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Melissa Colbert's avatar

So JD Vance managed to out Fox both of them!

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Alan's avatar

The makeup triumvirate can adopt a new unifying motto: "If you can't go highbrow -- go eyebrow!"

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It's Come to This's avatar

Three butt-ugly drag queens....

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John Townsend's avatar

--or just three butt-ugly drags!

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Bill Williamson's avatar

Exactly.

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Gerry Boyce's avatar

That’s wonderful

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Linda's avatar

Well done Alan!

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Bradford W.'s avatar

or if you want MAGA purity - go unibrow

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Kate Decker's avatar

Hilarious! :-) !!

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Annette's avatar

<golf clap>

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Mary Roeser's avatar

Well said, Alan!!

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Elisabeth Birker's avatar

Hahaha 😆. Good one, Alan!

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Trophy's yours, Alan.

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Alan's avatar

Suzanne, I'd gladly trade the trophy for a return to Democracy and sanity!

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Amen to that, Alan

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Mary Appel's avatar

Or lowbrow

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Ellie Solo's avatar

Outfox Fox!

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Alan's avatar

Melissa -- Yes, Justa "outfoxed" Peter Pecker and Perturbed Pirro.

One key point is that the absconded eyebrow pencil needs to be very carefully handled by Justa so it does not stain his favorite couch!

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Mary Roeser's avatar

EWWWWWW! I want that image out of my head!!

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Alan's avatar

Mary and Michael -- their one true form of expertise is evoking "eews" from the TBR community.

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Michael's avatar

Alan - eeeeww!

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

LOL

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Annette's avatar

<golf clap>

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Amy 0415's avatar

😂😂😂😂😂😂

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Kate Decker's avatar

Wit!!!

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Rob Haley's avatar

That's the problem with DUI hires...

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Timothy P's avatar

To bad the convicts dementia and selective hearing haven't gotten him to relate their DUIs with DEI. It could fix two of our problems.

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It's Come to This's avatar

"It's mine, bitch!"

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John Townsend's avatar

"No! Mine, media whore!"

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Rob Haley's avatar

Full disclosure:I stole the term outright from the brilliant Jasmine Crockett!

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Annette's avatar

but sharing is caring :)

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Al Keim's avatar

IUD

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Annette's avatar
2dEdited

oh, if only their mothers had used them!

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Annette's avatar

<standing ovation> and three gold stars for the day!!

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Michael's avatar

Agree

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Jim Carmichael's avatar

Thanks, Andy,first smile of the day!

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Moonstone7's avatar

Yes! First laugh-out-loud for the day! Thanks, Andy!

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Neal's avatar

Mr. Borowitz, there is no one funnier than you on this planet!

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Kathy's avatar

But you have to admit, the current administration is a goldmine of absurdity… Trump & Company are like the Benny Hill show so easy to mock everything that happens minute by minute

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MLK's avatar

This admin is like that of Idiocracy, a prescient 2005 film, in which the pres and cabinet are stupid, corrupt, pervs, illiterate, environmental nightmares, and incompetent. Nevertheless, that cast of characters outwits the current one.

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Lynn Tuohy's avatar

That was the movie that made my daughter and her boyfriend to help save the world by getting married and having children. All we need to do now is to wait a few years for them to get elected!

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Mary Appel's avatar

That movie was a perfect rendition of where we find ourselves.

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Annette's avatar

I was thinking the tRump administration was more a combination of "Let's Make a Deal!" "The Gong Show" and "Laugh-In"

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Celia Smith's avatar

and "Orange is the New Dictator"

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Michael's avatar

Or "Twilight Zone"

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D ODonnell's avatar

That’s the one.

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Kathleen D. Pierce's avatar

Not Laugh In! That was libral political!

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Robin D's avatar

If it wasn't real life actually happening to us, this could be a Stanley Kubrik movie. Comedy Gold.

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Barbara Wilson Parks's avatar

This administration is perfect fodder for SNL and comedians.

