Happy Monday Andy ☺️I regret I was not able to attend your show in Princeton but you will be happy to hear that I have wisely invested my Soros flaming liberal payoff in a physical copy of Profiles in Ignorance 😉If and when I have the good fortune to meet you in person, I hope you will autograph it for me ☺️Keep up the excellent work ! You keep us sane and laughing ❤️
He does and he does a super job ☺️I give him great credit because these dystopian times must be dispiriting and distinctly unfunny even to the best of our humorists ☺️
Brought my two thirty something nieces and me wife.
I think our future is pretty well defined by that audience - if you’re rich and retired, you will do just fine. If you’re thirty something, kid, you’re on your own.
Ok, there is confusion here with what I was trying to say. The comment was in regard to the audience at Andy’s show. Very rich dems.
If I asked the question “a show of hands of how many people in this room is willing to give 10% of their life savings to help out with the wrongs to the younger generation?” A correction tax if you may.
When I was their age, corporate America gave me a free education at night, including salary while attending Cornell. 6% matched 401k and a pension, excellent benefits that i didn’t have a copay or search for a doctor in network, reasonable pharmaceuticals - i bought a townhouse at 25.
This country, has destroyed education, healthcare, and the American dream of buying a house. And everyone should pay their fair share to correct it for the next generation or teach your grandchildren to speak Chinese. Seriously.
Whose fault is that? When one attains a certain age, retirement is inevitable. And how did you determine the relative wealth of the attendees? I mean, I know that we are all followers of the liberal rainmakers like George Soros, but how would YOU know?
Happy Monday Mr. Borowitz! !! ! !!One thing~ I can’t get the memory of “Tricky Dickey” out of my head! It was nice seeing Pat Nix but, Dick,…..NOT SO MUCH! Thanks, again anyway! ! !! !!! !!!
The musical 'Hair' was in Nixon era. Beginning of 2nd act was a then-scandalous scene of a protest, with all cast on stage buck-ass naked. They held signs and one of them said, 'Nixon! Withdraw like your father should have done.'
Hey! From Hungarian Heather: orban does not represent us, he’s the drumpf of that country and disliked almost as much as we dislike our fat schmuck (or use shorter rhyming word).
Glenn, I fear you are far too optimistic but thank you for all your clever versifying. In this excellent example, "malignant and tumorous tuber" is particularly memorable!
HAHAHAHA!! Yes, Melania, that very helpful spouse. She may want to use the new ballroom to host an impressive dinner in honor of Justin. Think of it, nearly one thousand guests and no invitation to Katy. the ultimate in ghosting.
Might I drop a note of sympathy for Melania in all this. She is wealthier than she could have ever dreamed. But at what a cost. In a few years old one-foot-in -the-grave will have passed and she will be free. I often feel she is like one of the performers at old freak shows. It's humiliating but it pays the bills. How many of us live year to year humiliating lives without near the prospects.
I hear your pain but that doll knew what she was snarling herself up with. Well maybe not entirely. Only difference is her humiliation is solid gold, none of that plated stuff. She'll still be breathing and spending the kings cash while the bugs are feasting on T.
Mary, I'd bet the farm there is nothing in this big wide world old Melania would want more. Remember first term she wouldn't bring herself or the boy to the White House because blah blah blah ? There was much speculation that time was spent renegotiating the old pre-nuptial.
One of his (probably fake) daughters: Ivanka and Tiffffanyeee. He DID say he'd probably date his daughter if he could. I wonder if he ever introduced her to his bff Jeffrey.
Yeah, remember Trump decided to run for president because of that joke about Melania thinking Obama was hot - now this. It's all fun and games until Trump nukes Canada.
Nah, really it was Seth Myers in 2011 saying, "Donald Trump said he was running for president as a Republican. That's funny, because I thought he was running as a joke."
Stroke,gunfire,Heart attack, prison violence,that weird leg thing,choaking on a Big Mac,getting hit by a falling piano or any of the road runner cartoon mishaps only in real life.
OK, how about a list of all the truly tacky things they have done to the White House, aka The Peoples' House. The Christmas Trees, the gold stuff, the proposed plan for the Epstien Ball Room......I hate those tables and chairs. We have not seen what they have done to the living quarters, but I bet Lincoln's ghost is outraged.
