The Borowitz Report

The Borowitz Report

Immigrants Say They Have Been Scared Away From US by Kristi Noem’s Face

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Andy Borowitz
Dec 10, 2025
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US-MEXICO BORDER (The Borowitz Report)—Attempting to silence rumors of her imminent dismissal, Kristi Noem touted a new poll on Wednesday showing that immigrants have been scared away from entering the US by her face.

A press release from the Department of Homeland Security declared, “The US is winning the war against immigra…

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