234 Comments
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Andy Borowitz's avatar

To be honest, I prefer him unconscious.

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Stephen Brady's avatar

Unfortunately, he has his evil understudies wrecking havoc while he grabs 40 quick ones.

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Linda Mitchell, KCMO's avatar

Would that they would fall into a communal coma as well . . .

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Marmo's avatar

True, Stephen Brady, that some of Dump's vile minons would continue out of pure evil. But, most of them perform their dastardly deeds to get praise or reward from Dump. If Dump is out of commission so no praise/reward is coming, they'd slink back into their swamps and wait for a new leader to brown nose.

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Annette's avatar

I believe Stephen Miller is exempt from this group . . . he doesn't care about praise or reward, he just wants to inflict pain and suffering as quickly and as deeply as he can. And vampires don't really sleep.

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Marmo's avatar

I Agree, Annette. I was specifically thinking of SMiller in the first part of my comment - the vile minions who would continue out of pure evil. But, remember that SMiller was a NOBODY until Dump raised him out of the muck. Everyone knows SMiller is insane, but useful. As long as a MAGA is in charge, SMiller will have power. When decency returns to our government, SMiller will return to spinning his evil wheels in the mud - giving speeches at Klan rallies and Nazi meetings, but otherwise being shunned until somebody puts a stake through his withered black heart.

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Annette's avatar

I agree, Marmo; and when Miller goes back to his eviler ways, he can take his wife (Elon's reject) with him

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Unfortun ately, Annette, Elon didn't "reject" nearly

enough.

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Cue an image of Miller sucking the blood of immigrants....

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Stephen Brady's avatar

I call him and Russell Vought the dark servants.

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Brown Cecelia Linda's avatar

Marmo Johnson is one of them, they we have blondie caroline💩

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jon Hodson's avatar

and blondi bondi, both of whom are talking heads but have vacuums upstairs and I'm not leaving out puppy killer.

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Have you seen Southpark's Pam Beondi? Hysterical.

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Marmo's avatar

Pam Bondage with poop all over her nose! 🤣 She cleans it off and a minute later it's back! 🤣🤣 Priceless because it's true.

Did you see last week? Mercifully, no naked Dump with his teeny weeny this time (too gross even as a cartoon), but lots about Kegsbreath with a cameo by Crispy Gnome - and a song!

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Yes!! I wouldn't miss it now. And Melania haunting the

place and Miller as "Lurch". Priceless. Wonder how long

they have before they're "ex communicated".

Oh, and Gnome shooting off a whole magazine and hit-

ing nothing but a dog! Brilliant

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felice's avatar

Hope so!

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Brown Cecelia Linda's avatar

Stephen. That what I’ve been thinking for a long time. He doesn’t have the brain cells he is a mouthpiece for project 2025

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L A Middlesteadt's avatar

Official pillow of Christian nationalism -- 😂

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Cindy Froggatt's avatar

I’m with you, Andy. Have you come up with lyrics for a lullaby we could use to send him off to slumberland whenever we want?

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Robert E.'s avatar

Very simple lyrics: 🎶Trial

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Sandra Nicht's avatar

we need Mantis from Guardians of the Galaxy 2: SLEEP!

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MaryT's avatar

Better yet, into a "Coma Lulla-'bye' "🎶

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Marilyn Jackson's avatar

So do I. Thanks for the morning pick me up.

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Leslie Goodman-Malamuth's avatar

“You’d never wake up your second baby, so don’t wake up your first,” was advice I heard during the Pleistocene era.

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Elisabeth Birker's avatar

I’m wishing, hoping and praying for death!!!(Trump’s. Plus ilk.) What I’m learning about myself, is that I want to inflict pain and I never wanted to before. Trump and the other vermin, have taken me to this threshold and I want retribution for that!💔 How sad is that!!! To say I’m exhausted is quite a bit of an understatement! I will hang on though. There’s a promise!

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Al Keim's avatar

All you gotta do is...

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Pradnya Sikand's avatar

😂😂It would be nice for us to be under anesthesia for the rest of this presidency. 😉The only downside Andy is that these pix make him look well human and vulnerable ! And my tender liberal heart is feeling the first stirrings of pity and compassion 😉

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Leslie Goodman-Malamuth's avatar

He can walk farther than I can, though nobody has to stuff my old ass into aircraft. I smell like Cabochard perfume, not Heinz and ass.

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Linda's avatar

I, too, have a liberal heart, but there is no possibility that this sorry, erroneous, repulsive, mistaken accumulation of carbon cells can in any way be described as human. Granted, all the physical requirements are there, but the other elements necessary to be recognized as a human--kindness, empathy, humor, intelligence--are totally, thoroughly, and completely lacking. Of course, there is always the possibility I have made a mistake--another quality exhibited by humans.

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Marmo's avatar

You are not mistaken, Linda. Dump is not human.

Dump had a loveless childhood and he's full of self-loathing, and he feels no human emotions because he's a sociopath. That explains, but does not excuse. Lots of people have a much worse childhood than he had and still manage to care about somebody/something other than themselves. He's a mentally ill man - nothing will make him happy. He blows up boats of strangers and gets a one-second thrill and then needs more entertainment. He's gifted a fancy plane and thinks that is the least that is owed to him, and he fumes over not having more.

I'm a person who feels sad about killing a bug - but Dump gets no sympathy from me.

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Pradnya Sikand's avatar

You are right but sleep masks his utter inhumanity . So maybe we should have him under anesthesia for the rest of his presidency 😉

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Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

May we all live long enough to see Sleepy Don taking a permanent dirt nap!