Strangely, I’m having trouble in the morning judging whether the headline belongs to Andy or Robert Reich. Satire and news are merging. Is that grounds for impeachment? Is he gone yet?
But speculation ran rampant that this be negotiating ploy, as the president followed up with an offer to reduce the tariffs to 5,000% if Canada renames itself "Melania" in connection with its application for admission as the 51st state.
Best part of my night. He sound so meek after that. The show was great and a better MC; And i told her so. I brought my nieces hoping you night make mention of my writing about my travels. But they at least seen it in writing on Kings day. Uncle John was famous for a day.
Wonderful smile on my face... we are officially and truly now in the land of the absurd with the orange stain and his plastic wife both sealed in teflon....
Happy Monday, TBRers! And thanks to all of you who showed up to my live show in Princeton on Friday.
Happy Monday Andy ☺️I regret I was not able to attend your show in Princeton but you will be happy to hear that I have wisely invested my Soros flaming liberal payoff in a physical copy of Profiles in Ignorance 😉If and when I have the good fortune to meet you in person, I hope you will autograph it for me ☺️Keep up the excellent work ! You keep us sane and laughing ❤️
Pradnya --
I can only say "Andy keeps me laughing", otherwise I couldn't agree more.
He does and he does a super job ☺️I give him great credit because these dystopian times must be dispiriting and distinctly unfunny even to the best of our humorists ☺️
Brought my two thirty something nieces and me wife.
I think our future is pretty well defined by that audience - if you’re rich and retired, you will do just fine. If you’re thirty something, kid, you’re on your own.
I was on my own at 20 something. I’m still on my own at 70 something, I just can’t work anymore. I didn’t have a lot of $ at either end.
As another blue stuck in a red state I hear you loud and clear. Social security and a small VA disability check has me just squeezing by.
Peace to you, sister.
Getting old alone certainly has its drawbacks. I’m there too. Not rich either. ☹️
It has its advantages too, I focus on those.
Oh yes, I don’t miss work at all!
Ok, there is confusion here with what I was trying to say. The comment was in regard to the audience at Andy’s show. Very rich dems.
If I asked the question “a show of hands of how many people in this room is willing to give 10% of their life savings to help out with the wrongs to the younger generation?” A correction tax if you may.
When I was their age, corporate America gave me a free education at night, including salary while attending Cornell. 6% matched 401k and a pension, excellent benefits that i didn’t have a copay or search for a doctor in network, reasonable pharmaceuticals - i bought a townhouse at 25.
This country, has destroyed education, healthcare, and the American dream of buying a house. And everyone should pay their fair share to correct it for the next generation or teach your grandchildren to speak Chinese. Seriously.
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful post. Just wonderful.
John😜😩
Whose fault is that? When one attains a certain age, retirement is inevitable. And how did you determine the relative wealth of the attendees? I mean, I know that we are all followers of the liberal rainmakers like George Soros, but how would YOU know?
Really, really wished I could have been there!
I am sure it was terrific, now drive safely back to NH. The rest of us need you!
you are the best thing to read in the morning. Leaves me less depressed. At least for a few minutes….
Happy Monday Mr. Borowitz! !! ! !!One thing~ I can’t get the memory of “Tricky Dickey” out of my head! It was nice seeing Pat Nix but, Dick,…..NOT SO MUCH! Thanks, again anyway! ! !! !!! !!!
I once saw a pin from that era reading: You can't lick our Dick!
The musical 'Hair' was in Nixon era. Beginning of 2nd act was a then-scandalous scene of a protest, with all cast on stage buck-ass naked. They held signs and one of them said, 'Nixon! Withdraw like your father should have done.'
I remember the bumper sticker "You don't change Dicks in the middle of a screw. Vote for Nixon in 72."
God bless human ingenuity! LOL GPT will never outdo
good old human wise guys. i.e. No Kings signs.
Oh ... my... I had not heard THAT before. EEEUUUUU.....
It's a real thing. Those pins now sell for big money. Here's a link in case you want to throw away cash:
https://www.worthpoint.com/worthopedia/1960-cant-lick-dick-richard-nixon-5-3891436487
RARE 1960 "They Can't Lick Our Dick" Richard Nixon 3.5 Inch Political Pin.Yes, this is the original pin from 1960, not a recreation.
