464 Comments
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MB Matthews, she/her's avatar

Any word on whether they're bringing in the abacus? Or is that tool too DEI?

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

It's from China! It's EVIL!

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Kate Adams's avatar

Probably created in a lab.

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Bobbie75's avatar

Slide rule is bad enough.

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Al Keim's avatar

I remember giant wall hung instructional slide rules:-) The leather cased device was a badge of honor in some circles. The circles that ate by themselves and never got a date.

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Susan Stone's avatar

My parents both had and used slide rules regularly. They were mathematicians, and those were the days before computers. Although my mother was a human computer.

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Al Keim's avatar

My first computer at work was a desk top Wang with neon digits that was tied to a central computer.

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Susan Stone's avatar

My mother, who as I said, was a human computer, learned scientific programming on the job at The Rand Corporation, starting my freshman year in college. As I recall, she had stacks of cards that ran through a central computer. She did not have a desk top computer. That would have been in the spring of 1963.

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Al Keim's avatar

I remember the cards. The 2000 election with the hanging chads brought them back:-)

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Jon Beard's avatar

Ah, yes, the Wang "word processor". A fine piece of prehistoric text editing equipment.

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Mandy S. Twiny's avatar

My dad is very proud to say a slide rule took him all the way through a Master's in engineering!

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Susan Walker's avatar

I still have mine. It's tucked away in a drawer in my (home) office.

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Al Keim's avatar

That was you!!

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

I have one also! As I downsize, I wonder what I should do with it? Antique store where we have a booth? Or my nephew, with his University Degree in Computer Science?

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Al Keim's avatar

Wait till the tariff business settles down. They may make a comeback ala the Costner movie The Postman.

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John Townsend's avatar

A garden stake? Used in a flowerpot?

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Jon Beard's avatar

I remember slide rules ... never became proficient, but I usually had plenty of company at lunch!

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Al Keim's avatar

Yeah, you probably sat there licking your eyebrows.

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Jon Beard's avatar

Couldn't quite reach my eyebrows. You?

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Al Keim's avatar

I wouldn't have been sitting with a bunch of nerdy guys if I could.

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Louise Yanuck's avatar

No. But I'm sure they're going to warn is about that terrorist, Al-Gebra.

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John Townsend's avatar

Believe me, I felt terrorized by algebra!

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MB Matthews, she/her's avatar

My algebra teacher was also the football coach. I remember nothing about algebraic equations but know quite a bit about football as we would spend Friday's class going over the game plan and Monday doing post-game review. It traumatized my already weak math skills!

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Gerry Boyce's avatar

It’s too DEI. Goodness!!!! lol

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Mike Sabes's avatar

Too complicated for the press secretary to comprehend. Any number not using her fingers baffles her.

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Darrell's avatar

I'm surprised Leavitt knows there is such a thing as math.

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Kenneth Jacobs's avatar

Apparently Caroline’s math is not adding up!

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Patti's avatar

Math can do it to a brain.

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Clym Yeobright's avatar

They are trying to suppress our population with the logarhythm method

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Frau Katze's avatar

lol 😺

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Alan's avatar

Clym, or as Robin Williams used to say, "dropping a log" when upset. 💩

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John Townsend's avatar

Q.E.D, they should be proposing IUD's.

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Susan McIntosh's avatar

They are trying to turn our children into math-heads.

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John Townsend's avatar

They'd regret it. The next generation would become too smart to fall

for idiots like Trump and his Coup Clucks Clan!

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LYNN COOK's avatar

Priceless, John!.🤗👌

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John's avatar

Ooh, that is some dad joke quality right there.

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John Townsend's avatar

Even a grand-dad joke!

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John Townsend's avatar

Only if one has a brain!

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William Ferry's avatar

That assumes she has one...

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Clym Yeobright's avatar

Have you seen the trump family attempt math? Google ‘trump multiply 17’ and watch the Mother Jones video of their appearance on Howard Stern. It explains … a lot!

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Let's pinpoint the ludicrousness by pointing out that it's mere arithmetic, not great, big, scary math? (I'm correct, aren't I?)

