220 Comments
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Andy Borowitz's avatar

It's sad that Hegseth was Trump's only original contribution.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

So much to flash on, but I'll be brief.

Diminutive Mike Johnson would fit right in. Let's send him to North Korea for adoption.

Why are the crowns of the fancy caps so inflated? So that they won't crush the official hairdo.

For myself, I'm ready to order Make America Not Embarrassing Again. I'll even wear it.

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J Cheng's avatar

Andy we need MERCH - I would buy that hat too!

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Ruth Bromer's avatar

Love the hat!

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Nancy A MamaSand's avatar

YES...gotta have one!!

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Kandy Brown's avatar

ME TOO!!!!!!! HOW MUCH IS IT. HEY ANDY, YOU COULD MAKE A MILLION!!!!!!!!

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Jacquie Ostrom's avatar

Me three!! I'd love that hat. Can you make it in a wider brim for women?

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Bill's avatar

I will definitely buy that hat! Right now I have a MAGA hat written in Russian...

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Dave Drum's avatar

Put me down for at least three of the hats. I can alternate them with my "Make America Sana Again" hats

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Linda Mitchell, KCMO's avatar

L. R. that's exactly what I was asking myself: "why are the hats so big???" And yes: I want a MANEA cap!!!

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LHS's avatar

Those generals must not have access to any tailors. Their pants are dragging on the ground.

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DonHolt's avatar

So true, America’s ingenuity gone missing.

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Michele Danza's avatar

I didn't watch the s---show. I've heard lots, however, about Hedgpeth's makeup. Must have been obvious. Those generals showed their self-discipline to not laugh at Private Cosmetics while he told them to get tough. And, I want the hat.

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Susan Mongar's avatar

Customary brilliance!!! Do you sleep at night, Andy, or lie awake thinking?

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Dave Pope's avatar

OK, how do I get a hat, or 2or 3?

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

They will be on sale soon (to benefit Indivisible) -- stay tuned!

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Annette's avatar

YAY!

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Martha's avatar

I look stupid in hats, but I’m willing to sacrifice style for a hat like that!

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Maria Jette's avatar

While you’re at it, how about a LONG SLEEVE T-shirt? Autumn is here, according to the calendar, and while it’s presently 77° here in MN (another sign of the apocalypse), we want Borowitz gear which can go all the way to 0°!

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C Jung's avatar

me, too ... i will get the hat when it is available.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Martha, I don't believe for a moment that you look "stupid" in hats, not even the stupid ones. Like this, a baseball cap. You'd dignify it.

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B Steele's avatar

This hat will complement our new hat "I (heart) Due Process," that will also complement our T shirts "86/47". We will have to choose which hat to wear at the upcoming "No Kings!" meetup on October 18.

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SJC's avatar

I have a t shirt with 86 45 2020. I wore it to my caucus meeting and my picture was in the paper…in a red state!

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Sharon P's avatar

holy shitski

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Linda Mitchell, KCMO's avatar

Yay!!! I love a good message cap. I have a Jewish Space Lasers cap from, I think, Dissent Pins, that they created after MTG claimed it was Jewish Space Lasers causing everything bad. The motto of the Jewish Space Laser Force is Mazel Tough. Alas, because of that deranged idiot Netanyahu, I don't wear it anymore. I wish I could!

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nacreplus2's avatar

Brilliant! I love the "Mazel Tough"! Yes, too bad you can't wear it now...

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Leslie Partridge's avatar

Yay!

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Punkette's avatar

Yayyy! 🤩

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Judith Richards's avatar

I want one, too!! Not sure if I'll be brave enough to wear it to the grocery store though. It's a scary world out there!

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Anne Lesser's avatar

If at 84 I can do it, so can you. Smilingly resist!

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Paulette Edelson's avatar

I’m 85. Will wear the hat proudly

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SJC's avatar

Fear doesn’t protect you, it only makes you vulnerable. Wear the hat, it will encourage others to be brave.

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Wis's avatar

I will, though I don’t wear baseball caps, really. Maybe I’ll sew/draw the sentiment onto a tee, or make a bumper sticker. It encapsulates a lot of my angst right now, on the heels of the top generals’ “secret party”..

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Chuck and Bev's avatar

Please note that exactly NONE of the Generals were looking like they were having a good time. They all maintained military bearing in the face of a torrent of fascist political propaganda and cheap mafioso threats from the "Commander in Chief", who was totally non-plussed as to why they didn't stand and give him Nuremburg rally type applause when he told them they needed to be ready to wage ware on over half of America's citizens.

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Wis's avatar

It is funny that the so-called Commander in Chief was urging them to break protocol and applaud. What an ignorant moron.

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Mary Roeser's avatar

He would have to improve geometrically to be considered ignorant.

An ordinary houseplant is more knowledgeable than Old BoneSpurs and most assuredly sober, which Hogsbreath never is.

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OleFlyer's avatar

Can’t be a good time for veterans who spent 30+ years fighting, leading and managing combat operations, to now be lectured by a draft dodger who called vets losers, and platoon a leader who’s next rank was a Fox talking head.

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Wis's avatar

Well put, OleFlyer.

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matclone's avatar

I'm sure the generals and senior enlisted men and women are seething after their summons and lectures by Major Hegs and President Bonespurs.

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Annette's avatar

I'm the same, Wis, but I'll gift the hat to hub so he can join me in my crusade to call out this crackpot administration.

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Wis's avatar

Oh, for sure, Annette! I’m still buying a slew of them to support the cause and to give as very early holiday gifts! 🧢🧢

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Annette's avatar

excellent idea!

