268 Comments
User's avatar
Andy Borowitz's avatar

Obama: “I seem to remember there being a nuclear deal with them somewhere. I wonder what happened to it.”

Penelope Guyton's avatar

Obama- Wearing a white robe, I reached down and touched the Ayatollahs on the foreheads and Lo - it was done!

It's Come To This's avatar

...Then, I reached down and slapped JD upside the head...

M.E. Lawrence's avatar

And poor little Justa Dick called the Vatican in tears.

Annette's avatar

Keep Jay Deviance away from Leo!!!

Sandra Nicht's avatar

HAHAHAHA I WANNA SEE THAT VIDEO

(wasn't there a rap song with a chorus that said something about smack upside the head? I remember it being attached to a video of a cat on a Roomba and timed the song to the cat smacking the dog...)

Sandra Nicht's avatar

this is close but not exactly it, I remember someone timing the music better but this is still funny

https://youtu.be/11xzmHP13fY?si=W32mr4HsT5K-IYi-

Lee Roscoe's avatar

Go Kitty, poor doggy!

Martha's avatar

Please! Someone has to do it!

The Rickster's avatar

“Obama- Wearing a white robe…”

Obama- Wearing a tan suit…

Annette's avatar

ultimately, at the end of the day, its not what you're wearing on your body, but what is inside your head

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Makes one think of Vespasian’s last words: “I can feel myself becoming a god.” Doesn’t it?

Dan Harris's avatar

As Monty Python's "Wink, wink, nudge, nudge" guy said in a different connection at the end of the sketch, "What's it like?"

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Loved that one! He was so salacious throughout and then so yearningly sad at the end. Well done, Michael Palin!

Lucy K.'s avatar

I had a close relative with bipolar disorder; he had periodic delusions of grandeur when he thought he was godlike. Once thought about buying a small local church that was for sale to give sermons, & he was Jewish! Fortunately no follow

through 😊

Gail E Hofmann's avatar

Much more appropriate. (Uh oh, duck. They’re com’in for us. 🫣

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Happy Tuesday Andy ! Ah ! President Obama ! Où sont les neiges d’antan? The nuclear deal has been stashed in one of the gold plated bathrooms at Mar-a-Lago ! Or tucked between the unredacted Epstein files 😂💕

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Did he leave it on Pam Bondi’s desk?

Susan Stone's avatar

More likely it was shredded - torn into tiny pieces, and then burned in the fireplace in Mark Meadows' office…

Glenn Sills's avatar

All joking aside, I think that we are at war with Iran due to Trump Obama envy more than anything else.

Al Keim's avatar

Obama crafted an arrangement, Trump deranged it.

Trump derangement syndrome, strait up.

It's Come To This's avatar

I saw what you did there.... 😁

Wis's avatar

Har, “Strait up”!

Antoinette S. Hamilton's avatar

I think you are right, Glenn. Much of what Trump does is because of Obama envy. And Obama still pops up everywhere being cool and wonderful. Trump is a tortured man.

Carol's avatar

Who deserves much, much more of it.

carol corsaro's avatar

He tortures all of us!!

Carol Lama's avatar

Absolutely. And the fact that Obama is a brilliant black man makes the Felon want to erase everything a REAL President accomplished for the common Good that makes the felonious Narcissist smaller than he already is. Like the ancient Egyptians who erased Pharaohs from the record with whom they didn't agree, the Felon would like to expunge benevolent patriotic men and women from the US history books because they offend his warped self-perception as a savior.

Annette's avatar

Exactly! "Well, Obama didn't tear down the East Wing to build a Food Court and Cafeteria! Obama didn't pave over the Rose Garden! Obama didn't plan a UFC fight on the White House lawn," tRump was heard to mutter.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Methinks they offend his spot on self-perception as one big whopping ignominious malignant rat bastard -- he knows he's an asshole and that a mere 25% of the country still fail to get that, or within that 25% are assholes as big as he is who like what he's doing cuz, well, they're assholes too.

Carol's avatar

Absolutely 💯

Wis's avatar

Envy, Pride… that’s two deadly sins down. We can all fill in the other five trump has nailed over and over again.

SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

Which commandment did he keep? Does anyone know?

It's Come To This's avatar

More like Obama: "No, Donald, I will not help you unfuck yourself."

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Yes indeed. And nor should he. Consequences are a bitch. Let Donald feel the full force.

LHS's avatar

I read a post yesterday (might have been on Meidas) that said the Iranians should troll Trump by saying they will only negotiate with Obama. Imagine the ketchup flying if they said that! 🤣 The Iranians sure have been showing their trolling chops, I'll give them that.