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Clym Yeobright's avatar

I’m stunned that trump keeps insisting his answer is right even after it’s been proven wrong. As always. Here, have a glass of bleach …

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John Townsend's avatar

--mixed with garlic; crucifixes attached to side of drinking vessel.

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Susan Stone's avatar

Thank you for the distinction. My mathematician parents spent a lot of time correcting me when I referred to arithmetic as math.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Susan, I can't guess who made the distinction in my youth, but it stuck in my head. On the other hand, arithmetic was slow to penetrate it. Long division was devilment as were most other things. I took plane geometry in HS soph year and that was the end -- I'd met the minimum requirement and ran. My father always helped, though. He'd liked math and was good. It struck me that, at his funeral, I saw one of his first cousins who I hadn't seen in decades. It had been so long and the contact was never frequent earlier that he'd forgotten that my father had a daughter. (He didn't say as much, but I could see his eyes widen.) He shared something that made me happy: My father, 6 or 8 years older than he, would show him arithmetic and math problems when cousin was a kid. He went on and, at retirement, held the rank of professor emeritus from Columbia. He credited my father for being the spark. (As Mr. Twain wrote, had I more time, this would have been shorter. Something like that.)

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Susan Stone's avatar

Neat story, L.R. I wish my parents had helped me with math. Their attitude always was that if they knew it, their kids should automatically know it, too. (Apparently they did not know that the LaMarckian theory of inheritance, does not work on humans, only on Planaria flatworms). I think they didn't want to get that involved with helping us directly. I think the reason I went as far as trig was because I was expected to, and not given a choice. I have mathematical aptitude. When I was in the 8th grade they gave a test, and the best scorers got to have a whole year of algebra in the second semester. I think that, plus lack of help, is what made math difficult for me.

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

LaMarck? Planaria? Yes, the path your heart took.

Now that you mention algebra, I had one semester -- which would have fulfilled the requirement for a diploma -- after the year of plane geometry. Or was it the other way around? I can dig out my report cards (it wasn't until my adulthood that I found my father had kept all of them from 1st grade) and check. Do I care that much? It's 'almost' interesting that these things come back, don't you think?

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Patti's avatar

How did they handle it when you shouted “trigonometry?”

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Susan Stone's avatar

Um… I never shouted trigonometry, except perhaps to shout about how much I hated it. (I ended up with a C average, but my second quarter I had a D average). I think they respected everything above the four basic functions of arithmetic.

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

Susan, you did not need to like trig. I am sure there were other subjects that you excelled at. Proof being that you read TBR.

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Clym Yeobright's avatar

I sit corrected :)

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Good fellow.

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Larry Bushard's avatar

Yeah, and Yam Tits said that Abrego Garcia’s knuckles were not photoshopped and argued for several minutes.

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Bill's avatar

Trump is a moron, and I don't mean to insult the morons.

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Kate Decker's avatar

Pleased to see that you have noted the difference. Trumpf is clearly in a class of his own.

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John Townsend's avatar

Let us say "category". Trump has no class!

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LYNN COOK's avatar

My immediate thought, John!.

NO CLASS AT ALL!

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Kate Decker's avatar

Good point. We could also say "Dumpster". Glad you pointed out the linguistic slip-up. I cant think what I could have been thinking. :-)

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Mike Sabes's avatar

Dummy has no clue

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Mary Roeser's avatar

I watched that! And these people supposedly graduated from UPenn? Clearly, they have no standards for matriculation or for graduation. But then, I do remember hearing somewhere that Daddy bought the Convicted Felon's diploma and the Felon bought his children's.

By the way, I did the math in my head in about 2 seconds, with time left over to get a drink of water. Got the right answer, too: 102.

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Clym Yeobright's avatar

I have to think of all the immigrants working two menial jobs trying to get ahead … who could solve this as quickly and easily as did you and I - with time left over to get a drink of water. Trumps: explain this concept of ‘meritocracy’ to us again, please!

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John Townsend's avatar

Don't rely on any of their explanations!

