542 Comments
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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Hope all of you have a wonderful holiday weekend, and a big welcome to new subscribers!

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Cindy La Ferle's avatar

You too, Andy, and thanks for bringing us laughter and joy at a time when that's not easy to do!

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Natalie Yeckley's avatar

This is "off" subject but... since the millionaires got the tax cuts, we the people need to bug them to shore up the hospitals that are going to close due to the cuts in Medicare! They will, and DO have the money to fund those hospitals. They could even pay for Seniors Medicare and Medicaid.

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Stephanie MacLeod's avatar

Same to you, your family and fur people. Your laughter inducing missives are always welcome, But I will say at this point my already skeptical belief there is any Almighty at all watching over us, has taken a beating these last few years. Any being that would create a human like Trump and sic him on the world for 79 years, is not my Almighty, talk about passive aggressive behavior. And don't give me the line that God works in mystery ways. Can you tell I am very grumpy today.

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Veronika Grimm-Matthews's avatar

My father was an honest God believing Jew until he spent the best years of his life in Hungarian and German concentration camps. When I was about 14 years old we discussed religious beliefs, Which I lacked. In the discussion I accused him of lacking it too. He thought for a while, and decided to tell: "I believed in all my life that the good God will be good to His creation; What I saw, the slaughter, murder and sheer unbelievable cruelty made me decide that either there is no god or who it is is so evil that I cannot respect him" (My sweet father tried to convince me that for a girl it is good to believe!)

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CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

I had a woman trying to push the Bible on me while I waited in a check-out line. When I finally told her I was an atheist and she asked what caused me to be an atheist, I responded, "Christians!". The conversation ended abruptly.

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Irna Gadd's avatar

That is the ABSOLUTE BEST answer for the question. I am so glad you posted this -- now I can use it if I'm ever asked why I'm an atheist. Thank you.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Me too! The perfect response!

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Phil M.'s avatar

So true. That and reading the buybull. I have found those who push it the hardest, have read it the least.

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Ann Rock's avatar

Maybe not read it the least but understand and follow it the least.

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Mike Sabes's avatar

Good answer! The good christian Mike Johnson just screwed 32% of the folks in his home state that are on Medicaid! Amongst other government backed programs to help his constituents>

I guess he will go to church on Sunday and think his decision was from his God?

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Sandra Hardie's avatar

Maybe it was. Bet he didn't check the return address.

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John Townsend's avatar

It was too hot to handle! Divine Fury had yet to ebb!

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John Townsend's avatar

--and be struck by lightning when entering? Or the steeple bell will crash through the roof and flatten him?

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CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

If that would happen, I might even reconsider being an atheist...or not.

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MLK's avatar

Yes, Little Mike Johnson does think his decision came from his God: Dump.

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Susan Parker's avatar

Or maybe he thinks his cult leader is god!

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

That's priceless and oh so perfectly spot on!!!

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Maria Jette's avatar

🥇

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Sandra Hardie's avatar

Perfect!!!

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Annette's avatar

<golf clap>

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Oaktown's avatar

Hilarious!!

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Margaret Krainin's avatar

My mother was a legal secretary for Ben Ferencz, the youngest of the Nuremberg prosecutors, in New York City after the war. They were working on restitution. She too lost whatever belief in God she may have had.

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MLK's avatar

On several occasions, I entered a storage room in which Telford Taylor, another Nuremberg prosecutor, kept his files. It felt haunted--and I am not at all inclined toward belief in the supernatural.

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Oaktown's avatar

Ben Ferencz is one of my heroes. Thanks for this; I'd like to hear your mother's stories from that experience.

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Susan Parker's avatar

I could never blame Holocaust survivors for losing their faith in god. They must've felt abandoned by god during that time.

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Stephanie MacLeod's avatar

My mom believed, (attended a non-denominational protestant church), but never pushed anything on my sister and I. My father, questioned everything. He did carry a St. Joseph card in his wallet his mom had given him."Hedging his bets", he said. They were both incredibly kind and gentle souls, regardless.

