318 Comments
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Winslow Tuttle's avatar

Every conversation between Hegseth and Vance begins, "Girl, have you tried...?"

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BTAM Master's avatar

You win the Internet for the day!

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Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

Shanghai Smoke show vs Winsome Warrior

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John Townsend's avatar

Don't forget the lipstick: "Hot Hussy Hegseth Red".

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Bud Priba's avatar

Snap!Snap!Snap!

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William Ferry's avatar

OUTSTANDING!!!!

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Karen Livolsi's avatar

I just read an article about JD Vance & Peter Thiel’s FUBAR relationship.

Pete Hegseth is involved in something that may very well get him “disappeared”.

Both men have no idea the danger they’re in. That’s the best part 😀.

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Marion Mlotok's avatar

Do you have a link to the article?

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Karen Livolsi's avatar

It on Substack…Catholics and JD Vance. Im looking for it.

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Marion Mlotok's avatar

I'd love to read it. Let us know when you find it. Thank you.

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Barry Blue's avatar

Is that like, “Molly. you in danger, girl”?

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Patty Bonsall's avatar

I really did laugh out loud to this...

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Marion Mlotok's avatar

Me too.

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Patrick's avatar

JD is furious that Pete leaked the brand of guyliner he uses. "It's bad enough that the guyliner I use also leaks, so sometimes I look like Tammy Faye!"

Pete exclaimed, "Sorry, JD, it won't happen again! But please don't come and visit me. I maybe a warfighter, but you're the angel of death!"

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Beth Kahn's avatar

…and hilarity ensues 🤣

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Ellen McKenzie's avatar

You win. Definitely.

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Susie's avatar

Yeeeeeeees.

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Joseph T. Babcock's avatar

Andy it's okay he now is putting in a make-up room near his office. This way when he gives away secrets and battle plans to an open microphone he will look good. An absolute complete joke just like Trump.

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Carol Lama's avatar

PINO, JD and TUI (talking under the influence) Pete should all get together and ask for a group discount on their cosmetics. Since they're all probably now charging us taxpayers for their beautifying regimes, it would save us all some money.

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C. Killion's avatar

That $3000 cash the South Dakota dog killer allegedly had stolen? Possibly cash for continued updates and refreshments for the MAGAt look favored by the cultists.

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Robin D's avatar

I'd prefer to know what "medication" she was taking. 💊 I think it's hysterical she got robbed with her bag on the floor by her feet with security and Secret.Service! Passport, drivers license, BLANK checks, I don't even care about the $3K. She's a skank, what do you expect...but it's basically everything they need to steal her identity. Have fun at the DMV Kristi. Don't forget to upgrade to a REAL.ID by May 7th...oh you should get the Enhanced version for Mexico and Canada And make sure your Passport, DL, and everything else has your exact name like your birth certificate and marriage certificate and SS card or boy, are you going to have to jump through hoops! And don't forget to register to vote and be an organ donor.

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

So, what was the Secret Service detail doing instead of watching Kristi and her bag? By the way, she is NOT a good organ donor. She has no heart, liver and kidneys are likely destroyed by whatever medication she takes, lungs destroyed by hanging around in sandpits shooting dogs.

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Bill Williamson's avatar

She said, “I don't need no stinkin Secret Service detail - just give me a rocket launcher and I'll be fine.”

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Sonya Randle's avatar

But she still has a brain...oh nevermind. My bad! 🤣

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David Gardiner's avatar

If she is hiding a brain in that vacuous head, it's priceless, since it hasn't been used.

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John Townsend's avatar

She's so hollow, she'd gong like a wind chime if accidentally bumped!

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Robin D's avatar

Obviously I was being facetious, but seriously, how do you know what drugs she's on and what condition her organs are in? Calm down. I hate the puppy killer too and couldn't care less what her secret service was doing as she was robbed in plain site.

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Celia Smith's avatar

And NRA membership & customer loyalty card

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Robin D's avatar

She's probably more worried about that one LOL

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Sonya Randle's avatar

If she's no proof she's a US citizen she can chill in El Salvador til her family gets it sorted out.