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Robin D's avatar

Wharton School of Business Grads …”I’m like, really smart” 🎓🏆

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Bill's avatar

I am expecting Wharton to withdraw tRUMP's diploma. Currently, he is VERY BAD advertising for the Biz School.

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Clym Yeobright's avatar

Ivanka: What are the little people for if not this?

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John Townsend's avatar

To multiply and then revolt!

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MLK's avatar

Is anyone else finding that video is totally garbled? I would so love to see these twits hard at work on 3rd grade math.

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Clym Yeobright's avatar

Just watched it on two different devices with no problem. Hmmm …

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Catherine Alvarez's avatar

Oh that one where they were counting on their fingers 😃

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Alan's avatar

Kenneth,

The next step is banning the foundation of K-6 education by adding READING" and "WRITING" to "RITHMETIC" on the bad list. And here's their justification:

1) April 2025 Pennsylvania news article: Two people arrested in READING drug bust.

2) Writers should not warn about autocracies: ALDOUS HUXLEY, the Author of "Brave New World", took large amounts of mescaline and came up with works of pure WRITING brilliance. He was even introduced to LSD and mushrooms.

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Patti's avatar

All this while laying down the foundation for E=mc(squared).

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Alan's avatar

Patti, that's not physics or math. It's simply pushing another button when one doesn't get their way. 🤔

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Patti's avatar

And I am not ashamed to admit I don’t know the difference! Point well taken.

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Christopher Sweet's avatar

I’m sure some MAGA citizen’s group will demand that READING change its name to something less WOKE.

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Alan's avatar

They may change READING to EMOJI, PA --to send a "Signal" to their followers 🤔

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John Townsend's avatar

Nothing about her adds up. It only divides.

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Patti's avatar
18hEdited

As long as it doesn’t multiply, John.

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Wendy Holtzman's avatar

As a retired math teacher I’m saying “if this is true we need all the migrants we can get.”

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Bobbie75's avatar

Taught math when I subbed at a local Jr High. They were astounded that I could do simple math without a calculator. I was an English major who hadn’t seen the inside of a math class in more than 50 years and I could do better without one than they could do with one. 🙄

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Al Keim's avatar

One cheeburger, one cheeburger, one cheeburger!

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Paula Dean Coykendall's avatar

No fries - cheeps! No Coke - Pepsi!

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Hugh Jarce's avatar

Which, taken together, is 3 or perhaps 4 cheebuger. How did I do?

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LYNN COOK's avatar

Did you mean cheatburgers....flies onna side?

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Al Keim's avatar

No 1 knows.

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Clym Yeobright's avatar

It’s going the way of Linear A

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Michael's avatar

As Yoda would say, an educated man you are!

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Clym Yeobright's avatar

“C’mon, Dad! I’m the only kid in my class who has to take Linear A lessons. What’s the use of learning it when in 3,000 years there won’t be anybody who can read it? Lemme go play with my friends. Please!”

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Michael's avatar

Better do better in your Linear B lessons then

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Clym Yeobright's avatar

“It’s all Greek to me, Dad. And I don’t even know what ‘Greek’ means!”

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Mary Roeser's avatar

I remember showing a student how to find a square root without a calculator. He looked at me like I was speaking some language not known in this galaxy.

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Bobbie75's avatar

I would have been happy to have them do addition and subtraction.

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Wendy Holtzman's avatar

Don’t get me started!

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Mary Roeser's avatar

I'm a retired Latin and French teacher and I say exactly the same thing!! Bring on those immigrants and their math!! The more, the merrier!!

It was, after all, immigrants (Arabs) who brought their numeration system to Europe which spelled the end of using Roman numerals. Roman numerals have no zero, which made multiplication and division impossible. The Arabic numerals do have a zero, which made them infinitely more useful. And they brought that bogeyman of middle-schoolers everywhere, namely algebra.

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Ursel Dougherty's avatar

🤞👍👍👍

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Patricia Taylor's avatar

Hurry, DOD. Bring on the weapons of math destruction.

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Clym Yeobright's avatar

Dethtruction?

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David T Moran's avatar

That will be talked about in the next signal confab!

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BTAM Master's avatar

You win the internet for the day!

