413 Comments
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Andy Borowitz's avatar

I’ve said this many times, but it bears repeating: everything I write is true.

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Erik Bruun's avatar

George W. Bush may not have been our smartest president, but he is a decent human being, which are current president is not. We are long past comparing Bush's profound inadequacies to Trump's demented criminality.

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Meighan Corbett's avatar

So if he's so decent, why aren't he and other R's stepping up to protest trump's actions. That's something they can do, they have platforms, I don't.

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Bill Alstrom (MA/Maine/MA)'s avatar

Indeed! Bush COULD speak up and protest. He could also be calling every Republican member of Congress and asking them to wake the fuck up and do their jobs. Instead, crickets while the nation falls into fascism.

Life is complicated. "W" and Cheney should have been convicted of war crimes. But he also embraced immigrants. There IS a decent side to him. Of course, the Iraqis and Afghans whose lives were destroyed might disagree.

And as awful and stupid as both of those wars were...the trillions spent on them could have fed and educated millions of Americans. Those dollars could have provided health care. They could have saved lives instead of extinguishing them.

And then there was LBJ. A brilliant politician who altered the moral course of America. His domestic achievements were epic. But then Vietnam...What is it with these presidents and their stupid, brutal EXPENSIVE wars?

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Ann Rock's avatar

It’s called the military industrial complex.

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Gjay15's avatar

Bingo! Also, the stuff we tell ourselves in order to get “ more important things done “. I hated GW Bush when he was in office as I did “Vice” Chaney. But then I heard the touching story of how George as a boy took care of his mother when the family suffered the death our Bush’s baby sister. Both Bush and Chaney were devoted husbands and fathers and tears well up inside when I think of that young George standing by his mother’s side to comfort his mother. But he was still a bastard

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Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

Both Bush and Cheney raised decent kids at least. Trump's kids are grifters, criminals and druggies. Mary and Liz Cheney, and Barbara and Jenna Bush have all led responsible lives.

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Judy Sherwood's avatar

Eisenhower warned us about the military industrial complex when he was in office, right after WWII.

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Cindy Waldron's avatar

And Grift

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Sally Joy Rubin's avatar

I think "It's the grift, stupid!" should be the mantra about these guys.

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Susan Barnes's avatar

Go to the Clarksville mall at Ft. Campbell, KY, and count the number of young men and a few women missing arms or legs or eyes. And you can’t see the rampant PTSD. Thanks, W.

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Sally Joy Rubin's avatar

Thank you for pointing this out.

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HAB's avatar

LBJ was negotiating an end to the Vietnam War in 1968 and it looked quite promising. Then Tricky Dick's team realized LBJ getting peace with the North Vietnamese would guarantee him winning reelection. Tricky Dick desperately wanted to be president, so he tasked Haldeman with sabotaging the peace talks. https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/08/06/nixon-vietnam-candidate-conspired-with-foreign-power-win-election-215461/

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Stuyvesant Bearns's avatar

AS HAS OFTEN BEEN SAID, EASY TO STArt WAR, HARD TO END ONE.

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Cindy Waldron's avatar

I am convinced that the only way to keep politicians, including judges and SCOTUS, honest is strict term limits.

Two terms for life, no exceptions. Full stop.

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Annette's avatar

and while we're at it, let's address their benefit packages - I'm sure we can pare those down to make them tolerable to the constituents they serve.

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Cindy Waldron's avatar

They should make the minimum wage of their state….they are rich already, right? Lifetime benefits including health care? Not in their dreams. They should get same benefits of their minimum wage workers.

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Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

That would end the political careers of the politicians we like the most, which the ultra-wealthy, who have enough money but want power, would be able to remain in office. If congresspeople, whose job is ten times as stressful and takes many many times more work than the.average minimum wage worker, only made minimum wage, the entire Congress would be multi-millionaires. There would be no AOC, no Lauren Underwood, no Jasmine Crockett. My own fantastic congresswoman Shontel Brown (OH-11) would be unable to serve in Congress; she is not wealthy. In particular, it would tilt the makeup of Congress heavily to white males, eliminating most politicians of color. I get that we want to punish people we don't like, but this idea wouldn't touch them. Rick Scott and Darrell Issa are fabulously wealthy already (Scott especially pisses me off because he committed fraud and should be in prison.)