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Al Keim's avatar

It was a saint who came up with the hedge betting theology. I guess he's still in heaven I haven't checked the rolls lately.

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Stephanie MacLeod's avatar

Probably playing cribbage or whist with my dad!

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Pamela's avatar

So sad. Who could really blame him for doubting the existence after that?

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Al Keim's avatar

Someone who doesn't believe there is such a thing as evil.

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C. Killion's avatar

Yes. Nazi atrocities continued until the FREE PRESS showed up to report on the horror. So now we know about an “alligator Alcatraz”. So, what do we do about these horrors in our land?

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Send a Fox crew down there.

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Sandra Hardie's avatar

Ah, Tasty Tidbits, and enough for all everyone. Thank you,

signed

Alli

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John Townsend's avatar

Chomp-o-rama!

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Frau Katze's avatar

Fox is probably down there. MAGA likes this type of thing. There’s Alligator Alcatraz merch.

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LYNN COOK's avatar

GRIFT ! You can never be too rich...or too ugly !

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Susan Parker's avatar

It makes for a good show. That's why MAGA likes that sort of crap so much.

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Marian Lang's avatar

Re alligator alcatraz, remember when the rancid orange wanted to re-open the old alcatraz prison? I guess DeSatan wanted to be on the record as the first to do this.

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Al Keim's avatar

Now that sounds like a CHRISTIAN!

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Deb Borrelli's avatar

Romans 12:19- “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says the Lord” I think God has had enough time to see that time’s a wasting, and we could use that vengeance now!

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Al Keim's avatar

I don't know. God may be wondering why we did this to ourselves?

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Yep, you got that right!

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Oaktown's avatar

Didn't work for Hitler's victims.

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John Townsend's avatar

Amen, Sister!

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Susan Stone's avatar

The problem is that God created us with free will. That means that parents are allowed to choose to abuse their children and that the children feel free to abuse everyone else. We all have the same choice.

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Jeff Patrick's avatar

Yes. That's the clever dodge the nuns used on my as a child. Of course I acted as if I believed their "explanation." But I never really did. Never made sense to this kid.

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Susan Stone's avatar

For what it's worth, free will is better than being fated to be abused (or anything else negative) by God. To me, that is way worse than free will. I'm curious know what you believe, in that regard.

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Gail T's avatar

We make choices all the time. We can choose to make good, wise moral choices or bad, unwise, immoral choices. Senators and congressmen and could have chosen to vote against this bill. They chose howeve to vote for it and take health insurance away from their constituents and millions of fellow Americans, and also to deprive them of food assistance and undo protections for our environment, etc, etc, etc.

Trump makes choices, too. We've experienced what those are like. And Mike Johnson made his.

And then there was John McCain. The choice he made saved the ACA for millions. The choices we make say a lot about who we are and what we value.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Hmmmm... I'm going to have a think on this and get back to you via editing (adding to) this comment in just a bit... Stay tuned!

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Oh, that nasty little glitch that puts the kibosh on so much of our kvetching and pissing and moaning... It's all God's fault! Why isn't God riding to our rescue? Oh, God, you've really let us down... Um, no... No valid excuses for hating on the Almighty when it's we ourselves that got ourselves up to our armpits in deep doo-doo. Now it's on us to extricate ourselves from that pit and fix our own messes... and learn from it.

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John Townsend's avatar

--by putting the Trumpers up to the armpits in their own doo-doo! Or

extensive prison terms, or both!

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Oh, I do like how you think, John! Personally, I'd vote for both. However...

Don't you just hate it when there's a "however"? Here goes: It's just not that simple -- that is, blaming the current horrific fascist racist egregious vile shit show just on the MAGAts. Yep, they put the shit in shit show, but Dems who've chosen not to vote and/or take any action since the election debacle bear responsibility, too.