Oh, yes! Let us click on that link right away!
Agreed. It's as disgusting as he was.
nice counterpoint to the famous "Dick Nixon before he dicks you!"
Then there are pins from 1972 with the wonderfully ambiguous “President Nixon. Now more than ever.”
Come to South Florida!
Why?
Haha!
Please do!
Great show Andy! My wife and I enjoyed it immensely and it was nice meeting you afterwards to get our book signed. 😁
Lucky you!! Too far from California for me to reach, but someday...
Yes, thanks, we came from Delaware to see the show.
Oh my god! I snorted when I read "this be worst." Good thing I didn't have coffee in my mouth. 🤣 Thanks for a great start to my day.
Marilyn, welcome to the Coffee-Spitting Olympic Games.
I've earned a bronze so far!
Surely, a gold medal, at least!
not yet, John . . . with the price of coffee, I don't want to waste too much
A trick we learned previous recessions: Re-use the grounds; throw in a tablespoon of new, fresh. Works like a charm.
Many of us will be doing this again.
thank you for that suggestion, I had not heard that before but will give it a try!
Me too!
Me, 10,000,000 agree
Echo'd my thoughts perfectly! Now I can get on with my day! Thanks to you and Andy!
No. The orange brat be wurst.
Brilliant!
A real Brat-worst when young!
Yes, reportedly standing on the street corner stealing candy from younger trick 'or treaters.
Har!!
Imagine the Trumpy Pleasure Dome
Packed with the likes of Vance and Noem.
It’s a space that could easily house Godzilla
And that other monster, Steven Miller.
A gathering of the MAGAcrats
And Fascist-Nation diplomats;
Dressed to the nines, quaffing Argentine wines,
On Orban’s goulash the crowd will dine.
When mealtime’s done, at 9 o’clock
The breathless guests can barely talk.
Here comes Ted Nugent and Kid Rock!
Hey! From Hungarian Heather: orban does not represent us, he’s the drumpf of that country and disliked almost as much as we dislike our fat schmuck (or use shorter rhyming word).
When both Trump and Viktor land in a court,
There’ll be no Big Macs or nice Dobos Torte.
Crowds will swarm in Budapest and DC,
While the autocrats get the third degree.
Fascist-leaning Viktor, no longer boss,
Will defend the evils of Arrow Cross.
While Trump, that malignant and tumorous tuber
Does his best to be the next Schickelgruber.
Magyars and Yankees will soon prevail
To put Trump and Orban in nasty jails.
They’ll be forced to eat only slimy gruel,
They may yet regret having been so cruel.
A bloodbath may well be in the cards,
Dreams of Liberty lying in jagged shards.
It may be the sacrifice will be steep;
We should hang as rams and not merely sheep.
Glenn, I fear you are far too optimistic but thank you for all your clever versifying. In this excellent example, "malignant and tumorous tuber" is particularly memorable!
Brilliant.
As one who is half Hungarian, I hear you Heather.
“Duck?”
Cluck?
Muck?
Cuck
You win!
no...schmuck is good
Cluck? Orange Duck?
Love this!!
-and after hearing them
and after many a burp
their entire dinners
the guests will usurp!
Brilliant!
Absolutely brilliant!
HAHAHAHA!! Yes, Melania, that very helpful spouse. She may want to use the new ballroom to host an impressive dinner in honor of Justin. Think of it, nearly one thousand guests and no invitation to Katy. the ultimate in ghosting.
And Melania is starting to look old-she better watch out as tRump may be planning to trade her in for a new model.
Might I drop a note of sympathy for Melania in all this. She is wealthier than she could have ever dreamed. But at what a cost. In a few years old one-foot-in -the-grave will have passed and she will be free. I often feel she is like one of the performers at old freak shows. It's humiliating but it pays the bills. How many of us live year to year humiliating lives without near the prospects.
I hear your pain but that doll knew what she was snarling herself up with. Well maybe not entirely. Only difference is her humiliation is solid gold, none of that plated stuff. She'll still be breathing and spending the kings cash while the bugs are feasting on T.
I think she was assigned to trump by the big boss. ;)
Fascinating Wendy fascinating..
I hope to have evidence of that at the earliest opportunity.
My parents used to have a book of modern proverbs, the relevant one of which for this theme is "(s)he who marries for money, earns it."