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Marcia Z Bookstein's avatar

I want what they have. And I want everyone who lives here, including immigrants , to have what they have--the best medical care available. Benefit "packages" for all.

On the other hand, I get your point--let them feel what the rest of us feel, when we are denied medical treatment. Or get a parking ticket of $170 for not displaying our receipt when visiting the hospital. Sheesh.

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Annette's avatar

or something as banal as having to provide receipts for reimbursement

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Sally Joy Rubin's avatar

OMG...Parking fees related to hospital visits! A ticket??? Damn! I'd fight that one.

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Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

Again, a "sound good" idea that would simply make it impossible for the non-rich to hold office. Yes, we want to punish people we don't like, but the Sherrod Browns and AOCs of the world would be unable to run for and hold office. But the people we hate — people such as multiply arrested suspected arsonist Darrell Issa who is supposedly the richest person in Congress — don't care about benefit packages because they are ultra wealthy (Luckily prop 50 may have ended Issa's congressional career, fingers crossed.)

If we want ordinary people to take on these time-and labor-extensive jobs, they need to have decent benefits.

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EmTeeEm's avatar

AND minimum 2 year limit before they can sign on as LOBBYISTS!—the only reason some Congress persons run for office.

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Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

Which is something that term limits encourage.

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Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

Term limits are a "sound good" myth that in reality are a disaster. When I was an investigative journalist, I did a cover story on term limits in Ohio and did a deep dive into their impact.

There is a reason they are a product of the far right groups such as the Buckeye Institute: they strip power from elected officials and hand it to lobbyists and big-money special interests. They abolish institutional memory, expertise and mentoring, and electeds are looking for their next job, often with one of the big money interests whose bills they obediently advocated for. Groups such as ALEC simply give the already written bills to their bought-and-paid-for reps; in one case, they didn't even change the name of the previous state in which they passed it. In addition, with constant new faces running, elections favor those with the most money and guess who provides it? Elected officials don't really have a chance to get to know their communities. Part of the reason Ohio has fallen so far is term limits; combined with gerrymandering voters have almost no say.

One of the issues we have is we're always thinking "Term limits would get rid of that guy I hate." They would also get rid of that person you love who is doing a great job and has developed expertise in issues that benefit constituents and who has built relationship with their district.

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Cindy Waldron's avatar

There are very few that I love.

We need to start over again, what we have now is criminal, so far from good that ppl are dying.

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Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

Then you haven't been following what a lot of them are doing. "Starting over" would mean a bunch of corporate flunkies replacing people who are fighting for us. "People are dying" because of the actions of specific people who hold the majority – abolishing the minority wouldn't be the answer; int would enlarge the majority you despise.

One thing I need to add: I've heard people say that the founding fathers never intended being in Congress to be a career but a temporary job for an engaged citizen. Indeed. But the government then was all run by wealthy white men who were able to serve a couple of terms and go home because their wives, servants and slaves were running their estates. (Remember being a land owner was condition of voting.) The very idea of a Black woman in Congress would've been laughable to them.

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Lynne MacIntosh's avatar

I think political campaigns should be paid for from public coffers at a set amout, depending on the office. It would be the same amount for each candidate. No outside funds could be used. Also, campaigns should be restricted to a limited time frame before the actual election, say 3 months. That would take money out of the picture and stop politicians from spending more time on campaigning than actually doing the business of governing.

This is just a rough idea.

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Susan E Keezer's avatar

They do not have the testicles to stand up to him. Somewhere along the line, those were removed and placed on a shelf in some Congressional closet. It is unclear if they decide they want them back whether 1. they can find their own and 2. whether they can be reattached and 3. whether they will will work.

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Annette's avatar

Dang, we just missed the opportunity for Melanoma to use them as Christmas ornaments.

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Susan E Keezer's avatar

But Malodorous is never in DC long enough to use a bathroom in the West Wing let alone clickety-clack the current unsacred Halls of Congress searching for, dare I say it, errant balls? This presents a new possible use for Frump's Gold Ballroom. If I were those pasty-faced creatures whose bottoms are velcroed to their seats in the House and Senate, I would be very worried about the future of those missing body parts.

