Immigrants Say They Have Been Scared Away From US by Kristi Noem’s Face
US-MEXICO BORDER (The Borowitz Report)—Attempting to silence rumors of her imminent dismissal, Kristi Noem touted a new poll on Wednesday showing that immigrants have been scared away from entering the US by her face.
A press release from the Department of Homeland Security declared, “The US is winning the war against immigration, and the number one weapon in that war has been Secretary Noem’s face.”
Supporting this claim, a man who travelled over 2,000 miles from Ecuador to the US’s southern border said he abruptly reversed course after a startling image of Noem’s face appeared on his phone.
According to the Ecuadoran, “I was afraid that whatever torture was done to her could be done to me.”
Finally, we learn Kristi’s superpower!
The Anti-KRISTi.