291 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Who else wants that deal? And I would throw in never hearing Hegseth’s voice again, but maybe I’m being greedy.

Barb's avatar

No one has ever hated the sound of Orangeman’s voice the way I have. Bigly hate it.

It's Come To This's avatar

Sickening little sing-songy, Baby Huey, whiny-bitchy, self-pitying mewl -- always delivered with a grimace fobbing itself off as a smile. Yuck on a cracker.

Sharon Herrick's avatar

Sorry, this comment just demands this: So, It's Come To This, tell us how you really feel. Love your way with words! Trying to work out the cracker bit.

It's Come To This's avatar

Thank you! Perhaps a bit more tasteful than shit on a shingle...?

Doris Buchmann's avatar

Perfect ! LOL, so very true!

kurt voight's avatar

Trump can't get through two sentences without inserting a "DUH".

Carol Quantock's avatar

I have to leave the room if there's a clip of him on TV, saying his usual inane and untrue BS. I just can't stand that voice!

Mark D Olson's avatar

Whose voice are you talking about? I can't stand any of them.

Barbara Marling's avatar

Me too Barb but it’s a tossup with Hegseth’s.

Nancy Mason's avatar

Yes. Hegseth's voice coupled with his snarl smile reminds me of a Spotted Hyena's call.

Annette's avatar

THAT's where I've seen it, a National Geographic documentary!!

Bob Graham's avatar

However, I'd rather have an Hyena leading the DoD (not DoWar) than the Heg.

Erik Staub's avatar

You wouldn’t be alone, there are millions who gag hearing and seeing him.

Pat Ebervein's avatar

I have hearing aids - which are very conveniently popped out any time he appears onscreen and his mouth is moving.

Frau Katze's avatar

The sight of him is awful too! 🤮

Wis's avatar
1hEdited

I’m afraid *well* over half the nation says the very same thing, Barb.

Linda T. Cades's avatar

Me too, except i want the entire Trump administration and all of the Republicans in Congress added. I know, that's a lot of people, but there must be somewhere willing to take them all. My understanding is that Elon Musk wants to use his rocket company to colonize Mars. We might need to negotiate with Martians if there are some, but it would be well worth the effort.

Linda T. Cades's avatar

Oh. I forgot. We need to send Clarence Thomas, Sam Alito, Neil Gorsuch, John Roberts and Brett Kavanaugh too.

Frances López's avatar

Yes! They can establish a Catholic colony on Mars!

Antoinette S. Hamilton's avatar

The Pope would be cheering to get rid of that bunch.

T L Mills's avatar

I love the idea although that could set us up for some problems down the road a piece.

Sharon Herrick's avatar

Don't forget Amy! And let's add a special booster rocket for Aileen Cannon.

Steve Newman's avatar

First class one way to N. Korea to serve lowest level in their military forever.

Annette's avatar

or Coach to Israel, to let Bibi pull all their strings too

Annette's avatar

I bet the Martians even know they're coming because their race is so much more advanced than ours . . . and I bet they already have "plans" for them <wink>

Bill Morgan's avatar

Send the whole bunch on the first Martian colony

Bob Graham's avatar

It would even be more worth it if Elon led the colonists there. He'd also be less able to play in the Earth's stock markets (time delay).

John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

I do, and the republicans thrown out during the mid-terms, and United States to become, once again, a caring country - caring for those in need, free education and healthcare, and a unicorn in every persons back yard.

Or maybe thirteen states that does this?

Minus the unicorns.

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

😂You are asking too much of life, Andy! But aren’t you glad our clowns don’t sound like Luciano Pavarotti? 😉Thanks for the laughs and meanwhile there’s always that old mute button on the remote ! 😂💕

Anne Fletcher-Jones's avatar

Never did like Pavarotti! His voice always sounded forced to me.

Frances López's avatar

I had/have a mad crush on tenor José Carreras. His voice is not as robust as Pavarotti's, but he is soulful. <sigh> Pavarotti always seemed to be piggish & vain.

