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Clym Yeobright's avatar

BREAKING!!! The LifeAlert Corporation has announced a new product: the ICE-ALERT PENDANT. “I’ve been abducted and I can’t get away!”, says the abductee in the new ads. Did you know, 90% of people seized by ICE for any reason - or no reason - can be saved from spending the rest of their lives in a foreign prison IF intervention occurs within 90 minutes?

LifeAlert GUARANTEES it has U.S. judges on call 24/7/365. Sonia Sotomayor, for instance, has committed to work a long shift, rumored to be Sunday mornings 9-12 when ICE is especially active cruising past churches looking to extinguish that glow on those who’ve just taken Communion. (Karoline’s response: “Tee-hee”.)

NOT JUST FOR NON-CITIZENS!!!

We are ALL at risk. Get yours NOW. (Children and infant sizes available, of course.)

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Jill Slattery's avatar

While we all are concentrating on getting Garcia back, we seem to have lost sight of the fact that all the men shipped to El Salvador were sent there illegally and should all be returned as well.

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