380 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Happy Thanksgiving, TBR community! I hope this helps ❤️

Expand full comment
An Mcgreevy's avatar

Nothing like a belly laugh to cheer one up.

Expand full comment
An Mcgreevy's avatar

I have to admit my laughter is masking rage.

Expand full comment
Bob Tenaglio's avatar

Don't let the sun go down before you restack this everybody !!!

Expand full comment
Bob Tenaglio's avatar

Early and often!

Expand full comment
nacreplus2's avatar

Thank you for keeping us sane and in good humor, and for creating this community so people don't feel they are alone. Thank you for huge belly laughs today, too!

Expand full comment
Robyn Stein's avatar

Like that! Thx Andy — I shant have any of those people around my table but we’ll surely share your talking points to keep us sane!

Expand full comment
Susan Miller's avatar

Same to you and yours,Andy, and to all in the TBR family! Plus it’s my 67th birthday today! And I’m on a cruise, so no MAGA relatives to annoy me. What more could I be thankful for!!!!

Expand full comment
Lila Lynch's avatar

My birthday too…#77. No cruise but not cooking! Keep practicing gratitude.

Expand full comment
Bobbie75's avatar

Susan, Congrats! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving birthday!

Expand full comment
Punkette's avatar

Happy birthday, Susan! 🎉 Enjoy your special day and the cruise! 🧡

Expand full comment
Antoinette S. Hamilton's avatar

Happy Birthday, Susan!

Expand full comment
Stacey Hunt's avatar

Happy birthday AND happy Thanksgiving Susan!

Expand full comment
Stephen Brady's avatar

Happy TG to you and yours, Andy!

Expand full comment
Linda Mitchell, KCMO's avatar

And happy Thanksgiving to you, dear Andy! And to all on this platform who celebrate the day.

Expand full comment
Marilyn Jackson's avatar

These are all great! I'm tempted to try these with my son today, but he will probably think I have dementia. Happy Thanksgiving, Andy!

Expand full comment
SCS - Michigan's avatar

🎂🎉👏💗

Expand full comment
Diana Carey's avatar

Had I not already divorced my son I would try a few of those also. Fortunately I no longer have to face the trumpian fire.

Expand full comment
Angie Longenecker's avatar

You are a brave warrior. Wishing you strength.

Expand full comment
SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

He might be rethinking things these days.

Try again.

Expand full comment
Jan's avatar

I’d be curious to hear what possible retorts any MAGA might have. Or will they just attempt to try the trumpspeak gas-lighting?

Expand full comment
William R MEYER's avatar

What I have found with my Trumpist relatives is that they are so deluded you can't have a dialogue. There is no depth to their positions. Usually all I get from them is Fox talking points. Anecdotes writ large. Passionately believed.

Expand full comment
Frau Katze's avatar

Or complaints about even if he’s not perfect he’s far better than any Dem.

Expand full comment
Maggie Dunbar's avatar

My observation is that, to MAGAs, everything is "Sleepy Joe's" fault.

Expand full comment
Kate Lewis's avatar

Happy gratitude day. I am in wonderful ways.

I shall have a turkey BLT and a spicy Bloody Mary later on.

Be safe y’all.

Expand full comment
kristan nash's avatar

Thanks, Andy- this really got my day off to a good start!🤣Have a happy Thanksgiving!

Expand full comment
Judith Richards's avatar

I'm thankful for you, Andy, for helping me stay upbeat in this insane time. And for your followers for keeping the faith with their comments. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!

Expand full comment
Kris Racer's avatar

Grateful for you and this community ❤️

Expand full comment
TJ's avatar

Grateful for the comment tips for the Thanksgiving meal. Will ensure a number of them being used plus more at the appropriate time to see how much food or wine may be spit out by some relatives or who may be in need of the Heimlich maneuver of my conversion to the dark side…LOLOL ah yes grateful - Happy Thanksgiving

Expand full comment
Abigail Norling's avatar

No magats at my table, but I'll share this just for fun! Happy Turkey day to you and Mrs.Spouse <3

Expand full comment
Ginger's avatar

Cannot start my day without you! Happy Day to you

Expand full comment
Whatistobedone's avatar

Ditto! 🤗

Expand full comment
Deb Borrelli's avatar

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Expand full comment
Renee Collins's avatar

Happy Thanksgiving, Andy! And yes, very helpful advice! 🤣🤣🤣 Go Lions!!!

