243 Comments
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Andy Borowitz's avatar

A lot of people are disparaging Halligan by saying she was Miss Colorado. To be fair, she was third runner-up.

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Wis's avatar

She isn’t even a runner up when it comes to lawyering. Which is fine with me! I hope trump hires her for all his lawsuits!

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Penny Jeffrey's avatar

She was a potted plant at the trial in NYC. He also likes to have a tall blond on his legal team.

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Jocelyn B's avatar

But she's not blond?

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Elisabeth Birker's avatar

Looks like you’re on a roll, Lindsey! Wheeeeeeeeeee

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Cindy Froggatt's avatar

I bet she'll be able to get into one of those programs where prisoners can earn a law degree while they are serving time.

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Gjay15's avatar

I think that is simply called law school

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Susan Kice's avatar

Maybe not!

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Elisabeth Birker's avatar

I hope she has to peel and chop a lot of onions 🧅 in that prison!

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B Steele's avatar

Andy, I just finished the NYT article on the Comey Comedy hearing and I gotta say the judge equaled your Report today. He called her a Puppet!!! 🤣 As a retired lawyer I know that would not look too good on one’s resume! 😂

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It's Come To This's avatar

That probably sounded better than "fuck-up functionary."

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M.E. Lawrence's avatar

Not really. I'd rather be a fuck-up than a puppet.

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CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

In this administration, they're the same thing.

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JeffJ's avatar

What’s worse, a puppet or a piggy?

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LYNN COOK's avatar

My first thought too, Jeff !

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Gjay15's avatar

B Steele, uh sorry for the above remark about law school. I am a psychologist by profession and am even more critical of my profession

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B Steele's avatar

Actually, I decided to go to law school so I could visit my convict friends! 😁

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Wis's avatar

Har!!

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Joseph M Becker's avatar

During Trump’s first term, the rule of thumb to attend WH parties, etc., was: 'Not indicted; not invited.’ [Not original with me.]

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Elisabeth Birker's avatar

😂.

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Gail E Hofmann's avatar

Maybe, but I like the alliteration.

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M Q's avatar

I just went to the NYT article and all I can say is "Wow!"

Halligan has got to go to prison for perjury.

The Grand Jury did not see the indictment.

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M.E. Lawrence's avatar

Andy, couldn't we be exceptionally frivolous and vote for a Mr. and Ms. Mar-a-Lago-Face? My bets are on Pete and Kristi, but there should be at least 12 official runners-up; think of the participation certificates you could design!

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Jay Phinizy's avatar

Well, Kristi would lose as she - not unlike Tammy Fay Baker - is like a ski area: '..long lines & 6" of packed powder..... - Jay

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Harvey Perry's avatar

When Tammy Fay Baker died and the makeup was removed, it was discovered that the body was that of Jimmy Hoffa.

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M.E. Lawrence's avatar

Oh, Jay, you BITCH! (No higher compliment.) I'll think of this every time Kristi graces the telly screen in one of her many costumes.

P.S. Post-Donald, she could front a band called the Beltway People.

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Elisabeth Birker's avatar

Why choose the face? Wouldn’t ass be more apropos?!

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David Gardiner's avatar

And Colorado doesn't Miss her.

Your headline sent my imagination into anaerobic Whole Cloth creation mode. Took me a shriek and a hard laugh to recover.

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Seattle Mom's avatar

Elle Woods made it seem so easy….

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CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

That's because Elle Woods wasn't stupid.

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DebbieM (OH)'s avatar

🤣

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Betsy Groth's avatar

If she didn’t spend so much time in hair and makeup and spent that time studying for the LSAT

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Sharon English's avatar

And only 3 were running

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Jocelyn B's avatar

She's a lawyer and she was 3rd runner up as Miss CO, and yet she's wearing cheap earrings?

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Elisabeth Birker's avatar

😂😂. You are such a fountain of worthwhile information! Thank you, Andy❣️

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flo chapgier's avatar

Impressive. People are so petty.

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Al Keim's avatar

Maybe, but the first two were deported.

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Mandy S. Twiny's avatar

Phew…I feel so much better about Colorado, knowing that.

