203 Comments
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Andy Borowitz's avatar

On April Fools’ Day, TBR adopts a 100% factual format.

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Andy, 😂You are definitely a trailblazer in the truth department! Profiles in Ignorance should be a compulsory requirement along with American history for the Trump Confederacy of Dunces ! Your satire is very Swiftian this morning! 😂💕

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Let’s hear it for Ignatius J. Reilly. He’s doing amazing work and getting more and more recognition as the inspiration for the trump administration as Secretary of Duncification. Hear hear! Here.

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Bravo Clym! I loved that novel and Ignatius J. Reilly is a great character! The Trump administration no doubt will think he’s alive and kicking in New Orleans and recruit him for the job of Secretary of Duncification ! 😂Ignatius will celebrate by eating a dozen hotdogs! 😂

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Not many people know that New Orleans is named after Orleans, which is a city somewhere in Old Europe and is known for its hot maids. And butlers

Sandra Nicht's avatar

along with James Fells' On This Day Shit Went Down history books, and also Michael Harriott's Black AF History book (horrifying yet interspersed with hilarious family lore)

Anne Fletcher-Jones's avatar

I really enjoy Michael Harriett’s writing—used to read his columns on the Gawker website. Wish I could afford to subscribe to his Substack! There are so many great writers here.

Anne Fletcher-Jones's avatar

Oops! I once again failed to notice that predictive text decided I didn’t mean “Harriott” and substituted “Harriet”. My apologies. Sometimes it’s more trouble than it’s worth.

felice's avatar

Now Google offers to answer my notes to friends on the off-chance that I'm not intelligent enough to answer their responses. Is this AI or Big Brother? It's presumptuous, invasive, and insulting. Spell check is helpful, but it might have been the beginning of Trumpist ideology.

Al Gorythm's avatar

Demonstrating his geographical prowess, Trump congratulates the “Great state of Kansas” after the Chiefs 2020 Super Bowl win noting “Kansas City fans voted for me in record numbers.”

I wonder if that was a consideration for the Chiefs’ plans to relocate to Kansas from Missouri in 2031?

It's Come To This's avatar

This is what happens when you vote for a brain-dead, 6-year-old psychiatrically impaired ninny now pushing 80 with purple blotches all over his hands. When he dies soon enough (thank yew, Baby Jeezus!) you have to pretend the corpse is still alive and you really do enjoy kissing its ugly, decaying ass again and again…

Al Gorythm's avatar

He was already dead from the neck up since he came down the escalator.

Paul Snyderman's avatar

Al - In your comments you have repeatedly shown a systematic step-by-step, procedure for solving our political nightmare. QED

LHS's avatar

"Dead Hickory" cracked me up.

Renee Collins's avatar

A dead hickory is better than no hickory at all and we happen to have one in our yard right now....

Eskaveeda's avatar

I immediately thought of the 4th July comment and was thinking, ‘I wonder if he thought the Americans were dropping cannonballs from the sky with amazing precision and smashing those Red Coats to bits’?

The Rickster's avatar

…before the British Jewish space lasers of the Yarmulke Dome destroyed most of the cannonballs.

Eskaveeda's avatar

Oh, but of course! I expect nothing less from the demented dotard 😶‍🌫️

Jean Jacoby's avatar

After reading this terrifying list of factual information about Trump, I thought about Milo Minderbinder, from Catch 22. But as you have shown us, truth is more horrible than fiction, unless it involves the invasion of the body snatchers. Oh wait, MAGA.

Clym Yeobright's avatar

What a shame to waste a war where nobody gets rich, sez trump, so why not Barron?

"Nately died a wealthy man, Yossarian. He had over sixty shares in the syndicate.".

Jean Jacoby's avatar

Yes! Honestly, I've seen posts on LinkedIn that sound just like Milo. The banality of evil. And of course Milo escaped punishment by asserting that Capitalism is what made America great. But nobody wants to go there, except for Bernie.

Octavia Redwood's avatar

that's all that matters

Al Keim's avatar

Yosarian lives!

nacreplus2's avatar

You're always keeping up on our toes...a 100% factual article about Trump's totally false assertions about history, politics and geography. (If only these statements were April Fool's jokes!)

James A. Mulick's avatar

This one made me subscribe ! Bravo

Dawna Stromsoe's avatar

Andy, your social truth is spot on 🎯

Katherine James's avatar

Remember when we thought that Reagan was an idiot for mixing up his acting career as a war hero and his actual life?

Al Keim's avatar

'Oh God' George Burns

Mark Lip's avatar

No kidding!!!

Ada Fuller's avatar

When reporting on a fool, let the facts speak for themselves!

Susan Wells's avatar

Is that a April Fool's Day joke? Actually, even though some of your satires come unnervingly close to fact, I personally love the satire. Don't change now - or just do both satire and facts and label them accordingly.

Glenn Sills's avatar

That's unpossible! He simply cannot do it.

Jim Carmichael's avatar

Not only is he a nut to begin with, but he’s a dumb nut, and he is too pig-headed to so anything about it.

Marilyn Gillis's avatar

Profound narcissistic pathology is the root cause of nearly everything Trump says and does, but it is compounded by his utter stupidity.