Now if I may digress a bit, Sleepy Don is having a cabinet meeting to discuss the “double tap” to kill the survivors of one of the boat strikes. WTF does the clown car cabinet of Linda McMahon, RFK Jr, Sean Duffy, Doug Burgum, Brooke Rollins, Lee Zelden, Howard Nutlick, Scott Bessent and the other idiots have to contribute to this discussion? If any of the cabinet had real gravitas, Rubio, Tulsi Gabbard, Pam Bondi, John Ratcliffe and Kristi Gnome might be the people to meet with Cheeto. I imagine the non televised portion praising Don Snoreleone will be an Apprentice Boardroom scene. Will Pete Smegbreath be fired? Doubtful.

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Pam Birkenfeld's avatar

I love dirt nap, I have been using it a lot lately, saw it in another comment somewhere a little while ago!

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Patti's avatar

Oddly, I felt the same thing. I’ll take myself out to the courtyard and do an auto-execute.

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Annette's avatar

No, Pradnya! Fight the propaganda!! Don't believe what they show you, its fake news.

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Pradnya, steel yourself.

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Franca Garofalo's avatar

🤣

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Katherine P Duncan's avatar

Oh! So do I, Andy! This made me smile.

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Virgin Monk Boy's avatar

Same. The country is statistically safer when he’s powered down. The real threat is when he wakes up, forgets where he is, and starts improvising policies like a toddler with access to nuclear crayons.

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Patti's avatar
5hEdited

Now I am CHUCKLING.

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Virginia Craven's avatar

I agree, Andy. Put him to sleep! Then, at least, we don’t have to listen to the always objectionable drivel from his gaping mouth. However, as always, I am glad you are awake and keeping us semi-sane on a daily basis. Thank you! Laughter is the best medicine! Tequila is good too!

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Marmo's avatar

May he be unconscious forever - as a favor to him because he obviously enjoys it.

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TJ's avatar

Just a suggestion could they just strap him on the MRI machine table and slide the dementia patient into the center of the machine and just turn off the lights and leave for a time..

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Annette's avatar

can those machines be made to constrict? Asking for a friend.

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TJ's avatar

No but those restraints can be made tighter.. just sayin

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Wis's avatar

I rather like the dead trumpstein look. I just thought, if trump dies and there’s a wake, would he then be deemed “woke”?

Har, bad joke… but hey, I just got outta bed.

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Patti's avatar
5hEdited

Snoreleone indeed! Snorting! I hope all my fellow Borowitzers can hear me from so far away. Grazie infinite, Andy - as usual.

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Marilyn Jackson's avatar

I snorted with you at the My Pillow sponsorship. Luckily, no coffee in my mouth.

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Barbara Vasile's avatar

I hear you, and I actually learned from personal experience never to eat or drink anything while reading The Borowitz Report!😉

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Sarah Smith's avatar

I personally think it's unfair that he sleeps through his reign of terror, and I lose sleep because of it

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Gayla Bjork's avatar

The good news is, someday his eyes won’t ever open again

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Sandra Nicht's avatar

the most anticipated obit in history.

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Annette's avatar

How true! And for me, there will be no sadness or grief. No, no, my friends, I will be dancing (ala Elaine from Seinfeld) in the streets, singing "Oh Happy Day" at the top of my lungs.

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Sean M Carlin's avatar

He has been dreaming about adding WAR CRIMINAL to his lifetime achievements of rape, pedophilia, grabbing ladies by their vagigis, and stiffing contractors. Hopefully there is a nice jail cell for Diaper Don and Happy Hour Hegseth.

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Harvey Perry's avatar

And he wants a Nobel Peace Prize!

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Octavia Redwood's avatar

ohhhhh-he thought it was the noble piece prize

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Sheryl Thompson's avatar

A mentally ill and physically decrepit man who somehow is squatting in the White House again.

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Sharon English's avatar

The one with Melania proves he still sleeps with his wife.

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Sally Joy Rubin's avatar

OMG!!!! And the chef’s kiss was the ad at the end. Thanks, Andy!!!

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Edina's avatar

Yes! Chuckled out loud with that sponsorship 🤣

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John Martin's avatar

Nap-oleon. That's a new one. Awesome!!

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Robert E.'s avatar

Nap-oleon Bonespurs-apart.

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Charles R's avatar

Alas, he may be thinking, “Take me away from all this and back to a land where men were men and the girls were teenagers.”

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Catharine Crockett's avatar

I think his Drs told him to quit snorting Adderall or he WAS going to give himself an MI and now he's just never alert. My 2 cents as an MD from afar.

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Frank D Repp's avatar

Let sleeping Dons lie.

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Sandra Nicht's avatar

he lies enough while awake, just saying

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Nancy Shaw's avatar

The only thing I don't like about this post is having to look at so many pictures of tRump.

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Jim Dygert's avatar

Don Snoreleone! Love it! A new name for President Shitzenpants! Melania looks like she’s asking herself why why why..

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Karen Epstein's avatar

The sooner he's gone to the big and permanent sleep in he'll, the better.

His minions won't get the pardons they'llneed to stay out of jail.

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Harvey Perry's avatar

His Republican replacement will pardon them all.

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Annette's avatar

and she's honked that she can still hear him breathing.

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Barbara Vasile's avatar

Greed is indeed a powerful incentive. Melania is getting exactly what she deserves.

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BTAM Master's avatar

DJT's hero Reagan was also known for sleeping on the job, and then, as now, I felt much safer when the dude was zonkered.

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Frances López's avatar

Apparently Reagan was known by California press as sleeping quite a bit when he was Governor Reagan.

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BTAM Master's avatar

You should always practice for a bigger role!

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Robert E.'s avatar

Watched too many of his own movies on the job.

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BTAM Master's avatar

_Bedtime for Bonzo_ explains everything you need to know about Reagan's thought processes...I don't think he was acting at all.

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Joe Tye's avatar

My guess is that these little catnaps are when he takes his orders from Satan.

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