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Olivia Ward's avatar

Well, she did learn one lesson from this: stop dating foot fetishists! (Unless they have a security clearance.)

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Bill Williamson's avatar

I thought she was a paw fetishist.

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Bill Williamson's avatar

She likes jumping through hoops even if it doesn't help with her looks which are horrid.

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Marge Campbell's avatar

At least she hasn't turned into a bleached blonde, the MAGA preferred look. I'll give her that.

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Bill Williamson's avatar

Somehow her look makes MTG and Bobo look good.

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Robin D's avatar

She's stunning next to those two LOL.

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Hugh Jarce's avatar

Ah yes. The Secretary of Handbag Security.

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Pam Cooper's avatar

The face-lifted has-been porn actor look probably takes a lot of maintenance.

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Bill Williamson's avatar

It's not working. She's not in the blow-up Barbie doll model that 47 prefers.

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Pam Cooper's avatar

I was referring to Hegseth. Actually to them both. Noem keeps trying, though, with the aid of lots of silicone and collagen. It must be hard for her and McMahon to deal with the MAGA aesthetic as they're both older and the look, of course, doesn't age well.

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Robin D's avatar

LOL.He definitely looks like a lot of work. His wife looks exhausted keeping tabs on him 24/7. He probably spends more time in front of the mirror than she does.

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Bill Williamson's avatar

Even a flamethrower to her face wouldn't help.

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John Silas "Si" Hopkins, III's avatar

Dr. Oz has approved them as medically necessary.

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John Townsend's avatar

They should use coupons at Walmart! Musk and MTG should use those space lasers

for their own plastic surgery!

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Sonya Randle's avatar

They, incl RFK, should do the same for their liquor bills. Bad enough that may cause us to get our 🫏 es blown off. But to have to pick up the tab too? 🤬

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Susan Stone's avatar

Beautifying? Are you serious? (I'm sure they are.)

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Sandra Hardie's avatar

Wonder if he practices doing his own makeup on kosher dill pickles??

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John Townsend's avatar

More like Styrofoam wig heads with wavy hair glued on top!

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Megan Ross's avatar

Except instead of being a joke, it's horrifying!

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Joseph T. Babcock's avatar

Megan the entire administration is horrifying.

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Celia Smith's avatar

Why couldn't he just install a large make-up mirror in his office instead of using $3000 for a whole room?

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Bill Williamson's avatar

He probably wanted a couch to do his make-up on.

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Bill Williamson's avatar

I'd prefer to see the xenomorph (Alien movies) or the Predator.

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Bobbie75's avatar

MAGA. Make America Look Good Again.

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Ellen McKenzie's avatar

Or ghastly.

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Celia Smith's avatar

MALGA! Could also be good-looking, groomed, gorgeous, glamorous.

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Bill Williamson's avatar

That's MALGA.🤣🤣🤣

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Sean M Carlin's avatar

JD Vance is fuming over Hegseth’s make up room. Demands that one be installed at Number One Observatory Circle so that he can properly apply his eyeliner!

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Alan's avatar
5dEdited

Sean -- this phenomenon has exploded in DC including the "boss", Justa , and all the Cabinet Secretaries. Even Justa's couch demands a personal makeup artist who's fully stocked.

The result, a new Executive Order creating the Department of Blush, Makeup, & Cover-up Accessories (BMCA) to be headed by someone named S.T. Lauder and including its own theme song by the Village People!

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Mark Lip's avatar

Cover-up. Pun intended?

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Alan's avatar
5dEdited

Of course. TBR is the home of the pun.

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Celia Smith's avatar

Did you forget orange spackle, or does that fall under make-up?

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John Townsend's avatar

No, the orange spackle just falls into thick pieces!

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Alan's avatar
5dEdited

The latter Celia -- so the boss is happy.

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Bill Williamson's avatar

That counts as make-up.

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Frau Katze's avatar

lol 😺😺😺

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Annette's avatar

how do you do a B? lol

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Alan's avatar
5dEdited

Annette -- Contortionists are in ample supply in this administration -- starting with the Press Secretary. 🫣

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Annette's avatar

good point - I'd like to see Stephen Hitler-Miller contort himself into a cursive "S" and stay there

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Bill Williamson's avatar

I'd prefer he set himself on fire.