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Annette's avatar

hehehe... once the tRump Food Court and Cafeteria opens, there will be body parts aplenty!

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Sally Joy Rubin's avatar

Eeeewwww....

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Sally Joy Rubin's avatar

ouch.

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Monica Stephens's avatar

Exactly!!! While 10 years ago, Barbara Bush, called him out and said “I don’t but how women can vote” for him. I’d love to know what she would say now.

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Mary Greenwald's avatar

She would say Melania is a BITCH. Just like she said of Vice-President candidate Geraldine Ferraro.

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Sally Joy Rubin's avatar

But, the cookies...

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Kathy Lee Davis's avatar

true - they have been woefully absent. . .but I am seeing some hopeful signs that they may have our backs after all. Ezra Levin (not a satirist) said that things will probably get worse but we should have hope because things are turning around. And of course BOROWITZ will keep us smiling, smirking and looking forward to a future that we can enjoy. xoxo

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Erik Bruun's avatar

That's true. You are right.

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Cindy Waldron's avatar

The former president should say exactly what Robert DeNiro just said at the awards!

That would be presidential, defending all of the ppl in America!

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Diana's avatar

Yes, the silence is its own message.

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Frau Katze's avatar

Bush possesses some decent qualities (along with other, less decent ones). Trump, on the hand, had zero redeeming qualities.

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Annette's avatar

because the Kool-Aid, and the power of being a congressional representative, are too alluring.

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Sandra Nicht's avatar

I wouldn't give him a pass on having a war criminal as VP or hiring lawyers who write memos justifying torture of prisoners at Guantanamo, or his refusal to commute the sentence of a woman on death row during his term as TX Governor who had been convicted of murder (she just drove the car, her then BF actually did it but only served time) and while on death row rehabilitated herself and was teaching reading to other inmates at the prison...

That said, and I hate to admit it, he was not as evil as Trump is now...

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Agree!

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Antoinette S. Hamilton's avatar

Yes, Trump doesn't even have a good side. He is evil inside and out and from every angle. And yet there he is for a second term. I blame people who voted for him not just once but twice. How could they be so stupid and idiotic?

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Annette's avatar
3hEdited

critical thinking is not a skill embraced by the sheepeople

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Mary Greenwald's avatar

They are afraid of Brown People and Female People. They are afraid of the Bully Trump if they are not on his side.

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Annette's avatar

it takes a special kind of evil to do what tRump has done . . . and, of course, he's bolstered by the likes of Jay Deviance, Stephen Hitler Miller, Russ Vought, etc. I would also like to now add Susie Wiles to that list, as I was hoping she'd be the rational adult in the room, but apparently she's been hitting the Kool-Aid too.

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Al Keim's avatar

Dante enters - stage left.

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Gjay15's avatar

Absolutely

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Ellen Harris's avatar

Not sure he was so decent… but he was MUCH QUIETER and not ALWAYS in our faces. The present prez is like a mad dog marking territory all over the planet at almost every waking moment.

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Antoinette S. Hamilton's avatar

That image would make a great political cartoon, maybe even on the cover of Time.

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Ellen Harris's avatar

Antoinette, I completely agree— I used to be an illustrator and I kept my language less crude than the implied visual imagery, but I was thinking it!! 🤣😂

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Annette's avatar

Yes, please! And make him one of those little yappy dogs, not a Doberman or St. Bernard.

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Antoinette S. Hamilton's avatar

Not a poodle either. They can be yappy, but they are very intelligent.

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Ellen Harris's avatar

Interesting thought but small dogs are usually cute (not the case in this cartoon) plus a really big set of legs is required… so mean and ugly and lumpy

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Phil Ellerin's avatar

Great imagery- instead of planets I visualize fire hydrants!

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Ellen Harris's avatar

We’re going to need a lot of rain jackets

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Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

That's because Cheney was actually president. it's so weird. For years I said the only person whose death I would celebrate was Cheney. Then it happened and it was anti-climactic because he seemed much less awful than what has followed.

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Cindy Waldron's avatar

Amen

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Robert S Hunter's avatar

Yep, didn’t mobilize the entire federal government to bury the Epstein files. Maybe W knows he’s not in there.