Where's the hue & cry demanding forensic audits into those states that should have voted blue but suddenly voted tRUMP? Where's the hue & cry demanding an investigation into the gloating claims made by both Orange Shitler and Musk that Musk fixed the election in multiple states so that the Bloated Yam Hoist on His Own Petard could win? As tRUMP himself put it some weeks before election day, he already had enough votes to win, it was in the bag, so he needn't make an effort to campaign further. Where's the hue & cry demanding an investigation into the gerrymandering as well as threats and intimidation that obstructed or prevented voters from being able to vote? And where's the hue & cry demanding an investigation into all the stories and evidence that many votes were just tossed, literally physically discarded, into the trash?

As far as I'm able to discern, tRUMP is not our legitimate president, Kamala Harris is. Let me say this again: TRUMP IS NOT OUR PRESIDENT. The Orange Malignance got into the White House via criminal actions, by committing election fraud, by cheating in every way possible -- AND NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE ARE DEMANDING THAT ACTION BE TAKEN TO UNDO THIS FARCE!!!

If this were about any other office in this country -- mayor of a small town, mayor of a big town, councilman or -woman, etc. etc. etc. -- the person who "won" by cheating his or her way into office would be tossed out if the cheating were discovered. Same goes for any place else on this planet -- with the notable exceptions of Russia and a few other countries ruled by despots. But here in the Grand Old USA we just huddle and do a whole helluva lot of weeping & wanking and hair-tearing and blaming...

So yeah, John, Trumpers should be up to their armpits in the most hideously foul stinking heap of dog poo, and many of them should also get extensive prison terms for doing the criminal shit they did to appease their Grand Orange Turd of a Poobah (putting the poo in poobah).

But Dems and Independents and remorseful Repugs who regret voting for tRUMP also need a big spanking if they've done exactly ZIP NADA NOTHING over the last 7 months to rectify this horrendous mess.

It's not too late, folks! Stop clutching your pearls, wringing your hands, crying in your beer, whining, bitching, moaning & groaning, pointing fingers and casting aspersions elsewhere while refusing to look in the mirror...

Cult MAGAts and their Darkly Evil Orange God got us here, BUT NOW IT'S ON US to fix the mess. Life can be twisted like that. Someone else creates the situation and now we've gotta clean it up. Ah damn, where's Harvey Keitel when you need him?

So we all gotta DO SOMETHING NOW!!! Make a BIG NOISE and GOOD TROUBLE!!! Take action!!! It's on ALL OF US and UP TO EACH OF US.

Ok, done with my rant now. Sorry about that, but, yeah, not so sorry... Pardon if my undies were showing...

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Susan Stone's avatar

AMEN!!!

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Al Keim's avatar

Dominic go frisk 'em!

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Ew.

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Al Keim's avatar

Well, a bit of snap under all that Floof!:-)

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Yeppadoodles! Snappish!

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Al Keim's avatar

Always knew I liked you.

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Susan Stone's avatar

Right back at you, Al!

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

😂 Why yes, we can tell that you're a grumpy grrrrl today -- but a very funny one! Just remember this when you're feeling out of sorts:

Some things in life are bad, they can really make you mad.

Other things just make you swear and curse.

When you're chewing on life's gristle,

Don't grumble, give a whistle!

And this'll help things turn out for the best... (much less worse)

And... always look on the bright side of life! (whistle)

Always look on the bright side of life (whistle)

If life seems jolly rotten, there's something you've forgotten!

And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing,

When you're feeling in the dumps,

Don't be silly chumps,

Just purse your lips and whistle – that's the thing!

And always look on the bright side of life (whistle) Come on!

Always look on the bright side of life (whistle)

For life is quite absurd, and death's the final word.

You must always face the curtain with a bow!

Forget about your sin!

Give the audience a grin!

Enjoy it – it's the last chance anyhow!

So always look on the bright side of death! (whistle)

Just before you draw your terminal breath. (whistle)

Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it.

Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.

You'll see it's all a show,

Keep 'em laughing as you go.

Just remember that the last laugh is on you!

And… always look on the bright side of life (whistle)

Always look on the bright side of life (whistle)

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Linda Mitchell, KCMO's avatar

Thank you Floofie! I also turn to Monty Python or Tom Lehrer when necessary.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

I know, right? This song gives me a lift every time! Much like the superb nuttiness of Andy's column today -- it was a coffee-spitter and triple-nyuker! (go right ahead and say it out loud... nyuk nyuk nyuk... 😂)

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

Thanks! I'd forgotten that one. Of course my favorite is "Every Sperm has a purpose".

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Annette's avatar

oh yes!! Too bad Fred tRump's didn't!

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Oh bless those nutty guys!!! Love that song, too!!!

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Susan Parker's avatar

I always thought it was "Every Sperm is Sacred". (I can hear the tune in my head as I write this.)

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Stephanie MacLeod's avatar

Yes, thank you, Floofie! Monty Python! Love them, I used to do the dead parrot skit for my mom (born in 1924), always made her laugh she was incredibly proper, but very socially liberal....an enlightened Puritan?

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

My kinda gal!! And loved the dead parrot skit!!

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Robot Bender's avatar

The Argument Clinic!

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

OMG!!! I just adore the Spanish Inquisition where they're torturing the old lady by making her sit in the big comfy chair -- she's all happily nestling down into it, Ahhhhhhh...... And yes, the Argument Clinic! And Amuse a Cat! And the twits running a race! And t-i-i-innn because it sounds tinny, like what it is, tin. And the haus fraus discussing philosophers! And, but of course, the gang of grannies, the Bishop, the Ministry of Silly Walks and the Fish Slapping Dance... Good times!

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Sharon P's avatar

Don't get too blue when life really begins to stink there's ALWAYS victory 45/47 and here you thought it was just for stinky men's diapers !

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Marian Lang's avatar

I really despise whistling.

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Mary Maguire's avatar

I can't whistle either...

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Al Keim's avatar

It was my first talent. I'll whistle up a storm for us all, even Marian!

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Oh my, I am so deeply sorry!

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DeeDeeBee's avatar

Oh how I loved "Life of Brian". And let's not forget Bigus Dickus!!!!

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Susan Parker's avatar

One of my favorite "show tunes"! Monty Python always brings a smile to my face even in the worst of times. I recommend their "Meaning of Life" as an antidote (no matter how temporary) to the crap going on out across the country.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

I love the scene with the skeletal hooded grim reaper with his sickle slowly, inexorably making his way across the misty evening countryside to a home where there's a dinner party going on - knocks on the door - the perky hostess answers and chirpily says, "Oh, are you here about the hedge?" (Monty Python has a thing about shrubbery.) About ROTHFLMAO at that! Talk about oblivious! Yep, leave it to MP to get you rolling! I've just started rewatching MP's Flying Circus and loving it all over again -- they are indeed an antidote to the shit show.

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Al Keim's avatar

If we were together, I'd ask you to dance!

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Aw, shucks, Al, you big sweetie!

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Dorothy G Ferguson's avatar

Most agree completely than the human concept of gods is ridiculous.

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Al Keim's avatar

God's is, is correct.

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John Townsend's avatar

Maybe God works in grumpy, mysterious ways?

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John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

Stopped at “Big Al’s Fireworks” in maine. Went to shake Big Al’s hand with my right, he offered his left. Yep,a one hand firework store owner. Can’t make this stuff up, or a bill that hurts many Republicans.

Have a great fourth andy. We declared it in 1776 against a mad king and his empire, the people of soviet union declared it in 1991, and we should declare it on July 4th, 2026 -250 years of fighting slavery, sexism, racism, greed, and hate - time to move on.

13 states to say enough is enough.

Oh, yes, humor: what do you call a one hand fireworks store owner?