Damn! You're a cheerful little sucker aren't you?
Mary, I'd bet the farm there is nothing in this big wide world old Melania would want more. Remember first term she wouldn't bring herself or the boy to the White House because blah blah blah ? There was much speculation that time was spent renegotiating the old pre-nuptial.
Next on Dumo's wife list is Caroline Lickit, formerly press sec Leavitt.
The Third Blonde? Ivana, Marla..........
One of his (probably fake) daughters: Ivanka and Tiffffanyeee. He DID say he'd probably date his daughter if he could. I wonder if he ever introduced her to his bff Jeffrey.
Whoops--I should have written 'probably fake blond'. They likely are genetically his. They have that vacant stare....
Guess no plus ones so donnie won't be invited either. Maybe her and trumpy can hang out in the white house theater oh that's right what theater
--just after the ultimate in excess!
Yeah, remember Trump decided to run for president because of that joke about Melania thinking Obama was hot - now this. It's all fun and games until Trump nukes Canada.
Nah, really it was Seth Myers in 2011 saying, "Donald Trump said he was running for president as a Republican. That's funny, because I thought he was running as a joke."
Sure, if you want to get all reality and everything.
I thought he ran because Roger Stone whimsically told T he thought he could win.
--and melts Greenland!
Trump will NEVER be king but Melania is Queen of Superficiality.
I'd like to think she's a Lady in Waiting . . . and we all know what she's waiting for!
Same thing we all are, his obituary!
Oh Happy Day! (of course, there are ramifications, but we'll jump off that bridge when we get to it)
So long as that bridge is not over a metaphorical Grand Canyon!
Stroke,gunfire,Heart attack, prison violence,that weird leg thing,choaking on a Big Mac,getting hit by a falling piano or any of the road runner cartoon mishaps only in real life.
you've put a lot of thought into this, Steve; I appreciate that!
Comes naturally, I have just the right amount of distain.
and Divine Empress of all Weirdly Flocked Christmas Trees!
OK, how about a list of all the truly tacky things they have done to the White House, aka The Peoples' House. The Christmas Trees, the gold stuff, the proposed plan for the Epstien Ball Room......I hate those tables and chairs. We have not seen what they have done to the living quarters, but I bet Lincoln's ghost is outraged.
“The Epstein Ballroom” - could easily happen.
Applause!
“This be worst.” This be best end of a truly stellar column!
with Melanoma, there is no "be best"
Dare I say, "Be Bimbo"?
In a country where I can lately find little to smile about, Borowitz never fails to help me manage one! Thanks, TBR!
When Katy sang “I Kissed A Girl” it was a monster hit.
Melania posed without her clothes but with some other chick.
Premier Trudeau, if you must know,
Is resolutely stag;
But to win the hearts of these two tarts
He had better dress in drag.
Well...maybe he does...and that could be fun!
Justin Trudeau in a mini-skirt?
Katy and Melania with him would flirt!
Strangely, I’m having trouble in the morning judging whether the headline belongs to Andy or Robert Reich. Satire and news are merging. Is that grounds for impeachment? Is he gone yet?
But speculation ran rampant that this be negotiating ploy, as the president followed up with an offer to reduce the tariffs to 5,000% if Canada renames itself "Melania" in connection with its application for admission as the 51st state.
In other rampant speculation, Canada will invade the U.S. and give Mar-a-Lago to
Katy and Justin for keeps!
OK, would improve the neighborhood some what.
Steve-🤣😂🤣😂🤣
<snort laugh>
Lol “There are many bad things in world right now,” she said. “This be worst.”
I actually heard her voice when I read this.
Andy, I do have a question, if I am quoting from Aristotle correctly…
That was epic! People should know better to frame a question like that at one of my shows.
Best part of my night. He sound so meek after that. The show was great and a better MC; And i told her so. I brought my nieces hoping you night make mention of my writing about my travels. But they at least seen it in writing on Kings day. Uncle John was famous for a day.
Take care. Can’t wait to see you up in Harvard.
Wonderful smile on my face... we are officially and truly now in the land of the absurd with the orange stain and his plastic wife both sealed in teflon....
Congrats on the photo. She looks as mean as her husband.
and just as ignorant
She really does, doesn’t she?
“this be worst” and Andy, this be one of your best! 😅