185 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Diarrhea 2028

Cindy Froggatt's avatar

Put that on a T-shirt and you’ll be a billionaire!

Terri's avatar

GREAT idea.

Carol Lama's avatar

And make sure to add GOP to "Diarrhea 2028"!!!!

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Then I’ll be able to buy the election!

Dan's avatar

Don't say that. trump will do anything for money!

Mike Gelt's avatar

You ever notice how Donald Trump and diarrhea have a lot in common? Think about it. They both show up unexpectedly, create chaos wherever they go, and leave everyone asking, "How long is this going to last?"

And the cleanup is always expensive. One has you buying extra toilet paper; the other has lawyers writing overtime invoices.

The biggest difference? With diarrhea, at least eventually your stomach settles down and life gets back to normal. With Trump, every morning you wake up, check the news, and wonder, "What happened overnight?"

Some people say history repeats itself. In this case, it feels more like a recurring stomach bug.

Sandra Nicht's avatar

I wonder "is he dead yet"....

bitchybitchybitchy's avatar

And WHY isn't he dead yet?

Steve Newman's avatar

Hang on Sandra. Come November he'll be dead in the water. A very close second. Can I have a Treason Indictment and a Rye Manhattan on the rocks to celebrate ?

Kathleen D. Pierce's avatar

Every fucking morning I ask that!

C K Smith's avatar

Also, all that extra TP tends to stop up the plumbing, perhaps requiring an expensive plumber visit, just like the Orange Crap-in-Pants Ogre costs us all more and more money every day. Yes, I will take explosive diarrhea any day over the Ogre. I know how to fix my own plumbing, but only getting out and voting Blue this November and again in 2028 can begin to fix the damage the Ogre and his minions have caused.

Dr. Richard's avatar

As we ALL should know and what Trump and HUS cukt have proven: You can’t cure stupid but you can VOTE it out.

Just make sure we can still ALL vote- what Trump is trying to stop. We call that TREASON - SOP fir Trump and his cult.

RRC's avatar

Excellent!

Terri's avatar

Excellent analogy.

BARBARA RITTER's avatar

Best. Headline. Ever.

Barbara Goldberg's avatar

I’ll take diahrrea and a truckload of super soft TP, pls.

Barbara Goldberg's avatar

Thanks to AI for the misspelling on diarrhea

Joan Schiavi's avatar

At least with diarrhea you can flush it down the toilet.

It's Come To This's avatar

Make America Cyclospora Again!

Joanne Elizabeth Schulze's avatar

Only a parasite can outperform a parasite.

Laura S in Maine's avatar

Perfect last sentence: "Not only is President Trump as popular as explosive diarrhea, to millions of Americans he is synonymous with it." (Only quibble is I'm not sure Karoline Leavitt, or most members of the Trump administration, would know what "synonymous" means.)

Tirzah Mason's avatar

Karoline was thrilled to be able to use her Word of the Day Desk Calendar word the same day it appeared.

Joe C's avatar

I now drink my entire cup of coffee before reading TBR. Much neater that way.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Explosive coffee!

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

Oh no, Joe! Andy relies on us to spew gallons of coffee daily. He has invested in numerous coffee plantations. It keeps him solvent.

Pat Ebervein's avatar

Let alone more comfortable (having snorted it through my nose more than once)

Marilynsonvacation's avatar

I have become proficient in the spit take since reading TBR with my morning coffee.

Irna Gadd's avatar

We who love TBR learn that quickly.

Lorenzo's avatar

An artist in Vancouver made a portrait of Trump with horse manure. The likeness was stunning and the portrait sold immediately.

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

Saw that. The artist said the medium is the message!

Irna Gadd's avatar

It sold almost immediately, and for $1,800 (CAD).

Michael Gold's avatar

Mr. Pretzeldent: May the shit be with you.

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

Lettuce Prey!

