Some Amazing Things Happened Today
Today brought some REAL news stories that were too wonderful not to share with you. So, in case you missed them, here they are:
1. Trump clearly does not know the meaning of the word “obliterated.”
A preliminary damage assessment indicates that rather than destroying Iran’s nuclear program, Trump’s attack on Saturday only set it back a few months. So his entire Iran mission was a success only in the way that Trump University was a university.
A little vocab lesson for Trump: “obliterated” is not a mildly damaged nuclear site—it’s Hegseth after happy hour.
2. After dropping bombs, Trump drops f-bomb.
The following is an actual statement by the president of the United States:
If this comment doesn’t clinch the Peace Prize for him, the Nobels are rigged.
3. Trump’s lawyers in the E. Jean Carroll case got even more desperate.
Trump's lawyers argued today that E. Jean Carroll's defamation suit should be tossed because it "severely damages the presidency," but nothing damages the presidency more severely than the fact Trump is president.
4. And finally: Venice kicks Jeff Bezos’s ass out of the gondola.
Behold this miraculous actual headline:
I’m hoping Mars.
Now More Than Ever: Subscribe to The Borowitz Report Today.
Sometimes nothing is funnier than reality. Enjoy!
Isnt it wonderful when the need for satire is obviated by the mockery they make of themselves.????