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

I had a mad crush on José Carreras too! Soulful - lovely when he sang Rodolfo in La Bohème or Don José in Carmen ! 😍I think one has to separate the piggish and vain personality from the voice with Pavarotti. (IMHO) it was a beautiful tenor voice “ piena di sole” as the Italians say ! 💕

Anne Fletcher-Jones's avatar

Thanks—I was trying to remember Jose Carreras’ name. I totally agree with you—Pavarotti was definitely piggish. I knew people who worshipped him, never understood why!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Chacun à son goût! 😉💕

Susan Iwanisziw's avatar

And Trump’s.

Teresa JV's avatar

I want the deal to NEVER hear trump, JD or hegseth’s voices for the rest of my life!

Stephanie MacLeod's avatar

Melania, Lindsey Graham, and, of course, the gangrenous green emoji inducer himself, DJT.🤢 I really wouldn't recognize many of the voices of the gargoyle gang. I avoid watching or listening to news these days as much as possible. I get pretty much all my current info by reading. One of my most trusted sources, is, of course, TBR🥰

T L Mills's avatar

I'd like to tuck Susan 'Ever-so-Concerned' Collins in there. I can't stand listening to her any longer--it drives me insane. Her vocal tremor isn't Parkinson's; it's the same as essential tremor but in the muscles supporting the larynx, vocal chords and diaphragm--it's very non-PC of me, but for some reason the sound of her voice gets on my last nerve. Not as much as Trump, but getting there.

Anne Fletcher-Jones's avatar

Come to think of it, I’ve never heard JD speak, or little Marco either. Lucky me, huh?

Enid's avatar

There is a difference between greed and relief…

Annette's avatar

not greedy, Andy; just exercising your right to self-care

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

Oooh! Me, me, me!

It’s gotten to the point where I can’t stand to listen to any of their voices.

Miller, Bondi…yugh!

Anne Fletcher-Jones's avatar

Or see any of their faces.

Wis's avatar

Poor Usha. You’re married to a catholic crazy person now, you dear, stupid woman. Unless you steal away in the middle of the night and emigrate to Iran, you can’t get “in on this deal.” JD has probably had you chipped, so even that wouldn’t work.

Sharon Herrick's avatar

I was about to write: "There's a special place in Hell for women like Usha...." and then I realized she's already in it. Yay. Of course, so are the rest of us. Boo. Of all of the enablers of this shitshow, the women are the most demoralizing. The mothers, daughters, wives, aunts, sisters, aides, spokespeople, chiefs of staff, voters.....the self-harm is phenomenal.

Deb Borrelli's avatar

Throw the whole administration into the deal, and maybe Iran will give us a deal when passing through the Strait of Hormuz.

Susan McIntosh's avatar

The people of Greenland want that deal!

Sharon Herrick's avatar

Please add Karolying Leavitt and Pam Bondi and Mike Johnson and Lindsey Graham and Mitch MCConnelllllllll to the voices we never ever have to hear again.

Kathleen Otterson's avatar

Oh my god yes - Hegseth and all his posturing in attempts to uncover his ignorance. I wish they would all go away. Far, far away.

Joanne Elizabeth Schulze's avatar

Since Rubio doesn't have a voice, Vance was the perfect negotiating piece.

Robert E.'s avatar

Little Marco is going Commando with his new Florsheim telephone, updated from Agent 86. He'll be able to intercept any Vance banter to Iran.

Steve Benko's avatar

"And what about me?" asked Pope Leo, marking the first issue on which Catholics and Muslims have been in concordance since 11th century Spain.

Frances López's avatar

"La Convivencia" was a fascinating time in Iberia. Pre-Inquisition. Fernando & Isabela really screwed things up.

Bergman Ronald's avatar

All well and good for the Iranians Andy, but what about us ole American Patriots who are constantly being inundated with the sound & fury of J D’s diatribes & dulcet tones? And a new religious tomb too??!! Oy…enough already!

While I used to feel sorry for Usha in the past, and constantly scratched my noggin about their relationship these past years, their national appearance last weekend and the explanation of their reasoning for the fourth pregnancy in memory of Charlie Kirk, has left me with no lingering respect for Usha despite JD lauding her for being so direct and keeping him on the straight & narrow.

Triple OY Andy—-even the hillbillies are getting a bad name for having had JD in their earlier grasp. Is there any reality left for us to cheer for anymore I ask??