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

I should say at this point that my lifelong dream has been to avoid law school. So far so good!

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Ricki Schwimmer's avatar

My life long dream has been to avoid lawyers. So far, only one mistake.

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Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

For some reason I know many lawyers but they are drawn to human rights causes which isn’t a bad thing.

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CARLA M LA ROSA's avatar

Good choice. Of all the "careers" I had, being a lawyer was the worst. But, it did give me the financial ability to retire, so...

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Lee's avatar

WHAT

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Lee's avatar

SAY WHAT? You aren’t a lawyer?…….😏

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Sally Easter's avatar

Actually, I found law school at University of Colorado, 40 years ago, which only cost $750 per semester, interesting and fun. Any law school should be thrilled to have you in its program!

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Laura Karabinis's avatar

LOL!

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George Kramer's avatar

Gosh. Maybe hiring beauty queens with limited relevant experience isn't a good idea. He should stick to qualified former Fox anchors....

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Weekend Fox anchors!

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George Kramer's avatar

Right! Thanks for that clarification :)

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LESLIE's avatar

He’d be far better off with criminals who studied law in prison.

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Ellie's avatar

Qualified? Come on now!

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George Kramer's avatar

I was being sarcastic.

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Ellie's avatar

Me too, George!

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Ellie's avatar

You know what Monty Python said about sarcasm? Being subjected to it is worse than having your head nailed to a coffee table. That was in the bit about Doug and Dinsdale Pirannah.

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pilgrimRVW's avatar

"…qualified…"? ? ?

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George Kramer's avatar

eye of the beholder, but right, good catch.

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Ellie's avatar

Me too!

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Randall Sorenson's avatar

I think the judge already took her to school.

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Susie's avatar

Ba-dum-tssss! 🥁

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ceekaycee's avatar

What a brutal headline and so funny!!!!

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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Brutal + Funny = my goal! Thank you.

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M.E. Lawrence's avatar

Don't forget true.

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Pradnya Sikand's avatar

You mean Swiftian , Andy 😉

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Wendy Tucker's avatar

I have just the answer for her: contact Kim Kardashian who just flunked the California Bar. Kim did NOT go to law school either, but they could hang out together and talk about eye makeup.

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

And facial fillers, hair extensions...

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Mary Gilbert's avatar

And fake butts!

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Danielle's avatar

Kudos it's really hard to parody when the truth is so absurd.

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Hank Greenspan's avatar

Short of that, she could always play one on TV. Oh wait.....

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Maxine Frank's avatar

She might by the first person ever to be disbarred before actually passing the bar exam.

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Liza Lundell's avatar

Right now she IS in law school, and doesn't seem to be enjoying it much! Guess Judge Nachmann is a tough grader!

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Ophioukhos's avatar

It's "Knock Man Off," in this case, Halligan the Puppet, Halligan the Puppet 🎶🎶

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Peggy Hendrickson's avatar

Another clown for the car!

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Cathy Tracey's avatar

Maybe after she passes the bar she can work for that infamous law firm of Dewey, Cheatum and Howe. 🤪

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Sarah McAuliffe-Bellin's avatar

I don’t think they would find her qualified

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Mary Gilbert's avatar

😆😆😆

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marlyg's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

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Anonymous's avatar

She may have found her current law license in a cracker jack box, but she is about to kiss that one good-bye. Maybe she can open a firm with lawyer wanna-be Kim Kardashian. I'd pay money to watch that show. I'd even sponsor a sign above the door: Give Up All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here.

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Sharon P's avatar

cracker jack has toys ??? maybe you will get a second "baby doll" you know the tariffs ???

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Frank Mercurio's avatar

Is she a Hope Hicks clone but without the competence?

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Jim Dygert's avatar

Hope Hicks! Another one thrown under the bus!

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Leslie Goodman-Malamuth's avatar

Highlights before torts, pouts Lindsey.

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B Steele's avatar

Waive the tort and sue in assumpsit!

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Stephen Kaufman's avatar

What's the problem, eh? She's as qualified as any member of the Trump administration to carry our their respective jobs. Look, Stephen Miller is serving as Chief Nazi and he was never a member of the Third Reich.

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