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lougee's avatar

yeah but benny hill never hurt anyone

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Kathy's avatar

Benny Hill entertained us with humor; Trump isn’t trying to entertain us; he’s not smart enough to know we are laughing at him. But he is hurting us. So not funny.

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Mary Appel's avatar

But he was gross

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Kate Decker's avatar

I especially liked the beginning shot of Benny Hill, industriously pedaling his Tricycle in a tiny circle until quickly falling over on the ground sideways. I wonder if this is what mr trumpf is trying to do...?

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Harriett Breihan's avatar

Except Dave Barry. Does he use eyebrow pencil?? Do you???

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Re: Dave Barry. Stay tuned!!

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Annette's avatar

be still my heart!! Two icons on the same screen? I won't be able to sleep!!!!

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Melissa's avatar

Dave Barry will be at the Gaithersburg book festival May 17 at 1:15 pm according to their schedule.

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Lynn Foord's avatar

Could you two have a Mano - Mano column contest??

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

What about Carl Hiasson?

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

Yes, please! Carl, Dave and Andy together!

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Harriett Breihan's avatar

I’m a little old lady with an inherited sense of humor! Lucky me.

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Kate Decker's avatar

True, innit? :-) !!

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Paul's avatar

Can the TBR community do an on line comparison of the Pope vs the Dope.....America's two most famous spokespeople?

Like who is more fluent in languages? Who has more followers? Who won their position by a wider margin? the list is endless .....the conclave is”Making America Great Again”

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Nicole Barenbaum's avatar

And who knows anything about Christianity?

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Michael Stayton's avatar

And the Bible?

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MLK's avatar

In contrast, the Electoral College is Making America Go Assbackwards.

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Kate Decker's avatar

Yes. the smart young people wanting to enter the Congress could change this bad trajectory (The new voices and minds -- Maxwell Frost, AOC and others -- could replace a lot of the dead-wood, non functioning, Congress persons currently in pplaace, who do not fight for our Country, but instead just sit quietly holding onto their paychecks). The Electoral Collega and Citizens United and also Gerrymandering all do a lot of harm to the election process. It will not change until someone changes it.

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Moonstone7's avatar

Why are we still clinging to these ancient religions?

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Kathy's avatar

Be prepared for Pope Leo to kick butt, subtly or maybe not so subtly. Leo is profoundly moral - I’m not claiming he’s perfect, no one is- and is diametrically opposite of our scoundrel conman “king” & his palace fools.

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Garnette Long's avatar

Perhaps Pope Leo's first visit could be to El Salvador to put the squeeze on Bukele

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Michael's avatar

But judging from his actions, I doubt Bukele himself would be too receptive. But his population would and that's why it would be advisable for him to discourage a papal visit. Same dynamic would apply if Trump were asked to host a papal visit. I don't think Trump could legally stop Leo from visiting America but he would certainly try to minimize thev impact and seize the news cycle by some kind of major distraction. I would bet you anything that a number of authoritarian governments including our own are busy trying to dig up dirt from Leo's past.

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Joseph M Becker's avatar

OMG.

What if, as a Villanova undergrad, Robert Prevost participated in the St. Patrick’s Day pub crawl along Lancaster Avenue? That would be confirmation - pun not intended - that he grew up as normal person. Did the College of Cardinals elected an American as a giant FUCK YOU to Catholic convert JD Vance, who precipitated the passing of Pope Francis? [Perhaps that was not a rhetorical question on my part.]

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Michael's avatar

Maybe because the new ones we create are a bit crappier?

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andrea sobel's avatar

And I just read Trump

took credit for the new pope. (Because American Catholics love him …or rather he stacked the SC with people who swore Roe was settled law-ha! ). I’d laugh if it couldn’t be sadder.

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Richard Scharf's avatar

We have a president who develops personal relationships with TV personalities in his head, and those are essentially all the "friends" he has.

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Janeo's avatar

And he believes TV movies are real!