Lefty

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

That is a sure trophy winner! lol

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John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

Thanks. Have a great and safe 4th. Lefty would want it that way!

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Al Keim's avatar

Is he the Al who owns the Fast food restaurant/ Service Station in Kittery with the big sign EAT HERE AND GET GAS?

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Oh Lawdy, effin' hilarious!!!

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Marian Lang's avatar

Thank you again Andy! I so look forward to seeing your column when it comes out and know it will give me a smile and some hope- thanks!!

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Ann Wheeler Bullock's avatar

Andy, your writing is my "therapy"---no joke 😏. Laughing is the best (and cheapest!) therapy.

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jane's avatar

Back atcha, Andy. Thanks for helping us get through this - together.

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Annette's avatar

and also with you! <3

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MJ Pramik's avatar

You too

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Candy Cuthbert's avatar

Wishing you a good holiday weekend as well, Andy!

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Bobbie75's avatar

Same to you.

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Joseph T. Babcock's avatar

You too Andy

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

You too! And Cookie!

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Annette's avatar

and Mousse!

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Jocelyn B's avatar

Thanks! I'm fairly new. Anyway, I wish you a lovely holiday weekend too!

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John Crowe's avatar

well, lemme see. There's the #1 Rasputin, followed closely by Mitch McConnell, and let's not forget the moron himself. Anybody else for the A-list?

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Pat Ebervein's avatar

I think your A-list should include an earthly (and lengthy) stay in Alligator Alcatraz prior to departure for the trip down below.

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SharonG's avatar

Those of us who live in Germany, and are members of the Democrats Abroad (110,000 in Germany alone) are calling it Alligator Auschwitz.

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Italien's avatar

Amen!!

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Harry Gewanter's avatar

Certainly a more accurate name

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LYNN COOK's avatar

I've just been thinking " Alligator Concentration.Camps"...

Alligator Auschwitz far superior , Sharon !

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MLK's avatar

We should all use the phrasing to get the point across.

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Kimberly Swanson's avatar

According to today’s Tampa Bay Times, Alligator Alcatraz experienced flooding yesterday afternoon as a result of a typical Florida afternoon rainstorm. And it’s supposedly built to withstand a Cat 2 hurricane. Makes it a great stopover on the way down below. Just saying…..

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

I saw Homestead and Florida City after Hurricane Andrew....a Cat 5 as I remember. Who ever says Alligator Alcatraz can withstand a Cat 2 has not noticed that hurricanes are getting stronger every year. Those summer rainstorms that caused the flooding are often strong thunder storms. Alligator Alcatraz is a really, really bad and cruel idea.

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Dorothy G Ferguson's avatar

May the next storm happen while the appropriate officials are there.

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Robot Bender's avatar

One reason that international airport project was abandoned was that the runway was constantly flooding. Either they didn't know or care that was the case when they built that "camp" on it.

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Jim Yoder's avatar

It would be much better if we just blindfolded them and then put them out in the Everglades and let them fend for themselves

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

By them I'm hoping you're referring to Mike Johnson and all the other well-deserving perfidious MAGAt shitheads in high positions with the power to wreak such heinous damage.

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

I also hope you are referring to Mike and his gang.

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Jim Yoder's avatar

absolutely

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Italien's avatar

Fabulous idea!😏

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John Crowe's avatar

Great idea. A new concept for purgatory.

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Dorothy G Ferguson's avatar

Drowning slowly right now much better than burning forever.

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Sandra Hardie's avatar

Consider the "drowning slowly right now" as the brining before the "burning forever".

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Annette's avatar

<golf clap>. Brining . . . LOL

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John Maton's avatar

Stephen Miller.

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Octavia Redwood's avatar

Steven Cheung, an often overlooked Trump "sidearm" evil writer of many posts which are nearly identical in scathing, withering tone which have a 95% chance of using "TDS" at least once each post as if it had any power.

