341 Comments
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Andy Borowitz's avatar

When Nuremberg-style trials are held in the aftermath on this shitshow Mike will not fare well

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Michael Moore's avatar

Hopefully he will farewell from freedom into a nice maximum security prison!

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It's Come To This's avatar

Bobblehead: "I vhas just [bobble-bobble] following orders!"

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Stephanie MacLeod's avatar

All his minions should be available as Bobbleheads, then Trump could line them up and say nice things about himself!

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DR Darke's avatar

Gitmo, where Pedo Mike can get daily sinus rinses and genital stimulation, would be a good location for him....

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Michael Moore's avatar

If they can find them that is… 🤡

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DR Darke's avatar

"Bring out...The Electron Microscope!" 😏

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Michael Moore's avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣

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jon Hodson's avatar

You are leaving out the head RE-PEDO-CAN from his cell at Gitmo, Trump.

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Susan Stone's avatar

Love, love, LOVE "RE-PEDO-CAN"!! It's perfect.

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Dave Drum's avatar

No kidding? Is he a weenie washer, too?

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Michael L Flynn's avatar

He certainly didn't get those round lips from eating square meals. tRump likes to wash Mikey's mouth out on a daily basis, but he doesn't use a bar of soap. He uses something much, much smaller.

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Dave Drum's avatar

Ahhhh ... white washing his tonsils Mental pixtures you can't unsee

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Octavia Redwood's avatar

it could explain a lot

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Katie O'Neill's avatar

And let's hope Moses Mike's cellmate is named Big Beautiful Bill. (Saw this elsewhere on substack)

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bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

He sure do have a pretty mouth-Deliverance

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Mike Orlock's avatar

CECOT will have openings. And I hear El Salvador is wonderful all times of year!

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John Townsend's avatar

The tropical humidity does wonders for the skin!

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Mike Sabes's avatar

I can only wish!

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Harriet G's avatar

If they escape a punishment like Mussolini received, Trump and his minions will ALL get their turn in the glass box in the courtroom, and their fate will not be pretty, even if not as gory.

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SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

That's a big "if"

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John Townsend's avatar

A big, big "if"!

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Al Keim's avatar

I remember the glass box from the Eichmann trial. The oft quoted Jeffersonian comment on watering the tree needs a corollary reminding the loggers that tree huggers have long memories and access to glass boxes.

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Sarah Krall's avatar

Oh, how I wish there were going to be various trials. I fear you are wrong. Please, oh, please, will some of these folks be held criminally responsible for their actions, decisions, illegal work?

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Robert Lehrer's avatar

Andy: Alas, there will be no Nuremberg style trials in the aftermath of this shitshow (if there is an aftermath, but see below), the Supreme Court's immunity jurisprudence for suits against governmental officials (federal and state) effectively ensuring that even the worst offenders will not be convicted, much less executed for their crimes . (The Trump Administration tests the commitment of even the most determined opponents of capital punishment). Indeed, it hugely more likely that, if there are such trials, which will not be in the aftermath of this shitshow, but part of it, they will be of The Wicked Man's perceived enemies. You should be proud, though feeling uneasy, that you are surely one of them. I greatly admire your work and am a faithful reader, but your view that there will be Nuremberg-style trials of the principals of The Wicked Man's administration (including the principals of the state divisions of the administration) is wishful thinking to the extreme.

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John Silas "Si" Hopkins, III's avatar

If six of the "Justices" are among the defendants, there could be a welcome change in the law of presidential and governmental immunity -- and the change would be applied retroactively because it is obvious that the current law of immunity is an element of the fascist destruction of democracy.

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Michael Richmond's avatar

True, but if the justices are replaced (see Si Hopkins), the new squad can change the existing jurisprudence just as the current ones seem happy to do.

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Jason Merchey's avatar

I really wish this fascist movement/second Gilded Age could be responded to with something short of a violent uprising, which of course would mean civil war or simply the end of the Republic!

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Jay Jay Eh's avatar

Hit his supporters in their pocketbooks with strategic boycotts, for one thing.

- preferably before more of their billionaires buy up more media biz & are handed more positions in Trump admin!

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Lily's avatar

Indeed! These traitors are immune to anything that doesn't affect their money. Before we start the second civil war, let's try some boycotts of their goods and services. That's speaking their language. And we need to do it NOW.