Annette's avatar

a little sense of humor goes a long way . . . unfortunately, tRump can't even buy that!

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

He only laughs at his own jokes, Annette. When the joke's on him, not so much.

Annette's avatar

only he understands his jokes, and they're usually cruel or odd (for example, Eric)

Harvey Perry's avatar

Has anyone EVER seen him laugh?

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Yup -- when he makes cruel, offensive, derogatory and derisive jokes, those demeaning others, with The Left, "Antifa" (the imaginary group opposed to tRUMP cuz it's anti-fascism), non-white folks, immigrants, "shithole countries," fat or not good-looking people (as if HE can talk), and women his particular targets. He tries to pull it off with a chuckle as wry humor, but the monster means it all.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

School Donnie!!! Go, Iran, go!!!

Wis's avatar

Obama: “I seem to remember there being a nuclear deal with them somewhere. I wonder what happened to it.”

Trump: “I shredded it.” Then, breaking into a modified Irving Berlin song, he adds, 🎶Anything you can do, I can undo better.🎶

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Oh SNAP, Wis! Well done!!!

Wis's avatar

This - THIS - one part of this Iran fiasco that really shows the height of the hypocrisy, hubris and gall of trump in a nutshell! Trump rips up a hard-won pact with Iran that kept them from developing nukes because it was an “Obama win”. Then he completely botches everything up and is outraged when he can’t browbeat such a pact with Iran himself (while making Iran want this development more than ever).

Never mind his self proclaimed obliteration of Iran’s nuclear capability in a bombing months ago.

This comment could go on forever with examples of this pattern (the war itself, for one). But I’ll just say,

Trump doesn’t have any idea what “the Art of the Deal” is.

He only knows “the Art of Destruction of All Things Good, Making Things a Hundred Times Worse Than Ever, and Blaming Others for Your Failures”.

Steve Newman's avatar

"The art of being a lying condescending amateur uneducated scumbag prick hated president "

MaryT's avatar

Plus the Iranian people paid with thousands of their lives, and we paid with billions diverted from health and assistance programs. And President Projection had the gall to say that Iran's leaders were creating wars instead of helping their citizens. Sheesh

Denise's avatar

The biggest “sigh” in the world … smfh

Annette's avatar

"I wonder if its in one of those boxes in the Mar-A-Lardo bathroom . . .?"

Susan Stone's avatar

Oh, c'mon, Andy! Obama's memory isn't trump's memory. He knows perfectly well what happened to his nuclear agreement. Still a good laugh, though.

Steve Newman's avatar

Andy,Allow me to refresh the high point. Obama had in writing with inspections by international regulators enrichment no more than 3.67% You could practically mix it with tequila and ice and have a nicely colored tasty refreshing cocktail. Trump, no plan, stupid moron cancelation, Iran has now enriched to 60% very very undrinkable dangerous business.

Peaceful Mary T.'s avatar

Damn, I miss President Obama. He was such a breath of fresh air! <3

Frances K. Lockwood's avatar

I miss him too. He's smart and classy. And his family, I miss them too.

Peaceful Mary T.'s avatar

Sadly, there was that 'incident' with the tan suit, but other than that, he was almost perfect! LOL!

Frances K. Lockwood's avatar

Oh, and the Dijon mustard.

Cecil Bothwell's avatar

None of which, however, was ever found splattered on the walls of the Oval Office.

Marmo's avatar

Well said, Cecil Bothwell.

Marmo's avatar
6hEdited

Yes, Peaceful Mary T - How dare he wear a "tan" suit - such a lack of respect for the Office of the POTUS! And his wife - wearing a sleeveless dress and showing the tops of her arms like a hussy. I haven't heard any compaints about the Dump family, so they must not do any such awful, disrespectful things.

Jane Gutsell's avatar

I have never understood the whole tan suit brohaha. Or the Dijon mustard. I am clueless. Melania wore a jacket on a visit to flood victims in Texas that said on the back, "I don't care. Do you?" or something horrible like that.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

That was to "visit" imprisoned refugees penned up in cages and suffering in horrid, squalid conditions in a detainment center cum concentration camp cum death camp in TX. Reports of rapes, including of children, kids separated from their parents, no basics, such as water & food & TP, etc., unsanitary conditions, sleeping on cement floors with piss and feces, beatings, torture...

These things would and should make any reasonable and empathetic person weep -- which was why there were huge protests ongoing and a whole bunch of caring folks trying to rectify this situation and help the poor folks and their kids locked up in that hell house.