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

I was given a rolling ruler a while back. As I have not yet taken time to wonder what the hell it's for or how to use it, will it be of use in the current project?

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Christine Iwasa (CA)'s avatar

I use mine often. Draw parallel lines with it

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Thanks, Christine. The one time I handled it brought to mind a car being driven by a drunk, veering in all directions. I'll give it a try and see what I can make of it. It could come in handy.

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Cass's avatar

😂😂😂 Math destruction.

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Hollis's avatar

😄

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Already have, Patricia. They're called Pam Bondi.

40 lbs of Fentanyl saved 75% of our population.

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MLK's avatar

They already have. It's the spawn of Linda McMahon and Tim Homan.

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Laura Fissinger's avatar

Ouch!! I love it.

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Marlene Lerner-Bigley (CA)'s avatar

BRAVA!!😃👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

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Glenn Ebo Perry's avatar

If we find ourselves mired in conflict once more,

Donald Trump will explain how it’s Joe Biden’s war.

And the algebra learning that migrants are hidin’

Comes in Hunter’s cursed laptop! Again, blame a Biden.

Did Macron and the French mock Dear Leader from Paris?

Magic Eight Ball 🎱 and Trump both blame Kamala Harris.

Here’s a fact: ever-innocent Vladimir Putin

Did not launch the troops and the tanks, or start shootin’.

Indeed, the first volleys were fired from Ukraine:

Biden helping Zelenskyy expand his domain.

There are now ranks of Mounties, prepared to go forth

On a cross-border blitzkrieg from out of the North.

They are there under orders, Pete Hesgeth will show

From that devilish demon we call Sleepy Joe.

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Clym Yeobright's avatar

Brilly! As usual. Thanks, Glenn

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Glenn Ebo Perry's avatar

Clym,

Back atcha. Let’s start a mutual admiration society. We’ll both feel double plus good AND be in step with the “Administration”. Glenn

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Dr. Judith Schlesinger's avatar

Double plus good, yup. Even Orwell could not have predicted all this. Of course, there was no social media to factor in...

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John Townsend's avatar

Only the giant television screens one could not turn off in your rooms.

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Dr. Judith Schlesinger's avatar

It's only a matter of time until we get telescreens. In fact, phones are almost there, picking up personal information and preferences from your apps and such. It's already a two-way street.

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Michael's avatar

Oi! Everything Tickety-boo Clym?

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

How very Britty of you. I'm going to borrow it, but judiciously, of course.

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Clym Yeobright's avatar

Is that British? I learned it from a beer advert

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

lol

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Dunno if it's Brit, but it has that ring to my ear. Maybe it should be Breer or Breery. Was the advert for a British beer?

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Amazing! Love your poems!

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Cass's avatar

😂 You're a poet laureate

Did you know that?

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Jan Fabiyi's avatar

I LOVE this!

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L. R. Abramson's avatar

Glenn, your work stuns and makes grins. It is a joy that you're here. I went again, as I did the other day, to read Dylan's lyrics. They got me teary, yet I've heard that, in deference to you, he's reverting to "Zimmerman" and moving to Duluth. He has taste.

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John Townsend's avatar

While Trump is delivered

another reality-blow!

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Patti's avatar

Harlem/Harvard, meth/math. Perhaps I’ll write something in terza rima.

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The Rickster's avatar

Andy’s current work makes more sense than the alternate reality of what’s coming out of the WH.

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

As always. That's why we LOVE Andy!

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Al Keim's avatar

Let's call the hole thing off.

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

LOL

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Kenneth Jacobs's avatar

On a different topic, as I had absurdly, but presciently suggested here recently, that Trump was going to throw his hat into the ring for the next Pope. His qualifications? He wants another important title, he pimps bibles, and he once actually held a bible in a promotional photo.

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MB Matthews, she/her's avatar

And the Vatican is an independent state! He'd have another country to rule, and the Cardinals are already used to kissing the ring.

And think of all the gold ornamentation! I swear he's trying to turn the Oval Office into the Vatican. Just look at recent pics of it.

https://vatican.com/The-Vaticans-government/

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Linda Fairchild's avatar

It's about the pope-mobile. Really cool on a golf course.

