183 Comments
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Andy Borowitz's avatar

Happy Monday everyone!

Pradnya Sikand's avatar

Happy Monday Andy ! Thanks for starting the week with sweet laughter!😂With the statistical data you’ve compiled, I think a child is born to Elon every minute 😂💕

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Joke from the Eisenhower Administration:

Presidential population advisor: There’s a woman in this country who has a baby every three minutes.

Ike: Good God, somebody has to stop her!

Annette's avatar

is her last name Duggar, by any chance?

Janet Brittle's avatar

Thank you for a good laugh!

Peggy Grimmius's avatar

My husband and I love you. Such a great laugh you provide in this ludicrous climate.

Autumn Mich's avatar

Brilliant, Andy. You get more creative by the day.

Wis's avatar

Happy Monday indeed! I hope all who marched and protested Saturday are happy and fired up for more more more!

John Townsend's avatar

Fired up and ready to fire Trump and company!

Rose Edgar's avatar

You make my day, thanks for letting me start my day with laughter.

Elisabeth Birker's avatar

Happy Monday❣️

Barbara Vasile's avatar

Tea spit out in laughter yet again. I don’t know why I think I’ll be able to control myself, when there’s been no evidence of that so far.

Abigail Norling's avatar

Back at you Andy. You made me laugh out loud! <3

Jeremy Hullah's avatar

Andy! Stop making me laugh so much at such a dire situation - but bigs hugs to all of you No Kings marchers xxx

Clym Yeobright's avatar

I saw a photo of a woman at the NYC rally carrying a sign “I Want My Daddy Back”. I think it was Tiffany

It's Come To This's avatar

I thought I saw Eric peeking out from behind a giant frog carrying a Jail to the Chief sign.

Annette's avatar

I wonder if she realizes the feeling isn't mutual (but would be if it were Ivanka).

Lizbet's avatar

Not the way he wants Ivanka to use the word "daddy"

John Townsend's avatar

Tiffany probably now is not answering any e-mails, letters, or phone calls from anyone in the Trump family or adminsitration.

Lucy K.'s avatar

Hysterical! 😂. So nice when an important event can coincide with a family reunion.

Sharon P's avatar

Really nice when the whole reunion is of the same ilk

Al Keim's avatar

Ala Atilla the Hun.

Mike Gelt's avatar

1.

Trump said the No Kings crowd was small.

Apparently anything larger than his inauguration photos counts as “fake news.”

2.

Trump only believes crowds are real if they’re standing behind him… or photoshopped there later.

3.

Trump said attendance was low —

because if he can’t see it from a golf cart, it didn’t happen.

4.

The No Kings crowd wasn’t small.

It was just full of people who don’t clap on command.

5.

He called the rally insignificant —

because authoritarians always underestimate citizens right before they lose control of the narrative.

.

John Townsend's avatar

--and bring out the guns and/or guillotine!

Mike Gelt's avatar

I prefer the guillotine the gun is to fast

Frank D Repp's avatar

That left 500 who didn't attend.

Elisabeth Birker's avatar

No…they were there. All present. They were just disguised 🥸. 😂. Far flung seeds…isn’t it romantic! NOT!

Clym Yeobright's avatar

Kind of like Monsanto corn?

John Townsend's avatar

--with the emphasis on the corn!

LiverpoolFCfan's avatar

I'm pretty sure Elon has mastered the operation of cloning so he can reproduce himself without having to go through the messy process of convincing real women to sleep with him.

Jim Dygert's avatar

Just think how many people will be in the streets when this abomination is gone!

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

I literally can’t wait! I foresee hearing gleeful shouting in the streets, people bursting out of their front doors to embrace each other, wide, relieved smiles. Would it be acceptable if a sailor grabs a dame in Times Square and plants a big smooch on her lips in his great joy?

Frances López's avatar

I hope it's 2 gay servicemen or 2 lesbian service women in military uniform. Then send the historic photo to Pete Kegsbreath.

Annette's avatar

Yes! Even better if Kegsbreath were one of them!

John Townsend's avatar

--with a hot Marine grabbing his.....?

Annette's avatar

pocket square . . . ? (LOL)

Jim Dygert's avatar

It will be a joyous time!

Clym Yeobright's avatar

There is absolutely nothin’ like a dame lol

Sharon P's avatar

Now THAT will be a rally and a half

Jim Dygert's avatar

It should be a National Holiday!

Annette's avatar

Trump Dumped Day! Let the unmarking of his name on all buildings, statues, etc. begin!

John Townsend's avatar

Let the "Dump Trumpet" blow loud and clear!

Annette's avatar

yes, please and thank you!

Elisabeth Birker's avatar

🥂 🍾🥂🍾🍾🥂🥂🥂🍾🥂

Annette's avatar

dancing, cheering, celebrating

Cheryl Warner's avatar

I have already gifted subscriptions to two friends.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

You are a great American!

Cheryl Warner's avatar

They couldn't get any dumber could they? Or is it the population in the US that is unfortunately ignorant enough to have elected Trump a second term.

Scott Nelson's avatar

Never ask if they can get dumber! Their response is “Here, hold my beer!”

Annette's avatar

<snort laugh>

Marianne Burbank's avatar

But on the other hand, Donnie, think of all the cats and dogs that WOULD have been there marching if they were not afraid of being eaten…So this time you really did successfully dodge a bullet!

Jay F's avatar

Hilarious.

Donna S Swarr's avatar

Excellent.

GingerLee's avatar

Perfect...I guess he only knows how to breed contempt

John Townsend's avatar

--among other things......

Steve Benko's avatar

"Or your sexual assault victims," Musk responded.

The Rickster's avatar

Muskox, T-rump…no matter. Both in the same basket of deplorables.