The Strait of Hormuz board, packed with cronies of Supreme Leader Mojtaba Khamenei, also approved a plan to put Khamenei’s name on the renovated waterway.
OMG, you’ve done it again. Made me laugh out loud with your headline! And the story. I second Denis Pombriant’s idea of closing the Oval Office for 2 years while we renovate the presidency. Please.
While we're renovating the presidency, could we also please get rid of all the gold stuff on the walls of the oval office (and anywhere else, and the gold toilets)?
Honestly, I’m just relieved they’re finally addressing the infrastructure. You can’t run a proper global chokepoint without marble armrests. That’s basic governance. Also unclear whether the renovation includes surge pricing for tankers during peak hours or if that’s only for VIP oil.
And I assume there’ll be a ribbon cutting where everyone insists they personally came up with the idea of “water, but narrower.”
but what about the toilets? Tell us about the toilets, Andy. Gold-plated, gold chandeliers, porcelain cameos of Trump in every urinal. BIGLY toilets, like nothing anybody's ever seen before.....
yes, i have a folder with various images from the web...very funny ones...and the folder is titled "king kakka", a word from the same time as king midas...trump thinks everything he touches turns to gold...and, in fact everything he touches turns to sh_t.
Nope, I meant it as an illusionary tingle that would eventually lead to a tinkle. So glad we cleared that up. A misunderstanding of that proportion could throw the world off it's axis.
Forget gold plated toilets, why not go all the way with platinum coated toilets? Now that I think about it why isn't Trump's White House equipped with them. The radiation will make Trump go faster, in more ways than one.
As a sailor, I have to hope that they make them the best and most wonderful holding tank toilets ever made in the history of earth. So we don’t pollute the hell out of that place that’s already probably polluted.
I don't think it is actually his hair. I think it is a mass of preserved grey worms which have been glued together into a wig which he puts on each morning.
Guaranteed to make your skin crawl at any age. I frequently lament the TV line-up in the 1950's (I was 4 or 5). Really just a small selection and the choosing was easy. However, I ended up with Arthur Godfrey too often. What on earth was worse? Those were the days of Lassie and Hopalong Cassidy.
And Roy Rogers/Dale Evans, The Lone Ranger, Gene Autry. Sitcoms such as Meet Millie and My Little Margie. Variety shows such as It's Coke Time with Eddie Fisher and Dinah Shore (see the USA in your Chevrolet). I liked the early episodes of Lassie starring Tommy Rettig.
Peyronie's (pay-roe-NEEZ) disease is a condition in which fibrous scar tissue forms in the deeper tissues under the skin of the penis. This causes curved, painful erections. It also can make the penis shorter while erect.
Teen french bride Karoline Leavitt referred to it as an Arc. I think an Ark is a great idea, Bravo! An Ark big enough for the whole Fist (sic) Family, 1/2 of Congress, the cabinet and lots of wondrous animals. No guns or weapons allowed! No molesting of animals allowed either.
“If there is a large enough parcel of land available after the renovations we plan to build a golf course on it…and it will be like no other golf course in the world “…
You’re really sticking it to Felon47 (aka Harangutan) with this one, Andy. He deserves every bit of ridicule you (and we, your readers) dish out. As Pradnya Sikand said (above), this is a brilliant and hilarious start to the week. I can’t thank you enough - laughter is an essential component of good health. REALLY - and those who didn’t know that, look it up. Andy for Secretary of Health and Human Services!!!
Another of Andy’s readers used it a while ago. I was so tickled by it that I have used it on and off as one of the many ways to refer to the monster in the White-and-Gold House. I can’t wait until I can call it the White House again. It can’t come soon enough to suit me.
I think antichrist is sufficient. But I also like Circus Peanut because it's orange, it's associated with a circus, and it has no real substance. Also, it tastes like banana, so it's a bait-and-switch.
Thanks, Andy. I laughed at your placement of important words as I tried again to figure out how a great mind works. Then I went to the comments and saw all the clever responses. The TBR and its readers give hope to my world. I am so old and tired, all I can say is I hope the whole tRump cabal goes STRAIT to hell.
Happy Monday Andy ! Brilliant and hilarious start to another week of Trump madness! 😂I hope the Ayatollah does not have the same luck as Trump and his renovations! Of course marble, gold and self promotion will definitely do the trick ! Thanks! 😂💕
So funny Andy - and great comments everyone. There's almost nothing left to say except something about a gold-plated toilet and I'm hovering over that one!
“The golden pilers were spectacular!” Family of sixteen, eating cheese sandwiches and drinking sea water going through the Strait with their 16 foot row boat.