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Annette's avatar

well, if he goes on a bender, he can be a fancier flambe!

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

LOL

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Bill Williamson's avatar

Her tongue does so many contortions the press have trouble understanding what she says.

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Alan's avatar

Yes -- she has revived the lost art of speaking in tongues.

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MLK's avatar

Karoline The Slime Leavitt has her own make-up tutorial: https://www.tiktok.com/@theussun/video/7491835340454497567

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Alan's avatar
5dEdited

MLK -- Her responses to press corps questions inspired the title of the BMCA song. 🎼

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John Lawlor Jr's avatar

Good point. Vance is willing to back off that demand if he gets an inflatable couch instead.

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Gary Farrar's avatar

I remember when congress approved Hegseth's nomination as Secretary of Defence. A TV hack whose only talent is to read a teleprompter. You can't make this stuff up.

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Christina Johnson's avatar

And not even good enough to be on during the week. To be second tier on Fox is really pathetic!

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Annette's avatar

he compensates with his American flag pocket square

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Janeo's avatar

Maybe he thinks any inside info he gets, like defence dept secrets, are for broadcasting on the evening news.

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Michael Moorin's avatar

Unfortunately, blush was not on the list.

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Nicole Barenbaum's avatar

No--he opted for the "stubble" bronzer instead. . .

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Barbara Longbrook's avatar

😂

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William Ferry's avatar

A spokesperson at Sephora declined to comment when questioned by reporters from the AP. An anonymous source in the Sephora customer service department did note the company has received a FOIA demand for clarification on exactly which products the Secretary routinely orders, adding the request came from the Office of the Vice President.

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Susan Sterner's avatar

Shame on all of these Pretend-Manly-Men, running around bulling the real heroes (both women and men) who actually fight wars. Trump wears so much makeup and hair dye, that he must spend his mornings in front of the “mirror, mirror on the wall”, trying to cover up his evil face. Well…..it doesn’t work, does it?!

As for the other two soft, spineless pretty boys, all of the eyeliner and hair gel in a tariff-free world won’t make them into the men that they think they are. They will remain to live as incompetent, boozy, ass-kissing, nasty morons.

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Michael's avatar

They are males, but not yet men.

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Cass's avatar

Never will be true men. Just incapable and ignorant forever.

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Celia Smith's avatar

Looks like Lumpy has stopped dying his hair; instead he's going for the purple toner to tone down the last vestiges of blond.

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LYNN COOK's avatar

...and for this " pino" gets up before the songbirds' first fart...???

Give it up, grandpa !

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The Rickster's avatar

“A spokesperson at Sephora declined to comment when questioned by reporters from the AP.”

A spokesperson at Sephora declined to comment when questioned by reporters phoning from the AP, sequestered in a closet outside the WH briefing room.

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Sherri Reveal's avatar

I heard Trump signed an Executive Order prohibiting all federal employees and officials from using Sephora products as long as the company continues it's DEI policies like marketing Eadem, Made for Skin of Color.

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Sherri Goodman Reveal's avatar

Sigh...some day I will post a comment with no typos. It is "its" not "it's".

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Mary Gilbert's avatar

No worries-we don’t judge ☺️

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Cass's avatar

Good that you accept typos. Thanks to Covid brain fog >5 yrs. I usually have to look things up, look them up again, and forget them again. Same with spelling and typing, although there is some improvement with practice. Doubt there will ever be a full recovery from the ravages of this disease. RFK, please help. Ha ha ha ha ha, you effing pos. Try some saline gargles or honey for that gravelly voice. No drugs

there, until you decide otherwise.

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Allan Katz's avatar

No apologies necessary. Its a common mistake.

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Susie's avatar

So, I’ll start patronizing the Sephora counters immediately!!!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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Vikki Gomez's avatar

When will you be in South Florida? I'm one among many blue dots in a red state.

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Al Keim's avatar

Rub cod liver oil on the red dots and they will go away. RFK

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Robert Lehrer's avatar

Reply to Al Keim. Alas, that won’t work. Moreover, there was a promising vaccine in trials that would have immunized the blue dots against the many serious often fatal diseases caused by the red dots, such as summary deportation, white supremacist triumphs on many fronts, e.g. employment, admissions to colleges. One of Kennedy’s first acts was to shut those trials down.