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Marmo's avatar

I think, Eric Bruun, that GWBush is not so bad only by comparison to what is there now. He, too, made decisions that favored his energy buddies instead of what was good for our citizens. A lot of his circle greatly benefitted from his decisions that hurt the rest of us. But, he would never have attacked Americans who didn't vote for him - he did have a line that he wouldn't cross, which is no longer true for current Repugs. I think we'd like to trade what we have for another term of GWB, but only because we now have Satan in charge.

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Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

He also wasn't buddies with a sex trafficker. In fact, his wife once said he had less interest in sex than in golf.

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Sheila Montoya's avatar

Not that decent! How many years did Afghan war go on? He outed Valerie Plame, he let Dick Cheney run free- "shadow president". Truly, no one in the US has ever been as horrible as Trump, but George W. was not a stellar guy (only took folks from other countries, hostage).

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Al Keim's avatar

A rough start to the 21st century.

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Glenn Sills's avatar

George W. Bush is decent when compared to Donald Trump, in the same way that Al Capone is decent when compared to Jeffrey Dahmer.

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Anca Vlasopolos's avatar

He was indecent in lots of ways, such as his making sure his non-service during the Viet Nam war would not be covered by Dan Rather and making sure it cost Rather his career. Never mind DESTABILIZING the Middle East up to the present moment for the utter lie about WMDs. He left the grieving mother of a dead soldier to protest at the end of the enormous driveway of his TX ranch without having the decency to go talk with her in person and offer his condolences. Each rethug president since Nixon paved the way for drumpf.

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Anastasia Pantsios's avatar

The most decent thing he's done is leave office and vanish, spending his days painting and hanging out with his cat, according to the AARP Magazine. The less I see of Dubya, the happier I am. I wish I saw as little of Trump.

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Barry Avery's avatar

Sorry Erik but Bush Jr. was, and still is a dolt. He is dumber than dirt and like the current POS was an inveterate liar.

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Steve Newman's avatar

Erik, Does it count that he only became more a decent human only in 1986 ? Let's not forget that before his newfound Christianity and sobriety he was a boozed up coke head ,family black sheep unlikable douche. I guess the fifteen dry years since 86 somhow qualified him for president in spite of what many would consider a lack of meaningful qualifications. What a country.

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BabsPHL's avatar

But it makes great sarcasm, comedy. And we need to laugh more than to cry! That's what makes me read Andy before reading the daily lies from news, which prints without fact checking. Just barfs and quotes demented don like it's true! I'd bet even GB gets a chuckle, as well as some vindication for that stupidity. Yes he is decent, a trait the traitordon never heard of.

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The Rickster's avatar

When you’re fact-checked by PolitiFact you’ll know you’re at the summit of the satire game. Thanks for keeping Snopes afloat. Now PolitiFact needs your love.

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Cindy Froggatt's avatar

Maybe you should do a follow-up reporting that Bush endorses the quote you wrote for him.

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Lady Emsworth's avatar

Maybe you should let Bush see this quote - and have him ENDORSE it!

Anybody got Bush's email address?

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Annette's avatar

"I'm George W. Bush, and I approve this message." lol

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Sunondo Roy's avatar

Andy, really, everything everyone has ever said is true by Faux Nooz standards. If you truly said it, then it must be true. If it applies to King Dingus-in-Chief of our great land, then it has to apply to his subjects, I mean citizenry. All hail Faux Nooz for empowering our own truths, our own facts, our own reality!

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Lady Emsworth's avatar

I think the ruling goes "If I say it three times, it must be true."

Can you say it a couple more times, Andy? I'm sure "cut and paste" will cover it. . .

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kate's avatar

I always thought if you read it on the internet it was true??!!

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Sunondo Roy's avatar

I think you're confusing the other horror shitshows of our times, Beetlejuice and Candyman, with the current horror reality shitshow. King Dingus says anything once and Faux Nooz tales it as gospel. Three times and it replaces a Commandment on the fabled tablets of yore.

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Ed Weber's avatar

Does that depend on how you define the word “true?”

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Sandra Nicht's avatar

well, Colbert's "truthiness" is now in the dictionary...

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Katherine James's avatar

Gosh dang it, I can't stop laughing at the image of some A.I. hydra researching and researching and coming up with that hysterically funny bit of "writing" leading back to you. JEEEEEEEZ that felt so good!