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Richard, if you're slurring Howdy Doody, please reconsider.

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Al Keim's avatar

Or Shari Lewis!

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Annette's avatar

sing along with me . . . "this is the BS that never ends, it goes on and on, my friends"

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Robin D's avatar

He could do worse than being friends.with "Lamb Chop".

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

And he has, at every turn. However, Robin, if you're referring to Richard and not trump, ignore my comment.

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Robin D's avatar

I was referring to Al Keim who mentioned Shari Lewis about Trump's "friends". I loved Lamb Chop.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

I certainly missed that boat, didn't I? Everyone loved Lamb Chop for being such a, well, lamb chop.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Yes, a far more serious offense. Present vorpal blades!

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Al Keim's avatar

Shari was a respite in a sea of childhood angst.

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Suzanne's avatar

Soupy Sales was that person for me.

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Celia Smith's avatar

Onions Oregano, White Fang, Pookie!

I don't remember a whole lot of the show, but know I loved it. It ran from 1953-1966.

Just skimmed one on YT and BB King was on it.

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Al Keim's avatar

Was he the guy who sold carrots?

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Totally. Alas, I very rarely watched her show back then. I discovered as an adult how good she was. My recall is fuzzy, but I suspect that I saw more of her when she'd be a guest on one or another of the adult variety shows?

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Al Keim's avatar

TV was not something we children had any control of so my memories are brief but profound. They serve as a reminder to me of just how powerful a kind word can be.

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

L.R., I remember my Aunt Helene,(a very influential New Yorker) getting

my sister and I into the "Peanut Gallery" one time. I was totally disillusioned

by the set, the puppeteer and Clarabell snarling, "OK kids. Showtime. Keep

it down!" It took a large, chocolate cone for my poor Aunt to undo the

damage.

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Michael's avatar

Suzanne! My parents did the very same thing on a smaller scale. Somehow they got me on a locally produced children's TV show in Houston circa 1953 or so. In a brightly lit tv studio we kids were seated on three wood bleachers and had to endure a horrid entertainer and his clown sidekick standing in front of us talking incomprehensibly. Now I'm old and can't remember what I ate last night, but this memory comes popping In. Time flies...

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Suzanne, I can believe there was grounds for your reaction to being in the studio. Clarabell was pretty beastly-looking, for starters. The whole thing was off just watching from home. Buffalo Bob seemed sweaty. I don't know what it was about that show. Howdy, too, was no treat. None of them, marionette or human. Hey, why don't you come to the city, if you're elsewhere, and let's go to the Peanut Gallery together. More ice cream cones!

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Best offer I've had in years! lol Sorry. I'm in Wash.St. and air trans-

portation is a little dodgy these days. My luck, they'd fly me into

Newark.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Shucks, on first reading, I thought you meant Washington Street in the Village. We'd certainly want better than Newark Airport for you.

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Michael's avatar

Out here on the Left Coast where I currently reside we don't have such travel problems. We just hitch a ride on a passing beaver as it swims by. Beats the Staten Island Ferry!

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Richard Scharf's avatar

I'm sure Mr. Doody will have other puppets within the administration to socialize.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Somehow you just made me flash on a rude children's joke about H.D, It was told to me in childhood by a friend a couple of years older. Dare I whisper it?

"Howdy Doody is his stage name. What is his real name?"

"Hello Sh*t."

I blanch slightly for having understood it at the time.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Thanks so much, Suzanne. I was afraid someone would slap me. Not for the naughtiness of the joke, but for its stupididity.

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

I think it's hilarious. Never heard it, of course. Back "in the day"

boys didn't swear in front of girls usually. But funny, nevertheless.

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Barbara Greer's avatar

Yeah but don't forget the fearful sycophants and the grifters--count ALL the votes!

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Stephen Brady's avatar

3 minibar whiskies - that is just one drink for Kegstand Pete. But he probably has 8-10 cases stashed in his office in toilet tanks around the Pentagon.

