300 Comments
User's avatar
Al Gorythm's avatar

The only person Trump ever hired that was actually qualified to do their job was Stormy Daniels.

Andy Borowitz's avatar

Correct. And she was also the only independent contractor he ever paid.

Mark Lip's avatar

Yes but apparently not enough. Like so many others she had to take him to court.

Sharon P's avatar

No it was Michael Cohen ???? 47 only signed it I could be wrong

Mary Gilbert's avatar

Same difference.

ROY WALLACE's avatar

Or, a distinction without a difference!

Abby From Maine's avatar

And only because she sued him for her rightful compensation!

Marc Panaye's avatar

.... for ones drump got stiffed..... (pun very much intended)

Glenn Sills's avatar

I was under the impression that like many Trump contractors he stiffed her... no wait! I mean he didn't pay her.

Dr. Judith Schlesinger's avatar

The best version of the punctuating rim shot I ever heard was this: "bucketofish"!

Try it! ;-D

Al Keim's avatar

Sounds Yiddish.

Glenn Sills's avatar

To be completely fair to Trump, I seem to recall Stormy saying the service was just a little thing, so maybe she didn't bother to charge him anything.

Annette's avatar

<snicker> mushrooms are soft and spongy . . . just putting that piece of info out there

Judy Shaffer's avatar

Annette, you are SO BAD. And I mean that in a good way.

Deborah Boller's avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Deborah Boller's avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Susan Barnes's avatar

Took me a second😄😄

It's Come To This's avatar

You must have him confused with David Dennison, who signed that $140,000 check to her.

Bizarre fun fact: You Know Who despises Bette Midler, who played the buck-toothed Winnifred Sanderson in "Hocus Pocus" belting out 'I Put a Spell on You' with her back-up sisters. David Dennison was the name of the father of Max Dennison, who turned Winnifred to stone and zapped her sisters into oblivion.

Yes, his "mind" is just that petty and pissy -- and weird.

Linda McCaughey's avatar

Actually, "Not qualified in any way" seems to be the main hiring requirement. He made an error with Stormy.

Leslie's avatar

I remember observing that in the very beginning. Each cabinet member clearly had either 0 qualifications OR had a career history of fighting with the Dept they were appointed to lead.

Trumps goals as president is to destroy the US from the inside out and pocket what he can on the way.

Linda McCaughey's avatar

Yup. That is now and has always been the "raison d'etre" of the entire meshuggeneh debacle. Or, in colloquial American, "buncha dumbasses".

Steve Beckwith's avatar

Today - you win, Al.

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Paul Ehrenzeller's avatar

And it turned out Stormy was a very reluctant employee!

Leslie's avatar

Wouldn't you be? Do you have to service every John...I mean really?!

Joseph T. Babcock's avatar

Al this is the line of the day. Great line and 100% true. Great job Al

Joanne  Miller's avatar

This administration seeks to find the absolute worst in everything-policies, candidates for office. It seems to be a deliberate effort to ruin not only our country but the entire world. SMH yet again.

Meighan Corbett's avatar

It is a deliberate effort to ruin our country. Make no mistake about that.

Lorenzo's avatar

Donnie working for Vladimir is the elephant in the room everyone seems to be ignoring.

Caitriona Gillespie's avatar

I say we make him irrelephant.

Diane Doyle's avatar

Don is working for Putin as the designated Trojan Horse.

Harvey Perry's avatar

Trump takes instructions received from his mentor Putin during secret telephone conversations that he doesn’t let anyone listen in on. Do people have any other explanation for Trump’s decisions that benefit only Putin?

Natalie Parker's avatar

Think what his interpreter must know!

Caitriona Gillespie's avatar

I say we make him irrelephant.

Al Keim's avatar

Caitegorically!

Dr. Judith Schlesinger's avatar

I think Rump is too far gone to care. It's possible he never has. In any case, he increasingly does exactly what he wants (a huge gold statue and no books in his legacy library???). It's the sneaky, greedy, thoroughly evil minions manipulating him (and his flashy-Sharpee executive orders) that we really need to worry about.

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

Can’t you see Susie Wiles as the head librarian behind a big, gilded desk saying “Shhhhh!”

Jan's avatar

Agree. Even a marginally competent POTUS would have difficulty doing the multitasking that trump does—the massive midnight tweeting, the many press releases, the golfing, etc.—someone(s) else is driving the MAGA bus. Miller, RFKJ, Kegsbreath of course, among others. They simply feed their plans to trump and then carry them out.

AVee. (Alexia)'s avatar

Exactly

These inept weird choices are on purpose:

to make a mockery of our systems

while at the same time feeding incompetence.

The goal is to break us and we can’t let them succeed!!!!

Cao is another Tweedle Dee Dum Trump has added to his addled liqueur cabinet!

Joanne Elizabeth Schulze's avatar

Yep--it's in his authoritarian playbook, yet so many Americans still swoon over him.

Connie Davis's avatar

Indeed, yesterday's poll shows 62% approval from Republicans - still!

Lee Roscoe's avatar

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leslie's avatar

Many are only focused on what their pastor tells them to think or are focused on their tax benefits/financial gain. Suppose the rest are frightened if loosing their guns and biggots. So there you have the majority of GOP voters

Annette's avatar

I believe Kegsbreath is building his own little War Empire. He wants to be the leader, barking orders and sending people into battle, to fight . . . for him.

Natalie Parker's avatar

Consider Project 2025.

It's Come To This's avatar

All either drunk as skunks, nasty as spitting cobras, dumb as caterpillars with ADHD, with a few demonically possessed here and there (to relieve us of boredom I guess).

Anathema Addams's avatar

Here now, caterpillars aren't dumb. Neither are people with ADHD. A number of people I know who have it say that it's both a handicap and a superpower, since they can focus on multiple things at once. The rest of us mere mortals are really bad at multi-tasking and just do a worse job of everything.

