Re: ICE Agents wearing masks: I would like to suggest a new idea in what the ICE people should be wearing.
Why not remove the masks, but issue all ICE Agents with a G-string (or, if they are shy, a Speedo)?
But no shoes or other acoutrement (that's French, those accomplished fashionistas who are "most select and generous chief in that"according to Shakespeare.) ICE Agents might add a sporty hat if desired. But the masks have got to go.
Oh, yes!! They'll be rich in no time. Hilarious! :-) !! But I think the tips law only lasts 2 years, doesn't it? (until after Midterm Elections, get it?)
Yes, a beret would be perfect. They can either live out their French Boulevardier Fantasy, or their Green Beret Fantasy (or both at once if they so choose).
curious minds want to know your process (or do you basically download em like Bob Dylan who said “I don’t write them, I just write them down”. Mozart said something similar)…
Actually, I think you inspire your followers to be as creative as they have within themselves...maybe not to measure up to you, but certainly to entertain the rest of us. How you do it every day is Astounding. Inspiring. Encouraging.
Actually Beethoven is with us today, in his music. I can hear it now, that great opening in the 5th ... DA DA DA DUM! Or, in the case of the FOOTWH (felon occupant of the White House) ... DA DA DA DUMB!
I saw this quote attributed to Michelangelo: The sculpture is already complete within the marble block, before I start my work. It is already there, I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.
If you've seen the picture of the bathroom at Bag-a-Large-One with it's chandelier, tasteless wall sconce, and ugly lavatory sink you have to believe she has the same extremely poor taste.
"Sharing actual footage of events that really happened is something that President Trump would never do.” One of the best lines evah! I used to say Trump was our Toddler in Chief, but lately he has "graduated" to Tween in Chief. And as a mother of two former toddlers and tweens, tweens are much more annoying. You can distract and scoop up toddlers, tweens not so much. Really Trump is the ultimate man-child that all following in his foot steps should be compared to.
Behind every great man is a woman . Corollary, behind every son of a bitch there is a woman benefiting from and encouraging and nurturing his evil behavior. Eva Braun, Nancy Reagan .
"At the White House, press secretary Karoline Leavitt blasted Obama’s post, stating, “Sharing actual footage of events that really happened is something that President Trump would never do.”
Yes. Be it far from the Orange One to put forth anything anchored in reality. How could he ever bring to fulfillment his fairy tail vision of an America that never existed except in the mind of neo-Nazi reality-challenged traitors?
Once again, Miz Leavitt parades her bimbohood. She'll never pass up an op to step on the deflection button. She couldn't, even if she wanted to. She lives at the crossroad of Everyone Else Is a Greater Imbecile than I and The Gods Smiled Upon Her Head.
Karoline Leavitt has an agent trying to land her a continuing role on SNL. She's the perfect person to play herself. First time I saw her on TV I thought I was watching SNL. And by the way, did her mom misspell her name on the birth certificate? So many questions.
That fabrication of the arrest of President Obama has one feature that rings true; the grins manufactured on Mr. Trump’s face. They would be a tell to a behaviorist that he’s a narcissist, especially if he chooses to present himself in this fashion.
and I hope the sheep keep up their bleating to get files released . . . all the files, in their entirety, to prove their dear leader is a pedophilic creep
You have a valid point. It’s absolutely true. He had a lotta music (intertaymint) at the ralleys to half a hella distuctshun going on and keep the camrahs offa him!
For another poetry win!! “Italien” was a joke…someone sent me a picture of The Alien (monster) labeled “The Alien”. By its side was a picture of The Alien talking with…its hands (claws?) labeled “The Italien”. Extreme funny!
And so it stuck..Now that my hands are spastic, it is a nickname aptly and accidentally made! I look like the thing! (At least the hands/claws part. Face, nothing like it, at least I don’t think so. Others may disagree.) 😂🥳
Must EVERY Borowitz post be flawless? So far, that’s the case!
I imagine I’m joined by everyone with a brain in finding the Borowitz form to be a treat in itself:
1. hilarious headline
2. delectable set-up
3. killer punchline
4. devastating chortle-inducing après-punchline
I have to police myself so my eye doesn’t accidentally get a glimpse of #4 too soon, slightly diminishing the full chortle PLUS squirm of delight (and admiration).
Before this most sordid of all times, I hadn't realized just how many cowardly, conniving, complicit, apologist-wormtongues for rape and pedophilia there were in this country --- all Repulsicans.
That may be true in large part. But my parents who were my primary childhood abusers were democrats. Apart from my personal, long ago experience, I agree with you. They have the complete absence of morals. IMO.
While President Obama is showing actual “arrest”photo, he can also display a doctored version of Trump’s birth certificate showing Trump was born (hatched?) in Zimbabwe.
