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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Happy Monday, everyone in the TBR community!

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Nancy "Bee" Bayerle's avatar

Thanks, Andy, for starting us off with all the good news!! Hegseth needs some make up wipes, if only they would remove all the particles of Hegseth “ick.”

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Elisabeth Birker's avatar

Happy Monday dear, Andy❣️ Thank you for the laughs❣️

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J Cheng's avatar

Forget the coffee spray, I think I peed a little laughing so hard.....

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J Cheng's avatar

Andy, new merch idea: TBR Depends......... for old gals like me

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Phil M.'s avatar

Trump could make a fortune if he sold MAGA Depends, with extra large holding capacity. He could rebrand his Trump Steaks company as Trump Mistakes!

(Sorry 🤢🤮)

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Annette's avatar

and also with you!

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Wis's avatar

The mental picture of Pete and JD sharing makeup tips is just too funny…!! I see them in a predominantly pink bedroom with Hello Kitty and Taylor Swift posters on the walls, and two oversized, slinky prom dresses hanging on the closet door behind them.

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Amy Cain's avatar

AB, Happy to be with u! Happy Monday to you

xxoo Apc

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Jennifer Hill's avatar

Happy Monday! I laughed so hard!

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Marlene Cohen Adair's avatar

You help make it so!

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Terri Smith's avatar

Keep him at Walter Reed for an intensive detox that lasts until January 2029.

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Amy Cain's avatar

Terri, how ‘bout f o r e v e r!

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L.D.Michaels's avatar

"If it looks like you're going to get run out of town, get out in front and make it look like you're leading a parade."

This classic Washington expression says it all about why Trump is now agreeing to have the Epstein files released.

Having called in every single I-owe-you, and having twisted everyone’s arm, and having used up every threat and attempted blackmail, and having insulted friend and foe alike to avoid disclosure, Trump now wants us to believe that he wanted full disclosure from the start. And should any incriminating evidence be revealed, Trump will promptly stamp is as “FAKE”.

There is one thing, though, that we can be certain of should incriminating evidence be revealed. Trump will hunker down into attack mode to divert the public’s attention from him, perhaps by invading Venezuela or taking other military offensive action, the way he bombed Iran when his birthday parade left him with egg all over his face, and the way he’s been blowing up boats and murdering their occupants, all occurring when Trump’s poll numbers have been taking a nose dive.

The next dramatic diversionary move, though, will really need to be a whopper if a smoking gun is found in the Epstein files.

Fasten your seat-belts. Our Liar-in-Chief is about to take us for a ride.

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Lucy K.'s avatar

I agree with everything you outlined here, I just worry that in all this time the “justice” dept has either destroyed or hidden anything that would implicate DT.

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Leslie's avatar

Exactly. Pam had the shredder fired up months ago

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Robot Bender's avatar

We know there are copies. The UK has one, for example. The files are just too good for blackmail.

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Linda Mitchell, KCMO's avatar

L.D., NPR is also reporting that his command that the DoJ lackeys should start "investigating" only Democrats (although I admit that I would love to see the loathsome Larry Summers experience a nuclear winter) will result in a justification for retaining much of the documentation and not releasing it because of said "active investigation." And because there is very little we know about what documents, videos, etc the DoJ currently has (and how much evidence the Stepford wife Bondi has actually destroyed), they can pretend they are being "transparent" while preventing everyone from seeing the real stuff. I am hoping like crazy that whatever skeleton crew is left of the DoJ professionals starts leaking stuff with abandon. https://www.npr.org/2025/11/17/nx-s1-5609240/epstein-survivors-in-d-c-to-demand-the-release-of-government-files

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Lucy K.'s avatar

Also maybe a lot more material can be obtained from the Epstein estate.

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L.D.Michaels's avatar

Your point is well taken LInda. I had posted this a couple of days ago:

Trump Unleashes Prosecutorial Attack Dogs on His Political Enemies,

Trump's Former Personal Lawyer and now Trained Lap Dog and the U.S. Attorney General Instantly Follows His Orders - No Questions Asked

After installing his personal lawyer, Pam Bondi, who almost got him convicted while attempting to defend him on his impeachment before the U.S. Senate, is now his lackey Attorney General who obeys his every command.

Just last night, Trump posted on his Truth Social network that:

“I will be asking A.G. Pam Bondi, and the Department of Justice, together with our great patriots at the FBI, ”... to investigate Jeffrey Epstein’s involvement and relationships with the following ( all Democrats): Bill Clinton, Larry Summers, and Reid Hoffman, along with J.P. Morgan / Chase and “many other people and institutions,” in order to find out what was going on with them and Epstein.