I'm actually concerned about the well-being of any employee who has to sit in the marble-arm-rested toll booth seat. It's difficult to imagine a light-weight comfy-cushioned seat being up to the demands of the marble armrests. Has anyone considered how long a toll collector can sit on such a seat before the screams of his nerves override his ability to calculate the tolls.
Please note: I'm concerned about EMPLOYEE well-being here: the boss is free to make his own rules and change them whenever his bum gets numb.
Could we take a cue from this and close the Oval Office for 2 years while we renovate the presidency?
Fantastic!
At this point, two years without
president trump or Vance or anyone would be an upgrade.
I'm not so sure John Dunce would be an upgrade. Maybe the ayatollahs Dumbsantis or abbott would be a rather good choice.
OMG, you’ve done it again. Made me laugh out loud with your headline! And the story. I second Denis Pombriant’s idea of closing the Oval Office for 2 years while we renovate the presidency. Please.
While we're renovating the presidency, could we also please get rid of all the gold stuff on the walls of the oval office (and anywhere else, and the gold toilets)?
Nothing says let them eat cake like gold paint and a big ballroom while you take away basic life support.
Very astute observation! And the best part is that trump gets all the cake because he's killed off everyone else so he doesn't have to share.
Too bad it isn't that doo-doo cake in the movie, "The Help"!
I didn't see that movie, but I love the idea. It would be what he deserves. IMO.
Yes! Fire up the tumbrils -- get out the knitting!
If only Trump would take off his panniers and lice-ridden wig, maybe he would think straight!
...safest to remove the whole entire head, if you ask me...
He already runs around like a headless chook - so why not the whole entire head?
Trump could not think in the logical sense even if he was coached!
and all the signs indicating which office is where, because tRump thought post-its might give away his mental decline
Yes! I've always thought those signs were so he could find his way around.
--but are we sure he can read cursive?
are we sure he can read? Period/full stop
Badda-bing!
That’s a ridiculous hurdle. Even Crutch-Jared can’t fake that!
Post-its! Love it, Annette! lol
of course, Clym; he invented them, along with microwave popcorn and micro-fleece (he's good at fleecing)
Good catch!
Thank you for a good laugh, Annette!
Oh yes....PLEASE. Get rid of the gaudy faux-gold atrocious cheap-looking decor.
Along with the gaudy faux-gold atrocious cheap-looking dictator! (and his sneering wife)
The Christmas Tree Shop near me closed, did D.C.’s have a big sale too?
Tacky and garish beyond description. You can't make this stuff up.
Tacky and wacky!
Yes, scrape it off and use all that real gold (ha!ha!) to pay down the national debt!
I doubt it's worth more than $100 (tops), but still a great idea.
I laughed and smiled too.
great idea!
brilliant..fumigate first...
And when you say "fumigate," I hope you also mean "burn some sage" to cleanse the space of evil.
Commission also a tanker truck full of holy water and a strong pressure hose
to flush it all away!
GingerLee, you made me laugh out loud. Apparently no one wants to stand behind the Trumpster when he's speechifying.
You don't appreciate the trumpet accompanyment?
You mean that's not the Marine Corp band?
👍🏻 🎯
Wonderful idea!
YES!!!👏
YES YES YES!
Now there’s an idea.
Yes please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😂😂
Now THAT is one good idea!
Yes. We really need to talk about regime change in thr US.
<standing ovation> we'll need at least that much time to fumigate it!
--at least until January, 2029?
Sometimes the commenters are as witty as Borowitz
Excellent idea!
Honestly, I’m just relieved they’re finally addressing the infrastructure. You can’t run a proper global chokepoint without marble armrests. That’s basic governance. Also unclear whether the renovation includes surge pricing for tankers during peak hours or if that’s only for VIP oil.
And I assume there’ll be a ribbon cutting where everyone insists they personally came up with the idea of “water, but narrower.”
but what about the toilets? Tell us about the toilets, Andy. Gold-plated, gold chandeliers, porcelain cameos of Trump in every urinal. BIGLY toilets, like nothing anybody's ever seen before.....
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION (to the toilets).
Anytime Trump is involved in renovations or his presidency, toilets come to mind
and a great deal of sh-t
A Niagara Falls of it!
Anytime he's involved in ANYTHING.
yes, i have a folder with various images from the web...very funny ones...and the folder is titled "king kakka", a word from the same time as king midas...trump thinks everything he touches turns to gold...and, in fact everything he touches turns to sh_t.
amen!
<giggle>
Perfect!