And Melania didn't care. Obviously nor did tRUMP cuz he sent Melanoma to represent him wearing that extremely offensive jacket. What a team of shitheads -- they deserve each other.

Steve Newman's avatar

I love that she's sweating something these days even though it's not clear if it's pre Trump or involves early Eppy & company. I say if she can be dragged through the manure with her low life husband, why not. She's culpable just by association.

Jane Gutsell's avatar

Thanks for this information. I really thought it was after a major hurricane had hit the Gulf states way back in his 1st admin. So much for my old brain. They do deserve each other. Seems as though that pitiful son of theirs is cut from the same tattered cloth.

Wis's avatar

I’ve never understood that stuff either, Jane.

Annette's avatar

yes, I'm sure tRump's mail order bride would ever appear in photos, nude, with another wom .... oh wait, nevermind

Marmo's avatar
5hEdited

Brava, Annette!

Apparently, posing naked, selling herself, making excuses for a sexual predator, openly mocking traditions and suffering children, skin-tight catsuits, strapless dresses - none of that is as bad as a sleeveless dress or a tan suit.

Annette's avatar

exactly, Marmo ~ so many things to despise about her!

Al Keim's avatar

Pure Chicago.

Susie's avatar

Tan Suitgate was a simpler time, huh?!? 🤣

Harvey Perry's avatar

He also played golf sometimes. Republicans were outraged that he took the time away from the White House, and the money that it cost.

Franca Garofalo's avatar

Recently I watched Michelle Obama’s documentary and I actually started crying. The contrast to what we have today couldn’t be sharper. I miss those days!

Annette's avatar

yes . . . I miss Obama . . . was viewing a video yesterday where he was giving a speech from the White House garden, one of the participants started to feel faint, and he held her up until she could exit the event . . . while tRump stood at attention after someone fainted in the Oval Office. So many cases of right vs. wrong

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

tRump stood at attention FACING AWAY from the fallen man in a medical crisis.

A defining moment in shitheadedness.

Annette's avatar

yep . . . he looked like he would have rather been anywhere else but there; no concern, no empathy.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

No nuthin'. Just blank. You could almost hear the wheels turning -- "Oh crap, must I interact with this stupid guy? Can I get away with just standing here?" And like in any situation, the moment to act passed by while he just stood there...

Pat Ebervein's avatar

The vision of his press conference after Sandy Hook is burned into my brain. Imagine a president strong enough to wipe tears away in front of an entire nation.

Brenda Reiss's avatar

And never forget his singing Amazing Grace.

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Intelligent, charismatic, compassionate! I miss President Obama too! 💕

Punkette's avatar
7hEdited

Yes! And he is so funny. A razor-sharp wit!

Peaceful Mary T.'s avatar

And his wife adored/adores him!

Punkette's avatar

She certainly does, and Barack adores and values her! Such a lovely couple, and family. No scandals, ever. Michelle is a powerhouse in her own right. An amazing role model and best first lady of my lifetime. I love her! 💙

Annette's avatar

the bestest of best! So much so, Melanoma copies her speeches!

M.E. Lawrence's avatar

The Fred Astaire of Presidents.

Punkette's avatar

Love that! 🕺🏼

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

And a basically good and decent human being, a mensch, on the planet. One of moral and ethical strength, principled. How I long for those qualities!!!

LHS's avatar

He certainly was No Drama Obama. No scandals, no temper tantrums, no drama. Entire days would pass when the news would focus on other matters and NOT the latest nonsense from the White House. I sure miss those days.

Annette's avatar

and tweeting was something the birds did outside his office

Richard's avatar

I agree with you 100%!

Clym Yeobright's avatar

I’m not seeing a lot of profit in that plan. Will they at least name a subatomic particle after him? Trump and Higgs Boson sounds good. Oh wait! How about Higgs Boson, the Trump particle?

Jokr8790's avatar

Does that mean we can stuff Chump inside the particle accelerator?

Purobi Phillips's avatar

No, no accelerator deserves that much crap.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Thanks for this morning's coffee-spitter! Well done, Purobi Phillips!

Jokr8790's avatar

Well I was hoping it could dissolve him into subatomic particles.

BTAM Master's avatar

That would have to be one REALLY BIG particle accelerator.

Roland Saeger's avatar

If you want to name a particle after Trump the correct spelling is "Bozon".

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

HILARIOUS! Thanks for a ROTFLMAO!!!

Dan Harris's avatar

Or is it "bozone"?

Al Keim's avatar

Muvelous masonry, Roland.

bruce schneider's avatar

Would need to be a Top Quark, for weight.