Bondi immediately responded "“Thank you, Mr. President. SDNY U.S. Attorney Jay Clayton is one of the most capable and trusted prosecutors in the country, and I’ve asked him to take the lead. As with all matters, the Department will pursue this with urgency and integrity to deliver answers to the American people.”

The New York Times later reported under the headline: "U.S. Attorney Under Pressure After Order to Investigate Democrats" that "Jay Clayton, who heads the Southern District of New York, has so far managed to keep clear of President Trump’s most politically charged directives. Now, come the hard choices."

This past July, the Justice Department said it had examined its files on Epstein, and “we did not uncover evidence that could predicate an investigation against uncharged third parties.”

Trumps abusive exploitation of the DOJ to retaliate against his political enemies, as he had promised during his Presidential campaign, has been flagrantly pursued, relying on his former personal defense lawyers to do his dirty work. This recent de facto order to Bondi comes on the heals of the Trump inspired, if not ordered, indictments of former FBI Director James Comey and New York State Attorney General Letitia James, which cases have come under close judicial scrutiny, concern and skepticism as to the merits and legal sufficiency of the indictments.

In addition to Bondi, who unhesitatingly follows every order Trump gives her like her Drill Sergeant, his other handpicked sycophantic prosecutors have included:

Todd Blanche, Bondi's, or rather Trump's hand-picked Deputy Attorney General, who is the second-highest ranking DOJ official and oversees day-to-day operations of the department, including all U.S. Attorneys and major law-enforcement agencies. Blanche was a criminal defence attorney who represented Donald Trump in multiple high-profile cases — including the “hush money” trial and other federal matters involving Trump. Blanche directly oversees the office (Eastern District of Virginia) which is pursuing the prosecutions against Trump's arch-enemies, James Comey and Letitia James.

Lindsey Halligan. She is the interim (and nominated) U.S. Attorney for the United States Attorney’s Office for the Eastern District of Virginia and is the lead prosecutor who signed the indictments against Comey and Letitia James.

Some background. Halligan previously represented Trump as his personal lawyer and also served him in the White House as senior associate staff secretary and special assistant to the President, Department of Justice. Her appointment as the U.S. Attorney followed pressure from Trump that resulted in the resignation of the previous U.S. Attorney, Erik Siebert, who had been asked to resign after declining to pursue charges against Comey and James. Siebert had reportedly determined that the evidence was insufficient to bring charges against Letitia James (and possibly Comey) and shortly thereafter was forced out under pressure from the Trump administration. His removal paved the way for Halligan’s appointment, which is being challenged in court.

Additional Background: Elizabeth Yusi was a senior career Assistant U.S. Attorney in the Norfolk office of the Eastern District of Virginia. According to media reports, she prepared an internal memo concluding that there was no probable cause to charge Letitia James in the mortgage fraud investigation. Yusi was reportedly fired or terminated in mid‐October 2025 after resisting pressure to bring charges, just as the indictment against Letitia James was proceeding under Halligan. Yusi's termination is widely described in the media as a result of Trump’s pressure campaign. It was reported that she “told colleagues she lacks probable cause” and was removed. Her role is part of the story of career prosecutors being overridden or removed in favor of appointees aligned with Trump’s aims. Yusi’s memo, finding no probable cause, is central to defense arguments in the Letitia James case, asserting that career prosecutors found insufficient evidence but were forced out and replaced.

The jury is out on how independent and impartial the new U.S. Attorney in the Southern District of New York (SDNY), Jay Clayton, will be on Bondi's/Blanche's/Trump's referral of the Epstein order. He was nominated by Trump and only assumed the position in August, 2025. He had zero prosecution experience when he came on board though tons of experience regulating and representing big business. He has a stellar education, though his career experience has been almost exclusively in the financial sector, including white shoe law firm work. The SDNY (except for Rudy Giuliani's tenure as the U.S. Attorney there) has had a flawless reputation for integrity, impartiality and intellectual honesty. It is hoped that Clayton will continue to adhere to these high ethical standards.

Trump's abusive domination of the U.S. Department of Justice to use it to settle personal and political scores is an aberration in American history.

Political scientist James A. Morone, a professor at Brown University, stated that Trump’s explicit pledge to use the power of the federal government to persecute his political enemies has no clear parallel in the country’s history.

“This is really unprecedented for a president to be doing this,” Morone said. “And really, the historical precedents are quite the contrary.”

Even after the Civil War, Morone said, there were no prosecutions of prominent former Confederate officials and military officers. Former Confederate President Jefferson Davis was arrested and charged with treason, but he was never prosecuted, and the charges against him were eventually dropped, allowing him to return to private life as a U.S. citizen.

Morone said that Trump’s rhetoric is particularly worrisome because it sends a message to current and future public officials who may feel they need to demonstrate their loyalty to him.