The idea of that urinal porcelain relief of T is making my prostate tingle.
That’s got to be the first time the thought of T made anyone tingle, anywhere…
Most of all Melania!
did you mean to say "tinkle"....
Nope, I meant it as an illusionary tingle that would eventually lead to a tinkle. So glad we cleared that up. A misunderstanding of that proportion could throw the world off it's axis.
<snort laugh>
--and it's wobbling enough already!
Hmmm....No...
Forget gold plated toilets, why not go all the way with platinum coated toilets? Now that I think about it why isn't Trump's White House equipped with them. The radiation will make Trump go faster, in more ways than one.
someone needs to plant that idea in what's left of his swiss cheese brain
Why all the fuss about Trump's toilets when he is giving everybody the sh*ts? What about our toilets?
No, it has to be gold. The Would-Be-King would be afraid people would
Could think the platinum was silver.
You mean plutonium don't you? Platinum is not radioactive.
Perhaps a solution of plutonium could be applied to that platinum toilet seat!
they may be gold, they may be porcelain, but are they functioning?? Asking for a friend.
They will be functioning maybe when the most beautiful ballroom in the history of the world is complete .
As a sailor, I have to hope that they make them the best and most wonderful holding tank toilets ever made in the history of earth. So we don’t pollute the hell out of that place that’s already probably polluted.
And there has to be good water pressure.
Don't forget about the flush volume! They have to have lots of pressure to make sure the biggest turds will go with one flush!
--including Trump and Company!
😂😂. Yes, Andy…please tell us about the gold plated toilets❣️😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂. But I don’t think I’d be able to “go” if his smugugly face was staring down at me.
--and nobody ever wants to see!
Anne J: It will be a Low Wake Zone. So no Woke shipping permitted.
Woke tankers need to go!
Two years to design and create the special "Khameni Rial" the official currency required to pay tolls thru the strait.
😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Holy shit, Anne. That’s hilarious to a word!!! 👏🏻🤣👏🏻🤣👏🏻🤣👏🏻🤣
Needs more gold!
Excellent
Contingency plans are being developed to transport oil using Pete Hegseth’s hair.
If Hegseth goes swimming does his hair get wet? Or is it declared an environmental disaster?
Just the existence of Hegseth is a disaster, environmental or otherwise!
I don't think it is actually his hair. I think it is a mass of preserved grey worms which have been glued together into a wig which he puts on each morning.
Son of Medusa!
John, Medea did not have snakes for hair. I believe you mean Medusa. Medea murdered her children because her significant other was faithless.
You are right! Thank you!
I believe it is the latter!
Oil spill
Brylcream a little dab’ll do ya. (You have to be old enough😄)
No more greasy kid stuff!
wasn't that the slogan for Wild Root Creme Oil, Brylcream's competitor?
Vitalis: “Are you still using that greasy kid stuff on your hair?”
Carter's Little Liver Pills to keep his alcohol soaked liver healthy.
Oh Gawd! Arthur Godfrey!
Yeah, icky Arthur Godfrey. He made my pre-teen skin crawl. But, then, there was Julius LaRosa (who made the fems swoon).
Guaranteed to make your skin crawl at any age. I frequently lament the TV line-up in the 1950's (I was 4 or 5). Really just a small selection and the choosing was easy. However, I ended up with Arthur Godfrey too often. What on earth was worse? Those were the days of Lassie and Hopalong Cassidy.
And Roy Rogers/Dale Evans, The Lone Ranger, Gene Autry. Sitcoms such as Meet Millie and My Little Margie. Variety shows such as It's Coke Time with Eddie Fisher and Dinah Shore (see the USA in your Chevrolet). I liked the early episodes of Lassie starring Tommy Rettig.
Is that still manufactured?
Folks on my side of town just liked good 'ole Royal Crown.
What about Vitalis????
OMG, we’re going
back-in-the-day, now!
😂😂🤭
I've aged 20 years just reading these comments
Only 20? You must be a youngling.
Old enough to be unable to read it without the tune.
Too bad it is all going to soak through his skull where nothing else would!
That would take at least two tanker loads. Hope they don't mess it up!
Turns out the strait is crooked, Iran has called in contractors to straighten it.
Have you heard as to whether Iran will also build a war room underneath the strait? 😉
I haven’t; but I did hear that Trump contacted Iran and suggested a temporary truce, and further bombing wait until after the 2028 election.
Isn’t that kind of like bankrupting the casinos because he was out of his league then too and grabbing all those losses against future gains?
Crooked? That's the way he likes it!
