Kristi Noem Keeps Losing Things
An investigation.
Should the person in charge of homeland security be able to secure her own belongings?
I only ask because our DHS secretary, Kristi Noem, keeps losing stuff.
This disturbing pattern first emerged last April, when Noem’s Gucci bag was stolen out from under her chair while she was dining at Capital Burger in Washington, DC. In a cruel irony for the patron saint of ICE agents, the thief was wearing a mask.
The contents of her bag included keys, passport, DHS badge, and $3000 in currency. It was unclear why Kristi was carrying so much cash, unless she had after-dinner plans to bribe Tom Homan.
It would be easy to excuse her losing the Gucci bag as an isolated incident—but it wasn’t. According to The Wall Street Journal, Noem recently lost something else:
A blanket.
Noem was traveling on DHS business when maintenance issues forced her to switch planes. Although one could argue that it was Kristi’s responsibility to retain custody of her travel blanket, her chief of staff (and rumored paramour), the reprehensible Corey Lewandowski, fired the pilot for failing to transfer her precious blankee to the new plane.
Kristi seems to be aware that she has a problem. She’s started wearing things that are too big to lose, like her giant cowboy hat. But once a trend like this gets going, it’s hard to stop. She’s already lost a purse, a blanket, and a pilot. With any luck, the next thing she’ll lose is her job.
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Prediction: if she loses her job, the next thing she loses will be Corey Lewandowski.
As a matter of national security, I understand why both Kristi and Corey were very upset about the bodily fluids on their blanket possibly falling into the wrong hands.