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Laura Fissinger's avatar

Oh! Of course!

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Al Keim's avatar

Francis bar the door!

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Phyllis Mass's avatar

Thereby cementing the white Christian doctrine of church in state!

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John Townsend's avatar

---or church of hate!

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Barry Blue's avatar

Nah. It’s just a re-creation of his Nana’s living room.

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Bradford W.'s avatar

even if it was upside-down

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Nicole Barenbaum's avatar

That Bible turned itself upside-down as a sign of distress!

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Al Keim's avatar

The two Corinthians fell out.

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Michael's avatar

And don't forget the Thessalonians.

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

One can never have enough Thessalonians

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Al Keim's avatar

Thessa sacrilege!

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

lol

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Cass's avatar

😂😂😂

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Bobbie75's avatar

Lindsay Graham told the Cardinals to keep an open mind. 🙄

While it is for life, Trump did miss the fact that it requires vows of celibacy and poverty, is required to write lengthy researched documents, not to mention wear something besides a blue suit and red tie.

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Phyllis Mass's avatar

Just as the law does not apply to him, neither do the Vatican rules.

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Bob Graham's avatar

Please. That’s Miss Lindsey…..

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J Cheng's avatar

I'm dying to see a meme of Saint Trump in the Pope hat.....

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Cass's avatar

😂 "Gold, precious gold. I'll be pope and Vatican City will be mine. All mine. If we see black smoke twice a day that means the selection is rigged."

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John Townsend's avatar

At least the Dominion company will be relieved to be out of the process.

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Jay F's avatar

Great call.

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Phyllis Mass's avatar

Say Trump would declare himself pope to amass as many titles as his ego allows. And that’s a lot.

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John Townsend's avatar

Okay, Heaven, anytime you want to throw that thunderbolt.....

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Paul Snyderman's avatar

I've given this some serious thought and recommend that, should he be chosen to be the next Pope, DJT selects his name to be "Pope Avarice the First".

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Mike Sabes's avatar

Upside down

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Michael Richmond's avatar

An interesting sidelight -- anyone else notice the great similarities in the photos of Leavitt and Bondi that adorn today's Borowitz Report front page? I think they're the same person, cloned by those annoying space lasers.

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Lynn Solte's avatar

They really do look scarily alike, but my guess is it's by design, because Trump is addicted to blonds who remind him of Ivanka (whom years ago he said he'd date, if she weren't his daughter.) Everything around him reflects his whims (including the now hideously tacky Oval Office) He really is a very sick man.

Sorry for going off on a tagent. You opened the floodgates!

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DeeDeeBee's avatar

Tangent -- another meth term? Uh oh... Be careful Lynn, be very careful!

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Al Keim's avatar

A sine of the times.

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

OK You get the groaner trophy today.

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Al Keim's avatar

Old men rule!

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Cass's avatar

Some old men just don't add up.

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Frau Katze's avatar

lol 😺

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Lynn Solte's avatar

Yes, ma'am! 😅

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Rosemary Ehle's avatar

Except that Bondi is 59 and Leavitt is 27. Nice try, Pam.

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Michael Richmond's avatar

Damn cloning by lasers. There's always a glitch.

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David T Moran's avatar

Actually a star trek transfer portal glitch

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Cass's avatar

😂😂😂 Excellent.

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MLK's avatar

It's the plastic surgery and dermatology laser treatments that make Bondi look like a space alien. If she were an ordinary alien and thus capable of doing math, she'd have at least one redeeming quality. Alas, she is just a zero.

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Isn't Bondi 35 goung on 80?.

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Phyllis Mass's avatar

Another lie. Levitt and Bondi are the same age. Levitt drank the substance. Math is everywhere. So are numbers.

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Rosemary Ehle's avatar

I think the worst destruction in the quest for the Mar-a-Lago face was Lara Trump.

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Phyllis Mass's avatar

And she’s married to the dummy Eric so she’s a double loser

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Octavia Redwood's avatar

yeah but I think Leavitt's hubby is Pam's age

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David T Moran's avatar

t-Rump does like his blonds

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Bobbie75's avatar

Both look like Ivanka. Guess who picked them.