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Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Andy, everything you write is true ! You are prescient and your news is just early which is a boon for the TBR community! 😂

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Teresa's avatar

Uh….ya totally sure?? 🤔🤓

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Wis's avatar

Andy, I think it’s fabulous that your articles get so much attention - more and more as the line between fiction, satire and reality has become so blurred by today’s ridiculous newsfeeds and rampant lying and misinformation coming from the government!

The more people research whether something is actually factual, the more they learn how much disinformation is really out there.

So, stick with your motto, “everything I say is true”. You’re providing a true service to humanity. 🫶🏻👏✌️. Thank you!🙏

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Mark P Howard's avatar

Truth transcends pesky little things like facts.

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Barbara Ewart's avatar

And truth is in the eye of the beholder. Am I right? 😂

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Steve Beckwith's avatar

At least on some level.

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Susan B's avatar

Or at least we wish it were true!

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Christina Johnson's avatar

Certainly is to me!

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Barbara Goldberg's avatar

I’ve also said this many times, but it bears repeating: TBR is my oxygen mask these days. Today’s installment is reviving me yet again. I can breathe — and even smile. Thanks, Andy!

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Judith Richards's avatar

We knew that!!

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Al Lewis's avatar

I'm old enough to remember when you didn't need Snopes to tell you whether something was satire.

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The Rickster's avatar

Here I’m old enough to remember when Cronkite was truth and Mad Magazine was satire.

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Bill Alstrom (MA/Maine/MA)'s avatar

What, me worry?

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Al Keim's avatar

An amazing likeness between Alfred and George.

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Annette's avatar

thanks, Al; there's an image I can't get out of my head now

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Wis's avatar

Oh, Alfred E. Neuman, America’s beloved boy stuck in perpetual obnoxious teenage mode, WE worry now! I miss the worries MAD parodied - they seem so innocuous compared to nowadays.

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Janice Farley's avatar

Melania’s inauguration outfit is a copy of the I Spy guy’s attire

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Dave Conant - MO's avatar

If my very random access memory serves, there was an occasional female character in Spy vs. Spy. Melania would fit right in.

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Al Lewis's avatar

He had so much cred that John Anderson approached him to be his running mate. Cronkite wisely declined because running for office would be perfect way to lose all that cred.

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Marmo's avatar
4hEdited

And, The Rickster, everyone was able to tell the difference!

I was eight years old and I had a Mad Mag subscription, and knew enough to know that their stories were not real. The frightening thing right now is that many adults cannot tell the difference.

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Leslie's avatar

Terrifyingly true. Son in law insists that utube is reliable news source. Tried explaining to him otherwise. He argued and ignorant and stubborn as he is my patience ran out trying to explain after 20 minutes.

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Marmo's avatar

This is the problem, Leslie. Young people will believe some Influencer who offers no proof before they'll believe actual News with proof. They don't even listen to other news venues to compare. I met somebody who got all of his "news" from Tucker Carlson before TC was fired. Even TC admitted that his show was about opinions, not facts. But, TC made listeners think they were being let in on some big secret - they were special - and this guy ate it up and refused to hear anything from anybody else. There are too many people like that. What happened to thinking?

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Annette's avatar

well said, Marmo - how many "social media influencers" are affecting younger generations with their opinions (and hawking products), while filming from their bedroom. How many of those influencers have ever had what we would consider a "real job"?

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Dave Conant - MO's avatar

Most of us still don't. But there is that group of 76 million who will believe anything.

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Edward Jay Allan's avatar

"who will believe anything" ....... Except actual facts.

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John Gregory's avatar

well, really, who knows? From Fox, they never see actual facts ...

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Dan Starr's avatar

Then, as Tom Lehrer said when he retired, they gave the Peace [sic] Prize to Henry Kissinger. There’s not much a satirist can do to top that.

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Al Lewis's avatar

But we like peace and motherhood.

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Wis's avatar

TOM LEHRER!!! My favorite! Dad used to play his records all the time - he was HILARIOUS and so smart!

“Poisoning pigeons in the park” could be a song about one of trump’s fave hobbies.

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Lady Emsworth's avatar

Oh, Al - that is SAD - and TRUE!

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Al Keim's avatar

I've r mectin exactly what you mean.

