Somalis Express No Interest in Immigrating to Country with Shithole President
MOGADISHU (The Borowitz Report)—A new poll released on Thursday reveals that a broad majority of Somalis have “no interest” in immigrating to a country led by what they termed a “shithole president.”
Though 78 percent of Somalis called current conditions in the US “just too violent,” the nation’s so-called shithole president drew their harshest criticism.
In the words of one Somali, “When I travel abroad from Somalia, I’m not embarrassed when people ask me where I’m from.”
Another remarked, “In Somalia, they would never let an alcoholic run the armed services.”
Yet another said, “Look, Somalia isn’t perfect, but at least we have a leader who can stay awake.”
While Metamucilini is scaring away tourists by sending troops to US cities, tourism to Somalia surged 50 percent last year. (I am not making this up!)
Said another, "And we're not worried for our brethren already in the U.S., as we believe your non-drinking president meant to say it's sommeliers - wine stewards - he's planning to get rid of, shipping them off to tastings in the Condo."