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Wendy Tucker's avatar

For whatever it's worth-- not so much, I fear....I live on a budget--I will no longer make ANY purchases at Target.

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CBA's avatar

I agree. The only way to make them sit up and pay attention is to hit them in the wallet.

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Al Keim's avatar

Like a Teddy Roosevelt?

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Jason Merchey's avatar

I'm just not that up on my history to know if that is a good parallel or not

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Ed's avatar

So far(thankfully) only the President has immunity.

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Robert Lehrer's avatar

As Mr. Hopkins correctly opines, your understanding is, alas, incorrect. Trump v. the United States (the Roberts' court's presidential immunity decision) did confer on the president extremely broad immunity against criminal prosecution, indeed absolute immunity in a stunningly broad category of cases. But that was preceded by dozens of Supreme Court decisions over the last 50 years endorsing so-called qualified immunity against both federal and state officials in not only criminal but civil cases. This is not the forum for getting into the weeds about the doctrine of qualified immunity (or absolute immunity for that matter). Suffice it to say here that such officials can, under the doctrine, be held liable (criminally or civilly) for wrongdoing only in extreme cases.

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Susan Stone's avatar

I personally believe that we are already in that extreme territory. Not that I expect any of them to be held accountable.

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John Townsend's avatar

Yeah.

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Wendy Tucker's avatar

Thank you! Your comment gives me hope, and is clearly based on accurate historical precedence. Is this not eligible for an extreme case?

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John Silas "Si" Hopkins, III's avatar

Actually other government officials have immunity or the equivalent that makes it virtually to hold them responsible for anything.

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CBA's avatar

Not necessarily true. Some of Metamucilini's actions break international law. Our own Congress and SCOTUS may be on their knees praying to the orange nightmare, but the rest of the world isn't.

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Elaine Young's avatar

AND since the current supreme court made this rule, the next supreme court could change it. It seems as though all the laws that we thought would protect us from someone like trump were written with invisible ink. The best argument ever to really learning history - NOT the stuff that they jammed down our throats in school. (i.e. I don't believe Washington ever chopped down a cherry tree)

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Ann Rock's avatar

The Nuremberg trials were held in international courts. These animals have certainly broken international laws…murdering innocent fishermen in the Caribbean to start with, supporting genocide in Gaza, reneging on contracts which caused the death of many (USAID). If the US doesn't or can’t hold them responsible the international community should.

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Bill's avatar

There will be no "trials" to convict the Trump Cult crime family...SCOTUS already took that off the table with their criminally stupid Immunity decision.

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laura oshea's avatar

This is why firing squads are needed. SC and Utah have them.

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Al Keim's avatar

Great Dreadful Scott!

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Susan Stone's avatar

Bring on Marie-Antoinette!!! That's what I would like to see: literally heads rolling.

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Robert Lehrer's avatar

The administration of The Wicked Man severely tests my opposition to capital punishment generally, but that opposition is tempered by my support of capital punishment for crimes against humanity, as at Nuremberg. The destruction of the White House obviously does not fall into the category of crimes against humanity (as opposed let's say to decency) but other crimes of The Wicked Man almost surely do. Such as, for example, the evisceration of PEPFAR and US-AID, which has already cost hundreds of thousands of lives, the majority of them black and brown children in Africa, and promises to cost well over a million more during the remaining three plus years of The Wicked Man's term.

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Susan Stone's avatar

We are actually on the same page. I generally do not like capital punishment, even for the likes of a Jeffrey Dahmer. I would also like to add to your list, the hundreds of thousands of people in the US who died from COVID-19 after trumps started recommending to not get the vaccine, use bleach or ivermectin to treat it. That said, I think the evisceration of PEPFAR and USAID are much worse, because those people don't have a choice like we do.

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Robert Lehrer's avatar

The same page for sure. There are many qualifiers for the category of Trumpian crimes against humanity, it being understood that, as the crimes with which the Nuremberg defendants were charged were, in relevant part, driven by antisemitism, Trump's crimes against humanity are driven by antisemitism's close cousins, racism and nativism.

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Susan Stone's avatar

Well said! I had never consciously thought about racism and nativism being close cousins of antisemitism, but you are right that they are. Thank you for waking my brain up.

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Annette's avatar

from your font to God's ears!