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Robin D's avatar
2dEdited

Imagine when they call.the plumber to unstuff the toilets with all the ripped up top secret notes they flushed and find the booze instead 😂

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MLK's avatar

Kegsbreath's supply is stashed in the the drawers of his makeup table.

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Peter Murphy's avatar

Your “leakers” are amazing!

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Barry Blue's avatar

Unfortunately not so much for The Yam’s Depends

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Michael's avatar

He buys them by the truckload, poor fellow.

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Dick Shaw's avatar

LOL Monday morning satire for sure…. 👍

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Hollis's avatar

Fortunately for the three, Matt Gaetz is out of the DC competition. He's been reduced to using non-government funded eyebrow pencil.

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Annette's avatar

or he borrows his teenage girlfriend's

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D ODonnell's avatar

Ouch! 10 points, Annette…

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Lynn Foord's avatar

Any update on his lawsuit against his bargain basement plastic surgeon?

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Donna S Swarr's avatar

I find more disturbing the plastic wire sticking out of the back of Hegseth's neck, ya, some are going to say that it is part of the ear piece, but I think it is something much more sinister.

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Robin D's avatar
2dEdited

It's part of the puppet string...like a.marionette. Or the Neuralink Elon installed to control him.

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Mary Greenwald's avatar

Nah - its mainline Bud Lite.

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Annette's avatar

I think this his USB connection, where they plug him in at night . . . or it could be an anti-alcohol detection device.

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Robin D's avatar

😂😂😂 His battery to power him up in the morning after his hangovers.

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Bradford W.'s avatar

It wasn't so much of a wrestling match as a highly choreographed dance - the Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

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Babawawa's avatar

😝😝🤬

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Susan Stone's avatar

Priceless! Thank you for a good laugh.

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Annette's avatar

<golf clap>

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Glenn Ebo Perry's avatar

Have you witnessed the anti-Trump stance of DeNiro?

It’s a top-notch performance by a patriot hero.

But the actor who cunningly played Travis Bickle,

would no doubt find himself in a thespian pickle.

In the face of astonishing Judge Jeannine Pirro.

Now, imagine the war fighter,

Hesgeth the bold.

He wants babes that are hot and brews that are cold.

He has tattoos that link him to mead-swilling Vikings

It’s clear that Valhalla would be to his liking.

When the tales of his steadfast command have been told.

Picture Pete, with the rictus of rage on his face.

And Jeannine, ever loath to accept second place.

Is it judo or boxing they use in their smiting?

No; the deadliest combat: ‘tis Fox News in-fighting.

What’s at stake? A new Maybelline eye make-up case.

Jeannine cries, “Give it up! Or I’ll make your life Hell,

By disturbing your coif with it’s

Bulletproof gel!”

Pete replies, “You’re insane, Jeannine, reach for the sky!

I’ve had four Navy Seals confiscate your hair dye!”

Pete was right. That dark dye has a chemical smell.

But the worst reputation is Veep JD Vance’s

He’s the creep with the furniture oil on his pantses.

And the deadliest member of this lethal trio.

We must keep him away from the Pope, pious Leo.

Lest poor Leo ends up like the saintly Pope Francis.

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Susan Kice's avatar

This is so good! Thanks Glenn!

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Glenn Ebo Perry's avatar

Roll out the port cannons

Give the mainbrace a splice

We will sail the ship “Freedom”

Through fire and ICE.

At the helm, as we’re cruisin’,

It’s brave Susan Kice.

She’s a substacker veteran;

To be more precise,

When she praises my verses

My throat gets a lump.

For we share the despair of

Unbearable Trump.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘴𝘦𝘴 -- Such gleeful poetic license and all that goes with it followed by your paean to Susan make this a special day at TBR. Andy's okay, too.

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Glenn Ebo Perry's avatar

Think of F. Murray Abramson, actor supreme,

But no match for L.R., every Substacker’s dream.

How could we ever tolerate

Trump’s tide of merde

If we all were not sure L.R. Abramson cared.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

My thanks, good sir.