Roland Saeger's avatar

Yeah, but he's Putin's Bottom Quark. Netenyahu's as well.

Taisa  Markus's avatar

Maybe all that is required is to agree not to send JD again?

Jean Jacoby's avatar

JD is desperately rehearsing trying to look presidential for when Donny bites the dust.

Carol Lama's avatar

I'm waiting to see how JD reconciles his return to the fold of Catholicism with his own criticism of Pope Leo and how that sits with all those he and the Felon have offended with their omniscient savior poses.

Jean Jacoby's avatar

JD was actually raised a Protestant, then identified as atheist in his twenties. He became a Catholic in his 30's.

Clym Yeobright's avatar

On his way to worshipping hot goddesses with eight arms

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Is that the dangerous one who could bite his head off, I hope?

Clym Yeobright's avatar

I was thinking Usha … but that works too

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

So he's confused. That passes for presidential material these daze.

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Jesus was really WEAK on crime. Guy shoulda thrown the first stone at the adultress, shouldn’t he? And that b.s. about the ‘good thief’ … Srsly!

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

I know, right? What's with all that stupid kindness and empathy? Geez Lou-eez!

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Let’s be frank: jesus was really wishy-washy sexually, a little ac-dc, maybe heavy on the dc, just like Eric. There’s a rumor he went into Bergdorf’s and didn’t even check out the ladies changing rooms. (Eric, that is.) He was king of teen miss universe and was never seen in the dressing rooms. (That one’s jesus.) There’s not a single picture of either of them sniffing his finger …

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Well, that's just pathetic. Good golly Miss Molly, they call themselves men??!!

BTAM Master's avatar

Obama cannot bail out Trump: while Obama is undoubtedly brilliant, he is not a magician.

The Rickster's avatar

…or “The Red Cross.”

Robert E.'s avatar

Can't see Obama brushing up with "The Book of Counterintuitive" anytime soon .

Purobi Phillips's avatar

Honestly though, at this point, Presidents Obama and Clinton probably can save us all from WWIII by talking to Iran but the tiny dick people will not let that happen.

Annette's avatar

because Obama and Clinton don't want to profit from this situation, whereas tRump would throw his family in front of a train for a nickel

Veronika Grimm-Matthews's avatar

Oh so true, our so called "president" is a genius of self enrichment! He never even glanced at the Constitution, he does not know what Emolument clause means. He sells coins watches, Bibles and he sells us, the people,out. Bevare!

Mary Hodges's avatar

"Bailing out" Trump would be the equivalent of cleaning out a sewer.

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Such as London's sewage system, which is so full of shit -- literally teeming with it -- that it's become unmanageable -- like tRUMP.

Steve Benko's avatar

In response, the president snorted, "What, I'm gonna listen to a guy who provided health care coverage to 20 million Americans who had fallen between the cracks? That should never be allowed to happen in this country!"

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Nailed it on the nose -- ahem, the stuffed nose.

Frank D Repp's avatar

Helping Donny at anything is like pouring gasoline in a diesel engine.

Christina  A.'s avatar

Yes, but this could solve the problem, couldn't it?

Cindy La Ferle's avatar

I miss the days of peaceful, level-headed presidents ...

Richard's avatar

I agree with you 100%!

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Besides, obviously, Obama, what days were those? We saw some good ones with Jimmy Carter and also some good with Clinton -- but the rest? Not so peaceful, and in the case of GOP presidents, not so good, especially considering all their lying and nefarious backdoor dealings, incompetence (thinking Bush Jr here), and ugly prejudice that we've come to learn more and more about.

Walter David Luce's avatar

There are 2 congressmen who are resigning (Swalwell and Gonzalez) due to accusations of sexual predation. Yet Congress as a whole allows our current POTUS (he really doesn't deserve capitals!!) a CONVICTED SEXUAL OFFENDER (both a rapist and a cohort of Epstein) and felon to stay in office. Swalwell and Gonzalez have at least a modicum of integrity, or fear of an ethics investigation, but not lil' donnie.

However, the most unbelievable action of djt is to directly criticize Pope Leo and then, as if that was not bad enough, he depicts himself as Jesus the Christ. No way that this was meant to show djt as a physician. Trump depicts himself as Jesus, the only authority in this world with more spiritual clout than the Pope. Trump doesn't even belong in the same sentence as Pope Leo let alone the same moral and ethical category of men as the Pope.

