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The Borowitz Report
Kristi Noem’s Hair Extensions Stolen From Head

Kristi Noem’s Hair Extensions Stolen From Head

Jul 16, 2025
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The Borowitz Report
The Borowitz Report
Kristi Noem’s Hair Extensions Stolen From Head
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Andrew Harnik/Getty Images

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Vowing to bring to justice “the monster who did this,” Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem lashed out Wednesday at the person who stole the hair extensions from her head.

The DHS secretary first noticed that her voluminous tress enhancements had gone missing while she was dining at a Washingt…

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