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Susan Kice's avatar

I am the luckiest sub stacker! Poetry!

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Glenn Ebo Perry's avatar

I would deserve to be swiftly whacked

If I rudely claimed: “Susan Kice is Stacked!”

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Michael's avatar

Indeed you would sir!

If Glenn Ebo claimed that Susan was stacked

How not very nice! Such couth he would lack!

But Glenn is a wit and knows what he's doing

So the very nice Kise, Glenn Ebo, is

not sueing.

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Susan Kice's avatar

Everyone would be disappointed!🤣🤣🤣😝😝😝

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Michael's avatar

Now Glenn may write a ditty, my own to surpass

And show such wit, such invention such class

As TBR poet laureate he has just claim

My only recourse is to speak my old flame

Using Latin, a tongue few can decipher

Poësis est vinum dæmonum

sed gratiur!

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Robin K's avatar

You know I sang it !🎵 Lol

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Glenn Ebo Perry's avatar

So, a Robin is singing,

And you’re in a park.

L.A.R. with the K means

You might be a lark.

At the end of this verse

Ever cheerful and free,

Is the Mainer’s own bird,

The black-capped Chickadee.

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Susan Kice's avatar

Me too!

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CynthiaLH's avatar

OMG! Another out loud laugh!! Thanks so much, Andy!

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John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

Check out SNL!

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

I posted this headline on Facebook before SNL. But there are plenty of drinking jokes to go around with this clown car. 😀

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Ellie Solo's avatar

Your comedy is so creative. A mood-salvation.

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Alan's avatar
2dEdited

Andy -- Lorne Michaels should have given you credit before the characters shouted out "Live from New York .....".

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Annette's avatar

I honestly think we've graduated from clown car to clown school bus (or perhaps Qatar luxury jet)

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Babawawa's avatar

😝

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John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

I should have wrote: check out SNL. Hilarious skit.

See you in Princeton Andy! I might be bringing my nieces to offset the grey. maybe a 10 minute stand up? Update on Dr. Ho and others he might have almost killed?

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Al Keim's avatar

Oh yes Dr. Ho!

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Celia Smith's avatar

I just watched a few old SNL news bits with Cecily Strong as Judge Jeanine Boxwine - hilarious!

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Bob Graham's avatar

Why does Pirro look like a twit and Hegseth look like a criminal? Does the Trumpster only know Fox folks to pick from? And VD Vance should stay home on his couch. On another note, I never knew American Presidents could take a gift like a B747 jumbo jet from a foreign government. Seems kind of like a bribe.

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Liz Schick's avatar

Ya think???!!

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Octavia Redwood's avatar

plus-it's probably wired for sound recording; could have a

'kill switch" to be detonated from afar. I wouldn't trust it.

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Annette's avatar

if that's the case, Octavia, I wouldn't stop the gift giving <wink>

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Octavia Redwood's avatar

and they gave me this really cool beeper....

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Annette's avatar

<snort laugh>

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DeeDeeBee's avatar

Prawlee is considered a bribe...but, so what? No laws can be applied to TFF's actions. Perhaps that government will throw in a few dolls as a bonus. No tariffs involved.

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Babawawa's avatar

No bribes!!! 😂

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Frau Katze's avatar

Apparently he’s picked over 20 people from Fox in both terms. I think he spends a lot of time watching Fox.

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Robin D's avatar

VD Vance 😂 Hope he practices safe sofa. He's such a slut. I'll bet when you go to the Naval Observatory the sofas have plastic covers on them and Usha doesn't let the kids near them.

Doesn't every American Dictator get a spyware/malware infected/surveillanced spied on and listened to booby trapped 💣🛬 🙏 747 with solid gold seatbelts from Qatar or Saudia Arabia?

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Bob Graham's avatar

Interesting thought, but probably the DoD would check it out carefully. So maybe the guy will eat too many hamburgers or catch something serious from Laura Loomer.

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