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Sandra Hardie's avatar

What does "TDS" stand for??

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Octavia Redwood's avatar

Trump Derangement Syndrome, made-up term used to explain why anyone everywhere every time would ever not support Trump 110%

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Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

I think Trump Derangement Syndrome?

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Sandra Hardie's avatar

Ah, thanks, Paul. How could I not know that??

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Italien's avatar

More than hell for him. I’m not awake yet, but I’ll think of something!😏

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

I have faith in you!!!

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Italien's avatar

Thanks Floofie!! 😊A new circle of hell!!?🤔

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John Crowe's avatar

AKA Rasputin

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Janeo's avatar

AKA Gollum.

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Dorothy G Ferguson's avatar

Yes. Naked fat Gollum Donald alone in a cave, unable to see the sun!

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Sandra Hardie's avatar

Not in a cave, in the sun, blindfolded, and turning bright red naturally. Followed by the inexorable pain of a sunburn.

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LYNN COOK's avatar

Can alligators smell cooked.meat...???

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Annette's avatar

Ugh, now I have to go wash my brain out to get that nasty image to go away!

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MLK's avatar

AKA Jabba the Hutt

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Veronika Grimm-Matthews's avatar

yes, yes ,yes!

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Barbara Greer's avatar

Don't forget the Barbies--Bondi and Gnome.

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Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

The Klaus Barbi triplets, Leave It is in that troika.

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Robot Bender's avatar

Bullshit Barbie

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MLK's avatar

And Karolie Leavitt

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Bob Persons's avatar

Chief Justice Roberts, definitely.

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Italien's avatar

Hell fires for that dipshit! And the majority quislings!😏

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John Crowe's avatar

Absolutely, and most of the red neck six. One or two exceptions.

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LHS's avatar

Kristi Noem. For, if nothing else, the gleeful big grins she wears when she visits any kind of detention facility.

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John Crowe's avatar

AKA Ice Barbie. Excellent addition.

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Harvey Perry's avatar

Reincarnated Klaus Barbi

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Italien's avatar

Whoot!🥳

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SharonG's avatar

Not a look-alike, but a definite think-alike to Barbie! And he is already rotting in Hell!

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Susan Kice's avatar

Dominatrix Barbie!

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L B Rose's avatar

Russell Vought, please. He shies away from the spotlight so that he can murder, impoverish, and rape ordinary citizens with his Project 2025 -- quietly while he counts his rubles and relishes videos of horror.

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Carole Nemnich's avatar

Stephen Miller

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John Crowe's avatar

AKA Rasputin. Alternative AKA Golum.

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John Maton's avatar

J D Vance

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Susan McIntosh's avatar

Steve Bannon has earned a spot in the underworld; so has Sebastian Gorka

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Susan McIntosh's avatar

Mitch McConnell deserves to be destined for hell.

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Ruth Bromer's avatar

The whole cabinet and Johnson. You could maybe add Murkowski.

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John Crowe's avatar

Maybe, but I’m not sure she’s risen to the level of malevolence shown by the other nominees, despite her sellout on the BBB.

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Patrick Lonergan's avatar

Ted Bundy

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John Crowe's avatar

Excellent nominee, but not in the political league as the other miscreants. Still…

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Erik Bruun's avatar

Hell will be a very crowded place by the time we are done with Trump

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Alan's avatar

Erik,

Perhaps the overflow from Hell will be shipped to Mars on Space-X vehicles🤔

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Yes, me likey, BUT... don't we want them to get there? I have more faith in the clown car, and I know we can squish so many more deserving A*holes in it... On the other hand, maybe we want it to blow up before it gets to Mars? Hmmmm.... A dilemma....

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Frau Katze's avatar

They can’t live on Mars. There’s no oxygen or water. Musk is an idiot.

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John Townsend's avatar

That's why they should all go to Mars!

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Yes, all true. But methinks that's the point, eh?

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Pamela's avatar

That's OK. We can stack them in cages like they do in the horrible prisons of which they approve and tout.