In the immortal words of Melanie Trump, "When they go low, we be best."
Clearly fake because the cops are not wearing street clothes and not masking their faces.
Or tricked out like Green Berets.
Re: ICE Agents wearing masks: I would like to suggest a new idea in what the ICE people should be wearing.
Why not remove the masks, but issue all ICE Agents with a G-string (or, if they are shy, a Speedo)?
But no shoes or other acoutrement (that's French, those accomplished fashionistas who are "most select and generous chief in that"according to Shakespeare.) ICE Agents might add a sporty hat if desired. But the masks have got to go.
Passerby can insert dollar bills in said Speedos or G-strings. A new source
of tax income. So much green lettuce, won't need tariffs anymore!
Such a good idea! Simply brilliant!! :-) !!
since its a tip, they don't have to claim it on their taxes
Oh, yes!! They'll be rich in no time. Hilarious! :-) !! But I think the tips law only lasts 2 years, doesn't it? (until after Midterm Elections, get it?)
I suggest a beret, tilted jauntily on their noggins.
Yes, a beret would be perfect. They can either live out their French Boulevardier Fantasy, or their Green Beret Fantasy (or both at once if they so choose).
That was in the before times.
Only the delayed sentence was fake!
Are you from the Las Vegas Greenspans?
They're the Green_spuns_, past tense.
Of course you are right. Thanks.
🥰🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🥰
HOW DO YOU DO IT
???????????
curious minds want to know your process (or do you basically download em like Bob Dylan who said “I don’t write them, I just write them down”. Mozart said something similar)…
Not to compare myself to either of those guys, but that's more or less the process
I admire your reflexive modesty, but you compare! The sphere is just different.
Agreed❣️
Actually, I think you inspire your followers to be as creative as they have within themselves...maybe not to measure up to you, but certainly to entertain the rest of us. How you do it every day is Astounding. Inspiring. Encouraging.
Yes!
You're too modest. You could be like Puccini & Beethoven who claimed they were Divinely directed.
Andy is clearly divinely inspired❣️
😂
Totally agree Alex! I definitely think if Beethoven were with us today, he would agree too (I don't know much about Puccini, like the 1950s song)
Actually Beethoven is with us today, in his music. I can hear it now, that great opening in the 5th ... DA DA DA DUM! Or, in the case of the FOOTWH (felon occupant of the White House) ... DA DA DA DUMB!
If only Deity would also divinely direct some thunderbolts!
That is the definition of Genius. It comes from the Ether, and you just write it down.
--or the Whether-You-Got-It-Or-Not!
No worry, Andy. You've told everyone all along that you're incomparable. Nothing's changed.
You don’t got no Salieri!!!
But some where in-between I'm thinking ;-}
there absolutely has to be a base of creative brilliance though, admit it! :)
I saw this quote attributed to Michelangelo: The sculpture is already complete within the marble block, before I start my work. It is already there, I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.
Isn’t that one of the most beautiful quotes?
I think so!
Andy, don't you mean "in the immoral words" of Melanoma T****?
Or, perhaps he snatched the American singer Melanie who passed away 6 months ago??
She sang about love and peace, two things Trump and his followers can't process.
😪
R.I.P. Melanie :(
I thought it was pronounced "Malaria".
Whichever you like 😅
Yeah she is a beaut. Day Trump leaves office will be the day she leaves him
She has already left him
LEAVITT: There are rumors that the First Lady has left you...what should I say about that?
tRUMP: No, no, how many times do I have to tell you Ivana's dead? I had her buried in my golf course. Didn't cost a dime.
LEAVITT: Er, I was talking about Melania...
tRUMP: Whozatt?
LEAVITT: The first lady, your excellency.
tRUMP: That's fake news from Obama! Call my lawyers. I'll sue him for slander!
.......but blame Biden!
But .. but ... she be best!
at disappearing and plagiarizing
And being cluelessly insulting (« I don’t care. Do you? »)
She stated in the news, “I won’t be living in The White House”, something to do with his decorating taste, I think.
HIS taste? Have you forgotten the White House Christmas decorations 2017-2020?
Who cares about zee fucking christmas
Christmas in Hell. . . . good times
Well, I agree with her for once. Can't blame her a bit. Trump never had good taste.
Probably what the alligators in Florida said. Why they didn’t munch on his ballooned legs.
If you've seen the picture of the bathroom at Bag-a-Large-One with it's chandelier, tasteless wall sconce, and ugly lavatory sink you have to believe she has the same extremely poor taste.
A new, definite version of folie-a-deux!
More likely the aroma that permeates the 2nd floor. Does the staff fumigate daily? And how much does that cost over 4 years??
probably not as much as we taxpayers fund for his golf weekends
I think she doesn't want to be near the stench
Depends on the pre-nup terms($$$$$$)
That's one extremely detailed pre-nup if it even included Depends...