Jo Burns's avatar

We are exposed to explosive diarrhea daily, every time he opens his sphincter to spew his crap.

Great comparison and explains my daily stomach pain! 👌🏽 headline. 🤣🤣🤣

#diarrhea2028

Steve Lang's avatar

a spokesman for explosive diarrhea said it wasn’t even close. “once the polls were open, we knew mr. tangerine man couldn’t outrun us.”

Terri's avatar

😂😂😂😂😂🫪

Paul's avatar

Andy, He is more like prepping for a daily colonoscopy.

Richard's avatar

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Terri's avatar

Another great analogy.

John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

Real good, Andy! Less popular than Trump shirts for sale on the boardwalk in Wildwood, New Jersey.

Which is nonexistent. Last year, there were tons. No Trump flags on the beach either.

Embarrassed? Yes.

But the tension is still there in our large, diverse group that meets once a year.

Either way it goes, we will be back to square one. If we take it, we can slow this nonsense down. But he will call it fraud again, with no data, creating more division, more hate, more Trump flags, and more Trump shirts.

If they steal it, we will be one step closer to the breaking point of our democracy.

But it is the same conversation: “I don’t want to help those who don’t want to help themselves.”

But as my friend points out that they too benefit from things like the FAA keeping air traffic safe while others don’t fly. Caring for the safety of others.

They will be the ones eventually asking for help for their children—for clean water, for better healthcare, affordable education for their grand children, and for less diarrhea.

Pam Birkenfeld's avatar

I want that headline on a T-shirt that I can wear to a class reunion next month, because there’s one guy who always shows up with a T-shirt on. It will be interesting to see if that happens this year.

John  (NJ-VT)'s avatar

But listen to him. Many of us don’t. Wear an FAA shirt. If he flies, argue why am I spending federal money to keep you and your family safe?! 😀

Pam Birkenfeld's avatar

Of all things, he’s also a pilot!

Steve Newman's avatar

Easy John, How about thinking November bloodbath maybe followed by a treason indictment?

Jeanne Golliher's avatar

I have to admit that I am every bit as mystified that trump can have an approval rating above a single digit as I would be if all of a sudden, 1 of 3 people decided it was a good idea to binge on cyclospora-contaminated produce, genuinely believing it would lead to a pleasant outcome.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Herbert Hoover got about 40% of the vote in 1932 while presiding over The Great Depression. Moral of this story? About half the country has always sucked. Having said that, Trump's unpopularity right now is truly historic--only Nixon on the verge of resigning did worse.

RJM's avatar

When Goldwater was running for president, my grandparents told me they’d read in the Times that anyone can get 30% of the vote, and it means nothing. Ever since, I’ve always believed that.

Steve Newman's avatar

R/J, we're down to about 27% now on T and sinking. Let's prove the grandparents wrong..

Steve Newman's avatar

A/B, Still got close to 100 days for that crack head fat caterpillar to outdo Nixon. Give the man some credit. Trump is excellent at destroying himself.

Harvey Perry's avatar

Comedian George Carlin said, “The average American is petty dumb, and half of Americans are dumber than that.” It is said that people should not look down on other people. It is hard not to if they have gone so far down a rabbit hole.

Steve Newman's avatar

Taco Bell, an acquired taste..

ABuckley's avatar

Unwanted, unpredictable, inconvenient, punishing, "reign" of sh!+. Yep, this is about right.

Thanks, AB.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

I think you mean "rain" of excrement.

At the end of one of my favorite films, Tune in Tomorrow, Peter Falk's mischievous troublestirring character imparts this wisdom to Keanu Reeves' romantic hero (I'm likely paraphrasing but close enough): "When it's raining shit, art is the best umbrella."

Steve Beckwith's avatar

Hmmmm...E. D. It has so many possible meanings in this context.

J Cheng's avatar

Educationally devoid, eager dilettante, emotionally devoid......my two cents

Edith Griffin's avatar

Electile dysfunction.