Expand full comment
Jeff Burger's avatar

I’m the 86 year old grandfather at the table. Whatever I say the others look at me as though a 3 year old was speaking. I can say anything without fear of retribution!

Expand full comment
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Well done!

Expand full comment
Harvey Perry's avatar

It is a wonderful thing about turning 80. No matter what, all is forgiven.

Expand full comment
Marlene R's avatar

Unless your name is trump!

Expand full comment
Angie Longenecker's avatar

Thank you for turning 80 before me. I am grateful

Expand full comment
Mary E's avatar

👏

Expand full comment
Carole Nemnich's avatar

At 86 you should feel free to say whatever pops into your head. If not now, when!

Expand full comment
Elisabeth Birker's avatar

😂

Expand full comment
Jan's avatar

Age does have its privileges

Expand full comment
Bobbie75's avatar

Just start the conversation: “Back in the days when” and you can really get them.

Have a fun day, and enjoy your family.

Expand full comment
Laura's avatar

As my (85 year old) father would exclaim, “Too old to scold!” Happy Thanksgiving Jeff.

Expand full comment
Susan Miller's avatar

Love it 😊

Expand full comment
Robot Bender's avatar

😆

Expand full comment
Catherine Alvarez's avatar

Hey Jeff me too 😊

Expand full comment
t4Ms's avatar

Thanks man! I feel so much better about facing my golden-less years!

Expand full comment
Sheryl Thompson's avatar

How about - I thought we’d be eating the dogs and eating the cats? But we only have turkey.

Expand full comment
It's Come To This's avatar

9. Grateful for the puppy-killer and her hair extensions runnng Homeland Security. Hey, who likes puppies, anyway?

Expand full comment
LHS's avatar

"I can't wait to pay those tariff-enhanced prices when I shop for Christmas gifts on Black Friday!".

Expand full comment
Chuck and Bev's avatar

Spraytan Hitler's Holiday Message:

Remember, buy 2 dolls, not 30 for the girls.

Oooh, look at the shiny gold things on the walls of my $300,000,000 ballroom that Bezos and the billionaire boys club bought me just cuz it'd be a shame if somethin' was to happen to those nice little businesses they got.

If you're bad little Americans who post negative things about me on line, you won't get a big, beautiful lump of coal, you'll get doxxed by my MAGA hoards, indicted by Blondie Bondi, my personal Attorney General, and prosecuted by anyone she can find off the streets willing to embarrass themselves in front of a Federal District Court Judge (at least until they can appeal to one of my Judges that Leonard Leo told me to put on the Supreme Court).

If you're really bad, which is to say, a Demo-Rat, Hegseth Claus will drop a drone strike down your chimney because we have evidence that you're a drug runner. I can't show you the evidence though. It's classified, which means I keep it by the toilets at Mar a Lago.

Expand full comment
Angie Longenecker's avatar

Keep looking in your mailbox. 🤣

Expand full comment
Mary E's avatar

ST: that was award winning!

Expand full comment
Elisabeth Birker's avatar

😂😂

Expand full comment
Ruth Bromer's avatar

🤣

Expand full comment
Rene Marchington's avatar

This made me laugh out loud!

Expand full comment
Katharine Hill's avatar

Excellent advice, Andy. Thankfully, I’m spending the day recovering from surgery and lying around reading brilliant minds like yours.

Expand full comment
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Feel better soon! ❤️

Expand full comment
Katharine Hill's avatar

Amazingly feeling quite fit. But doctor said no sex for a week! Darn—and no tub soaking either yet.

Expand full comment
SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Fast recovery, Katherine. Doctors are just no damned fun!

Expand full comment
Katharine Hill's avatar

I certainly was vowing to avoid hospitals if possible!

Expand full comment
Louis Judson's avatar

There are no minds quite like Andy's, brilliant maybe but not like his brilliance!

Be well, get well, be best.

Expand full comment
Katharine Hill's avatar

I’m in awe of technology right now. It’s great to hear from strangers wishing me well. Thanks.