Roland Saeger's avatar

And the oligarch class insist on finding him useful, so they keep propping him up. I'm beyond tired of this sad fact of US politics.

Christie OBrien's avatar

Beyond tired is exactly the feeling indeed

Ray Sturm's avatar

His total ignorance of Columbus' treatment of the Taino people and his total stupidity regarding the awful plight of Native Americans is unfathomable. He has no concept of the reality of our sad chapter of slavery. Dumpy actually thinks we can erase history??? He is incredibly stupid. I am more incensed at the spineless Congress and SCOTUS. They should be screaming; as I would, NO! NO! NO! YOU CANNOT CONTINUE THIS TRAGEDY! YOUR WORDS ARE TOTAL LUNACY! GET OUT! In the meantime, Putin can just grin and think, this dumbass is right where I want him.

Jon Gabrielsen's avatar

The list of the things that The Mad King does not know about would fill an old fashioned printed book set of The Encyclopedia Britannia. And that would just be the list, not the summary or full text. That would take many more book shelves or perhaps an entire Library of Congress.

J Cheng's avatar

"Trump’s ignorance of geography, however, makes Sarah Palin look like a “Jeopardy” champion" got my coffee spew this morning!!

Diane Bagues's avatar

It took me a while, but I finally decided on my description of choice for him: Trump is a Malevolently Uninformed Narcissist.

J Cheng's avatar

MUN for short.... I like it!

Diane Bagues's avatar

Even better; a nice code for the in-crowd to use: “We got our own way of talking” (Doby Gray, “The In Crowd,” 1965)

Mark Lip's avatar

Second grade? In Teaneck, NJ we learned to read earlier. I respectfully (to you Andy, not to tRump) that he try nursery school and pre-k. He needs to learn the basics of playing well with others and why not to bully.

Rosemary Ehle's avatar

It's one of the things I hate most about him. He's a little playground bully who thinks casual cruelty is a funny joke. I saw it so much in my youth and my heart still aches for those on the rereiving end.

Al Keim's avatar

Jimmy Smash comes to mind, Rosemary.

L B Rose's avatar

Not sure he could pass either nursery school or pre-k. Real humans, no matter how small, are a lot smarter.

Octavia Redwood's avatar

he was raised by wolves

Harvey Perry's avatar

That isn’t fair to wolves.

Paul rathblott's avatar

The first time I read your book, this was funny. Now, as he wrecks the country and stretches to wreck the world. It’s scary funny. This isn’t dumbness it’s dementia.

Mary Gilbert's avatar

Two, two, two dumbshits in one

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Candy mint / breath mint

Sandra Nicht's avatar

I know that part, I want to understand the reference...

Clym Yeobright's avatar

“Why not both?”

Lucy K.'s avatar

Happy April Fools Day! How appropriate to highlight the lack of knowledge of our biggest, most destructive fool on this day! Thanks for the great documentation!

Adam Stoler's avatar

every day is a bad day with Donald Trump and the very dumb people to follow him and use him as an excuse or for cover for stealing from Americans isocracy is going bankrupt the country like a bankrupt at six businesses, including a casino make no mistake about it. He hasn’t clue what he’s doing ever has. Had one never will.

Al Keim's avatar

Making a dope feel like a genius is Trump's insight into insecurity. One he likely developed naturally.

Barbara F. Morse's avatar

tr…mp breaks the WINCE-O-MATIC Machine every time he opens his mouth.

Dr. Richard's avatar

Andy, I've had virtually no sleep for the past three nights because I've been listening to your book "Profiles in Ignorance". It's GREAT and so spot on. I've known this pant load since the ager of 16, when I was two years ahead of him academically and we are the same age, duh! The book brought back all of the memories of that stage of life - the ignorance, phobias, uncontrolled anger management, lies, abuses, racism and misogyny - and the image of him doing his "paper route" in his chauffeured limo! Thank you for what you do. Had the misfits that voted him in listened to either of us this s-show would never have happened and he would have been in prion for decades by now, where he belongs - and WE, as a nation, would have been smooch better off.

Al Keim's avatar

Now there's a front seat to train wreck that would cause sleeplessness! My sympathies Doc.

Dr. Richard's avatar

The lack of sleep was not caused by the Village Idiot but by my love of listening to this great book. I will never let that pant load live in my head - I have too many important things to do for the world. TDS exists, but in TRUMP’s EMPTY HAIRBALL-FILLED HEAD, not the brains of sane people.

Denis Pombriant's avatar

Actually, those who do not know history are doomed to repeat the Middle Ages, and yes, we’re right on schedule. Heck of a job Donny!

Sue's avatar
3hEdited

Trump, of course, is somebody who thinks he knows it all and can’t be bothered to check his facts (or have someone else check his facts) before he spews them.

Beryl's avatar

The truth is even crazier than an April Fools Day joke!

Gigi Flor's avatar

As a proud longtime resident of Massachusetts who has now protested this regime in both Lexington and Concord, I’m glad he was in the wrong state. Stay away from the home of Thoreau’s “Civil Disobedience” and “Walden”!

Sharon R Howard's avatar

You, sir, make me laugh so hard I cry. Wet eyes first thing in the mornings, best way to see clearly. Thank you for bringing joy into an otherwise sobering world.