Anathema Addams's avatar

Now you've annoyed the Flatworm Lobby. Frankly, any critter that is compared to Trump officials should rightly feel insulted.

Al Keim's avatar

Aah Planaria.

Diane Doyle's avatar

That's a great description and so colorfu.

Mary Gilbert's avatar

Yes, a little something for everyone; pick your poison.

Skepticat's avatar

You would be even more accurate if you were to delete "either."

Billsburg's avatar

Or a combination of all of the above….

Annette's avatar

I am so using that caterpillar reference!

Diane Doyle's avatar

Trump is a Trojan Horse designated by Putin to destroy the USA from within.

Annette's avatar

history will show it to be true

Jan Fabiyi's avatar

He hires the best of the worst.

Annette's avatar

Actually, the one overriding qualification everyone has, in this administration, is the suckupedness to the bloated yam. Kiss his ring, or a body part, and you're in . . . until you diss him, then you're out. Its the new hokey pokey - they're all hokey, until they can be put in the pokey. The end.

Susan Nathiel's avatar

This may be an effort to balance out a mistake someone made in nominating an actually competent person to run the CDC. Super-competent Black woman!! Oops, they need a counter-weight to her, I pray she lasts in the job but she's already failed the incompetence test. She's going to be mighty lonely.

JBR's avatar

Only lost by 9 points? People voted for him?

Rebecca Warner's avatar

I had that same thought!

Joanne Elizabeth Schulze's avatar

I was stunned by that as well. Talk about the bottom of the barrel.

Annette's avatar

maybe the use of the word "hung" was confusing . . . they didn't look at it as a sexual reference, but instead, the refrain from J6 and Mike Pence.

Lorenzo's avatar

Just when you thought it could not get any worse, it gets worse.

Jim Dygert's avatar

Obviously a photo of Hogsbreath yelling at his paperboy…am I correct? Another day another distraction from the EPSTEIN FILES!

Jim Dygert's avatar

I feel the same way as you…it appears our elected officials have dropped the ball..

Jim Dygert's avatar

And the victims get crapped on again

Jim Dygert's avatar

As most of the people who subscribe to Andy’s blog would agree we as a country have little to say in how the country is run. People of power( some who are nameless) and money steers this ship..

Annette's avatar

I personally feel like any member of Congress, that came back from a two-week spring break (more than us mere mortals are ever able to enjoy), with a glowing tan should be forced to provide their constituents with a list of their ACTUAL accomplishments to date. Not "I've submitted this . . " "I've supported this . . "

It's Come To This's avatar

Every day, the turd who still uses Brylcreem to slick back his hair shits all over real military professionals while ordering them to "kill people and break things." If this continues, one day, after one of his evenings of binge-boozing, a true Night of the Long Knives may await.

Annette's avatar

excellent point; I feel great empathy for our brave servicemen and servicewomen who have to report to this deranged and dangerous Man'O'War

Lee Roscoe's avatar

They should all refuse

Shannon Haig's avatar

This group of thugs at the helm sure have a penchant for appointing stupid demented people to important positions.

L B Rose's avatar

A requirement for a government job these days is that the appointee must not be smarter, more sane, or better than Agent Orange in any way. So we start off at a very low level. Another requirement is that knowledge of facts of any kind will get you fired. And we have not gotten to the bottom yet.

Harvey Perry's avatar

There is no bottom.

Victoria Feldman's avatar

Reminds me of the woman who said the earth is carried on the back of a giant turtle. When asked what the turtle was standing on, she replied that it was turtles all the way down

Lourdes Brown's avatar

When I read "The following post is 100% factual." I braced myself. It's not that I am not paying attention, it's just that there is so much to pay attention to. But, "keep calm and carry on" and "when you're going through hell, keep going" need to be our mottos. 😥

Frances López's avatar

These awful truths are making me cry. I'll try to cut back on my drinking. One alcoholic beverage per day, instead of 2 glasses of wine, should suffice. Then I'll bury my head in escapist fiction & write bad, maudlin poetry.

Annette's avatar

<appreciative applause>

Shannon Kincaid's avatar

Seems, “What could go wrong?” isn’t a question—it’s the mission statement. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Suzanne's avatar

Similar to "Move fast and break things".

David A. Andelman's avatar

What could go wrong? Oh I don’t know…Howzabout replacing Randi George with Maria Bartiromo just for an opener !?

Brian Elvin's avatar

Do you feel, as I do, as a crafter of humor, that Reality could threaten our Craft?

John Gregory's avatar

it is amazing that the Onion can stay in business when the mainstream media are coming up with the same kind of headlines...

Brian Elvin's avatar

This is the blessing of being incompetent. One does not realize that what they take seriously creates mirth within those who witness it.

Harvey Perry's avatar

Perhaps we are finally returning to the stage of ridicule described in Andy’s book “Profiles in Ignorance”.

Penelope Guyton's avatar

Yes - it's sobering when you know you REALLY couldn't make this up!

LHS's avatar

Dear heavens. Every day brings something worse than the day before.

Frances López's avatar

That's why I'm crying.

Annette's avatar

<hugs> we'll get through this, Frances! And come out better on the other side.

Happy Valley No More's avatar

All of this is disgusting!

Frank D Repp's avatar

The busiest person in the world: the one who fact=checks Doonie.

misia.d's avatar

That ship sailed.

Terri's avatar

Deep breath. Another deep breath. We need to know this,so thank you. But Oh My God.

Stacy1946's avatar

I will retire to Bedlam.

misia.d's avatar

Careful, it maybe crowded with Cabinet rejects already.

Annette's avatar

we are living in bedlam right now