amy Cain's avatar

What’s the new definition of ‘Convict’ in 2025? Anyone have some idea?

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Marmo's avatar

Good question, Amy Cain!

In the same way that in 2025 "obliterate" has come to mean "delay" (as reported by TBR), I believe that in 2025 "convict" means to "forgive" and "a convict" is now a person who is found guilty and receives no punishment.

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Noun or verb?

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Hugh Jarce's avatar

And think what it would do for the average IQ in DC.

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Susan McIntosh's avatar

Let them be sent to El Salvador.

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Ghislaine’s old prison cell is available

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Susan Stone's avatar

Ooh! I know who I want to see occupy it. That cell has orange written all over it.

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Amy Cain's avatar

In vibrant citrus colored spray paint, ceiling and on the tiny floor, on the bars, the lock. Imagine living in a f__king orange shoebox!

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Susan Stone's avatar

I like the way you think, Amy. f_king is perfect for one who wants to be a king and what we want figuratively to do to him. There is also no room in that cell for a cell phone or a TV. The idea makes me smile.

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John Townsend's avatar

Cram them all in there with only one stainless(one hopes) steel toilet to share!

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Amy Cain's avatar

Perfect!

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MedjoolPalm's avatar

So is Ghislaine.

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Ada Fuller's avatar

Her new one might be too since she can now leave during the day!

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Kathy's avatar
2dEdited

Jiz-Lame knows too much…it’s almost as if she’s not long for this world. Let her out during the day, maybe she is hit by a bus

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

Or she'll "accidently" fall down some stairs and end up buried on a golf course.

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Amy Cain's avatar

For meals? I hope it’s her one chance to skip

out for 5 minutes all day!

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marlyg's avatar

Even if it isn't, there's always a room for the orange felon!

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Beverly Magid's avatar

A gang of masked men in unmarked cars should start dragging the Republicans out of houses, stores, brothels. wherever they’re congregating ( it won’t be in the halls of Congress where they’re never working).

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Annette's avatar

YES, please and thank you!

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Marie's avatar

If they look meek and obseqious, that's enough to assume they're guilty of being Republican?

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John Townsend's avatar

--and certainly not in front of Home Depot!

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

I would cheer those masked men on.

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Beverly Magid's avatar

me too!

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Amy Cain's avatar

Me as well! Both hands up over my head clapping!

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

Those same masked men most likely refused to wear masks during the Covid Crisis. How hypocritically ironic.

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J Cheng's avatar

I know where we can get a some immigrants who need work......

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Amy Cain's avatar

Lock the a-holes out permanently, no latch, no knobs, no buzzer!

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Diane's avatar

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.

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Annette's avatar

<golf clap>

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Diane's avatar

I have no idea what that is, but I'm laughing anyway.

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Annette's avatar

my polite recognition of a marvelous comment . . . starts with a <golf clap>, transitions to a <snort laugh> (with, and without, caffeine spews) and culminates in a <standing ovation>

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Diane's avatar

Got it!!

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J Cheng's avatar

so true!

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Betty Miller's avatar

SAME!!😂

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Susie's avatar

Brilliant!

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bruce schneider's avatar

And they can be humanely located to a place FAR from DC, maybe a sinking Pacific atoll.

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It's Come To This's avatar

I was thinking South Georgia Island surrounded by angry penguins and pissed-off Blue-Footed Boobies.

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bruce schneider's avatar

Some place where the water is rising. Real climate justice.

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Barry Blue's avatar

The Yam’s ears just perked up like Scooby’s when he heard the word boobies

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John Townsend's avatar

Lovely! Both Blue-Footed Boobies and the Red-Handed Boobies!

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

lol Perfect

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Marie's avatar

There are vacancies at Guantanemo, as I understand it.

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Frau Katze's avatar

That island occupied by only penguins that Trump put a tariff on. Heard Island I think. 🐧🐧🐧

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J Cheng's avatar

If you tell Lard-a-Maga there are boobies there he may go willingly

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

What did Blue-Footed Boobies ever do to you?

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Judy Sherwood's avatar

Send 'em to Gaza.

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John Townsend's avatar

on humanitarian aid and massive cleanup of all the damage!

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Amy Cain's avatar

How ‘bout a 365 day enforced community service!

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John Townsend's avatar

Love it! And they are all in orange vests, heavy lifting, pulling weeds!

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MLK's avatar

They can go with Musk to Mars. One way tickets only.

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Frau Katze's avatar

ASAP!

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John Townsend's avatar

--where they must build treehouses in coconut palms!

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Amy Cain's avatar

With swarming, hungry sharks everywhere an eye can see their limbs, their faces, pull their hair out (..Ms. Noem).

