Jeanine Pirro and Pete Hegseth in Vicious Fight over Eyebrow Pencil

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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As TV cameras were brought in for a White House meeting on Monday, a vicious battle erupted between Jeanine Pirro and Pete Hegseth over an eyebrow pencil.

According to a witness, Hegseth was in the process of doing “a little touch up” when Pirro brazenly swiped the pencil out of his hand.

A no-holds-barred wrestling match between the two former Fox hosts ensued, resulting in the pencil tumbling to the carpet and being pocketed by JD Vance.

Reportedly, Hegseth was philosophical about losing the pencil since Pirro failed to abscond with the three minibar whiskeys hidden in his pants.