WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a setback for the embattled FBI director, Kash Patel learned on Friday that he was being replaced by a startled deer.
According to White House sources, Donald J. Trump made the decision after concluding that the deer would instill more confidence during its media appearances.
Informing Patel of his decision in a brief phone call, Trump reportedly said, “Sorry, Kash—we’re going deer.”
Though Trump’s nominee, if confirmed, would become the first antlered mammal to lead the FBI, most law enforcement experts believe that the deer would represent an upgrade.
HAPPY FRIDAY, FRIENDS!
Seems like a natural. Trump prefers “fawning” sycophants.