God Formally Notifies Mike Johnson That he is Going to Hell
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a move that many said was long overdue, on Thursday God formally notified House Speaker Mike Johnson that he was going to Hell.
In a rare public statement, the Almighty said that Johnson’s role in shepherding Donald J. Trump’s so-called “Big, Beautiful Bill” through the House was the “last straw” that sealed the Speaker’s eternal damnation.
“What do you do with someone who cuts Medicaid when 40 percent of his own constituents rely on it?” God asked. “You send his ass to Hell, that’s what.”
The Heavenly Father also questioned the bill’s allocation of $45 billion for a border wall, since the rest of the bill makes the U.S. someplace no one in their right mind would immigrate to.
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well, lemme see. There's the #1 Rasputin, followed closely by Mitch McConnell, and let's not forget the moron himself. Anybody else for the A-list?