Which brings me to djt's medical condition. I am a physician and, if someone in my family exhibited the mental and behavioral dysfunctions that djt does I would insist on them having a thorough medical and cognitive evaluation. I took the liberty of looking up the credentials of djt's personal physician, Dr. Sean Barbabella. His specialty is emergency medicine and "tactical medicine" (I believe that is battlefield medicine). With all due respect to Dr. Barbabella, djt needs an Internal Medicine physician, Board Certified and skilled and trained in Gerontology, or "old people's" medicine as well as being knowledgeable in Dementia and its various forms and clinical presentations. Those do not appear to be the skills, credentials, and experience of Dr. Barbabella.

Dr. Barbabella, our duty as physicians is first, TO DO NO HARM. By allowing djt to remain in power when he is clearly a very imbalanced man, does harm to all Americans and to the country itself. Congressman Raskin got it right in his recent letter demanding a thorough medical evaluation as well as a full and thorough neuropsychological testing with release of all of the results for the American public to see and evaluate.

Based on djt's daily actions and words I think that there is a high likelihood that the facts would show him unfit to teach Sunday school let alone be POTUS.

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Trump: “Jesus was no god. Okay, he was called a god because he got crucified. I like my gods not to have been crucified at all.”

Wis's avatar

“It’s like McCain being captured and becoming a POW. I like my god uncrucified and my war heroes not captured.”

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Have you noticed, Wis? Jesus was really WEAK on Crime! If Fred Trump had been his father instead of the old guy with the beard, christianity would be the kind of religion you could be proud of.

If only Jesus had spent a few years in military school …

Janeo's avatar

Retired RN here: Donnie is sundowning big time. The sun goes down, the bats fly out of the belfry & he doesn't remember it when the sun comes up in the morning. (Medical explanation there.)

Veronika Grimm-Matthews's avatar

To Walter David Luce,

Yous is the perfect statement, showing how to proceed to save us from a most powerful and lethal, life threatening menace

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

Who knew intelligence and level-headedness would be the ticket. We live, we learn.

Maybe Trump thought they were saying the Strait of More Shoes, hence the rush to buy all the Florsheims. Or More Snooze, which Trump is clearly executing. Or Strait of More Booze, a task Hegseth has well in hand. So they really may be trying; it’s just a silly misunderstanding.

Marmo's avatar

Jan Fabiyi - One of our TBR community had come up with another good one for Kegsbreath: The Straight and Vermouth.

Marianne Burbank's avatar

Or the Strait of Whores Choose…And they ain’t choosing Justa Dick Vance or Tiny Hands Trump Boy….So the Strait and other things remain closed….

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Strait of Whore Moose? If so, what do slutty moose have to do with it?

Annette's avatar

<rolling giggles> thanks for the chuckles, Jan!

Marianne Burbank's avatar

I cried with Joy the night Obama was first elected….I literally threw up when the orange arsehole was elected…..

Wis's avatar

Wow! Me too! Twice each!

Sally McKinney's avatar

Has anyone asked Trump anything at all about his throwing out Obama's deal with Iran? I'd love to see it in press conference. Since that probably won't happen, I'll have to be satisfied with your incredibly timely, appropriate and very humorous Reports.

Marilyn Gillis's avatar

If he were asked this he would follow his usual escape plan by attacking the reporter and not answering the question

Annette's avatar

or say he'd never seen the agreement, knows nothing about it . . . at least, that's what Mike "Ernie" Johnson would say

SUZANNE Marie McAdam's avatar

I saw an episode of Meidas Touch that had an interview

with one of the negotiators of Obama's. Fascinating.

They had a great deal done.

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

Wild how Barack Obama is suggesting inspections and limits… almost like that was the whole deal before Donald Trump (💩🐷) tore it up. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Annette's avatar

love the emojis - sh*t pig is so appropriate (no offense to pigs)

Floofie Snapz Back!'s avatar

Love pigs too, but pigs do love shit. Heard stories of pigs in the South Seas islands (Fiji?Indonesia? Papua New Guinea? Malaysia?) that were kept in pens that included access to under the houses on stilts -- they'd practically brawl to be the one who got there first when folks pooped thru the hole in the floorboards. A friend hiking thru Central America ducked into the bushes off the trail to relieve herself and had a run in with a wild pig that charged out of the underbrush to get her poop. Make of that what you will.

Jay F's avatar

So Obama was not the former Pres who told Trump how great his war is?

Wis's avatar

No, Trump is the former president trump talked to.

SCS - Michigan's avatar

Ding ding ding 💙

Joanna Rysnik's avatar

Oh how I miss Obama.

Susan Gilbert-Collins's avatar

Well now you've made me homesick, Andy. Man, I miss Obama!