No one would sign such an agreement if it DIDN'T include Depends.
🤣😱🤪
She has the spare, there will be money involved for sure; although I don't think she is as smart as Ivana was.
Ivana made her money on QVC - he was conveniently cash poor during the divorce.
Maybe not… Too many $$$$$$$ involved!!
Surprised she did not leave him before his first term!
and……. We’re off to the races. Happy Monday and hilarious as hello!! 🤣💕🤣💕😆💕
Bless you and your brilliant humor, Andy! It’s all that’s keeping some of us hanging on.
Without The Borowitz Report I was amidst my plan to move to another country. Perhaps a small village in Ireland…
better go now while they will still let you in . . . no country will want any Americans soon
Don't you mean a "willage" in Melania-speak?
…wid bich fwon-tage!
She already has "bitch frontage"
Exactly!🤣
"Sharing actual footage of events that really happened is something that President Trump would never do.” One of the best lines evah! I used to say Trump was our Toddler in Chief, but lately he has "graduated" to Tween in Chief. And as a mother of two former toddlers and tweens, tweens are much more annoying. You can distract and scoop up toddlers, tweens not so much. Really Trump is the ultimate man-child that all following in his foot steps should be compared to.
Why he enjoyed having buddy Elon till they got in a BFF fight.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
You are correct......... it's funny cuz he hasn't seemed to notice.
is that immortal or immoral????
No, just plain dumb!
OR - "when they go low, we do them one better!"
Yeah, that's it! We will all remember that when we're being shipped off to Sudan
or Uganda, or some such place......
"bestest"
Behind every great man is a woman . Corollary, behind every son of a bitch there is a woman benefiting from and encouraging and nurturing his evil behavior. Eva Braun, Nancy Reagan .
They both are low and not "best"!
And when will Trump be best?
Only in an alternate universe much more screwed-up than this one!
He is the best idiot in town.
In this case, the best is the worst!
grown men, with tears in their eyes, go up to him, shake his hand firmly and tell him what a "best idiot" he is
that is not possible; his type are not wired that way
Hilarious comment!!
I thought her name was melania.
Probably autocorrect. We’ve all been there.
You're on fire today, Andy!
"At the White House, press secretary Karoline Leavitt blasted Obama’s post, stating, “Sharing actual footage of events that really happened is something that President Trump would never do.”
You win the Internet for the day!
Oh, Karolyn Lievet, did you really say that last line?
Good one, Judy ! Or Karolying Lievet. She gives me the all-overs. 😱 And the angries 🤬.
She's creepy. Is this how she wants her children to behave?
I can hear her snarky voice right now . . . oh KaroLIE!!
Yes. Be it far from the Orange One to put forth anything anchored in reality. How could he ever bring to fulfillment his fairy tail vision of an America that never existed except in the mind of neo-Nazi reality-challenged traitors?
Once again, Miz Leavitt parades her bimbohood. She'll never pass up an op to step on the deflection button. She couldn't, even if she wanted to. She lives at the crossroad of Everyone Else Is a Greater Imbecile than I and The Gods Smiled Upon Her Head.
The gods have probably dropped nasty things on her Clairol or L'Oréal blonde
head!
Definitely on a roll today!
Who cares what Bullshit Barbie thinks.
To which Bullshit Barbie do you refer?
😂😂
Guess she is the last to know....just a mouth piece told what to say...never was a critical thinker.
Karoline Leavitt has an agent trying to land her a continuing role on SNL. She's the perfect person to play herself. First time I saw her on TV I thought I was watching SNL. And by the way, did her mom misspell her name on the birth certificate? So many questions.
Kate McKinnon would shred her Barbie a**
Of course! Lies beat truth every time.
Yes indeed!
"--and he never does much good anyway (oops)!"
That fabrication of the arrest of President Obama has one feature that rings true; the grins manufactured on Mr. Trump’s face. They would be a tell to a behaviorist that he’s a narcissist, especially if he chooses to present himself in this fashion.
beyond narcissist, he's psychotic - this is what he thinks is funny . . . now it needs to happen to him, for real
Everything Trump accuses other people of doing he does himself. It’s all projection. Every utterance is a roadmap of his own crimes.
You beat me too it. More evidence he's hiding the Epstein files for a reason.
and I hope the sheep keep up their bleating to get files released . . . all the files, in their entirety, to prove their dear leader is a pedophilic creep
Obviously. It indicates his idiocy!
That was what I thought, too.
Orange Dye 47 don’t write no pictures. He don’t write English either.
He don't speaks it, either.
YES. HE SPEAK IN CAPS TOO.
Him talk like caveman.
The bigliest caveman. Bigger than anyone has ever seen.