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John Silas "Si" Hopkins, III's avatar

Should he be (A) hanged, drawn, and quartered; (B) just hanged (he has no guts so he can't be disemboweled and it would be difficult to find four horses willing to get close enough to do the quartering); (C) firing squad (the members would insist that they all be issued live rounds -- a waste of good ammunition but we could pay for it out of Trump's $230,000,000); or (D) banished to the streets of New York, Chicago or Portland to perish in the open warfare in their streets?

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Annette's avatar

my vote is C, but instead of ammunition, use paint balls so that his demise is long, slow, painful, yet colorful

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John Silas "Si" Hopkins, III's avatar

That would be an awful waste of good paint!

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Annette's avatar

perhaps, but no ammunition of any kind is wasted on the psychophants

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Susan Stone's avatar

I want to see the guillotine brought back.

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John Silas "Si" Hopkins, III's avatar

The guillotine is much too benign. Despite its notoriety, the guillotine was an improvement designed to prevent the inhumanity of a beheading gone wrong. An incompetent headsman could bungle a beheading and not sever the prisoner's head with the first stroke (and sometimes not the second or even the third). The result was a scene that even the strongest proponent of capital punishment found it hard to stomach. The guillotine was designed to assure that the head was severed by the first blow. One might consider beheading to be barbaric; but the guillotine made it less barbaric. Hanging, drawing, and quartering was the punishment for high treason in medieval England and makes beheading look like a stroll in the park.

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Richard's avatar

I agree with you 100%!

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Annette's avatar

I do hope they're televised, on CNN and Faux, with the best parts rerun 24/7.

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John Silas "Si" Hopkins, III's avatar

Faux will interrupt the telecast for an important replay of Trump's military parade.

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J Cheng's avatar

and he shouldn't! Can't we "farewell" him now?!!

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Nancy Barrett's avatar

Oh, he’ll talk. He’ll be spewing secrets to anyone who will listen. Jesus won’t be there to hold his hand.

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Susan Barnes's avatar

I want Judy Garland to play Mike Johnson.

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Linda Mitchell, KCMO's avatar

Andy, I am hoping but I doubt I will be alive when that happens. Don't know if you read the Most Ludicrous Thing That Happened Today but Meidas+ reported that ICE invaded Canal Street in order to protect the country from fake handbags, abetted to some extent by "Mayor" Adams, who did not prevent it but did not allow the NYPD to participate, and the goons were run off by New Yorkers with cell phones yelling at them "Does your mother know you're doing this? She must be so proud." in best New Yorker fashion. And they then emerged from their headquarters, carrying MACHINE GUNS. Because nothing says "Antifa" like Canal Street peddlers hawking fake Gucci handbags.

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Mscreant's avatar

My father served at the original Nuremberg trials. I would love to do the same. ASAP!

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Gordon Shumway's avatar

would that you are right, but the SCOTUS will remain the same and won't allow it... :^(

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Mary Roeser's avatar

None of the GQP/MAGAT cult will, especially the gutless eunuchs in the House and Senate. History is not going to be kind to them.

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Martha's avatar

But he will have an abundance of friends keeping him company in those cramped little cells.

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Mike Ruiz's avatar

No problem. Donnie will just put him up in the east wing of the White House.

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Robert E.'s avatar

The East Wing will have a Pence Room featuring a trap door and a "life like" version of Hangman, Adult Issue.

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Wendy Tucker's avatar

What happened to the gallows which was intended for Pence? Is it still available?

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Annette's avatar

<snort laugh>

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John Townsend's avatar

--or in a tent on the new patio over the Rose Garden. A yellow umbrella will prop up the living quarters!

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Karen Epstein's avatar

And here I thought Johnson lived under a rock.

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Marjorie's avatar

Maybe there will be space for Mikey in the new ballroom.

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Robert E.'s avatar

Hat rack

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misia.d's avatar

He would be more productive in that role.

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Bob Graham's avatar

Given Mikey’s size, there’s room for him most everywhere.

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Wendy Tucker's avatar

What would be wonderful is to see Mikey as a busboy -- the one who cleans up plates after each serving and has to refill the water glasses. Imagine!

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Lily's avatar

He behaves like something has hit him in the head! Maybe the rock fell on him.

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Gabriele C Overweg's avatar

He did and he will crawl back in due time. They all will.

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John Townsend's avatar

Only his brain does!

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John Townsend's avatar

--and his morals and decency!