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Louis Judson's avatar

Trump's Barbies...

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Michael Richmond's avatar

But he sure ain't Ken.

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John Townsend's avatar

--or Dr. Frankenstein has upped his game!

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J Cheng's avatar

Yes, they are straight out of casting for TV. Perhaps they are stand-ins for Invanka and Tiffany?

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Paul's avatar

and in other breaking news, donOLD's G.D.P has been shrinking during the past 100 days.

"I looked into this an his shrinkage, it is less then George Costanza's shrinkage" Karoline Leavitt reported....

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Jan Fabiyi's avatar

Trump will say it’s shrinking next winter because it’s cold.

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Clym Yeobright's avatar

I prefer her other Seinfeld quote: “They're real and they're spectacular”

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Cass's avatar

😂 Caroline claims he was in the pool.

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Bob Graham's avatar

Wonder when they will harvest the mushrooms?

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Rosemary Ehle's avatar

Math. We're on it!

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

Shh! If you say that, you will summon the demon Noem, clad in camouflage and stuffed with collagen! Begone, foul creature! We abjure you!

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MLK's avatar

As a brunette, Noem is ineligible from this week's thread. So, BBB, fear not!

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Sam Popkin's avatar

What’s next, Ethics?

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Clym Yeobright's avatar

Ethic cleansing

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Sam Popkin's avatar

Seems to be the Zeitgeist!

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Maria Jette's avatar

🏆

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Phyllis Mass's avatar

It’s already happened. Started during first admin.

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John Townsend's avatar

--using that orange citrus cleaning fluid found at Home Depot.

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Bob's avatar

In summation, the addition of migrants results in math multiplying exponentially, causing division among Trump's null set.

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Michael's avatar

You deserve a Fields Medal for that

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Clym Yeobright's avatar

You broke my brain with that one, Bob. Nice!

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Stephen Brady's avatar

A jewel, as usual, Andy! The Fascists truly do fear education, knowledge, experience, and expertise.

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Stephen Brady's avatar

I still have my slide rule from HS Physics (graduated in 1972).

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Carol Lama's avatar

We had to use one in college math, class of 67. Good old days?? At least we could do calculations if the batteries died.

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Stephen Brady's avatar

I'd have to find my glasses to position and read it, now.

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Michael's avatar

Man there's lots of you old fogies here! (sez me, Class of 1967)

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

Well, thank you! HS class of 1966, BA 1970, MA 1971. Yup, I'm really old.

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Michael's avatar

Hey Nancy, the 70's are the ones 50’s I keep telling myself

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Bob Graham's avatar

I thought logarithms was a band…..

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John Townsend's avatar

Only if you use string theory for the guitars.

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Stephen Brady's avatar

Remember the tables of them in the back of math textbooks?

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The Rickster's avatar

I’d love to hang one of those classroom sized six footers somewhere in my home.

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Al Keim's avatar

Next to the neon sign that points the way to the bathroom down the hall:-)

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Michael's avatar

I hear Vance is close to six feet. He's suitable for hanging somewhere

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gayle carper's avatar

I loved learning how to work that thing in high school (class of 1968). I sure hope someone somewhere still has a need to use one.

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Irna Gadd's avatar

The next epidemic immigrants will bring will be spelling. They ALL know how to spell COFFEE. They laugh at covefefe. So do citizens, but who’s counting? that would require numbers!

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Cass's avatar

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John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

As with drugs, math leads to harder maths such as algebra, trigonometry, calculus, and the dreaded hard core differential equations.

Street name:

diff-e-q’s.

If we can save just one kid from being hooked on differential equations, it is well worth stopping it at our borders!

Horrible!

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Al Keim's avatar

Diverse differential equal equations including invasion are a threat.

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John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

Nope. Never did it - never will. I got hooked on diff-e-q’s for 16 weeks back in 85. Had to go cold turkey to get it out of my system during week 17. Toughest days of my life. And it’s a complete blur.

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Frau Katze's avatar

Hilarious 😺

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Bob's avatar

This doesn't add up.

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