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Wis's avatar

Most of us are, Al - I was just thinking the same thing! But hey, fact checking is the only new *human* job out there. 🤪🙄

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BabsPHL's avatar

Yeah now we have WAPO censor bot!

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Jess Neubauer's avatar

👏 Louder for the media titans in the back! 👏

"I particularly appreciated your noting that both Iraq and Venezuela have a lot of oil. That’s the kind of information woefully missing in our current news environment. "

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LiverpoolFCfan's avatar

More proof that the MAGA people are not intellectual enough to understand satire.

It kind of makes sense, since Trump has NO sense of humor, never laughs, and can't take a joke.

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Nancy "Bee" Bayerle's avatar

Plus he is the cruelest SOB ever.

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Annette's avatar

when you have no soul or heart, how do you know what is cruel?

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Abigail Norling's avatar

ALL magats are irony deficinet!

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Annette's avatar

<appreciative applause>

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Lady Emsworth's avatar

Greg Gutfeld. Another one who thinks he's a "genius."

About as funny as impacted piles. . .

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Annette's avatar

exactly!

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Bob Clark's avatar

Andy, unfortunately you can't make up most of what Trump says and does.

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Joanne Beck's avatar

I have a very deviant mind. I could think of a few more terrors he could drop on our heads.

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Lady Emsworth's avatar

Please don't tell us. He has enough shitty ideas of his own.

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Annette's avatar

please don't speak them out loud or manifest them; haven't we suffered enough?

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Teresa's avatar

No thanks!!

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Abigail Norling's avatar

It must be getting harder and harder NOT to just write the facts as they unfold!

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Teresa's avatar

The last generation of journalists did exactly that! Edward R Murrow, Eric Severide, Mary Marvin Breckinridge Paterson, “The Murrow Boys”. George Clooney is doing a stage production about Edward R Murrow, it is fantastic! 👍

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Janeo's avatar

"If you're not worried, you're not paying attention."...Edward R. Murrow

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Pito's avatar

Genius. Thanks for demonstrating the truth of the old adage, “You can’t make this shit up.” Cannot wait until Snopes reveals that horses cannot talk.

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Mary-Chilton van Hees's avatar

Wait, what? But I saw that when I was a kid and that’s why I wanted to be an architect!! Awe…bummer.

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Robin D's avatar

Lol. Oh, Wilbuuuuur.

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Al Gorythm's avatar

Those who can make you believe satire, can make you commit parodies.

It takes an idiot to raze a village.

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Wis's avatar

Nice!

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Annette's avatar

<appreciative applause>

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Jeremy Hullah's avatar

You’ve got a long way to go to beat your ‘no baby - no hotdog’, which still makes me smile (probably more than it should!)

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M Apodaca's avatar

I laughed til I cried and then I couldn’t stop crying.

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Jeremy Hullah's avatar

I know - it’s the horrible plausibility that Andy gets so perfectly

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Stephen Brady's avatar

The Andy Borowitz rumor factory has added a 3rd shift! Congratulations on your superpower!

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Arne's avatar

I am impressed by your skill in writing headlines that sound true but aren’t. But in fairness, Trump and his cronies give you exceptional cover by doing things that any rational person says, “ no way that could possibly be true”. So your satirical headlines seem more reasonable. Keep up the FABULOUS work!

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Al Keim's avatar

Andy is going to replace Santa Claus with Fanta Clause.

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Chris Edwards's avatar

Andy, you are creating more jobs than Trump. Thank you!

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Brian Elvin's avatar

That’s a tall hill to climb but compared to Trump Mountain, it is but a pimple, a zit.

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Suzi Harkey's avatar

I love it!

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Ed Weber's avatar

Maybe the problem is that MAGA morons don’t understand big words, such as “satire,” or have trouble with long phrases, such as “not the news.’ Or the problem could be that Republicans make so many silly claims, have so little respect for facts, and have so little integrity, that even writing the most blatantly fabricated and laughably bizarre statement about them can be too close to reality.

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Tina Stein's avatar

That sums it up. Having to fact check your satire says it all. So much of what the Trump regime does looks like satire.

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Annette's avatar

sadly, we know it isn't

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GingerLee's avatar

What a world we live in.... what would I do without you and all the amazing comments you inspire?....

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