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John Silas "Si" Hopkins, III's avatar

A space rock, no doubt.

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ROSEMARY SCHLICK's avatar

Hard to decide. What is more brilliant? This post or its thread. Thank you. In my darkest days, I can still laugh. May we all live through this and come out smiling.

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It's Come To This's avatar

Profiles in Weenydom.

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John Townsend's avatar

SuperWeenydom!

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John Silas "Si" Hopkins, III's avatar

Andy keeps proving that satire is still possible -- albeit much more difficult in this administration.

WAIT! CNN is reporting that Trump has just demolished Johnson's house to construct latrines for the construction workers working on the new Ballroom.

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John Silas "Si" Hopkins, III's avatar

Where will Trump find construction workers?

The nearest ICE detention center.

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It's Come To This's avatar

I want my Soros payoff to go for the C-141 that will pick up the asbestos rubble of the East Wing, take off from Joint Base Andres and dump it all over Mar-a-Lardo.

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

I was wondering how much of that rubble is asbestos. Also how many of the workers are not documented? Is OSHA keeping an eye on this? Oh, OSHA is government workers, so they are not working through the shutdown.

So yup, get that C-141 and dump the rubble on Mar-a-Lardo.

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John Silas "Si" Hopkins, III's avatar

Since the East wing was constructed in 1902 and renovated in 1942, there is almost certain to be friable asbestos in the rubble unless it has since been removed.

And, of course, the Epstein files were being stored in the East Wing. Pam forgot to move them before the demo guys got there.

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John Silas "Si" Hopkins, III's avatar

Soros would never spend money to improve Mar-a-Lardo.

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misia.d's avatar

Isn’t the rock being sold as souvenirs?

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Sharon English's avatar

Though covered in rubble, Johnson said he was waiting for the details.

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Octavia Redwood's avatar

and quoted Charlie Kirk, "sometimes it's best to destroy in order to rebuild."

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Jeff Lazar's avatar

MAGA Mike -- the self-proclaimed uber Christian -- believes Jesus would approve of taking from the poor and giving to the rich. He's in for a real surprise when he realizes he will be an honored guest at Hitler's Stammtisch (regulars' table).

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John Townsend's avatar

-where the main dish will be flaming bratwurst!

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D.S. Ullery's avatar

"... and invited Trump to total his car."

😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

Borowitz strikes again. Outstanding.

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Dana Campbell's avatar

And just recall the model of that car purchased from the WH auto lot.

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Jane Clarke's avatar

😂🤣😂🤣 hard to believe this is satire and not actually true

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Ophioukhos's avatar

Andy always tells the truth. In related news, Vance narrowly escaped more shrapnel and remnants of a low orbit satellite that fell on his house late last night, destroying it completely. The marine missile targeting Soros' space lasers accidentally hit a Musk satellite instead. Said Vance, "I'm honored Trump thinks as highly of me as he does Pence." In the meantime Vance continues to search for his wife who was last seen running from the wreckage and picked up by ICE.

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Michael Moore's avatar

You nailed it once again, Andy! The truth of the matter regarding the spineless toady Johnson!

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Mimi Wilson's avatar

Laughed until the tears rolled. You are almost single-handedly getting a lot of us through this sh*tshow, Andy! Much gratitude!🙏🏼

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Annette's avatar

Amen!! Even at my lowest points, I find solace and humor with my fellow TBRers.

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John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

True LOL

“He felt like it”

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Nancy Morgan LeBar's avatar

Epstien, Epstien, Epstien, Epstien etc. Anything he feels like doing, he will do. Just to distract us.

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John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

He’s pissing off many people with the white house, and the red hate farmers are not too keen on him now.

IF Mikie wins in s few weeks, we are moving in the correct direction.

Humor: who does mikie’s opponent look like?

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Larry Williams's avatar

Johnson had planned on swearing in Rep.-elect Adelita Grijalva in his living room but now says he obviously cannot do that.

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L B Rose's avatar

Maybe that's why Agent Orange demo'd the house....in addition to "feeling like it". Just remember that anything the Orange touches dies.

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Glenn Sills's avatar

Yet again Andy with the headline I had to go to the Internet to verify.

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Trix Niernberger's avatar

Right on the mark.

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Cindy La Ferle's avatar

This is hilarious! First time I laughed a loud in a while.... thanks, Andy!

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