Expand full comment
SCS - Michigan's avatar

💖

Expand full comment
misia.d's avatar

Don’t laugh TOO hard! 🌷

Expand full comment
Katharine Hill's avatar

You’re right! I’m sure a belly laugh would not be wise. They warned me about straining on the potty too.

Expand full comment
Bobbie75's avatar

Recover well. ❤️

Expand full comment
Douglas Mackay's avatar

Perhaps not a message equal in inspiration to Lincoln’s, but certainly more intelligent than any Trump Thanksgiving diatribe. Thanks Andy for maintaining a healthy viewpoint and understanding of the world and the importance of humor to help us muddle through our lives and these trying times.

Expand full comment
Angie Longenecker's avatar

In addition to AB’s post, I love the many witty, fun comments. It underscores that we are not alone.

Expand full comment
Elaine Young's avatar

I’m thankful in advance that trump will probably be dead by next thanksgiving.

Expand full comment
Elisabeth Birker's avatar

Here’s hoping 🤞🏻🙏

Expand full comment
Linda's avatar

Be careful what you wish for…there is Vance in our future.1

Expand full comment
Catherine Alvarez's avatar

Linda, my hope is that the whole lot of them will be in prison ,all of them crammed into the same cell .

Expand full comment
Diana's avatar

Without a working toilet!

Expand full comment
Jan's avatar

Any place where these scary traitors dwell IS a toilet

Expand full comment
Tricia Wilson's avatar

If there’s a God… Can you hear me, GOD? C’mon!! I’ll also accept Instant Karma. Please please please…

Expand full comment
Laurie's avatar

Hope you get the big half of the wishbone.

Expand full comment
Kathy's avatar

I’m hoping for an imminent Trump demise … a perfect Christmas miracle! Hallelujah, Hark, and whatever else that inspires the devil to take him

Expand full comment
Roxanne  Beck Raye's avatar

Hahaha ! Ain't it the truth.

Expand full comment
Golden Rule's avatar

Happy Thanksgiving to all who read & comment on Andy's brilliant wit. I'm thankful to have you all to give laughter the whole year through.

Expand full comment
Elisabeth Birker's avatar

💓

Expand full comment
Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Happy Thanksgiving Andy 🍂As always your advice is brilliant, wise and spot on ! 😂

Expand full comment
Diane Mott Davidson's avatar

Wonderful, Andy. Except I laughed so hard, I spewed my carefully-prepared, tariff-priced espresso out my nose.

Expand full comment
Maggie Dunbar's avatar

That's all right - tRump will toss you a roll of tarriff-priced paper towels to mop it up.

Expand full comment
Mary E's avatar

You’ve made my day! Thanks, Andy, have a happy one!

Expand full comment
Joanne  Miller's avatar

Happy Thanksgiving, Andy, and thank you for your humor, we sure need it!

Expand full comment
Stephen Werner's avatar

Those are funny and useful. Happy Thanksgiving Andy and everyone.

Expand full comment
PoliSciPro's avatar

There’s nothing like waking up to a morning email from you Andy! I

Happy Thanksgiving to you too, and all your followers. Thank you for your attention to this matter!

Expand full comment
CynthiaLH's avatar

Another laugh out loud. Happy Thanksgiving, Andy. And, thank you!

Expand full comment
Cheryl Schwartz's avatar

Thank you, Andy, for starting my Thanksgiving in the best possible way, with sarcasm and laughter. I’m so thankful to have you in my life to help me deal with this crazy world! Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Expand full comment
Tom Flesch's avatar

I’m definitely going to insert some of these into the conversation. But I will start with a prayer to Trump hoping his thanksgiving dinner came out as perfect as he is.

Expand full comment
Louis Judson's avatar

THAT sounds dangerous. Nobody can be that perfect. But he'll appreciate your prayer.

Expand full comment
Phil M.'s avatar

Not sure if you meant it that way. Butt, I imagined, "came out" as a turd with orange hair. 💩🤢🤮...🤣🤣

Expand full comment
Jan's avatar

Eww. An old, decaying, ptomaine-infested piece of rotten flesh is what your remark brought to mind. Trump is what he eats 🤮

Expand full comment
Maggie Dunbar's avatar

Hmm. I just got a flash image of tRump going face down into the mashed potatoes! And then they would turn orange as his make-up runs off.

Expand full comment