--but only the tiniest knuckles to drag on the floor!
So right!
I swear, the only time that man has ever been seen actually smiling is in pictures with Jeffrey Epstein ...
In that era Coke as the Real Thing wasn't served in a glass.
It's almost a smile in his photo with Stormy:
https://www.nydailynews.com/2024/05/07/stormy-daniels-bombshell-hush-money-testimony-on-tryst-with-trump-top-moments/
Yeah, almost a smile, but kinda more like a cross between a self satisfied smirk, and signaling acute constipation …
sends shivers down my spine!
You have a valid point. It’s absolutely true. He had a lotta music (intertaymint) at the ralleys to half a hella distuctshun going on and keep the camrahs offa him!
Which tells us Jeffrey Epstein was a laugh riot!!😏
For those young girls, not so much.
No kidding.. horribly unmanaged, the sweetheart deal. Dump thought Epstein was funny as hell, it appears..two sadists sharing a joke..😒
Great observation!
Brilliant, Andy. Brilliant.
Truth is stranger than fiction, it would appear.
It is during this administration! Stay tuned for the next episode
of "The Twilight Trump Zone".
The statement by White House Barbi Leavitt is perfect!
Oh.Muy.Gawd. One-upped yourself....again!
After long years of Mr. Trump’s
False birther crap
I feel like Rip Van Winkle, awoke from my nap.
And some everyday facts that informed my world view.
Seem, in this year of grace to no longer be true.
Who’d believe that a felon, with 34 counts,
Who owes Ms. E. Jean Carroll enormous amounts,
Would still grant to Obama -
That’s Barry Hussein -
So much unpaid-for-space
In his tallow-clogged brain?
I was sure that Melania would take a quick powder if that nice Stormy Daniels spoke up any louder.
But she and her Barron have not given up,
Which just shows you the worth of an airtight pre-nup.
Alas, one hears nothing from Don’s elder daughter.
She was busy for years toting lots of his water.
But the water Trump’s carrying now?
In his veins!
Despite large Foley catheters
Acting as drains.
But he has introduced an exciting new notion:
A third term as the POTUS
With MAGA devotion.
Now, what’s good for the goose is sauce for the gander
And I’m confident MAGA trolls can’t gerrymander.
A third term for Obama!
I’m sorry, Michelle,
He would do the job well.
Before Fascists and shitheads
Steer us into Hell.
For the poetry win!!🥳
I see that the Law brings you close to the bench.
Your name says ‘Italian’, but it’s
written in French.
Reading of your MS I start gritting my teeth
With immune cells attacking your myelin sheath.
If we funded things right, I am totally sure
We might soon be announcing an RMS cure.
All best, Glenn
For another poetry win!! “Italien” was a joke…someone sent me a picture of The Alien (monster) labeled “The Alien”. By its side was a picture of The Alien talking with…its hands (claws?) labeled “The Italien”. Extreme funny!
And so it stuck..Now that my hands are spastic, it is a nickname aptly and accidentally made! I look like the thing! (At least the hands/claws part. Face, nothing like it, at least I don’t think so. Others may disagree.) 😂🥳
A cure fast and soon!
A neighbor with MS has infusions done. I hope something like that
is working for you!
😊😊😊
We hope!!
I think you're beautiful, Italien . . . inside and out!
That is the sweetest! Thank you! 💕
KEEP THEM COMING!!!!!
They’re amazing!!😊
--just before our death-knell!
Must EVERY Borowitz post be flawless? So far, that’s the case!
I imagine I’m joined by everyone with a brain in finding the Borowitz form to be a treat in itself:
1. hilarious headline
2. delectable set-up
3. killer punchline
4. devastating chortle-inducing après-punchline
I have to police myself so my eye doesn’t accidentally get a glimpse of #4 too soon, slightly diminishing the full chortle PLUS squirm of delight (and admiration).
Ditto!
thank you Andy for providing a bit of brilliant/hilarious "lightness" in this dark time
“Sharing actual footage of events that really happened is something that President Trump would never do.” Priceless.
Before this most sordid of all times, I hadn't realized just how many cowardly, conniving, complicit, apologist-wormtongues for rape and pedophilia there were in this country --- all Repulsicans.
That may be true in large part. But my parents who were my primary childhood abusers were democrats. Apart from my personal, long ago experience, I agree with you. They have the complete absence of morals. IMO.
Never be surprised at human nature?
While President Obama is showing actual “arrest”photo, he can also display a doctored version of Trump’s birth certificate showing Trump was born (hatched?) in Zimbabwe.
Maybe Greenland?
--by a very blubbery seal?
Why he insisted on the tariffs on Heard and McDonald Islands. To cover up the secret.
I’m guessing Obama loves this as much as I do.