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Lynn Tuohy's avatar

If you go to T Shirt Palace, you can order protest merch already designed, modify an existing design or start with AI for an original design. Have at it!

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Wis's avatar

Good to know!

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Judith, come visit NYC and we'll do groceries together. People will smile and scatter flowers in your path. I've never worn a cap, but will don (don't say it) this one at a one-fifth turn just to be a little arrogant and carefree.

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Edward Jay Allan's avatar

Can you consider also (although better for a TShirt)

DJT. Making Russia Great Again

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Wis's avatar

Ditto!

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Susan Kice's avatar

What hat?

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J Cheng's avatar

Make America Not Embarrassing Again.

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Wis's avatar

It’s pictured at the end of Andy’s article.

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Susan Kice's avatar

Got it! Thanks!

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Erik Bruun's avatar

Perfect satire!

Brilliantly funny while driving home the tragedy and preposterousness of our increasingly authoritarian regime.

You made me laugh. You made me cry.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

How weird, Erik. Your ending made me think of "Makin' Whoopee." I just looked up the lyrics and discovered that I've never know what it's about.

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Denise Lowe's avatar

Andy, you are one of the people who have kept me relatively sane, and provided me with hope over the last 10 years. Keep it up!

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Megan Ross's avatar

Me too. Without humor, I'd just curl up and die at this point.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Oh, Megan, it hurts to hear you say that. It's as I've been feeling, but it hurts to hear it "aloud."

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Jan Fabiyi's avatar

I wouldn’t be surprised if a group of mental institutions are banding together to sue Andy for taking business away from them.

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Sharon P's avatar

no... they're just buying up all of the MED BEDS Everyone will be ok ..mmmmm and the hits just keep on coming !

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Eleanor Livingston's avatar

Andy and Jimmy - my sanity touchstones.

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Jan's avatar

Never, ever did I imagine thinking the North Korean dictator could rate ahead of an American president. The world is truly upside down 🙃!

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It's Come To This's avatar

His generals even applauded for him (rather than face death by anti-aircraft fire). Trump's have yet to feel the love.

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Annette's avatar

I believe Kegsbreath is not allowing for "love" in his Department of War.

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It's Come To This's avatar

Man love, but no man-love, so to speak. 🏳️‍🌈

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Octavia Redwood's avatar

for folks like Pete and Don, their interactions with females are not love either

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Annette's avatar

so sadly true! Domination, yes, but certainly not love

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Annette's avatar

<infectious giggle>

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Gerry Boyce's avatar

Trumps Kim bro should be gratified. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

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Megan Ross's avatar

TRump has Kim Jong-un beat in several areas, including being completely off his rocker. At least Kim Jong-un speaks coherently...

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Sharon P's avatar

and he has more HAIR hahahahaha

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Donna H Kurz's avatar

Ah, but fat man’s generals didn’t applaud so Kim’s record is pristine!

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Katherine James's avatar

That hat is HYSTERICAL.

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Robert E.'s avatar

Which holds more? A true bushel of apples or one of those Un hats?

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Heather Grant's avatar

Superb post today. My question is whether the "new, manly" military will allow the troops to wear makeup. Thin edge of the wedge. Next they will get all "woke" again.

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Annette's avatar

and pocket squares . . . because nothing says manly like a silk square of fabric in your business suit

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J Cheng's avatar

Annette you're killing me!

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Annette's avatar

in the funniest way, I hope :)

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Glenda Funk's avatar

All military uniforms will be royal blue, red tie, orange makeup, and MAGA hat if Orangey gets his way.

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Annette's avatar

their less formal hat will be the white one that reads: Trump was right about everything (I threw up in my mouth a little typing that)

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Mary Gilbert's avatar

😝😝😝

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Harvey Perry's avatar

A VERY good question?!

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Vicki Bacal's avatar

Apparently Kim J. is clueless about Portland's strategic importance among U.S. cities. The reasons: top secret and classified. But al the locals know.

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Chuck and Bev's avatar

Portland maintains up to 80% of the nation's strategic reserve of craft IPA's.

There. I said it.

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J Cheng's avatar

Save our IPAs!

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Mary Gilbert's avatar

Watch out-Drumpf will be after you next!

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Cindy Froggatt's avatar

It’s the kale.

Kale is their secret weapon.

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Vicki Bacal's avatar

When kale is massaged, it has a power that cannot be stopped. Good catch!

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HARRY REDLICH's avatar

Oh this one got me good!! Especially "incandescent" !! Bought my tickets to your live show. Can't wait!!

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

See you there!

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Lisa's avatar

That kind of talk from Kim Jong Un could get DJT and Kegsbreath flirting with using a certain unmentionable weapon against North Korea...

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L B Rose's avatar

After all the screaming from the WH recently, it's more likely that California will be the first target of such an unmentionable weapon.

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Cindy Froggatt's avatar

Gasp! You don’t mean…the n-weapon, do you?

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Lisa's avatar

Shhhhh!

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Mary Ann's avatar

Always in the mark,Andy. Thank you. 😎

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Michael Richmond's avatar

Actually, that's a good question Kimmie asked. What the hell is doing with Portland anyway?

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Laurie's avatar

Andy, please come to Portland before it completely burns to the ground. We'd crawl through the embers and ashes to see you.

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OleFlyer's avatar

He hates blue governors, but secretly admires Putin, Kim and Xi. So Portland troops are a distraction from his failure to defend Ukraine, Taiwan or the S China Sea.

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Octavia Redwood's avatar

rehearsing how to behave as a military with opponents who can't fight back-Hegseth's dream war!

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