Iran Warns It Considers Having to Spend More Time With JD Vance an Act of War
TEHRAN (The Borowitz Report)—In a major setback for Donald J. Trump, Iranian negotiators warned on Wednesday that having to spend “even one more minute” with JD Vance would be considered “an act of war.”
“We spent twenty-one hours with this odious loser and refuse to endure such excruciating torture ever again,” the Iranians’ statement read.
According to White House sources, Trump hopes that the mere specter of being trapped in the same room as Vance will compel Iran to reopen the Strait of Hormuz and abandon their nuclear program.
But his strategy could run afoul of the Geneva Conventions, which consider a human repellent like Vance a biological weapon.
WATCH: Video Reveals Trump’s Sexual Misconduct With Children
Trump’s Cabinet is a formidable arsenal of human repellents.
Iranians insist Trump open the Epstein files before any further consideration of opening the Strait of Hormuz.