170 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

In defense of Markwayne Mullin, I think he is capable of miracles, because he has single-handedly made Rand Paul a sympathetic figure

Judy Sherwood's avatar

Well, that is just one monumental hell-of-a reframe!!! Keep 'em coming, Andy!

Terri andersen's avatar

I love you Andy! Thanks for making us laugh during these times. The dogs celebrating Kristi Noel’s firing is a classic.

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Andy, In our topsy-turvy world Rand Paul once serious contender for most obnoxious Senator title now comes across as reasonable and sympathetic! 😂Thank you for your satirical eye! You’re the best ! 😂💕

Judith Green's avatar

A loud eruption of mirth from me.

M.E. Lawrence's avatar

God, Andy, you're right. I actually forgot for a few minutes that Rand Paul is kind of despicable.

Karen Lindsay's avatar

I will never forgive Mullin for making me respect Rand Paul for a few minutes.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Unforgivable

Dan Starr's avatar

Fortunately, within seconds RanDumb Paul Bearer was repeating the MAGAt lie about “$9 billion” in “Somali refugee fraud,” so his moment of sympathy was brief. It is possible for both combatants to be scum; indeed, if they’re Repuglicans, it’s almost guaranteed!

Joseph M Becker's avatar

What is a Rand Paul?

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

An unusual specimen of homo libertariansus, unleashed in the rolling hills of Kentucky.

Tucker's avatar

Perfect casting; will help us win the midterms, if he lasts.

Tucker's avatar

And belly laugh funny, Andy, thanks!

Lynn Tuohy's avatar

Think he’ll get confirmed?

Tucker's avatar

Yes, MarkWayne ain’t no Matt Gaetz, and not a line in the sand for this gutless crowd.

Judy Sherwood's avatar

Since he isn't the brightest bulb on the tree OR the sharpest tool in the shed, maybe - just maybe - he can be more easily "managed"?

Susan Stone's avatar

Given his apparent anger management issues, I doubt that he would be manageable by anyone.

Octavia Redwood's avatar

He can't control his temper. Bernie Sanders had to yell to him, You're a United States Senator! On the Senate floor, when he challenged his questioner, by ripping off his suit jacket in hopes of duking it out in the middle of Congress. He did not graduate from college or serve in the military. He inherited his Dad's plumbing business and invested very well. How does this make him even a candidate for this position?

Tucker's avatar

Don’t forget his Associates Degree in Construction Management. Invaluable experience to rebuild FEMA’s Emergency Toilet Overflow Division, and To Repurpose vacant federal Detention Centers to state of the art Plumbing Supply Fulfillment Warehouses. Steven Miller said: “Great! Do what you know! I’ll handle the rest!”

Jerr's avatar

First money, 2nd where he's from.

Susan Stone's avatar

He kisses trump's ass. In this administration that's qualification enough.

Lynn Tuohy's avatar

Well spoken, Tucker.

Akaya's avatar

You are on it today, Andy! I’m over here laughing my face off. Thanks for the much-needed chuckle. 🤣🤣🤣

BTAM Master's avatar

But will he look good with hair extensions?

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Oh gad, is this a deal-breaker? Cuz I gotta say, sadly no. And if he's rejected as a cosmetic failure, how will he help us win the midterms?

Lawrence Gottlieb's avatar

morons make the worst liars, cause they try so, so hard, and flail & fluster so thoroughly

Double-A's avatar

Like he did some 10 days ago when, while talking to reporters, he first referred to the ongoing "war" and then said "I didn't call it a war"

Judy Sherwood's avatar

... kinda fun to watch sometimes, eh?

'just for fun'

John Schauer's avatar

Actually, Mullin does not possess all the qualifications Kristi Noem demonstrated during her distinguished tenure. Have you ever seen Mullin with hair extensions, a cowgirl costume and Mar-a-Lago silicone lips? Who would make a $200 million video ad campaign of him in that getup?

LHS's avatar

Who is gonna tell him he has to cozy up to Corey Lewandowski? 🤔

Jerr's avatar

He also has to share the bed with Corey, of course Kristie never did.

It's Come To This's avatar

Well, Republicans have been known to smash things and break people -- "just for fun" of course.