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John Townsend's avatar

--as the effluvia flows downward.....

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matclone's avatar

For some time now, I wished I could tell Johnson to go to hell. God took care of it for me.

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Ruth Kramer's avatar

You nailed it! I was on a MoveOn phone bank calling people on Medicaid and asking them to call their Congressman…most people have no clue how awful this bill is!

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BTAM Master's avatar

I was on the same phone bank last night. Of the 36 folks I contacted, only 6 didn't hang up (which I considered pretty good). One said "I know and I've already called him, but I'll leave another message." The rest did not know their Midicaid was on the line and requested to be patched through to their rep's email).

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Italien's avatar

Wowee!!! Amazing. And thank YOU guys on the phone banks!💐💐💐

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John Townsend's avatar

Yes, thank you!

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Lee Roscoe's avatar

Oh good for phone banking, I , we all need to do that!

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J Cheng's avatar

I really don't understand how the president is allowed to lie about what's in the bill, boldface, to the public. I know there is some sort of immunity for that crap when they are campaigning, which I also think is stupidly stupid, but now we are talking about serious lies about serious issues.

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Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

100% abso-fucking-lutely agreed!!!

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Italien's avatar

Because it’s FREE SPEECH!!! Hellooo Goebbles!!

And the bill passes….question: what cowardly fuckwits didn’t vote???🤬

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Italien's avatar

Ruth, I don’t think they do either, given the hellacious propaganda. My jerk congressman sends out a newsletter. The last one said “this bill will save you $15,000 a year”!! Oh really? Nooo!!!

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Laurie's avatar

Tell him you'd like your savings up front, you know, just to make sure. A check would be fine. Cash also works. No bit coin though...

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LYNN COOK's avatar

...better make it a cashiers check from a " real.bank ."

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Italien's avatar

Lol 😂

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CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

Why is it that they don't know what's in it? Where is the messaging countering this "hellacious propaganda"? This is the reason why we're in this mess! Democrats still haven't figured it out.

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Italien's avatar

True!! I don’t know whether it’s a lack of engagement, boredom, and/or being on stupid social media or what!! I know some pretty unengaged people. There’s a trillion, or some crazy figure in credit card debt for YOLO! So there’s that. I agree about the Democrats’ lack of message. One of my kids used to run around yelling “da people, dey need a leadah” during Bushco! Yes, they do!!☺️

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

Probably they don't know. They are watching "faux news". Not sure what those TV "personalities" are telling them, but for sure it is not the truth.

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Italien's avatar

Andy Borowitz!! God I am glad this place exists!!👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🥳❤️

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Patti's avatar

Surely you meant the Heavenly Mother, Andy? Happy 4th, fellow Borowitzers … hey baby, it’s the 4th of July! (Blast X.)

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Sandra Hardie's avatar

If it was "Heavenly Mother", Patti, She would have taken care of this on that elevator in 2015. Express, all the way down to Hell!

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Patti's avatar

A most wondrous point, Sandra! Let’s celebrate the end of democracy tomorrow. We’re having a HUGE party and we have sparklers.

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Barry Blue's avatar

I’m sorry. What’s there to celebrate?

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Patti's avatar

It’s called gallows humor, Barry. I’ve spent a lifetime perfecting it.

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RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com's avatar

But, look out. Trump and Bondi are already preparing the Mother of all Lawsuits against God. Hope God has a good defense attorney!

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Paul Snyderman's avatar

Word has it that God has the inside track on Jewish Lawyers.

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Judith Richards's avatar

🤣🤣🤣 Of course! Jewish lawyers, especially from Philadelphia, are the best!! Who don't know that!?!

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Annette's avatar

all God's attorney has to do is pull out the "smite clause" and we're good

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Robert E.'s avatar

Jack Smith, C'mon down!

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John Townsend's avatar

Yes, "Lightning, Thunder, and Associates, LLC".