They want to make the strait straight
Khameni-Peyronie’s Disease.
Peyronie's (pay-roe-NEEZ) disease is a condition in which fibrous scar tissue forms in the deeper tissues under the skin of the penis. This causes curved, painful erections. It also can make the penis shorter while erect.
Lets just rename it GOP’S disease
What if the pharmaceutical company that advertises Peyronie's disease cure-all on tv asked Melanomia to be a spokesperson
Could explain why Trump, Kegseth, etc. are so frustrated.
do I see an executive order being written in the near future . . .?
Most likely. And with a black Sharpie with no restricted flow.....
touche!
Advice to GOP: Avoid Japanese elections
But does it look like a carrot?
Nope. Still a teeny mushroom.
Trickle, trickle goes the flow of oil!
<snicker>
Can those contractors straighten the crooks in our government? Asking for a dear, dear friend.
Henceforth to be named Peyronie Strait
<snicker>
Andy, I don't know how you do it but thank you!
I envision a giant statue of Trump holding a pull chain for the new Hegseth inspired Commodal Straight of Horbooze.
And a giant arch spanning the strait
A giant golden arch - or TWO!
Oh God, don’t give him any ideas.
not a new idea he ALWAYS has food in the area the brain should be
the golden arch de tRump
Teen french bride Karoline Leavitt referred to it as an Arc. I think an Ark is a great idea, Bravo! An Ark big enough for the whole Fist (sic) Family, 1/2 of Congress, the cabinet and lots of wondrous animals. No guns or weapons allowed! No molesting of animals allowed either.
lovely idea!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
God bless you.👍🙏😊
He’s done gone and swamped the drain again.
This looks like a job that Markwayne Mullin is actually qualified for.
I read that Trump referred the Mario brothers- Mario and Luigi- to work on the strait’s plumbing issue
HA!👏🏼👏🏼
Time to pour those ice cubes down the sink!
“If there is a large enough parcel of land available after the renovations we plan to build a golf course on it…and it will be like no other golf course in the world “…
Golden clubs?
Absolutely! Only the best!
And Golden Showers in the ClubHouse.
Platinum clubs!
Platinum might be too classy - he'd want the gaudy fake gold, don't you think?
How about a landing strip?Trump can offer to pay for it with Americans’ tax-payer $
You’re really sticking it to Felon47 (aka Harangutan) with this one, Andy. He deserves every bit of ridicule you (and we, your readers) dish out. As Pradnya Sikand said (above), this is a brilliant and hilarious start to the week. I can’t thank you enough - laughter is an essential component of good health. REALLY - and those who didn’t know that, look it up. Andy for Secretary of Health and Human Services!!!
"Harangutan" LOL
Another of Andy’s readers used it a while ago. I was so tickled by it that I have used it on and off as one of the many ways to refer to the monster in the White-and-Gold House. I can’t wait until I can call it the White House again. It can’t come soon enough to suit me.
I think antichrist is sufficient. But I also like Circus Peanut because it's orange, it's associated with a circus, and it has no real substance. Also, it tastes like banana, so it's a bait-and-switch.
It's tuhwoo-- it's tuhwoo. Full credit to the wonderful Madeline Kahn and Mel Brooks in Blazing Saddles.
Hear hear ‼️
And the Pope agreed to bless it.
Thanks, Andy. I laughed at your placement of important words as I tried again to figure out how a great mind works. Then I went to the comments and saw all the clever responses. The TBR and its readers give hope to my world. I am so old and tired, all I can say is I hope the whole tRump cabal goes STRAIT to hell.
Happy Monday Andy ! Brilliant and hilarious start to another week of Trump madness! 😂I hope the Ayatollah does not have the same luck as Trump and his renovations! Of course marble, gold and self promotion will definitely do the trick ! Thanks! 😂💕
So funny Andy - and great comments everyone. There's almost nothing left to say except something about a gold-plated toilet and I'm hovering over that one!
“The golden pilers were spectacular!” Family of sixteen, eating cheese sandwiches and drinking sea water going through the Strait with their 16 foot row boat.
I hope that the toll booth, in addition to having marble armrests, will be gold plated.
I'm actually concerned about the well-being of any employee who has to sit in the marble-arm-rested toll booth seat. It's difficult to imagine a light-weight comfy-cushioned seat being up to the demands of the marble armrests. Has anyone considered how long a toll collector can sit on such a seat before the screams of his nerves override his ability to calculate the tolls.
Please note: I'm concerned about EMPLOYEE well-being here: the boss is free to make his own rules and change them whenever his bum gets numb.