Wis's avatar
3hEdited

Markwayne Noem Bovino. He is as intelligent and laid-back as Noem and as level-headed and anger-free as Bovino. Please, Congress, confirm this gem right away.

🤮🙄

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Is that emoji blowing snot on Markwayne Noem Bovino, or helplessly vomiting?

Wis's avatar

(Does it matter? It’s all rooted in the same sentiment. 😉)

TJ's avatar

This world is getting weirder and weirder sympathy going to Rand Paul and agreeing with Marjorie Taylor Greene and calling John Fetterman a nutjob MAGA sycophant .. it’s just too bizarre anymore..

LHS's avatar

It's kinda like we entered a funhouse of mirrors, isn't it?

TJ's avatar

Yep and honestly a little unnerving .. LOLOL

Al Gorythm's avatar

Who’s your daddy?

Phil M.'s avatar

Senator Mullet was named after his daddys. Whom his mom has narrowed down to either her cousin Mark, or her other cousin Wayne.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Aahhh, I seeee..... Combined with brain damage from his fighting career, well, this explains so much.

Jonathan Aborn's avatar

Look at his ears. Fighting career didn’t go so well, that dude spent a lot of time riding the canvas!

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

And here I thought he was going for a vegetative cauliflower fashion statement.

Joe Wilson's avatar

Important caveat, though. Mark and Wayne are cousins, not brothers. That would be icky.

Ezekiel Detroit's avatar

Anyone have friends named Markwayne? Just asking. I don't know anyone who named their kids like that. I think his mom wanted twins. Just put on the red nose and big shoes and he will be dressed as well as named appropriately for the White House and its ballroom.

Wis's avatar

I’m sure his siblings, Frannymaebeatrice, Tammysueellen, Timothypoindexterbob and, of course the youngest, Bubba, would beg to differ. “Everyone in these here parts likes long, fancy and complex-like names. Makes us feel ‘mport’nt,” says Frannymaebeatrice. “(Mamma got tired of conjurin’ up names by the time Bubba came ‘round.) Markwayne was Mamma’s favorite.”

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Oi oi oi, Wis, you got me ROTFLMAO!!! (knew I shoulda vacuumed)

Susan Stone's avatar

Don't roll on our floor, either, Floofie! You gave me a good laugh. Thank you for that. MWAH! ❤️

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

MWAH back atcha, grrrlfriend!!!

SCS - Michigan's avatar

He is the baby of 7 Okie kids. Tells us everything we need to know.

Wis's avatar

Silly me! I should have researched. I know nothing - nothing - about markwayne except that he's Oklahoman and has an attitude and temper problem; and he's devoted to trump and trump's beliefs. That's enough. But I totally f'd up his family situation in my imagined scenario, lol! I gave him fewer siblings and made bubba the youngest. Sorry! :) :) :)

Debi's avatar

Your creativity is over the top today, Wis! TOTALLY NAILED IT!

(and made me laugh aloud, heartily!)

Wis's avatar

🙏💕 (thank you!)

Peter Scott's avatar

If confirmed, I’m sure MarkWayne/WayneMark “Mullet” Mullen, will be rewarded with an oversized pair of shiny black Florsheim shoes.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Oh goody! He so deserves his own big flapping pair -- to match his big flapping mouth.

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

To MarkWayne:

Have a nice trip

See ya next fall

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

BRILLIANT! Love me some really great puns!!!

Phil M.'s avatar

Senator Mullet was named after his dads. Whom his mom has narrowed down to either her cousin Mark, or her other cousin Wayne.

Wis's avatar

(Bwahahaha!)

PTW's avatar

I think I read his mommy intended "Wayne" to be his middle name, but was too dumb to put a space between the two names on the form.

B Steele's avatar

Andy, This is one of your best! The other patients in the doctor's office thought I was having a seizure!! 🤣

C. Killion's avatar

Mullins: overnamed and underbrained. Another sad example of Oklahoma education and maggot rot.

Golden Rule's avatar

Andy 2 in 1 day. Fantastic fun!

Wis's avatar

Did he somehow catch trump’s nasty neck rash, or is he just literally hot under the collar?