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MLK's avatar

I sooooo needed that laugh. Thanks, John!

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RosieSorenson29@yahoo.com's avatar

Love it!

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Itsy Bitsy Spider's avatar

I was having a very lousy morning and you made me LOL. Realllly needed that, especially something I have wanted to hear for a long time.

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It's Come To This's avatar

Jesus signed off on the Divine Order, noting that Johnson the Pharisee and hypocrite was indeed "a whited sepulcher of filth and corruption."

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Jim Yoder's avatar

Oh, that’s good

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Wonder what "whited" meant back then?

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It's Come To This's avatar

I think it meant not fit for sunlight, as alabaster in a tomb...

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Ahhh...like Stephen Miller!

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LYNN COOK's avatar

👌👌

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Sandra Hardie's avatar

Shit-brown painted over??

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Phyllis Mass's avatar

we all knew that before but great that the Almighty made it official.

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Mark Asquino's avatar

Johnson said he looked forward to going to hell. “I’ll have all of my Republican friends there including President Trump. It will be a blast!”

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CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

Now, will God just move up the date for sending them all to Hell, please!!

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Annette's avatar

yes. . . . the 12th of Never is just not working for me!

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John Townsend's avatar

Me either! Something's wrong with that particular calendar!

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John Townsend's avatar

Yeah, a furnace blast!

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David Toth's avatar

Dear Heavenly Father - Please explain to me how someone who created the earth in 7 days, is a day late and 2 trillion dollars short on condemning Mike Johnson? Also, I thought you separated the darkness from the light. Why did you let Trump and the Republicans overturn that too? You’re not even a member of the Supreme Court. Did Trump threaten to primary you? One more thing. Is it true you’re not running in the midterms?

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Gweneth West's avatar

Love every word you have written here, David.

My immediate response was/is….. A “vengeful”God? Can you say “retribution”?

ANDY- From your lips, to God’s ears…. “SPTSTDPTH!” ( spit thru my fingers) or however you spell that “curse”…..LOVE THIS ONE, ANDY. SUMS UP HOW I’VE FELT THRU THIS WHOLE “MESS”!!!!

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Dawn Aberg's avatar

I bet Hell has great porn channels. So Mike at lease won't have to fess up to his son all the time.

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Barry Blue's avatar

His “son…” ROFLMAO. Is anyone really buying that one?

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MLK's avatar

Little Johnson's wife is the only buyer.

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Terri's avatar

Thanks for another sanity saving moment. A lovely fantasy moment.

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Rocket Master Man's avatar

With all the respect to all of us in especially our host Andy, there is one person in this debacle who needs to go straight to hell as soon as possible.

Senator Lisa Murkowski.

The great Senator from Alaska single-handedly delivered this to the rest of the United States. She deserves to burn in eternal damnation.

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Annette's avatar

she's in line behind Mitch McConnell, who apparently froze as he stood at the gates of hell

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LYNN COOK's avatar

Spot On.!.

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Elaine Fleming's avatar

YES, Rocket Master Man-----you are absolutely right!. With one stupid, selfish vote, the whole country suffers so she can get snow trucks for her constituents. Maybe she and Susan Barnabas Collins made a deal: "You say YES, I say NO. You say STOP, and I say Go-GO-GO." with no offense to the Fab Four. UGH!

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Rocket Master Man's avatar

I can't disagree that this was all planned in advance, right down to having JD Dunce on stand-by for a last minute save.

JD saves the day in his Superman cape and vest!

I wouldn't want to be Lisa back home this weekend. They all know she extracted her spine for nothing.

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MLK's avatar

Murkowski has been a jellyfish long before now. She voted for pretty much all of Dum's nominees and SCOTUS picks. I'd have given her the Susan Collins Award, if Collins hadn't already won it.

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Annette's avatar

you say Goodbye . . . and I also say Goodbye

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Joann Anderson's avatar

🙏 Thank you, God!

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