Judith Richards's avatar

Respect for Usha? Never. Look who she married and reproduced with. Bah.

Bergman Ronald's avatar

Both of them are manipulative power hungry zealots with their own agenda covering a wider swath. No one is safe. An updated version of Mother & Pence.

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

Unlike Pence and Mother, Vance has his eye on Erica Kirk. As a good Catholic, he may try to have his marriage to Usha annulled!

Annette's avatar

now there's a match made in Hell!

Doris Buchmann's avatar

Perfect, PHONEYS APLENTY!

Steve Newman's avatar

Good, because Pence’s relationship with T ended him forever.

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

Pence is out with his new book, What Conservatives Believe. He’s betting when Trump is gone he’s got a shot at the nomination. So sad and cute at the same time!

Steve Newman's avatar

Sounds like someone put acid in that moron’s kool-aid.

Bergman Ronald's avatar

But being so transparent and insipid about his future goals, he will never make it.

One of my favorite images was when VZ was in the Oval Office with Dumpie and JD mouthing insults, and with little Marco keeping his mouth shut with his pant legs hiked up.

Erik Staub's avatar

She can have the same deal just divorce the asshole. Iran didn’t request the same deal for Jared as the slime ball was on his phone the whole time trying to set up deals and told the Iranians he couldn’t be bothered with them just keep me out of this.

Bergman Ronald's avatar

Jared & Ivanka are also busy screwing up the Albanian environment and Island Paradise along with the corrupt backing of their government.

Annette's avatar

I LOVE the reception they're receiving

Bob Graham's avatar

Maybe they could develop an MOU in an effort to defuse the conflict.

Kathleen D. Pierce's avatar

Her parents must be so proud!

Charis Bowling's avatar

I've never made the mistake of feeling sorry with Usha that I made -- temporarily -- with Melania. Both women are as despicable as their spouses.

Kathleen D. Pierce's avatar

Uhgg, these women are quietly dangerous in their own hanging on coattails of power & money! Having another baby because of Kirk's death! That's stupid, viole sick! If it's a boy, naming him Charlie or Kirk or CK? A girl Charlie? 🤮

Annette's avatar

<appreciative applause>

Anne Fletcher-Jones's avatar

But but but—she’s not a krischen so how could she possibly keep Shady Jady, the hillbilly hypocrite on the straight and narrow?

Louise Purfield-Coak's avatar

And the Present First Lady is an immigrant! Republicans, The Party of Hypocrisy!!

dogsruletrumpdrools's avatar

And her parents were granted family green cards sponsored by Melania, a process DT has spoken against!

Diana's avatar

It's also never mentioned that Mr. Bessent (sp?) is gay and has a husband. So much of this is theatrics. The Trumpites want us to believe things they don't necessarily believe themselves. J.D.'s wife is not of northern European heritage - so much for white supremacy. Hypocrites, yes!

Bergman Ronald's avatar

They both are adept at sophistry.

Natalie Parker's avatar

Careful, careful.... Ya think Orange Man is going to make it through the next couple of years of the presidency? I tend not to. JD and Usha could be the upcoming President and First Lady. Horrors!

Louise Purfield-Coak's avatar

He has been looking and even acting like he doesn't even have 6 months. Who do you know who needs 22 specialists? At that point, most people are moved to Hospice.

The Arch is actually psychologically his headstone.

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

I would accept the Arch on those terms!

Anne Fletcher-Jones's avatar

Then, as is nowadays the custom in many cemeteries, demolish it after a couple of years.

Bergman Ronald's avatar

Hahaha. Moi aussi.

Bergman Ronald's avatar

Purrrfect metaphor 😝

Bergman Ronald's avatar

But may he neva eva rest in peace.

Mussolini & others of his ilk since then have sort of been handled best by the ire of their countrymen.

My vote has always been for Guido of Bayonne to handle the task then head to the mattresses.

Bob Graham's avatar

No Arch and no Trump. Better....

Tricia W's avatar

😱 Natalie :

That is our worst nightmare’s nightmare. The orange nightmare speaking at G7 - not-so-fresh from his cock-fight (pardon my pun) was pale (forgot to pack the orange cosmetic?), puffy-eyed, a little bloated and slurring his words! What a conundrum! If he dies before we can impeach the lot of them… omg 😱

Bergman Ronald's avatar

It will all work itself out IMHO.