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Jane Gutsell's avatar

This is the first time I have smiled all day. Oh if only, if only...

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

Jane, remember, everything Andy writes is true!

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Jane Gutsell's avatar

I keep forgetting that. Thanks, Nancy!

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Amy Cain's avatar

I don’t typically pray, however I’ve been throwing my arms up to the f__king heavens!!

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Erika Rosenfeld's avatar

Trump has proposed that he might go after New York City next. Oh yeah? Bring it on, you feckless, brainless lump of orange jello. I'm a third-generation native New Yorker and a senior citizen. I will stand on the Manhattan side of the GWB and beat the invading hoard with my cane.

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Charles Hall's avatar

I will buy a cane and stand there with you.

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J Cheng's avatar

me too!!

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Olivia Ward's avatar

Yes! We'll call it "Raising Cane!"

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Erika Rosenfeld's avatar

You rock, Olivia! Wish I'd thought of that.

And John: There actually are--or were--canes with a sword inside. My father had one! I should have kept it.

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John Townsend's avatar

Make sure you electrify those canes? Hide a pistol James Bond-style at the end!

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Beth B's avatar

Ha! In the early '80s I lived on 178th and Ft Washington Ave overlooking the bridge. Awesome sight, albeit a bit noisy. 😉

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Janeo's avatar

You Go, Erika!!

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OleFlyer's avatar

Layfette Park, Oregon , border wall, Fordow . . .

So decisive!

Except maybe g

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Amy Cain's avatar

I think it’s likely Mamdani will join you happily!!

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

LOL

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Jim Carmichael's avatar

Absolutely pitch-perfect!

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Barry Blue's avatar

Anna Kendrick would like a word…

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Jim Yoder's avatar

I heard that they have renamed the people's house to Madame Melania's French whore house. The current occupant thought that was a classy name for the tasteless crap he put in there.

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Pamela Massey's avatar

Leave it to Trump to turn an historic place into a tacky, gold laden house of ill repute!! It looks as if Midas threw up all over it!!

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Annette's avatar

of course, that naming added another $1.5M to her contract with her baby daddy.

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John Townsend's avatar

She'd settle for that small an amount? Come on now!

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Annette's avatar

something tells me she'd settle for a nickel, if it meant he was removed from her life lol

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John Townsend's avatar

Just like the Donald's grandfather or great-grandfather who allegedly owned brothels.

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Al Keim's avatar

"Unprecedented crime wave"

Will his chart read unpresidented?

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howard levitt's avatar

No, this crime wave is completely Presidented.

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John Townsend's avatar

One can only hope....pray---light candles---swing beads---bang on tambourines---write affirmations.....

If that doesn't work, then.......?

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Amy Cain's avatar

You forgot Burning Inscense, Chanting, Having a chat with Biden! Afterall, it’s all Joe’s fault not to mention Barack!

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LYNN COOK's avatar

Kudos for your " sic " humor !

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Joanie's avatar

Thanks for the smile. I certainly needed it !! Bless you Andy !!

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Amy Cain's avatar

Yippie! What would you expect from the writer of “The Age of Ignorance”?

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Joanie's avatar

Indeed. Loved that book. !!

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Bill's avatar

Right on! Makes the Gambino crime family look like pikers!

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Linda MacDonald's avatar

WHAT AN IDEA ANDY! A real news story worthy of being called news! I'd say, let there be petitions circulated coast to coast and north to south! Every state begin a petition drive. These petitions could also name state gop dolts and dweeb. Maybe sign on rolls of toilet paper...2 ply at least so nothing gets torn!🥳🥳🥳 Nice blue ink gel pens should work perfectly.

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Marie's avatar

Anyone can start a petition on Change.org. for $5/month. Let us know when you've done that!

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Linda MacDonald's avatar

That had slipped my mind! Holy Moly!

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Daniel L Kennedy's avatar

Love it!

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Mark Guko's avatar

Hey Andy,

Been reading you for years, have all of your books. And I bet you almost wish you could retire.

For years, because of their practices, I have been referring to them as "republiscums." And no capitalization. Scums because they have betrayed this country. Scums because they do not care about the people of this country. And scums because they are two-faced and only care about getting re-elected and lining their own pockets with cash. Feel free to use it. Just give me a little shout-out if you do so ICE knows to come for me and not you over it.

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Robert's avatar

Andy does not get to retire til I say so

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John Townsend's avatar

--but we might all end up anyway in "Borowitz Barracks" in one of those "Alcatraz-es".

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Bob's avatar

Muriel Bowser should take over the Secret Service.

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