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LYDIA THEYS's avatar

Ha ha ha ha ha!

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Annette's avatar

I think, when the wildfires (certainly not a direct/indirect result of climate change) subside, maybe they can load up with cod liver oil and spray all the red states.

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Kathleen Rayson's avatar

Agreed! Florida needs some hope and humor, too.

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Kathy's avatar

I’m in Florida, and I laugh at Mr/Mrs DeSantis all the time. same with Byron Donold. Matt Gaetz. Joel Greenberg. Even Roger Stone & Steve Bannon... crooks all

David Jolly is a breath of fresh air

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Celia Smith's avatar

Hope he does run for Governor and wins!

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Christina Johnson's avatar

There are Blue Dots in Florida???

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Vikki Gomez's avatar

Oh yes. Many of us. It's a tough life.

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BayPoodle's avatar

Just back from visiting our very blue friends in Orlando. It’s a tough job and you have my respect!

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William Ferry's avatar

And in SW Louisiana, too,,,,, fifteen or so at last count.

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Kathy's avatar

We are Legion!

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Ruth Greenberg's avatar

Yes Andy. Please come. We could use a dose of your humor

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Bob Burton's avatar

Can’t wait. I live right next door to the theater and got tickets as soon as it was announced.

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

See you there!

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Mrs. BB's avatar

His next leak will be a list of job possibilities he's exploring.

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Ellen Harris's avatar

Let’s hope so

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Celia Smith's avatar

Maybe FOX 3 A.M. show will take him.

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Michael Richmond's avatar

Next he'll text them the inventory of his liquor cabinet.

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Bobbie75's avatar

Nope. THAT is top secret … oops, happened anyway?

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Cass's avatar
5dEdited

Hegseth and sensitive information? Don't make me laugh. He's going to need a slew of good defense pros soon.

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Cass's avatar

OMG, Michael. So darn funny. And if he's clean, why doesn't he exhibit withdrawal symptoms? Why no DTs noted? You can't miss seeing the shakes. Always makes me sing 'Son Of A Bitch' by Nathaniel Rateliff and The Night Sweats when I think of a dry Hegseth.

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Marge Campbell's avatar

dry Hegseth = oxymoron.

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Barry Blue's avatar

I believe there are drugs that can hide the shakes

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Cass's avatar

Good to know. Thanks. Alcoholism is a horrid disease. Mr. Hegseth needs help, not a high stress government position that he's not qualified to hold.

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Robert E.'s avatar

Be sure to take an inventory by weight. 7AM and 12 Midnight. Establishes the

"Lush" factor.

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Cass's avatar

Haha Good idea. How about breathalyzers after break time, too.

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Terri's avatar

Wish I could be at your show. NC here.

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Cass's avatar

😞 Marylander here. Still can't get there.

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Anthony (Tony) Picardi's avatar

Could it be that we are being spared some pain and suffering visited upon us by ignorant and evil idiots because the "Seth of Heads" and the "Vance of Mephistopheles" are spending precious time playing with makeup? Does that spare us from gazing on their real faces? Because when they take a shower, their real faces wash down the drain and scare the hell out of the orcs in their plumbing. Poor orcs.

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Corlis Robe's avatar

Is the show going to be livestreamed? Or recorded for later posting?

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Celia Smith's avatar

I hope so!!

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Christina Johnson's avatar

See you on Monday and I CANNOT WAIT! I think I bought my tickets when I first heard last October!

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

See you there!!

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Corlis Robe's avatar

I am sooo jealous! I expect you to have a fabulous time.

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Christina Johnson's avatar

Thank you! I know it will be fantastic!

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Terri Smith's avatar

Guy needs to be fired, pronto. In any other sane administration, he would never have been given the job due to not being remotely qualified. In any other sane administration, he would have been replaced long ago after multiple screwups. We are living in a truly bonkers universe.

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Lynn Foord's avatar

So true! Even Fox “standards” relegated him to weekend (JV) status…

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