Mrs. Alito Raises New Flag

ALEXANDRIA, VIRGINIA (The Borowitz Report)—The wife of Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito raised a new flag in front of the couple’s home late Thursday afternoon.

Justice Alito said that he played “no role” in the latest flag-related incident involving his wife.

“I have recused myself from all decisions made on my flagpole,” he said.

The Alito's neighbors …