Dumpie gone is a positive.

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

Dumpy is a living mashup of the movies Idiocracy and Weekend at Bernie’s. Any ordinary, regular old person would be in hospice in palliative care in his condition. But every 6 months he gets to see 22 specialists to make sure he doesn’t kick it.

Annette's avatar

yes, seeing him on the news this morning, he seems very low-energy . . . probably clueless that the other world leaders are laughing behind his back . . . "oh yes, ConOLD, the 60 day negotiation of your MoU will be . . . as you say, easy."

Kathleen D. Pierce's avatar

But at least he's the kind of republican that likes money & probably hates war. The tarrifs would be gone & no new wars would be started. I think the chaos would tamp down a whole lot. I hate Hillbilly Vance but I want Dump taking his last breath ASAP.

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

If I were the Democrats in Congress, I would start working up grounds for impeachment for Vance.

Annette's avatar

my concern is Jay Deviance will push the Project 2025 agenda more aggressively

Bergman Ronald's avatar

Valid serious concern.

Bergman Ronald's avatar

True, but my thinking is that they aren’t as disgusting as what currently exists in the WH. Politics are often a choice of certain toxic poisons.

Frances López's avatar

Well, it will be interesting. I predict a coup. JD has no charisma & Usha Vance does not look like the typical first lady, which some "Murricans" will find fault with.

Bob Graham's avatar

Little Rubio makes the slide to home plate...

Sharon Herrick's avatar

This---this TBR comments page---this is real and it's worth cheering for.

Doris Buchmann's avatar

Oh man, so very true……..!!!

C K Smith's avatar

Dear Andy and all of your wonderful readers: Please note that the mainstream media are already "sane washing" JD Vance in preparation for his taking over from the Orange Ogre. At least two separate interviews this weekend gave Vance an opportunity to appear normal. Vance, the known and admitted liar (as in, for example, his admitting that making up "they're eating the dogs and the cats" was okay), was allowed without any challenges whatsoever to praise the Orange Ogre's fake winning deal with Iran and to voice his own white Christian nationalist ideals. Watch out folks — Here comes the media trying to make the Vance appear just an honest good ole boy who just wants to make America even "more gooder" than the Orange Ogre has. I certainly hope everyone sees through and fights back against the media's making him a hero that he most certainly is not. If you think the Orange Ogre has been bad for America, just wait until you see what Vance and Miller have up their slimy sleeves.

Anne Fletcher-Jones's avatar

It’s frightening, isn’t it! Those two being in charge make my blood run cold.

C K Smith's avatar

Yes, indeed! We should all be afraid . . . VERY AFRAID!

Sharon Herrick's avatar

Yep. The notion that a younger, (more energetic, more often awake), slightly less narcissistic, more cunning (less tariff-obsessed) and even more into domination President Vance---the idea that that would be a better bet for us---it's all wrong. Truly, I think the only things we've got going for us are Trump's narcissism and weird personal obsessions. If he hadn't tanked the economy, his voters would let him do anything he wants.

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

And JD is no Gerald Ford!

Anne Fletcher-Jones's avatar

True that—I actually met Gerald Ford in the early nineties and he seemed like a very humble man.

Cathy Blum's avatar

Good deal. And thank you for always making us laugh. You have to laugh to keep from crying.

Barbara Marling's avatar

OMG….did you hear that moron yesterday? The Islamic Revolutionary Guard has seen the light? It doesn’t matter that we killed their leader? It doesn’t matter that we don’t know where to drop our bombs and killed over 170 little Iranian girls in a school? i almost feel sorry for him….but not really. Have you noticed that Rubio is keeping himself busy elsewhere? He is not stupid.

Steve Benko's avatar

Is he? Or has Trump sidelined him from the beginning because he's so little?

Tom Pod's avatar

He can’t get any traction in those shoes he has to wear.

Annette's avatar

<snort laugh> little Marco, trying to keep up with the big kids

Tom Pod's avatar

Love your “<snort laugh>”

Made my day!