“Every time he gives a speech or an interview that says, 'Revenge is coming. Revenge can be good,’ they'll be sitting around thinking, ‘OK … let's think of what we can do to put ourselves in good standing as Trump warriors,’ ” Morone said.

“You could easily imagine it leading to real harm,” he said.

My own conclusion is that Invariably, Trump's conduct and the conduct of his Attorney General and applicable U.S. Attorneys and Assistant U.S. Attorneys patently violate these Codes of Ethics and Rules of Conduct.

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Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

Any chance Dan Bongino finally decides he’s had enough and becomes a whistle blower, telling us what’s been altered or deleted from the Epstein files that are released?

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Linda Mitchell, KCMO's avatar

🤣 Fat chance

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Franca Garofalo's avatar

He’s having the cosplay time of his life. I think a huge chunk of the ICE budget is for the hair sculpting jell and makeup all these action figure wannabes need.

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Annette's avatar

Yes!!

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Annette's avatar

has he been delaying this decision so Blondie has time to "adjust" the files . . . especially since ConOLD has only instructed releasing files on Democrats

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Erik Bruun's avatar

An even zanier, loopier and more dangerous ride. Not a new one.

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Sally Easter's avatar

I think Trump will order the FBI to destroy files relating to Trump and we, the public, will never get them.

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Harvey Perry's avatar

How about attacking Albania?

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Marge Campbell's avatar

Poor Pete. No makeup artist at the Pentagon. he has to do it all himself.

And I thought JD would be the one to poke himself in the eye. Or maybe he braved the needle and had his mascara tattooed on.

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It's Come To This's avatar

I have it on good authority he was singing "I'm Writing a Letter to Daddy" next to a near-empty bottle of Bourbon when the incident occurred.

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Elaine Young's avatar

And provide him with only "manly man" nurses.

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Frances López's avatar

White, no visible excess body fat, clipped hairstyle, no facial hair, clean & crisp scrubs, able to make life or death decisions re euthanasia without medical doctor interference.

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It's Come To This's avatar

Ken dolls.

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Robot Bender's avatar

G.I. Joes. I.e. fake plastic soldiers.

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Charles Wagner's avatar

No. He needs fattie beardies.

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Frances López's avatar

Yes! Preferably gay with earrings, nose ring, visible tattoos & multi-colored longish hair.

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Trish's avatar

Can they perform a lobotomy while he's there? He'll make more sensible decisions.

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Erik Bruun's avatar

The lobotomy was abandoned when they couldn't find a brain.

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Martha Loomis's avatar

How's about an MRI?

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Annette's avatar

how about a cognitive test?

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Marc Panaye's avatar

Not possible my dear for all MRI's are reserved for "you know who".

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Cindy Froggatt's avatar

Perhaps they’ll also remove all the crap he’s been putting on his hair. Trying to control your hair is a losing battle. The Secretary of War should not be engaging in losing battles (especially not with himself).

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L B Rose's avatar

Start a new War on Gray Hair. Or he could imitate Dear Leader and get a wig.

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John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

I’m confused, should I be commenting on a replacement for MTG or the horrible incident with Pete. Either way, thoughts and prayers for Pete! Good man. Good family man.

If you are planning on visiting the secretary of terror in the hospital, please allow for all the ex wives, ex children, current step children, and current wife, along with caring barmaids, to shuffle through first.

Call in advance.

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Annette's avatar

don't forget the "random people in his address book" who have no idea who he even is

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Joberta Wells's avatar

Does he need the Betty Ford or Macy’s cosmetic specialist?

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Katharine Hill's avatar

The list of possible replacements is too long to pick one, Andy. Bless your heart for being concerned.

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BTAM Master's avatar

'Karoline Leavitt denied that alcohol played “any role” in the cosmetics mishap.'

That was exactly the problem: he hadn't had any alcohol and was shaking.

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Annette's avatar

I've heard there was collateral damage, as he dropped the mascara wand and it brushed against his pocket square. A dry cleaner is on stand-by to remedy the situation.

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Allyson Ross Davies's avatar

Thanks, as always, for the early morning chuckle😏

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Vicki Bacal's avatar

In another unfortunate turn of events, a nurse reported that Hegseth was a bit too "friendly". He was then placed in the hospital isolation unit for the good of the female staff.

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Judith Richards's avatar

Oh, Andy. You got me laughing out loud with JD Vance offering a makeup tutorial. Thanks for that! 🤣🤣🤣

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Roberta Ransley-Matteau's avatar

I think JD and Pete should become mascara influencers on Tik-Tok and offer tutorials on how to apply mascara. Peter can also sell the greasy stuff he applies to his hair.

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Suzi Harkey's avatar

Everything you write is true!

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