Annette's avatar

thank you - glad to make your day :)

Charis Bowling's avatar

Even when Rubio is present, he just seems to be absent. I would say that he's ashamed of the things that he's saying and doing, but that might be giving him too much credit.

OldFlyer √'s avatar

Hopefully ashamed , being Latin himself yet backing up Hegseth's insulting comment about only speaking American. Nah- you can'r shame those guys

Steve Newman's avatar

Not stupid or simply another coward ?

Lorenzo's avatar

Our illustrious Vice President - the human skunk.

Bob Graham's avatar

But skunks have class, can be de-scented, and make good pets. Not our VP.

Carla Spackler's avatar

Iran’s sofas, couches, divans, davenports, chesterfields, and love seats are safe once more.

It's Come To This's avatar

I don't understand. With the personality of a small bowl of cold, wriggling eels, how could JD be considered anything other than a sweet little teddy bear?

Harvey Perry's avatar

Unfair to skunks. They provide services by eating the grubs in my lawn.

Annette's avatar

and they don't smell as bad a tRump

Bob Graham's avatar

Realistically though, nothing smells as bad as tRump. Ask the Japanese what they had to endure during his visit.

Annette's avatar

Could we make it a small bowl of cold, wriggling eels in green jello? It just sounds more funner.

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

Could not have described Vance’s personality better myself!

Mike Gelt's avatar

J.D. Vance keeps volunteering to negotiate with Iran, but apparently Iran has adopted the same strategy as everyone else: send the call straight to voicemail.

After several rounds of talks, Iran reportedly concluded that negotiating with Vance is like playing chess with someone who only knows how to flip the board over.

At this point, foreign leaders aren't avoiding Vance because he's tough—they're avoiding him because every meeting ends with more confusion than when it started. Even the translators are asking for clarification.

Maybe that's why Iran keeps saying, not that guy."

While Vance has been involved in U.S.-Iran negotiations and has claimed progress at various points, several rounds of talks reportedly ended without a final agreement before later diplomatic breakthroughs emerged.

And this man may want to our next president - God help us

Rocket Master Man's avatar

Usha needs a far more effective barrier. Demon seed penetrates through multiple layers to find its target. When the demon seed is released it's not stopping until its mission of replicating into multiple demons is completed.

Robot Bender's avatar

Are they going to name the baby Damien?

Cecilia Rodriguez Griffin's avatar

I would add never having to talk to ANY republican again! 😄🥸

Paul's avatar

The Iranian's indicated a willingness to re open the strait w/o tolls forever, provide infinite free oil forever, and relinquish all their "nuclear dust" forever , if Trump is the captain of the very first speed boat celebrating the reopening of the "toll free strait".

OldFlyer √'s avatar

Odd, the speed boat is a deep hulled with magnetic steeled plating. No one thought he'd fall for that till they painted the bridge gold with a big "T" on it, - he couldn't resist. Proudly took the helm saying- "Stupid Iranians saluting me with their fingers in their ears"

Bob Graham's avatar

Some in Iran apparently believe that they will have tolls. Meanwhile,Trump decides to take a victory lap, play golf and watch UFC fights.

Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

can we throw in not only the sound of their voices but bar Hegseth from being in any video that purports to show him “working out with the troops”. His form is that of a drunken ostrich. It’s cringe worthy.

Anne Fletcher-Jones's avatar

I bypass all that by simply not having a TV.

Frances López's avatar

My TV died last week. I haven't missed it much.

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

Have you seen Hesgeth throw an axe? Hilarious!

Frances López's avatar

He almost seems to be a parody of a real person. Alas, he IS a real person, and a menace.

Doris Buchmann's avatar

Does he still sleep with his Mom??

Jean Jacoby's avatar

Well I think that's fair. But what about the rest of us? What the heck can we do, other than drill a hole through our skull with a power tool? As for Usha, I'm not sure she really cares, given that JD's water-torture effect on others only works if the person has affect.

Janeo's avatar

Do you think he talks to her like he talks to Zelensky? Just a thought....

Jean Jacoby's avatar

If he talks to her at all... or maybe she doesn't care anyway. She's a smart, highly educated person (they met at Yale, I believe). so she probably understood very well what she was marrying.